The Best of you and the best of me
by TheSmallSpoon
Summary: 5 years is a long time to stay away from everything you love. Blair returns to the UES with a little boy with curly hair. Probably going to have M in later chapters. Not my characters. Don't sue.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Blair Waldorf stared out the window watching a bunch of children play as the doctor prattled on about life expectancies and possible treatment options. Behind him was the x-ray of her cranial space that showed the almost unnoticeable cloudy mass that was found on her brainstem. This inconsequential little puff of cells was sealing her fate at the age of 27 years old. Life can be funny like that.

The doctor must have realized that she really wasn't absorbing what he was saying because he mercifully stopped…..

"You are probably in shock… I will give you a few moments if you like"

"No, please doctor, keep going… I have somewhere I need to be soon."

"Okay, well I'd like to schedule a follow up appointment, go over what possible treatments we can do and what we can expect, but I must be honest with you…. Brainstem Gliomas are very aggressive and almost always terminal." He puts down her chart and walks out of the room

And just like that, she is left alone to let the gravity of the x-ray sink in.

She walks out of the Doctor's office and is hit by the crisp, cold air that permeates an April morning in Paris. She has always loved this city and with her father living here, it was her natural choice as a place to run away from the ever watching eyes of the UES. Paris was her refuge and where she buried her shame, she had come to Paris to hide, because ultimately, Blair Cornelia Waldorf was a coward.

As she walks towards the car that waited for her she sighs. It is such a shame that she will have to leave Paris. She loves Paris, but New York is her home, and she has a few loose ends to tie up, one really big loose end… but that has to come after she gets through telling Harold and Roman about the mass slowly growing on her brainstem. The mass that explains the headaches she has been experiencing for the past couple of months, the reason why she was vomiting, and why she found it hard to keep her balance… but even scarier was telling Harold that she and Paul would be going back to New York… That was terrifying.

She entered into the waiting car at the curb and instructed the driver to go to Ecole Bilingue de Paris. As the car pulled away from the curb she rests her head against the window, feeling the April cool come through the tempered pane of glass and finally allows herself one tear.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Maman!"

"Puffin!"

"Why are you here so early? Is something wrong?"

"Are you upset? I can leave you here if you like" Blair teased to the little curly haired boy who came running into the car.

"No, but why?"

Blair looks at him, he has always been really intuitive and sometimes too wise for his 5 years. He has so many qualities that remind her of her; studious, and fiercely protective of those he loves without all the vulnerabilities that made her turn into the vicious bitch she could be.

"Well, I was hoping we could go get some bread at the boulangerie Harold loves so much and surprise him and Roman with dinner tonight, what do you say?"

"Okay! Can we get dessert too?" He asks hopefully. Like he even needed to worry, Blair has never been able to deny Paul anything.

But he wasn't spoiled like most children who got what they wanted. Blair has been told many times how well behaved he is, even when he was a toddler. She would always smile and say thanks, but these comments always made her heart swell with pride… And who can blame her? As awful and demanding as Blair was as a child/pre-teen/teenager/adult it's a miracle that she has such a sensitive and thoughtful kid, those qualities she secretly credits to his father.

At many dinner parties someone would eventually ask her about his name. For whatever reason, Parisians though the name Paul Harold Rufus Waldorf was just a bit of an odd name for the child of Blair Cornelia Waldorf to have, dare they even say, that Paul was just too "Bourgeois."

Blair would explain, "Well my favorite movie has always been Breakfast at Tiffany's and one of the main character's name is Paul… He was a writer, and Paul's father is too, so it just seemed fitting…"

Then there'd be an exclamation of "Ahh! Audrey Hepburn! Wonderful film!" and someone would start humming moon river. Sometimes they tried pressing Blair for more details about Paul's father, but Blair would always find a way out of it, politely, and sometimes not so politely.

Blair looks down at the boy sitting next to her, "Yes, I think dessert can be arranged"

She knew that he would start pressing her for reasons why this surprise "hooky" session from grammar school came up, so she immediately started distracting him with history of the Parisian landmarks they drove past.

She didn't know how long she would be able to keep her diagnosis from him. He was incredibly inquisitive and very observant. Her recent problems with her coordination had scared him. Thinking about how terrified he would be when she wasn't around brought a lump into her throat threatening to break out in the form of a hysterical sob… but being Blair Waldorf, she forced it down and smiled at her son. She could feel sorry for herself later, but now, she was going to focus on dinner, and telling Harold and Roman.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

After putting Paul to bed she went over to Harold and Roman's living quarters. She told them everything she could regurgitate from what she remembered of her doctor's appointment. She watched as her father's heart broke right in front of her…

Nothing about this was going to be easy, but life was never meant to be easy, so why should her impending death? Being privileged didn't mean you got an easy ticket in life, it just meant you had to deal with the same bullshit, the only difference between you and everyone else was you got to deal with it in the season's hottest Louboutin's.

After her emotional ordeal with her father she goes to her room. She tries sleeping but really, who was she kidding? She was never going to get some sleep, at least not tonight. Too many things to plan out, too many things she had to dictate, and so many opportunities to make that little boy sleeping across the hall light up. He deserves so much better. She silently apologizes to Paul in her head for being selfish and keeping him from his father. Blair's list of sins is long and she chuckles as she thinks of how she is going to have to explain all of them as she stands at the VIP entrance (she is Blair Waldorf after all) of the afterlife.

Her thoughts drift back to Paul's father….. Blair sighs, slips on a robe and grabs a notepad to do the one thing she had been putting off for the past 5 years. She sits and starts a letter that she is ashamed to admit she is only writing now…

"Dear Dan, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from but there is something you need to know… I'm sorry that I'm writing a letter to you and that I don't have the courage to tell you to in person or even on the phone. I'm sorry for what I've kept from you and I'm embarrassed that you have to find out in this way. God I'm awful… Everything you said about me the last time we spoke is true… When you told me you wanted me out of your life I let my foolish pride and what I thought was dignity drive me away. I've been hiding something from you and almost everyone else for the past 5 years…"

She encloses the letter with a bunch of photos of Paul she had wanted to send to him over the years. His birth announcement, him at 2 months, him at 6 months (when he was at his fattest, when she came up with the nickname, puffin), Paul and his first tooth, Paul asleep in his high chair with his head half resting on some cheerios, Paul standing, Paul walking, Paul grinning triumphantly after using the potty for the first time, Paul at his first day at school, Paul helping Blair make Pasta for Harold and Roman. As she sealed the envelope she again mentally apologizes to Dan and Paul for all those moments that they never got to share. She feels like the worst human being in the world.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**Alright I know that I've probably made a few errors. Bear with me, this is my first time publishing. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Blair has to chase after her son as soon as the plane touches the ground. She watches as her son gleefully jumps into his grandmother's arms and feels a sharp pang in her heart as she realizes that she won't be there forever to watch her mother dote on her son.

Her mom looks over at her and she sees Eleanor's smile start to crack, Blair gives her a warning glance, which has Eleanor looking back down at her grandson trying to recover.

Cyrus of course is there with his 4 minute long hugs, but this time Blair revels in them, not knowing how much longer she is going to be able to be on the receiving end of his ridiculous hugs.

As Blair starts to pull away, Cyrus just holds on tighter and whispers, "not enough". Blair almost breaks right then and there.

XOXOXOXOXO

The ride in the Limo to the penthouse is light. Paul keeps them all giggling as he corrects Eleanor's pronunciation of French words.

Coming up into the penthouse is a bit surreal for Blair. She has been gone for 5 years yet she feels as if she has never left. Everything is as it was when she had left… well barring the fact that Serena's room was now completely outfitted for the use of an almost 5 year old boy.

Serena… that was another relationship that Blair is going to have to rebuild. Dan, Serena, Nate, Chuck… so many bridges she burnt when she fled from New York… So many things that have to be made right again… after all these people where her family and she needs them and their memories of her to be a part of Paul's life.

Lately Blair would wake up at night panting, the memory of her dream still fresh in her mind. It was always the same one. In this dream she is long dead and Paul is looking at old photos asking Eleanor and Cyrus, or Harold and Roman who the pretty woman with the brown hair is. The thought of him not remembering her was a little ridiculous, he is 4 ½ after all and surely he will have a few memories, but the threat of him not knowing her would keep Blair from falling back asleep.

Dorota of course is a blubbering mess as she brings up Blair's luggage. Blair tries comforting her, but that doesn't help. Eventually Blair resorts to hissing at Dorota to stop. Of course this gets Dorota wailing. Blair sends her home with Vanya and drags the rest of the luggage up the stairs herself.

As she tucks her son in to bed he asks her, "Why was Dorota crying? Why was she sad?"

Blair sadly smiles down at him, "Because she was so happy to see me, they were happy tears"

He looks down and mumbles, "It didn't look like happy tears" and turns away from her. What can she say, the kid is smart and he doesn't appreciate being lied to.

Blair sighs, spent from the day's emotions and having no energy left, leans over, kisses his forehead and whispers, "Sweet dreams puffin."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is able to get her mother and Cyrus out of the penthouse with no tears shed. She drags herself up the stairs, hungry and dizzy with fatigue. As she walks into her old room she feels her carefully constructed wall start to crumble. She goes to the only room where she ever felt comfortable enough to let out her frustrations. She locks herself into her old bathroom, turns on the faucet, but unlike so many other times in her youth, she doesn't stick her fingers down her throat. This time she just sinks to the floor, hugs herself and finally allows herself to cry.

XOXOXOXO

**I know it's a little short, and a bit angst-y. I'll have to warn you, it's going to be angst-y for a little longer. I do plan on it getting a little lighter, but really, I'm just letting the story play out as I write it. Reviews are much appreciated As is your constructive criticism.**

**P.S. I know my writing and grammar is quite horrendous, lol. If only I could write stories in mathematic equations, hahaha. Like I said, bear with me, this is my first real try at creative writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-

Blair wakes up the next morning to Dorota and Paul eating breakfast.

Paul is asking her questions about Poland and why she left. Paul is also asking Dorota to bring her children over because he wants to meet them. Paul has no friends in New York yet and he fully intends on changing that. Dorota promises to bring her kids over sometime in the week.

Eleanor comes in, splatters the top of Paul's head with small kisses, asks him, "How was your first night in New York?" He sheepishly tells her that he misses Paris, but New York is nice.

Eleanor scoffs and says, "Surely we can get New York up higher in your esteem!" When she sees Blair come down she tells Dorota to take Paul to the pond to feed the ducks.

Blair gets Paul dressed to go out and kisses his forehead telling him that watching Dorota feed the ducks was one of her favorite things to do when she was younger. Dorota sticks out a shakey hand for Paul to take and Blair realizes that her illness affects her sweet maid more than she could ever imagine.

And why not? Dorota was her playmate, her confidante and at times, her conscious. She tried to mold Blair into a reasonable human being for much of her life, though Blair always waved off her attempts. She never gave up on Blair.

Dorota was more than a maid to Blair and Blair was more than an employer to Dorota. Blair's heart broke knowing how hard this had to be on her.

When Dorota and Paul finally get on the elevator, Eleanor turns to Blair.

"Have you told Dan Humphrey yet about Paul?"

Blair sighs, "I wrote a letter to him the night I found out. I told him I would get in touch with him when I got back to New York"

"Well what did he say?"

"I didn't leave a return address for him…. I wasn't ready to face his questions and anger yet… even if it was on paper"

Eleanor looks at Blair with a disapproving look. Blair can almost read the thought in her head. How ashamed she is that Blair did this, how Dan Humphrey deserved to know Paul exists. It's a conversation they've had many times on many long-distance phone calls.

Blair looks at her mom and starts up again, "Knowing Dan Humphrey, he probably wants to meet Paul…"

Eleanor just nods her head and changes the subject, seeing how uncomfortable her daughter is.

She tells Blair about her new collection and how excited she is to have Paul walk down the runway with her at the end of her show.

Blair smiles and starts laughing, remembering the first time she walked down with her mother. She became frightened and ran off the catwalk crying into Dorota's arms. Harold found her, took them both out for ice cream and brought them back to the penthouse.

The memory just makes Eleanor sad and misty eyed.

Blair gets up from the table before Eleanor can start talking about the mass on Blair's brainstem.

Eleanor knows how hard it is for Blair right now. Blair had always been so in control and to know that all her plans may be jeopardized was hard for her to fathom. She knew that Blair had started a list of things for Paul. Things that she hopes he will accomplish. Graduating as class valedictorian from Yale was on top of there. But at number one, there is just a simple phrase. "1. Be Happy."

Eleanor tells Blair that she's going to go meet up with Dorota and Paul at the pond and hopefully take Paul out and show him how superior New York is to Paris. Blair chuckles and tells her to make sure she gives him the history of the place, Paul loves history.

Blair spends the rest of the morning getting ready to face her first real day since her return to New York. First a meeting with her new oncologist to discuss the new round of treatment for her growing mass. She's told that it's going to be hard and that she will feel sick and terrible for most of the time. She's also told she will lose her hair. Blair could care less about her vanity; all she wants is time with Paul. She's told honestly that she is not suitable for surgery and all they can hope for is remission. All she can do is nod. She expected it.

Blair steps out of her appointment and steps into the car waiting outside for her. She decides it's time to start rebuilding bridges… It's important for Paul. She starts with the number Eleanor gave her.

The phone is answered after the second ring, "Lily Humphrey."

"Hi Lily, It's Blair…"

"… Blair… It's ….. good to hear from you. Dan told us you would be back in town, and about the letter you sent him."

Blair is thankful that Lily is tactful enough to not tell her how angry everyone is at her.

"Yeah, I'm guessing Dan told you about Paul."

"Yes. You know you've broken a lot of hearts with that letter… But everyone wants to meet him, especially Rufus…"

"I'd like that…"

There is an uncomfortable pause and finally Lily speaks up, "I suppose you'd like Daniel's number?"

Blair jolts at hearing his name and can only nod… then realizes that she's on the phone and mutters a "yes."

Lily rattles off his number, tells her that she would like a chance to meet up with her and Eleanor, tells Blair that while she is angry at Blair for hiding Paul from them, she still loves Blair and thinks of her as family.

Blair squeezes her eyes shut as she feels tears well up. Clears her throat and tells Lily that she loves her too… Then she asks for Serena's number.

Lily gives her the number but warns Blair, "Serena was very mad at you for what you did before you left… We all were, so you can't expect a lot. But I know deep down she loves you and when you left New York you left a big hole in Serena's life."

Blair thanks Lily and hangs up. She silently cries in the back of the town car as she thinks of one of the greatest loves of her life… Serena Van Der Woodsen, her best friend and biggest rival.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It takes a week for Blair to finally gather the courage to call Dan. She'd like to pretend that Dan still doesn't know she's back, considering Gossip Girl gave up on their circle when they got too old and too boring. She spends more of her time now chronicling the new "Blairs" and "Serenas" that Constance churns out.

But she knows better and knows that Lily has told Dan about their conversation. She resolves herself to just get it over and done with… But why did she have to make up her mind today?

She's just come home from her first round of Chemotherapy. She feels awful and wants nothing more than to call Eleanor and beg her to keep Paul for the next two days while she throws the blankets over her head and hibernates. But the old Blair would have been that selfish… Or maybe she would have just met her obstacles head on.

Blair can't remember which Blair she really is. The high school Junior standing on a Helo-Pad with a Helicopter ready to run away from New York after her fall from grace over Chuck and Nate… Or maybe she's the young woman who picked herself up after watching Chuck start to fall for Raina Thorpe… The young woman whose heart broke there, in front of Dan Humphrey of Brooklyn no less, but the very woman who carried on her crazy internship… that is until she crashed into the ground and almost got her BFF's mom arrested. Life is messy like that. Scratch that, life WITH Blair is messy like that.

Blair has the phone in her hand and feels a wave of Nausea take over. She can't decide if it's because of the Chemo or because of the fact that she's going to have to face Dan. She figures she'd better take the Anti-Nausea meds she picked up from the Pharmacy earlier in the week. Either way, she doesn't want to wretch while talking to Dan Humphrey.

As she dials in the number she realizes her hands are shaking. God she's so scared.

He of course, lets the phone ring 6 times before he answers. She imagines he's in his loft and being the perpetual mess he is, has to dig through a stack of papers before he can find his cell phone.

"Dan Humphrey."

She feels a part of her heart crumble hearing his voice, but braces herself and answers, "Hello Humphrey…. It's Blair…"

She hears him breath in sharply and can almost feel the malice coming through the other line of the phone… He doesn't say anything.

She takes in a deep breath and tries to make small talk, he remains silent on the other side of the phone. She doesn't blame him.

Finally she asks him, "Would you like to meet Paul?"

He speaks, and it's so soft that Blair can barely make it out, "We all do."

She realizes he's talking about Rufus and Jenny. She swallows hard thinking about Paul meeting Jenny. If there is one Humphrey that Blair could care less about it's Jenny, because she still childishly blames Jenny for her exodus from New York. But deep down Blair knows it's more than that; she's terrified about what Jenny will tell Paul about her. She's afraid that Jenny may tell Paul the true story about his mom and all the horrible things that Blair did in her youth.

"Well I think that might be a little too much for him right now. Let's start off with you first and then we can get him acquainted with the rest of the Humphrey clan".

The rest of the conversation is tense, filled with short answers from Dan. He agrees to come over to the penthouse while Eleanor and Cyrus are there tomorrow. She says goodbye to him and is answered by the click signaling that he has hung up. She stares at the "call ended" screen on her phone and thinks back to the many times she had done the same to him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is on his way over and Paul is fighting Blair. He doesn't want to have to dress up to meet Mommy's friend Dan Humphrey. He's tired, he's cranky, and he misses his playmates in Paris. Blair firmly tells him that he is going to wear what she has picked out and he will be cordial to her friend.

She's not surprised when he comes down the stairs to greet Dan Humphrey wearing a t-shirt and some ratty pants he loves to lounge around the house in. She shoots him a warning glance but he just brushes it off. He knows his mom won't do anything in front of guests.

Eleanor and Cyrus are hovering in the background, more observers really than players. They don't even say hello to Dan Humphrey when he enters, he doesn't acknowledge them either. All eyes are on Paul.

Paul sizes up his mom's friend, he doesn't dress like most of his mom's friends, or even look like any of his mom's friends, but he seems interested in Paul.

Blair can barely look at Dan.

Dan finally speaks up and says, "Hello Paul, my name is Dan, I'm really happy to meet you."

Paul just stares at him, he doesn't know why, but there is something very familiar about Dan Humphrey and he starts to feel uncomfortable.

Blair steps up behind Paul, puts her hand on his shoulders and says, "Paul, this is your father."

Paul continues to stare at Dan and backs up. He backs up until he is standing on Blair's Manolo clad feet.

"Paul, you know you should be polite when you first meet someone." Blair says gently, but firmly.

Paul nods his head and sticks out his hand. "Hello Mr. Humphrey."

Dan shakes it and starts asking Paul questions. He answers cautiously and politely. Dan asks Paul if he would like to spend some time with him in Brooklyn. Paul just shrugs, then turns to his mom and grandparents and asks if he can be excused. Blair nods and tells him yes.

Dan watches as he runs up the stairs to his room.

Blair just hugs herself. She feels awful that this first meeting has been so uncomfortable for both of them, but what could she expect? She is the reason they were strangers until now.

Eleanor and Cyrus excuse themselves and leave the penthouse, knowing that there are things Blair and Dan need to discuss. Eleanor kisses Blair on the forehead and tells her softly to be brave. Blair feels cold. She's not sure if it's a side-effect from the Chemotherapy or from the icy glare Dan Humphrey is throwing her way.

Finally he says to her, "You know I never thought it was possible for me to think any less of you after what you did to Jenny and Nate, but this? This goes way beyond the pale!" he spat. "I can't think of any other person that is as disgusting as you are."

She's taken back by his words. She never knew Dan to be vicious and was about to make a snappy reply, but swallowed her retort when she realized that she deserved it. This is how she had made Dan Humphrey.

She starts to feel small and feels as though she may start shivering.

When Blair finally looks at Dan all she can see is how furious he is with her. His hands are clenched at his side and every muscle in his body is tense.

Blair finally takes in a shaky breath and sadly nods her head and whispers "I'm sorry."

Dan storms out.

**I dunno when I'll get the next chapter up. I've got an exam this week and two major projects so it may be a while before I get another chapter up. Like I said, it's going to be a bit angst-y for a while. I think it's important that Blair goes through everyone's anger with her. I LOVE how Dan Humphrey is quick to forgive on the show, but I also kind of feel that sometimes it's unrealistic. Not to worry though, it's not always going to be gloomy/moody chapters (or so I don't think it will be, like I said, I'm just letting it play out as I write it). I have a certain ending in mind, I just hope it doesn't take me 20 chapters to get there, lol.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next two weeks go by with Blair trying to recover from her first round of Chemo. She gets close to calling up her oncologist and telling him "I've changed my mind; I don't want any more treatments. I'd rather die." But every time she has the phone in her hand she thinks of Paul.

She hasn't heard from Dan Humphrey, nor has she tried to get back in touch with him. She's got other things to worry about. Like making sure she's near a toilet at all times.

Lily however does manage to leave her about 6 voicemails. Blair finally calls her back when she starts feeling a little better and agrees to bring Paul by to meet Rufus.

They arrive at the Van Der Woodsen/Humphrey household and she's thankful that this meeting goes smoother than Dan's. Rufus is a lot better at hiding his anger at Blair and more at ease with Paul.

Paul tells Rufus that "Rufus" is one of his middle names. Rufus looks at Blair surprised; Blair just shrugs and tells Paul that Rufus is his other grandfather.

Paul lights up "Just like Grandpa Harold?"

"Yes, like Grandpa Harold, only Grandpa Rufus makes waffles!"

Paul glances at Rufus from the side and sheepishly asks Blair, "Are they any good?"

"Only the best puffin! See if maybe your grandpa wouldn't mind showing off and passing down the family waffle recipe".

Lily and Blair go off to talk as the "men" cook. Lily asks Blair if she's talked to Serena yet. Blair looks down and says, "no, I haven't built up the nerve yet."

Lilly just nods her head.

They catch up.

Lily has been helping Chuck manage Bass Industries. The company has expanded and made record profits. Blair can't help but notice how proud Lily is of Bass Industries. She also talks about how well Chuck is doing and Blair sees the genuine love that Lily feels for her adopted son. It makes her sad to think that Chuck never really realized how much Lily cared for him.

Chuck is on wife number 2 right now. Lily shakes her head sadly and tells Blair that she doesn't think that Chuck will ever find what he's looking for.

Blair looks down. She knows that out of all her friends Chuck would have been the one who would have welcomed her back with open arms. He would leave which ever wife he was with to be with Blair if she asked him. Well at least she thinks so. But she can't go back to Chuck.

Never.

As much as she had loved him and he had loved her, they brought out the worst in each other.

Anyways a disastrous reconciliation of Blair and Chuck was the last thing she needed, the last thing Paul needed.

Lily tells Blair that Eric had dropped out of college to pursue acting. He's got a supporting role on an ABC drama called Vengeance or something like that. Lily gushes about his success and really all Blair can pick out is that it's set in the Hamptons and he's very happy. Blair is grateful. If there was anyone on the Upper East Side who had a heart of Gold it was Eric. He deserves happiness and success.

Lily asks Blair how she is doing. Blair knows this question is asked because of how she looks. She knows she looks exhausted and while concealer and light diffusing powders help, there are some things that can't be completely concealed.

Blair just tells her she's still adjusting to the time zone change and that she thinks in the next few days she should have a regular sleeping schedule.

Lily nods.

The rest of the afternoon goes by quickly. Rufus is delighted with Paul, and Blair can see that Paul has been won over by Rufus's waffles. Paul's having such a good time, Blair hates that she has to take him back to the penthouse; it seems so lonely there at times. But when Paul starts yawning, Blair announces that it's time for them to leave.

Lily helps Blair with her coat and hugs her as she's walking out the door. Rufus tells Paul that he hopes to see him again. Paul reciprocates the feeling.

As Paul take's Blair's hand, Rufus pushes a box in her free hand.

"Waffles, for Paul… for breakfast tomorrow morning." He says tensely.

Blair understands. While Lily may have forgiven Blair and is ready to accept her back into her world the Humphreys aren't. You don't nearly destroy Jenny, break Dan's heart, and hide a piece of their family for 5 years and expect a welcome home party. Oh no, as kind hearted as the Humphreys can be, there's hell to pay when you mess with one of their own… and Blair messed with three of them… well, technically, Paul is a Waldorf, but the fact that he shares DNA with them marks her as persona non grata.

He walks off quickly, back into the apartment and she heads to the elevator a little more triumphant. After all she faced down two Humphreys in the past two weeks, all while experiencing her first round of Chemotherapy.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They arrive at the penthouse very late. The traffic from Lily's was bumper to bumper. Dorota was waiting for them as they walked in. Dorota takes Paul up stairs to go to bed and Paul starts to jabber about his afternoon at Lily's. He tells Dorota that he wants her to make waffles. Before they head into his room she hears Dorota laugh and tell him, "Waffles is for Humphrey to make. I make polish food for you."

When Paul falls asleep, Dorota comes in to check on Blair. She really doesn't have to and Blair doesn't expect it, but she appreciates it. Dorota starts brushing her hair but stops when she realizes that there are a lot of strands falling out with each brush stroke. Blair just watches them fall off her brush and shrugs. She knew it was going to happen.

When Dorota goes home, Blair grabs her phone. She holds the phone in her hand for ten minutes before she calls Serena.

Serena answers cheerfully and Blair begins to hope. She remembers how Serena used to greet her, how she would be happy to hear her on the other line. She begins to hope that maybe enough time has passed. After all they are grown up and aren't competing anymore. Surely she's heard about Paul and wants to meet him. Who knows, maybe after meeting Paul and seeing what an amazing child Blair has managed to raise so far, Serena's heart will start to soften.

But that doesn't happen.

When she realizes who she's talking to, her cheerful tone turns angry. It doesn't go well. Serena refuses to meet with Blair. Blair pleads with Serena to just meet with her, reminds her that they're practically sisters and that she wants Paul to meet her. Serena tells her that she should just go back to Paris, she's not welcome here.

Blair starts crying, "I can't have you angry at me forever Serena. I just want the chance to make it up to you."

Serena hangs up. Blair drops her phone, puts her head into her pillow and screams.

Somewhere in another part of the Upper East Side, Serena is shaking and crying.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The next few days pass by uneventfully. Paul finds himself settling into New York and Dan has texted Blair about meeting him again. Blair responds that Paul can spend the night with Dan in Brooklyn this weekend if he wants. He replies, "That's fine."

Blair hopes that she will start feeling better in time to drop Paul off in Brooklyn. She knows she looks awful. Her hair has become dull and it continues to fall out. While she can still pull off having hair for now, she knows it's only a matter of time before she needs to go bald.

She's also exhausted and knows it shows on her face. She usually gets about 2 hours in every night before she wakes up to retch. The nausea meds aren't doing anything for her, but she doesn't dare tell her doctor. He had told her that if she wasn't getting much relief with the oral ondansetron to contact the office and that he would write her a prescription for ondansetron suppositories.

Blair wouldn't of course. She would rather vomit into every disgusting toilet Brooklyn had to offer before she went the rectal route to control her nausea.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Later on that night Paul is in bed. Tired from the play date he had with Dorota and Vanya's kids. Vanya takes his children back home and Dorota promises her brood that she will be back in Queens as soon as she gets Miss Blair to bed.

Blair knows that Dorota is hovering because she's worried. Blair has lost a lot of weight since starting treatment and she looks worse every day. Blair doesn't know what words to say to comfort Dorota so she just dismisses Dorota's worried eyes. Things are a lot easier to deal with, when you just don't deal with them.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan somehow finds himself at a bar, drinking overpriced bourbons. It takes 4 tries to dial Nate's number correctly. Jenny answers and asks Dan when she will get to meet Paul. He promises her this weekend. She passes the phone to Nate and Dan talks him into meeting him at the bar.

Nate walks in and sees how drunk Dan is. He's slurring his words, talking loudly, and irritating the bar tender. Nate orders some water for Dan which Dan dutifully starts drinking. He knows that when Nate says he's had enough, well he's had enough.

When he feels a little better Dan tells him everything. Nate just sits there in disbelief.

It takes him a while before he manages to say anything. He agrees with Dan that Blair is a bitch to have done what she did. But he also says he can understand why she did it.

Dan puts down his water, suspiciously looks at Nate and says, "Expand on that Archibald."

"Look, I'm not saying what she did was okay in anyway. But come on, we know Blair. She buries herself in these tough layers, but when you get down to the core of her, she's just an insecure, scared, lonely girl. She did the only thing she knew to do, she ran."

"I've never known Blair to run from a problem. She just faced everything with snarky words and her monstrous ways."

"Not all the time. You remember when all that stuff happened between us with Chuck right? During our Junior year at Constance/St. Judes? Everyone alienated her. She almost left New York then. She only stayed because Serena promised to help her fight. But this time, even Serena had enough of her…. So she did what Blair thought was her only option, she ran."

"Huh… Wait how do you know this?"

"Serena told me, a long time ago."

Dan just looks down into his empty glass of water. Nate grabs it, walks to the bar and gets a refill. He closes out Dan's tab and tips the bartender generously. "Sorry about my friend, he's usually really witty and charming."

"It's okay I see it all the time. Did his girlfriend just break up with him?"

Nate chuckles, "She's just got back in town."

The guy draws in his breath and shakes his head, "Not a happy reunion eh?"

"You can't even imagine how bad it is."

Nate brings the glass of water back to Dan and Dan starts downing it again.

Nate thinks out loud and says, "I wonder why she decided to show up in New York now? I wonder what could have happened in Paris?"

Dan mumbles "Maybe she got knocked up by her Parisian boyfriend."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Eventually, when Nate feels that Dan has sobered up enough he gets Dan into a cab and tells the cab driver the address to his loft. Hands the driver some bills and waves them off from the curb.

Dan decides that a detour is in order, slips the driver a few more bills and tells him a new address. "Upper East Side, please."

Dan is drunk and on his way up to Blair's penthouse to confront her. In the elevator he rehearses the questions he's going to ask Blair.

Blair has just put Paul to bed and is readying herself for bed.

She hears the ding of the elevator and Dorota, who's been getting ready to leave, hurries to greet whoever has just come to visit. Blair starts down the stairs, curious as to who would be here this late but stops 6 steps in as she recognizes his voice. He's very angry.

"I need to speak to her!"

"Please Mr. Dan, Miss Blair is very sick!"

But it's too late, Dan has already spotted her. He takes her in. She looks terrible. She's pale, really thin, and looks very tired. He almost takes a step back and rethinks grilling into her… almost.

She pushes her head up and continues down the stairs, "Really Humphrey, do they not teach you any manners in Brooklyn? I would have hoped the years you spent at St. Jude had refined you a little and taught you what hours are appropriate for visiting." She ends her snarky statement just as she finishes descending the stairs.

He can't believe it. Even after all she's done, she still feels the need to make him feel small. A few years ago he would have thought she was just baiting him to start their banter, but he knows now she's doing it because she's angry. What right does she have to be angry at him for? He can feel the tension growing in his stomach, moving up to his chest, and as he opens his mouth his voice comes out a lot louder than he means it too.

"You're criticizing me? What about you? Aren't you Upper East Side Princesses supposed to be classy? Yeah, get knocked up, run out of town, you are the epitome of class Blair Waldorf!" He realizes he's yelling, but he doesn't care.

"How could you? As much as I hated you I could have never done this to you. Why now? Why come back now? Why introduce us? HE DOESN'T KNOW ME! I DON'T KNOW HIM!"

Blair eyes are big and she puts her hands in front of her, as if she can block his verbal assault.

She's not ready to answer these questions. She thought he was going to angrily tell her that he was going to pick up Paul earlier, or later. She thought he might tell her she was a bitch, but these questions, she has no defense against them.

She shakily pleads, "Please Dan, Paul is upstairs and I can't have this conversation now…"

"Right! How can I forget? Because everything happens according to Blair's schedule! I can only be a father when Blair decides it's okay!"

He opens his mouth to throw more damming words at her but stops when he watches something very peculiar happen.

He watches as Blair's eyes roll back, and her body crumples to the ground… It's only when he hears Dorota screaming and sees Paul crying at the convulsing body of his mother does he realize what's happening and calls 911.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Everyone is at the hospital. Serena shows up and Dan can see the worry and the tears in her eyes. Nate's shows up as well. Jenny isn't with him, not that anyone would have expected her here. Dan asks how Jenny is doing and he says that she is at home, furious that Nate would come to see Blair in the hospital, hurt that she hasn't met Paul yet.

Chuck even shows up to the hospital with wife number 2 in tow.

Dan knows that Chuck will always love Blair, no matter what leggy woman is on his arm. The lines on his face are hard with tension and at this moment, he looks old and tired. He asks Lily, "How long has she been in New York?"

Dan thinks he's an ass for not even attempting to hide his affection for Blair Waldorf from his wife. For Chuck, Blair will always be a reminder of what he could've had. But that was his fault. She wanted to give everything of herself to him, but he decided his hotel was worth more, and then he did the unthinkable. He slept with his sister, Jenny, Blair's most hated enemy. But even after that she still fought for him, well, after her anger cooled. They couldn't resist each other.

But he ended up losing Blair anyways. First to a Prince, and then to a middle class writer from Brooklyn. Chuck was mortified.

Dan remembers telling Blair once before that she and Chuck had some weird pull on each other. The memory makes him sad. Because once upon a time Dan thought that he could make Blair as happy as Chuck made Blair miserable, and he tried, and it seemed like Blair was happy.

But Chuck was right, Blair was nothing without her schemes, and when she targeted Jenny for the simple fact that she felt Brooklyn J didn't belong with uptown Nate he realized how futile it was.

She didn't stop at public humiliation. She only stopped when she had publicly destroyed Jenny enough.

Jenny's dreams of being a designer went up in the flames of Blair's fury. Blair made sure that no one would ever trust Jenny with any designs and Jenny became a pariah in New York fashion circles. Blair was ruthless. When he realized it, it was too late. He had let himself fall in love with what he thought Blair Waldorf was. What he wanted Blair Waldorf to be.

She could be good, God, she could be great.

But regardless of her good qualities she was still the same Queen B from Constance. Spiteful and malicious. No amount of old movies, conversations about books, and delivered pizza would ever make her let go of the controlling and vicious parts of her.

That was when Blair broke his heart and he told her he hated her. That was when he stopped answering her phone calls. That was when he stopped opening the door to the loft when she knocked on it.

Lily and Eleanor are talking in the doorway of Blair's room they're talking in hushed tones and no one can make out what's being said. But they can tell by the way Lily covers her mouth with her hand that it's bad.

Paul is sitting on Rufus's lap, very sullen and refuses to look at anyone, especially Dan.

Serena looks in the window of Blair's room from the hallway and asks Dan, "What happened to her?"

"She had a seizure… Dorota said something about her being sick and one minute she was standing there listening to what I was saying, the next she's on the ground… it was awful." He grimaces and rubs his forehead at the memory "…awful."

Eleanor walks into Blair's room, sits by Blair's bed and takes her hand. She starts stroking her arm and she looks so mournful everyone is afraid of what Lily might tell them.

Lily comes up to the group, very grave. Tells Rufus to go take Paul to the cafeteria and that she will fill him in later. When they're out of ear shot she turns to the group.

"Eleanor just filled me in on what's going on. She had a seizure due to being severely dehydrated. They thought she might be in renal failure, but they think that she's going to pull through. Dorota says that she's been vomiting for the past 3 weeks so that would explain the electrolyte imbalance and extreme dehydration. She's stabilized now and she should be waking up here shortly. She's going to be okay…" but her voice falters as she realizes how wrong she is in saying that Blair is okay, she's anything but okay.

"Mom, what's wrong with her?" Serena softly asks.

Lily looks at her doppelganger daughter and bites her lip. She finally manages to say "Blair has cancer. It's a growth on her brainstem. I don't know much about it and Eleanor can barely talk. The prognosis isn't very good… She didn't want anyone to know, and she doesn't want Paul to know."

Everyone is silent.

Chuck looks angry, and immediately starts calling around for the best oncology doctors in the state, swearing he will get Blair the care she needs to get over this, his wife just looks confused and scared. Nate steps out, says he's going to call Jenny, Dan is just shocked.

Serena turns back to the window, presses her forehead against it, and watches Blair and Eleanor while silent tears stream down her face.

XOXOXOXOXO

**Luckily I had some time and seeing as to how I had written this chapter up I decided to post it. I hope there wasn't too much melodrama. I think this might be the "darkest" chapter for a while. I really do want to make it lighter. I'll try to get other chapters up as soon as possible. I'd like to finish this story, and I hope it doesn't take me 5 months to do it, haha. **

**Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Blair is kept in the hospital for a few more days. True to his word, Chuck has the best oncologist in the state flown in to take on Blair's case.

The morning after everyone finds out about Blair's diagnosis he visits her with peonies in hand.

He puts the flowers on the nightstand near her bed and pulls a chair up to the bed.

He takes her hand and holds it to his cheek and for a moment he just closes his eyes.

"…. Chuck, I…" she starts, but he interrupts her.

"Why didn't you get in touch with me? You know I would have done anything to help you."

She pulls her hand away and looks down at them. "Thank you for the flowers Chuck" she says softly.

He looks at her with pleading eyes and she has a hard time meeting them.

"Blair, I don't give a shit what any doctor has said about your chances. I'm going to find the best doctors to take on your case; you're going to beat this."

Blair doesn't want to deal with Chuck's hopes; his hopes of her getting better, hopes of them getting back together. She doesn't know how to tell him that ultimately, she's probably not going to make it out of this.

Blair looks out the window, "You know it's nice out, I think I'm going to ask the staff if I can get a walk out on the hospital grounds today."

"You know I don't give a shit about the weather Blair."

"I've always loved New York in the spring" she says wistfully

Chuck starts to get angry and stands up. "Goddamnit Blair! Don't shut me out!"

She finally meet his eyes. "What do you want from me Chuck?"

Chuck just looks at her, "Do I even need to say it?"

She takes a deep breath and feels like she's going to cry.

"Chuck, I love you, I will always love you. But not in the way you want or even need, and you can't love me the way I want or need. " She tells him sadly.

"Blair, we ARE perfect for each other. If there is anyone who understands me it's you."

"No Chuck, we were awful to each other because we were so alike. You were just as lonely and vulnerable as I was and we both acted on those insecurities the same way. We constantly hurt the people around us, especially the ones we loved the most. I can't do that to Paul."

He looks at her, "No Blair, you're wrong." But he says it as if he's trying to convince her and himself.

"Chuck, we can never be. Go home. Go home to your wife. " She says gently.

He looks at her sadly, and he looks as dejected as he did the day she told him that she was in love with Dan Humphrey.

He finally leaves. Blair Waldorf watches his back as he walks away. She whispers, "Be happy, please Chuck, I need you to be happy."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul has been alternating between Rufus and Lily's place and Eleanor and Cyrus's home while Blair is in the hospital. Dan has been in Brooklyn trying to write, but inspiration has not been coming.

Dan decides to go visit Blair in the hospital. He's not sure why, but he feels compelled to go see her.

As he's walking down the hall to her room he hears laughing and giggling coming out of her room. As Dan enters the smell of maple syrup hits him. Rufus and Paul are there sitting around Blair's bed. They're all eating Waffles.

Rufus looks up.

"Hey Dan! Paul talked me into making some Waffles and bringing them for his mom, pull up a chair and join us."

Paul looks at Dan suspiciously. Dan plasters a smile on his face, pulls up a chair, and starts eating with them.

"Mom, do you like the waffles? I helped grandpa Rufus make them."

"Best. Waffles. Ever."

Paul starts climbing onto Blair's bed, Dan tries to helps him up, but Paul flinches and jerks his arm out of Dan's hand. The message is received, loud and clear. Paul heard everything Dan yelled at Blair that night.

Dan feels helpless and looks to Blair. She just looks sad and looks away quickly.

He can't help but feel angry and blame Blair.

But he sits there and eats his waffles and keeps smiling. He's not there to ruin the breakfast his son cooked up for Blair.

Paul nestles down in the crook of Blair's arm and starts telling her about the new school that Grandma Eleanor has been taking him to. He doesn't like it. Says all the kids are mean and snobby and he just wants to go back to Paris.

Blair looks at him surprised, "What? And miss out on Grandpa Rufus's waffles?"

This gets Paul giggling. Blair asks him to give it some time. That they will be back to visit Grandpa Harold and Roman when she starts feeling better and she reminds him that Grandpa Harold and Roman will be here in three months for his 5th birthday.

5th birthday. A shiver of anger shoots down Dan's spine as he thinks of the 4 birthdays that he never knew about. Blair made Dan a non-entity in the life of this little boy.

He swallows his anger and comments on how good the waffles are, Paul looks at him and politely says "Thank you" and then turns his attention back to his mom.

They are talking about his 5th birthday. He's listing off the food he wants served at his party.

Harold's pie, Rufus's waffles, Eleanor's… well Eleanor could order the ice cream. He wants mac and cheese and sushi, he wants a huge chocolate cake, he wants macaroons, and lots and lots of presents. 5 years old is a very big deal.

This gets Dan, Blair, and Rufus laughing. Blair promises all the food items and more.

"So uh, Paul, how about tonight you stay over at my place? I can't make waffles but I'm sure I can make us something to eat" Dan asks carefully.

Paul looks up to Blair, then looks back at Dan, mumbles, "Okay"

Dan swallows hard, knowing that spending a night with Dan Humphrey is the last thing Paul wants, "It'll be just for a night and then you can go back to Rufus and Lily's place"

Blair speaks up "Actually I'm getting discharged tomorrow evening, I will come pick you up, take you back to the penthouse where we can order Dorota around" she winks at Paul.

Paul brightens up, "You're coming home tomorrow? Are you better?"

Dan watches as Blair bites her lip, like she's on the verge of breaking down and just nods.

"Hey dad, why don't you take Paul back to your place to round up his belongings? I'd like to talk to Blair alone for a bit and I'll be there to pick him up around 4 pm?"

Paul looks scared for a moment, scared to leave his mom alone with Dan. Blair looks down, reassuringly and tells him to go, and to be sure to be ready tomorrow evening when she picks Paul up from Brooklyn.

Rufus cleans up and takes Paul out, promising Dan that he will be ready to head to Brooklyn by 4 Pm.

Dan and Blair are finally alone. Dan gets up and stares down at her. Blair sits in her bed, refusing to look at him, straightening out what she can of her hospital gown, waiting for him to start asking the questions that her seizure interrupted.

Dan realizes that the only time he's ever seen Blair looks this vulnerable was years ago. She had just had a fight with her best friend. Dan found her sitting in a hallway, looking very un-Blair like, staring down at her hands, showing him just how fragile a "95 pound, doe eyed, bon-mots tossing, label whoring package of girly evil" could be.

Dan feels himself soften up at the memory and just sighs and sits down in the chair he was occupying earlier.

He looks over at her nightstand and sees Pink Peonies in a vase of water. He knows who brought them.

"Looks like Chuck came by already" He doesn't mean for it to sound as bitter as it does.

Blair breaths out, "He came to tell me about the doctor he's found for me. He's the best in the state and Chuck's very hopeful."

"I'm sure he is."

"Dan… Don't. I'm not here to be with Chuck, I wouldn't do that to him or Paul,"

Dan just nods and clears his throat.

"So, you've got cancer…. That's why you came back?"

He can barely hear her reply, "New York is my home and Paul deserves to know his family."

"You know he's going to find out someday right? How sick you are."

"I'll cross that bridge when I get there"

"Don't you think that's a little selfish?" it comes out a little harsher than he expected.

Blair scoffs, "Oh didn't you know? I'm the most selfish person on the Upper East Side! Why should you or anyone else expect any different? You should know just how selfish I am!" She spits out these words and tries to seem angry, but Dan can't help but feel sorry for her. She looks so pathetic.

He puts his hands in his pockets and starts asking questions about Paul.

"When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"About 5 weeks after you told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I tried getting in touch with Serena, but after what I had done with Jenny, she didn't want to talk to me. I realized even Serena was through with me, and so decided to go to Paris. I couldn't face you and everyone else, not without her."

Dan can see the memory is painful for Blair and doesn't press it any further.

"What's he like?" he asks softly.

Blair smiles, "He's wonderfully brilliant. He's got all the best parts of me and all the best parts of you. He takes after you in how kind he is and he hates pretenses. Very wise beyond his years, he's an old soul. He can be a little insecure at times, something I may have passed on to him, but he takes on his insecurities with a determination. He's much better at handling them, much better than I was"

"He loves to read. Loves to watch movies. He's a film buff, but he also really likes AWFUL films. I don't know how but he was able to watch a Van Damme film on French TV. He LOVES Van Damme films. It's mortifying really."

Dan chuckles. He imagines Paul, serious and sensitive, watching and enjoying Van Damme movies while Blair pleads and tries to convince him that he doesn't like them.

"He hates Cabbage Patch Kids, finds them creepy. He cried when I tried to give him my old one, so hide Cedric"

Dan chuckles again and Blair is happy. Happy that he's not angry at her at the moment, happy that she is able to talk about Paul without Dan flashing angry eyes at her. Happy that while he doesn't seem to necessarily be enjoying her company, at least he's not acting as though being within 3 feet of her is repulsive.

They fall into silence again. Finally Dan coughs and asks her, "So, what is the prognosis?"

Blair takes a deep breath and shakily says, "I can hope for remission, but there is no surgery that's going to cure me. The area that the tumor is on makes it inoperable. So this will probably kill me. The only thing I can hope for is that I have enough time with Paul so that he will remember me."

"How long do you have?" It almost felt surreal asking Blair this. She had always seemed so powerful. The very fact that he was talking about her death was crazy to him. Blair was supposed to live forever, as a reminder to him of why he shouldn't fall for such complex girls.

"I've been told 1-2 years with treatment. If it goes into remission it'll buy me some time. I want to be greedy though. I want at least 10 more years, I want to at least be there for when he starts to grow into a man… but I know that's not probable. I've read the literature, I can really only hope for 5 years at the best."

When she's finished talking, she's looking out the window of her room sadly.

Dan doesn't know what to say. I mean what do you say to someone after that? He sits there with her for a few more minutes. Finally he gets up and tells her goodbye.

As he's walking out the doorway she finally speaks up.

"Humphrey? Make sure you clean your loft up before Paul shows up. He's not used to living in steerage. That and I'm immunosuppressed and it's dangerous enough for me to even go into Brooklyn " she scrunches up her nose on the word "Brooklyn".

Dan looks back at her and finds her eyes challenging him. He has to admit, he did miss this. The banter they had with each other.

He chuckles and says, "Keep it up Waldorf, I'll make sure he comes back to you in a PBR shirt smelling of Pirogues." He walks out before she can retort, but not before he sees a huge smile growing on her face. It's been so long since he's made her smile.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan goes back to the loft and starts getting things ready for Paul. He calls Jenny and Nate and invites them over. Serena is invited as well and he tells Rufus and Lily that they can come to, on the condition that Rufus makes chili.

He knows that Paul is not comfortable with him, not yet, and thinks that having at least Rufus and Lily there will make him a little more comfortable. Also, Jenny has been badgering Dan for a chance to meet him. He hopes that with a bunch of people over it won't be so uncomfortable for Paul.

Rufus's chili is a hit. Paul has decided that Chili needs to be added to the menu at his birthday party. Serena and Jenny dote on Paul and he seems to enjoy it.

Paul barely says a word to Dan.

Dan steps into his study and Jenny follows.

"Well, it's nice to see that he's a lot friendlier than his mom ever was"

"He's a great kid, but really, we have to credit Blair for that, she's raised him up to now" he reminds her.

Jenny looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth.

She finally swallows whatever hateful thing she had to say about Blair and says, "He has your hair, and your jaw-line. Thankfully so far he's got her teeth, or my teeth." She giggles.

Dan chuckles, "He's also got her eyes as well"

"Yeah he does…"

"He seems really taken with you and Serena. I can't get him to talk to me much though"

"Give him time; this is probably a lot for him to take in. God she's awful. How could she do this?"

"I dunno, Jenny… I dunno"

Jenny leaves him alone in his study. Dan spends a few more minutes in there thinking of how he's going to get Paul to trust him.

Then Dan starts to feel angry again. He's angry at Blair, angry that he's got a kid in his loft that doesn't know him and feels uncomfortable with. But he knows that he is partly to blame for that.

He should have never showed up to the penthouse drunk. He remembers another time he showed up to the loft drunk. The time he crashed her baby shower, the one she miscarried running back to Chuck. He was in love with her then and he felt like she was shutting him out of his life. He knew that she couldn't reciprocate his love but he wanted to at least be friends with her.

He scoffs at himself when he realizes how pathetic he was.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He looks up and sees Lily.

"Just thinking Lily."

"Maybe I'm out of line here Dan, but I don't think you can keep hating Blair and expect Paul to feel comfortable around you."

Dan just looks away angrily.

"I know what she did was awful, but Blair didn't do it to hurt you. She did it because she was scared. Look I'm just saying that you can't hate her forever. You have a kid with her now."

"Please Lily, just stop… I know what you're saying and it would be the same advice I would be saying… but it's different when it's happening to yourself. But I can't expect you to understand that. You Upper East Siders for some reason have a tendency to hide their love children from their fathers." He instantly regrets the words as soon as they're out of his mouth.

He feels ashamed when he sees how hurt Lily is by it.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have compared you and Scott with Blair and Paul."

She just nods at him curtly and leaves the study.

It takes a while before he heads back out into the living and when he does, he finds that Lily and Rufus have left.

Paul is at the center of the living room with Serena, Nate, and Jenny focusing all their attention on them. He is telling them his plans for his 5th birthday. Watching him dictate his 5th year reminds him of Blair. There are a lot of Blair's traits in him, he's starting to notice.

Jenny and Nate ask Paul if he'd like to play some touch-football at the park near the loft tomorrow. Paul looks at Dan, looks back at Jenny and Nate, "Okay, but you have to teach me."

Serena squeals in delight and insists that she be there to referee. Nate asks her if she even knows what a first down is. She throws a pillow at Nate and screams "TOUCHDOWN!"

Everyone laughs.

"All right, then I will be there to cheer" she winks at Paul.

Paul looks up at Serena asks her, "Who will you be cheering for?"

"Whatever team you're on kiddo"

This answers seems to satisfy him, cause he looks away embarrassed but happy. This elicits smiles from everyone.

Eventually they all leave and agree on a time to teach Paul touch football.

"Did you have a good time Paul?"

"Yes, Dan, Thank you" he answers politely. But he's still as distant as the day they first met.

Dan sighs and starts cleaning up and Paul immediately gets up to help him. But the kid is yawning like crazy. Dan decides it's time to put him to bed.

He helps Paul get ready for bed and brings him to his room. As Dan tucks him in, he tells Paul softly, "I know you don't trust me, but I really am trying Paul. I want us to have a relationship; I'll do anything to gain your trust." Paul doesn't say anything. Dan turns and is about to walk away.

Paul reaches out for Dan's hand and sadly asks him, "Dan? Is my mom dying?"

The question takes Dan's breath away. He's so smart. He looks down at the small hand holding onto his and when he looks back at Paul, he sees how scared he is. He feels his heart break.

He can only manage out a soft, "I hope not." Turns off the light and walks out into the living room. He feels the weight of every other emotion besides anger he's pushed back since he read the letter crash down onto him.

As he lowers himself onto the couch his thoughts go back to Blair. He knows it couldn't have been easy to make the decision she did. He realizes that she was probably petrified, knowing that she was having a kid and she was going to be doing it alone, without her friends or Dan. It makes him feel miserable.

He falls asleep determined to make himself worthy of Paul.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He wakes up the next morning to the scent of waffles coming from the kitchen. He's surprised as he sees Rufus and Paul up, serving Serena, Nate, and Jenny breakfast in the kitchen.

"Good morning sleepy head! It's amazing what you can sleep through!" Serena says as she hands him a mug of coffee.

"Eat up Dan, I think you may need your strength, Paul seems to be catching on quick about football" as Rufus slides a plate in front of Dan.

"Thanks Dad"

Paul looks at Dan and says, "Aunt Jenny told Rufus to come play in the Football game today."

Dan is stunned. Usually Paul doesn't say anything to Dan unless he's answering a question. He begins to hope that maybe he may have started to break down the defenses Paul has put up against Dan.

"Yeah well, it's not a true Humphrey football game if you don't have Rufus fumbling the ball" teases Jenny. Everyone laughs and gets back to the business of devouring Rufus's waffles.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The football game is a big hit. Nate and Rufus alternate being on Jenny's team and it is Dan and Paul against them. Serena spends her time on the sidelines cheering on Paul, blowing kisses at him whenever he makes a touchdown, and crying foul whenever his plays are stopped. Paul seems to enjoy it.

During the game Dan also notices another similarity that Paul and his mother share. They are both incredibly competitive. Unlike Blair, Paul doesn't let his competitive side make him nasty. He's grateful for this.

They eventually call the game. Paul and Dan have won, and Jenny says that Paul was the MVP of the game. Paul looks proud.

Paul adds another activity to his 5th birthday, touch football, which is to happen right after cake, but before he opens his gifts.

Dan can see this ending badly, with a bunch of 5 year olds and adults yakking up birthday cake on the sidelines. He can't wait to see the look on Blair's face.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They all leave from the park. Serena is going back with Rufus to spend the rest of the afternoon with Lily, Jenny and Nate are going back to their apartment to do whatever they do.

Paul and Dan go back to the loft, exhausted by the exertions of the football game. They find themselves on the couch and Dan starts up a Van Damme movie but they both fall asleep within ten minutes.

Dan only wakes up 30 minutes before Blair is supposed to pick up Paul. He wakes Paul up and tells him they need to get ready for his mom.

Paul tells him he was hungry. Oh yeah, Dan thinks to himself, kids need to eat.

Dan knows exactly who is at the door when he hears the knock. He remembers the many times he had opened the door to find her waiting there after that knock. This time though, she waits until he invites her in. He can't remember the last time he had to invite her in. Usually she would just push past him, verbally castrating him for something he did, or coming to enlist his help for a scheme, and sometimes she would just show up with a worried look on her face, in need of a friend.

She looks better, but she's still incredibly pale and thin. She looks like she's already begun her transformation into a ghost… a malevolent ghost that will choke Dan while he's sleeping.

"Hey, we took a nap and I'm sorry that he's not ready to leave just yet. I've ordered some pizza, why don't you stay and have some with us?"

He can see the annoyance in her eyes. Yeah she's definitely coming back from the grave to choke him in his sleep. He's sure of it.

"I've got a driver downstairs waiting for us, he's terrified enough as it is being in Brooklyn, I can't possibly make him wait Humphrey."

"Then send him back, I'll call you both a cab when we're done eating. C'mon, you used to love pizza, I've ordered your favorite, gourmet"

Blair looks down at Paul, "Do you want to eat first before we leave?"

Paul looks between Blair and Dan, nods yes, and when Blair sighs and says "Okay" he squeals and jumps back onto the couch, demanding that Dan start the movie that he fell asleep watching.

Blair scrunches her nose at the DVD case. Double Impact, Van Damme plays a petty crook and his twin. Gross.

She leaves to go tell the driver of the car to just go home.

She gets back to the loft 5 minutes before the Pizza does. God, she's hungry.

They all sit on the couch together, with Paul leaning on Blair as he's engrossed in the movie and the pizza he's eating.

Blair finds herself uncomfortable.

Being on the couch where she and Humphrey had spent so many nights talking, laughing, bantering, and sleeping among other things.

She looks over to find him staring at her, she looks away quickly, instantly angry at herself and feeling stupid. She feels like she's 14 years old again and has been caught staring at her latest crush.

She clears her throat and starts asking Paul questions.

"So how was your time in Brooklyn Paul?"

Paul starts telling her about dinner last night and goes into meeting his Aunt Jenny and Aunt Serena.

Dan watches as Blair bristles when Paul mentions Jenny's name, but she recovers quickly, smiling down at him, "Oh! Seems like you're quite taken with Aunt Jenny and Serena"

This has Paul blushing; he sheepishly tells his mom that he's probably going to marry Serena or someone like Serena someday.

Blair starts laughing, looks to Dan and playfully says, "Hopelessly in love with blonde Van Der Woodsens? Seems like a family tradition with the Humphrey men."

Paul turns quizzically to Dan, and then back to his mom, "What do you mean?"

Blair smiles at her son, "Nothing puffin, finish your pizza we need to get back to the Upper East Side soon or Dorota will send out a search party."

Dan calls them a cab and helps her get a very tired and cranky Paul into it. He turns to Blair, "He's a really great kid you know… Thanks for letting him stay over last night. I'd like to do it again"

"Sure Humphrey, just let me know and we can plan these visits out."

As she gets into the cab, Dan leans over and tells her, "Just so you know, we're playing football at his party, his idea not mine. He fully expects you to play too. Furthermore he's already invited Jenny to his birthday party; I've already told him she can't wait to come to his party. You can tell him no if you want to. Goodnight Waldorf" as he closes the door.

He knows that she won't though. As much as she hates Jenny, she loves Paul even more. Dan waves at her and Paul triumphantly.

He watches as her mouth opens as she readies a volley of insults to him but the cab drives away before she can get them out. He can't help but smile as he sees her turn her head around and sends him a piercing look just as the cab turns a corner. New York feels a little more right now that it's Queen B has come back.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**To tell you all the truth, I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter. But I can't get it to where I like it and feel like I should just post it already. I'm trying to get this story done before May. Because after May it is not likely that I will be writing any fan fic for a while. **

**Thanks for reading and I really do appreciate all the reviews.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Blair groans as she pulls off her eye mask and reaches for her ringing cell phone. It's 4:45 AM, who could possibly be calling at this ungodly time?

She's about to hit ignore until she sees the caller ID.

Serena.

She has to mentally ready herself before she can answer it and when she does Serena sounds surprised that she answered.

"I thought you would have been sleeping, I was hoping I could just leave you a voicemail."

"I was sleeping, but what's up?"

"I've been thinking about our last conversation. I'm still mad at you, but I think we should meet up."

Blair's heart starts racing, "Really? I mean, okay! Where? When?"

"Central Park, you still remember right?"

"Yes, of course"

"Okay so what time would be good for you?"

"Well, I drop Paul off at school around 7:30 AM. I can meet you any time after."

"Alright, so Central Park, 8-8:15 ish?"

"Sure"

"Alright, I'll see you."

"Serena….. Thanks"

Serena just hangs up.

Blair is trembling with excitement. She isn't able to fall back asleep and when she wakes Paul up he sees that she's dressed up.

"What are you dressed up for mom?"

"Oh, I'm meeting someone very important puffin"

"Who?"

"Serena"

Paul immediately tries to convince his mom to let him skip school today and spend the day with her and Serena. She says no, and when he demands a reason why, she decides to tell him the truth.

"Because we have adult things to discuss. Adult things you don't need to hear."

He just looks down into his Fruit Parfait Dorota made for him and grumbles to himself. He's upset, but he knows that fighting would just be futile. He's never been allowed to stick around when "grown ups" have they're very "grown up" things to talk about.

He makes his displeasure known to her and ignores her the whole ride to school. When she leans over to kiss his cheek goodbye, he jumps out of the car and shuts the door.

Blair is a little hurt, but she can't hold it against him. After all she used to do the same to her mom and dad when she didn't get her way.

Blair is the first to arrive at the same spot where she and Serena reconciled after Blair found out about Nate. That seemed like such a lifetime ago.

The tables are turned now; back then Serena was the one that sinned against her and Blair was the one that needed to forgive.

This time, it is Blair's turn to say she was sorry and beg for a chance to make it up to her.

She sits on the bench and waits. Rehearsing her apologizes in her head.

She's so engrossed in her thoughts she doesn't notice Serena taking a seat next to her until she pushes a cup of coffee into her hand.

Blair looks up at Serena. Serena is looking straight ahead with a blank look.

"Thanks for coming" Serena says, still not looking at her.

Blair just nods.

"I got it just the way you like it"

Blair looks down at her cup of coffee and her vision blurs with tears.

She should have been the one to show up with Serena's coffee just how she likes it. She should have brought the peace offering.

"Serena, I'm so sorry. I should have stayed and tried to explain myself to you, but what was there to explain? I knew just how badly I had acted with Jenny and Nate, I knew how you felt about it, I know how angry you were with me and how I had used you to hurt Jenny. I was ashamed…. It was cowardly."

"Yeah it was" Serena says softly.

"I don't expect us to go back to how things were. I know that too much time has gone by, but I'd like to try to make it up to you. I need you to be there in Paul's life S, I need you to tell him all the things about me when I'm gone. You're the one that has the most memories of me."

Serena just takes Blair's hand and says, "Of course I will."

They sit there for a while.

Serena asks about Blair's cancer and Blair regurgitates her answers. She hates talking about how sick is.

They get quiet and Serena looks like she's going to cry. Blair puts her head on Serena's shoulder and whispers, "But I'm here now. I'm trying S, I'm going to be here as long as I can manage it."

Serena looks at her and manages a brave smile. Blair gives her a goofy grin and starts telling her about her time in Paris.

Tells her how being pregnant was such a wretched experience.

"I got so fat! And my ankles and feet! I couldn't wear any cute shoes! They'd swell up and I'd have to prop them up. Can you imagine? 3 months of only being able to wear Uggs and flip flops? It was awful! I almost cried when I was able to fit my feet into a brand new pair of Louboutin's" she exclaims and laughs.

Serena can't help but laugh, remembering how meticulous Blair was about how she looked.

Every strand had to be perfect, every garment had to fit her perfectly, and gaining 3 pounds would have sent Blair into a frantic neurotic panic. Yes, being pregnant must have been an ordeal for Blair Cornelia Waldorf.

She tells Serena about labor. It took 16 hours and it was awful.

Paul came out with a full head of black curls and tiny fists, screaming, red and angry at the world for what he had just been through. He quieted when he was passed to Blair. He looked at her with wide eyes and a look that said, "Don't I know you?"

Blair's eyes get wet at the memory and Serena can't help but wish she could have been there to see it.

When a chapter of Blair's end life and a new one started, one where Blair's focus wouldn't be on who she could topple so she could get ahead, but one where Paul sat at the center of Blair's everything.

Blair smiles and continues. She tells Serena how horrid it was the first time she changed Paul's diaper, that she almost called her mom and begged her to send Dorota to her. Serena can only smile and imagine Blair's horror at opening Paul's diaper and what she found in there.

Blair then tells her about her romances in Paris.

The financial advisor she had a 4 month affair with. He helped her build her portfolio and invest her money. She's incredibly glad she followed his advice because now she has a fortune to leave to Paul.

They parted amicably.

They had both been lonely when they had found each other. They were a way to pass the time and lonely hours of the night.

So Blair didn't take it personally when he asked her to meet him at a French Café in Montmarte and told her about the woman he had just met.

She smiles and tells Serena, "But I'd be lying if I said that he was horrible in bed. And his assistant had great taste. I got all the best purses during our time together" she smiles wickedly.

Serena throws back her head and laughs, "So Blair Cornelia Waldorf enjoyed the friends with benefits trend, got a nice stock portfolio out of it, and the season's hottest Hermes bag? I'm jealous!"

Blair smiles, "There was one guy I managed to fall in love with though."

Serena raises an eyebrow, "Oh? Do tell B! Inquiring minds must know!"

"If this ends up in the Spectator, you will never see Paul again" Blair teases.

She begins telling Serena about Guillaume.

He was funny, extremely handsome, and a wonderful painter. They had a passionate relationship for a year.

Unfortunately, he didn't tell her about his weakness for beautiful women and when Blair found out, she cut the canvas of his portrait he had just finished of her.

Right through her face, hoping she had ruined it.

He stitched it up and was able to sell it for a fortune. People like hearing stories like that about artwork and the red yarn he chose to stitch up her face added more to the portrait.

She was told it made her look dangerous.

Serena laughs, "Who bought it?"

"No clue! Somewhere, someone owns a nude portrait of me with stitching across my face!"

Serena jokes, "It's probably hanging above Chuck's fireplace!"

This gets them both giggling. It feels good to joke with Serena. Blair feels as though she is starting to get back to normal.

Serena catches her up on the Upper East Siders. Nate and Jenny are now married. Nate is still spear-heading the NySpectator and Serena is still writing her column for it. Chuck is, well Chuck.

Serena tells Blair about the last Thanksgiving dinner they had. Rufus had cooked up a wonderful dinner. Chuck showed up with the woman who is currently his wife. Unfortunately his wife at the time was setting the table. Chuck was drunk and was barely able to miss the fine china and turkey that flew his way. His current wife was not as nimble and got hit by a turkey leg.

"Really, you would have thought she had been shot with the way she was carrying on." Serena says while rolling her eyes.

It was a disaster. They ended up at a diner eating French fries. Serena jokes that it has become a Thanksgiving tradition with her family.

Chuck's divorce was quick and as soon as it was done he married wife number 2. Serena shakes her head.

"We all tried to talk him out of it, to just stay single, but you know Chuck."

Blair sadly nods her head. Yes she knows Chuck.

Serena tells Blair about Eric. Eric has been acting on his show and he has a starring role in a film that will begin shooting in California in a few months. He's heard about Paul and can't wait to meet him.

As far as men, well she had a reunion with Carter Baizen and though they tried to make things work, she realized that they had both grown up. What clicked between them when she was 19 no longer seemed to click now.

She had other encounters with men, but nothing serious.

Blair can only nod and understand.

Eventually Serena gets up and tells Blair she has to go. She's promised Nate that she would get her column to him by 6 this evening and if she doesn't get started on it she won't get it back to him.

Blair tells her that she's proud she stuck with it and can't wait to read it.

"Yeah, well I kind of feel silly. Talking about my life, what party I went to, who was there. But it's a job and it keeps me busy" Serena winks at her and leaves.

Blair sits at the bench for a little while longer. She sits with a faint smile on her lips. Right before she gets up to leave she whispers, "Thank you."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair heads home and waits for Paul . They spend a quiet night together and she helps him with his homework. After she puts him to bed she gets her phone and texts Serena again.

"Thanks for today S. It really means a lot to me"

"No problem B. It means a lot to me too"

Blair goes to her desk and looks at her calendar. She groans as she sees that she's got an appointment this Thursday to start her second round of chemo. But whatever, it needs to be done.

She shoots Humphrey a text asking him if he wouldn't mind taking Paul this weekend. She's going to be sick all weekend and doesn't think Paul needs to be here to witness it. Dan agrees and says that he will pick Paul up from the Penthouse on Thursday.

The rest of the week goes by uneventfully.

Paul is ready for Dan Humphrey in the Parlor when he comes in Thursday night. Blair is upstairs, agonizing in her bed.

Dorota sends Paul off with enough clothes to last a month and warns Humphrey that he better not return with any bed bugs or head lice.

Dan walks out of there shaking his head. Where do these people get the notion that Brooklyn is a third world country?

Paul's trust in Dan is starting to grow, but Dan knows he's still got a long way to go. He takes him to go watch movies, and they eat at the best bistros that Brooklyn has to offer. Jenny comes over Saturday night and they both let Paul beat them at scrabble. It's a great weekend.

Sunday morning Blair decides it's time to get rid of her hair. She sends Dorota out to get some clippers and they shave her head in the bathroom. Only after she's done and she's staring at her bald reflection in the mirror does she quietly ask Dorota to leave. Blair doesn't sob, but just silently cries as she looks at her reflection.

Later on that night Dan brings Paul over to the penthouse while Blair is eating dinner.

She hears the ding of the elevator and is suddenly worried about how her son will react to her hair. She should have explained everything to Paul before she shaved her head.

She walks to meet them in the parlor and Paul's eyes go wide when he sees her.

"Hey puffin!"

"What happened?" Paul's voice is trembling

Blair looks to Dan for some help, but he stares.

Blair puts on a brave smile and teases, "Oh you guys are going to hurt my feelings if you tell me you don't like it!"

Paul just looks at her, turns to Dan thanks him for the weekend and tells him he will see him later. He sprints up the stairs to his room.

Blair tries to follow him, but Paul closes and locks the door behind him.

She sighs and starts back down the stairs. Dan Humphrey hasn't left yet. He's just standing in the parlor watching her.

"What Humphrey?"

"You know you're going to have to tell him now right? He's a smart kid, he knows that something isn't right."

"Yes Humphrey, I'm well aware of how smart my son is." She can't help but sound bitter, she hates that Paul is angry at her and that Dan got to see it.

Dan continues to stare.

"It's rude you know, to stare." Blair says as she turns and walks back to her dinner.

To her surprise, Dan follows her. He even takes a seat at the table. She gives him an incredulous look, "I'm sorry, did I invite you to sit with me?"

"Shut up Waldorf, just eat"

She's about to say something back, but he's looking sternly at her and she's afraid if she goads him, they may end up fighting and she really doesn't have the energy to fight tonight. She's has to go upstairs and explain to the Paul why she won't be around forever. The thought makes her miserable.

Dan tells hers about their weekend. Tells her that Paul is starting to get a little more comfortable with him, but that it's going to take time.

He notices just how many bites of her dinner she eats before she pushes her plate away.

"That's all you're going to eat?"

Blair stares down Dan, "You want my scraps Humphrey? Or should I box it up for you to take to the starving children in Brooklyn?"

Dan looks at her hard and firmly says, "I'm not trying to fight with you Waldorf. We have a son together, the least we can do for him is be friendly towards each other."

Blair looks away, embarrassed, he's right of course. "You're right"

Dan sits back and looks at her bemused, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Don't be tacky Humphrey, you heard what I said"

He smirks at her and asks her, "So how are you going to tell him?"

She looks towards the stairs and says, "I'm just going to be honest. He's smart, he'll get suspicious once I start lying."

Dan agrees, "He is smart."

They fall into silence and Blair grabs her plate again and downs a few more bites.

She looks at Dan and sheepishly says between bites, "I need my strength, Paul can be like me at times."

Dan gives her a goofy grin and she feels her heart skip a beat. She remembers all the times in the past he had flashed that grin at her. Once while they were interning at W, another after she had managed to get arrested at her Bachelorette Party sharing her experience with Serena and Dan about drinking shots, and another at the airport, after she had been told that she wasn't as pretty as the "real "Blair Waldorf by a Samsonite toting girl.

She's lost in her thoughts of her past with Dan Humphrey that she's almost startled when he starts talking again.

"So when did you shave it?"

"This morning. I had Dorota do it. It was falling out and starting to get noticeable, so I figured why prolong the inevitable?"

Dan just nods his head, but he won't stop staring.

Finally he gets up to leave, but before he walks out of the dining room he turns to her and tells her, "He's probably going to be angry at first, but he will get over it. He's a thoughtful kid. You're lucky you have nice bone structure, you manage to look great bald. Good luck tonight Waldorf, and I will call you sometime in the week to see about getting Paul again."

He turns on his heel and heads out the penthouse. Blair sits there stunned. Stunned because they managed to get through a conversation without him getting angry, but mostly because he actually managed a compliment. It's not much, but she's hoping that she's starting to rebuild her friendship with Humphrey again.

Which is quite comical. Blair had spent most of her life looking down her nose at people like Dan Humphrey. The idea that she was desperate to regain her friendship with Humphrey was ironic.

She smiles to herself and it gives her hope.

She cleans off her plate in the sink, and heads up the stairs.

Paul lets her into his room and she sits on his bed and tells him. He's not angry. He's full of questions and when she's done answering them, he doesn't cry. He just looks at her sorrowfully. It breaks her heart and she ends up crying.

She doesn't leave him that night. She stays in his bed and buries her face into his dark curls. They smell of Dan's Head and Shoulders shampoo.

They fall asleep together. It's the first real restful night Blair Waldorf has had since returning to New York.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**If it seems a bit rushed it's because it is. I'm really trying to get this story done before May and so I'm trying to get these chapters out as soon as I can. I keep adding chapters to what I already have written out and I'm afraid of how long this story may get. My apologies if you don't like it. **

**As always thank you for reading and I really do appreciate all the reviews **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Serena comes by later on in the week. She goes with Blair to her doctor's office, waits for her during her treatment, and then brings her home.

It was always like this between them.

When Blair was going to the Ostroff center for her eating disorder Serena would walk her there, wait outside, and then walk her back home.

Serena gets her into bed and when Paul comes home, she takes Paul out to eat.

They're out for a long time and Blair starts to get worried. Just as she's about to call Serena demanding to know where they are, she hears Serena and Paul come into the penthouse. Paul is giggling and asking Serena, "Do you think she'll like them?"

"What's not to like about them?" Serena asks.

They run upstairs and jump into bed with Blair. Blair see's what kept them. They bought her hats. Scratch that, they bought her tacky hats.

There's a blue ten gallon hat, a black leather hat that is studded with rhinestones, Blair thinks they must have stolen off of Lady Gaga's head, a little cap with a propeller on it, a NY Jets football helmet, and a Rastafarian cap with dreads coming out the back.

"What are these?"

"Well, Paul was saying that you were sad about your hair being gone, so I told him we should do something to rectify it. I wanted to get you some wigs. I found a FABULOUS Marie Antoinette wig, that screamed Blair Waldorf, but Paul vetoed that. He made the executive decision that you would prefer hats."

Blair starts laughing and they spend the rest of the night trying on hats. Paul decides that the Rastafarian cap with the dreads looks best on Blair and he thinks the NY Jets helmet looks best on him. Serena gets the little cap with a propeller on it. They get Dorota to take a photo of all three of them on Serena's phone.

Blair sends Dorota home early, and she puts Paul to bed. Serena watches Blair put her son to sleep and she can't believe how much Paul has changed Blair.

Serena helps Blair into bed and tells her that she will be back tomorrow morning to have breakfast with her. Blair tells her she can't wait.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Serena's at her apartment, in bed and looking through her photos on her phone of the night. She's got a good one of Paul eating spaghetti, another one of him wearing a hippie wig.

Her favorite photo though is the one of all three of them. They are on Blair's bed wearing their hats. Blair's laughing and Paul's got the silliest grin on his face, it's a grin she's seen on Dan's face many times. Before she turns out the light she sends that photo to Dan, Rufus, and Eleanor. She falls asleep smiling.

Across town, Dan pulls out the old typewriter Blair had bought him when they were dating. He kept trying to get rid of it after Blair had left New York. One less thing to remind him of how stupid he had been in loving Blair Waldorf, yet every time he tried to dump it he found himself unwilling to part with it.

She had put a lot of thought into this typewriter and had spent a fortune getting it.

It was an Olivetti 44 model, the exact same model that was a favorite of Tennessee Williams. He wasn't sentimentally attached to it, no, not after what Blair had done, but he felt it held some historical significance and he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else having it. So he locked it up in his closet.

It stayed there for 5 years, to remind him of Blair whenever he came across it, but the thought that it was safe in the loft always made him feel good. He couldn't explain it.

He smiles and runs his hand across the buttons as he thinks of how happy Blair looked when he opened the gift.

His phone alerts him that he's received a new text. He checks it and laughs when he sees the photo that Serena has sent him. He puts his phone down and puts paper in his typewriter and starts typing out his thoughts.

When he finishes typing its 4 am. It's the most he's written in the past year. His agent will be happy when she hears of his new project.

He lays down and looks at the picture Serena had sent him hours earlier. He falls asleep looking at Paul's goofy grin.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is getting ready for her first society outing.

Eric is in town, during a break from shooting his TV show. Lily is throwing a big party at their place to welcome Eric home.

Paul is in Queens with Dorota and her family. He's going to stay the night while Blair goes out. He wasn't too happy about not being invited to Eric's welcome home party, a party that Serena would be at, but understands that an all-night society party is not a place for 4 ½ year olds with 8 pm bedtimes.

Blair checks herself in the mirror and decides that she looks as good as she's going to. She's wearing a simple long, black sweetheart dress with lace detailing. The dress is figure hugging and she wishes she hadn't lost so much weight, but she still manages to look good in it.

To make up for the lack of hair she wears a heavy necklace studded with diamonds. It would look gaudy on anyone else, but it goes perfectly with Blair's red lips and simple black dress.

She's one of the last to arrive at the party. She finds Serena quickly and Serena brings her to Eric.

Eric seems happy to see her and brings her into a tight embrace. Blair knows that he knows about her illness. Why she's bald and why she's so thin. She feels her chest tighten and pulls herself from the embrace.

"It's so good to see you Eric, you look good."

"You too Blair! You look…" He stops himself as he realizes what he's saying.

Blair flashes him an understanding smile.

"Well I'm just saying no one can pull off a shaved head like you can."

Blair puts her head up, sniffs, looks at Eric slyly and says, "Of course not!"

Eric laughs; appreciating that Blair can laugh and joke about his failed attempt at making small talk.

"So, where's the little Humphrey?"

"You mean Waldorf?" She corrects him, "He's in Queens with Dorota's family, and this really isn't the place for him"

Eric smiles, "Well I've heard lots about him, and I can't wait to meet him"

"He really wanted to come tonight. Maybe we can meet up sometime this week?"

"Yeah that sounds great, I'd love it."

Blair looks at Serena, squeezes her hand and goes off to look for her mother and Cyrus. While she's searching she catches a glimpse of Jenny talking to Nate and Dan.

Blair stops in her tracks and feels her heart leap into her throat. She should have known Jenny would be here, she is Rufus's daughter after all, but she can't help but feel scared when she sees her.

Jenny looks gorgeous of course. She's blonde, tall and leggy and she's stopped wearing her raccoon make up. She's engrossed in her conversation with Nate and Dan and she looks happy.

The last memory Blair has of Jenny hits her. It's Blair's ugliest moment. The one part of Blair's past that she is terrified of Paul finding out about.

She had found out through Eric that Jenny and Nate had been seeing each other on Jenny's visits to the city from Hudson. They had wanted to keep it away from Gossip Girl as they were still testing things out between them.

Jenny had decided to move back to New York. She and Nate were going to have a real go at it.

No secrets from their friends and family, and Gossip Girl could report on them if she wanted, but they didn't give a damn what anyone on the Upper East Side thought.

Blair promised Eric that she would never tell a soul. And she didn't. Not even Dan or Serena. But that didn't mean she was okay with it.

She didn't care who Nate saw, but she felt that Jenny couldn't have Nate Archibald. It was childish and Blair is embarrassed about it to this day, but back then, she fell into her old ways easily.

Back then she didn't have Paul to teach her why it was so important to be a good person and to not hurt the people around you.

She knew that Serena was harboring feelings for Nate and a plan came together in Blair's head. She would push Serena towards Nate, hopefully at a party right before Jenny came back into town, a party that Blair threw.

The plan was to get Nate drunk and have him and Serena "caught" in a few compromising positions that would be blasted to Gossip Girl.

She put ideas into Serena's head that she had caught Nate looking longingly at Serena. Serena wanted to believe it and it didn't take much for her to get hopeful about Nate Archibald.

At the party, after being told by Blair that Nate was drunk in her room, Serena went to him. But so did one of Blair's minions with a camera phone.

Needless to say the pictures were sent to Gossip Girl and Jenny was humiliated and devastated.

But she was determined to move back to the city anyways.

Nate spent all of his time trying to make it up to Jenny. She forgave him eventually.

Serena was hurt in the process.

But no one knew that Blair had been the one who had orchestrated the whole thing.

When Blair got wind of Jenny trying to launch her own line, Blair decided it was time to show Jenny just how she didn't belong in her carefully constructed circle and neither did her designs. She made sure Jenny's fashion show was a disaster. She paid all of the models to not show up.

Jenny was lambasted in all of the papers. Her career was over before it even got a chance to start.

That night Jenny almost drank herself to death.

It was horrible. Blair rushed to the hospital instantly hating herself for what she did to Jenny.

She silently negotiated with fate in that long car ride, while holding Dan Humphrey's hand, that if fate would allow for Jenny to come out of this okay she would do everything in her power to make it up to her, that she would change her ways, that she would make herself worthy of Dan Humphrey's love.

But of course that didn't happen.

Someone else was at the hospital, someone who somehow knew everything and Blair's hand in it.

Blair's stomach dropped as soon as she saw Georgina Sparks in the hallway of the ICU. She watched in horror as Georgina told everyone what Blair had done.

Dan at first didn't believe her.

He pleaded with Blair, "Tell her Blair! Tell her you didn't have anything to do with this!"

Blair couldn't look at him. She just repeated the words, "I'm sorry" over and over again.

She didn't realize that everyone had walked away from her until Chuck finally came up to her and told her to leave.

"You need to go Blair, no one wants you here."

She looked up and saw nothing but disgust in his eyes. She knew she deserved it, but it was still hard to see it coming from Chuck.

The next day Blair went to visit Dan at the loft. She was going to beg for his forgiveness.

She never thought that she would ever beg in her life, but she would do it, for Dan, she would do anything.

He opened the door and she was about to push past him into his loft, but his look stopped her.

"Dan… I'm so sorry. Please! I don't know why I did what I did. It was stupid and childish and.. I'm an awful person. But I know I can be good. Being with you has taught me that I can be good, and I want to be good. As long as I have you with me, I can be anything…"

"Stop Blair… Just stop." He said sternly.

"This is my fault really" he said sadly. "I put you on a pedestal and I fell in love with what I imagined you to be, but that's not really you. Deep down you're an ogre. A social climbing beast that doesn't care who she hurts in the process, who she might even kill to get what she wants."

She started to sob and begged him to give her a chance.

He started to close the door on her and she screamed at him, the last act of a desperate woman.

"You promised me that you would be there even if I lost everything!" Even she knew how selfish her words sounded.

"This Blair? She's my sister! What ivory tower do you think you live in? You thought that I would continue to hold your hand even after you destroyed my sister? I don't think I've ever said this to anyone, but I hate you Blair. Thank you for teaching me that people can't change; that they will always be who they were the first time you met them. First impressions are usually the most accurate!"

Blair doesn't answer him and he finally closed the door on her.

She sat in the hallway outside the loft and cried. She finally left after a few hours. After she realized that he would never forgive her. She left as broken hearted as Dan Humphrey was on the other side of that door.

When Jenny was released Blair tried to talk to Serena about it, but Serena wouldn't have any of it.

"Why Blair? Why? You knew how I felt about Nate and you used it to hurt Jenny? You manipulated me and used my feelings to hurt Jenny! How could you do this? How could you do this to me Blair?" Serena cried.

Blair could only look at her hands, gulped breaths down as she cried and shook her head.

Serena just shook her head and walked away from her.

5 weeks later she had a pregnancy test confirming her fears.

She sat on her bathroom floor feeling more alone than at any other time in her life. She grabbed at her stomach and apologized.

Blair shakes her head from the memory.

Jenny sees Blair and stops her conversation. Nate looks up and when he sees Jenny and Blair looking at each other he puts a protective arm around Jenny.

Dan who's back is to Blair, feels the tension and turns around. He watches Blair and Jenny with a careful look.

Blair puts on a brave face, gives Jenny a small smile, a very curt nod and walks off.

Dan lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in. Jenny looks away angrily, recovers, and resumes her conversation. But Dan can tell by the way that her voice trembles every now and then that the encounter has left Jenny shaken.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is shaking when she finally finds her mom.

"Blair Darling! You look wonderful bald!"

Blair gives her mom a small smile, "Thank you mother"

Cyrus notices Blair's shaking hands and asks her "What's wrong Blair? You're shaking!"

"Oh, just some side effects of a new medication I'm taking, nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, I need to go powder my nose"

She walks off quickly to the restroom. She shuts herself in, turns on the faucet and retches until she's emptied out the contents of her stomach.

When she's done she can't believe that she used to voluntarily do this to herself. She washes her hand and rinses out her mouth the best she can and applies some lipstick. When she feels that she looks presentable enough she opens the door.

She gasps when she finds Jenny on the other side of it.

"We need to talk" she says tensely.

Blair just nods her head and follows Jenny into one of the rooms at the Van Der Woodsen/Humphrey apartment.

Jenny turns to Blair and glares at her.

Blair tries to keep eye contact with her but can't help but tear her eyes away. She's angry at herself, knowing that Jenny has won that round.

Jenny manages a hateful smile and finally says, "So, Blair Waldorf is back in town, I wonder why? Are you here to tear down my brother? Here to destroy me? Maybe ruin Chuck's marriage?" she says bitterly.

This instantly angers Blair and she looks at Jenny and sternly says, "You know very well why I'm back Jenny, don't ask questions you know the answers to."

This time it's Jenny's turn to tear her eyes away.

She should have known better. She was never as good at this game as Blair was.

Blair sighs and crosses her arms, "I suppose 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it at this point."

Jenny can only scoff.

"Jenny, you've won! There's no need to keep doing this. I ran out of New York, stayed way for 5 years because of you. All of my friends hated me, you got to stay behind and become an important part of their lives. You and Nate are married! Please Jenny, I don't want to be friends, but can't we just be two civil adults?"

Jenny looks at her, "Civil? I won? You didn't stay away for 5 years because of me; you stayed away because of you, because you were scared!"

Blair puts her hands out and closes her eyes, "I know Jenny, I was a coward and a monster. Can't you see that I'm trying to change all that? That I'm trying to make it up to everyone, even you, I don't know how I'm going to, but I promise Jenny, I'll make it right. I just…. I just need you to be civil when we are in front of Paul. I'm not asking you to like me. Please Jenny, it's important to Paul and I think it's important to Dan as well."

Jenny looks at Blair again and can't believe that she used to be so scared of her. Blair used to be such a terrifying figure in Jenny's life. But right now, she just looks small.

"I'll do my best for Paul, but we will never be friends! And if I even feel that you are up to your old ways I won't hesitate to tell Paul what you are really like."

Blair looks at her and nods, "I swear Jenny, I will make this up to you somehow" and walks out.

Jenny stays in the room a little longer and tries to compose herself, but the truth is, she feels like fainting.

Nate eventually finds her and she puts on a fake smile.

"There you are! Dan and I have been looking for you, we were afraid you may have run into Blair."

Jenny just keeps smiling and exits the room.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is mingling.

Everyone is giving her pity looks and she knows that the news of her prognosis is making the rounds. Everyone is telling her that they know a fantastic doctor and that they will forward the number to her. She thanks them politely, but really, every time someone starts talking about Dr. So & So, who's known as one of the top leading oncologists in the nation she just wants to walk away. She's not here to think about her illness, she just wants to enjoy herself and forget that she's sick. But she stands there, smiling politely, and acts gracious when they try to give her hope. She doesn't need hope, she needs time.

Eventually Blair finds her way to Eleanor. She's chatting with Rufus, Lily, and Cyrus.

Blair walks up to them, Lily gives her a hug and looks mournfully at her head. Blair just shrugs.

Rufus nods to her and gives her a small smile, "You look lovely Blair, even bald."

Blair smiles, "Thank you Rufus. I hope you all will forgive me for stealing my mother from your conversation. Mother, a word please?"

Blair pulls Eleanor aside, "Blair honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need you to do me a favor."

"Sure anything darling."

"I need you to take Jenny on as a designer, or apprentice, or something."

"What?" Eleanor scoffs, "Blair, I just can't hire on Jenny Humphrey and offer her a position designing for me!"

Blair bites her lip, "Please mom, I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important. I…. I need to make things right, and you know that she has a lot of talent! You wore her design when you got married to Cyrus! Please, as much as I hate to say it, she's a part of our lives now, she's Paul's Aunt."

Eleanor sighs, looks away at Jenny Humphrey, and turns back to Blair, "Okay, I will give her a shot. Maybe she will help my line out with her fresh perspective?"

Blair smiles and grabs her mother's hand as she walks away, "Thank you mom."

Blair watches as Eleanor interrupts whatever conversation that Jenny and Nate are having and pulls Jenny aside.

She starts to feel sick and heads out onto a balcony for fresh air.

She breathes in deeply as she feels the cool night air hit her.

"I overheard your conversation with your mom."

She's surprised as she turns around and sees that Dan Humphrey has followed her out.

She narrows her eyes and asks him very tensely, "What are you, the new Vanessa Abrams?"

He tries to give her an annoyed look but he can't. He ends up smiling at her.

It almost feels like old times between them. Blair insults him, Dan takes it good naturedly, rinse and repeat.

She looks back into the party and sees Chuck watching them with a dismayed look.

She turns on her heels and looks out at the Manhattan skyline.

Dan looks back and sees Chuck. He watches as Chuck looks down and turns around and mixes with the rest of the party, but not before he looks at Blair with longing.

He walks up beside Blair and watches the skyline with her for a moment.

"So, big week coming up. Paul's birthday is on Thursday, his party is on Saturday. Paul told me that Harold and Roman are flying in on Tuesday. You going to be able to keep up? "

"Thanks for your concern Humphrey but it really isn't necessary, I think I'll be able to make it to Saturday, after all, I do have Dorota beside me."

He looks over at her and takes in how thin she has gotten. Blair had always been tiny, but seeing her clavicle come out this far is sort of unsettling. He watches her shiver and she hugs herself. He feels himself soften up even more. Hating Blair Waldorf used to be so easy.

He slips off his jacket and puts it around her shoulders.

She looks up to him in surprise, he flashes a crooked smile at her, "You looked cold."

"It better not be some cheap polyester blend." She mutters.

Dan doesn't take it personally; she was never good at gratitude.

"So what are your plans for Thursday? Taking Paul out to Chuck E. Cheese?" he teases.

"No I'll be receiving a blood transfusion early in the day… Please Humphrey no blood sucking jokes." She warns him. He's biting his cheek. She knows him well.

"It'll help me get through the weekend, and I dunno what I will do for Paul's birthday."

"Well, I have the day off." He says dryly.

"You want Paul that day?" she looks worried.

"Well I was thinking it wouldn't be fair for just one of us to get him on his birthday and that it would be nice for him to spend his actual birthday with BOTH of his parents."

She regards him suspiciously and cocks an eyebrow up, "What do you have in mind Humphrey, and if you say Chuck E. Cheese then I'm just going to tell you now that it isn't going to happen."

He laughs, "No, I was thinking I could make spaghetti dinner and then we could take him to do something."

"Like what?"

"Like whatever he wants!"

Blair leans her head to the side and smiles, "Sure, why not?"

"Great, we'll work out the details later; I better get back into the party. Jenny is glaring at us."

Blair turns around and is dismayed to see that it's not only Jenny glaring, but also Chuck. She takes off his jacket and hands it back to Dan.

"Thanks Humphrey"

Later that night after Blair has gotten Paul into bed and she herself is laying, down her phone alerts her to a new text message.

It's from Nate. She smiles as she reads it.

"Dan told us what he overheard between u & Eleanor. While Jenny will never admit it, she is grateful. Thanks Blair, it does mean a lot to us. Especially to me. Maybe I'll see u around?"

She texts him, "I'd like that Archibald. & if it makes Jenny feel justified in her continued grudge against me, tell her I didn't do it for her, but for Paul."

Nathanial Archibald. Hopefully another bridge she can rebuild. Unlike everyone else Nate could probably go on forever hating her. After all, she was the one that was responsible for Jenny almost dying. But Nate has a big heart and Blair is counting on it.

She falls asleep thinking about how much she had loved him when she was younger and how he had always been so kind to her. Well, besides sleeping with her best friend when she was 16. But really, this is the Upper East Side, who doesn't sleep with their best friend's boyfriend?

Across town Nate Archibald is in bed when he gets the text message. He chuckles and Jenny turns over to ask what's so funny.

He shows her the text and Jenny rolls her eyes and turns over quickly. He lays down and spoons her and kisses the back of her neck and tells her he loves her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**So I finally wrote out what awful thing Blair had done to Jenny Humphrey to incur everyone's hate. I figured you all deserved it and I really couldn't keep going on vaguely saying "What you did to Jenny" or "publicly humiliating Jenny and destroying her" anymore. **

**I hope I haven't made her too monstrous. I swear that this will be a romance between Blair and Dan. But I'm taking it slowly like the GG writers did… I hope you all don't mind. Bear with me please.**

**As always, thanks for reading and reviewing **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8-

Paul is excited in the town car. They are on the way to the airport to pick up Harold and Roman.

Paul had been asking her how much longer till Grandpa Harold and Roman land since they took off from Charles De Galle. Blair answers him patiently every time, but finds herself wishing that they hadn't retired the Concorde flights.

The last few days have been hard for Blair. She's starting to feel angry about her diagnosis.

When Harold comes out of the baggage claim area Paul and Blair are there waiting.

Paul jumps into Harold's arms.

"Tu m'as manqué!" Paul exclaims as he holds Harold. *I've missed you*

Harold holds onto him tightly, chokes back tears and tells him how much he missed him. Roman doesn't try to hold back his tears.

It takes every fiber of her being to keep herself from crying.

She hates that Harold and Roman and Paul can't live together like they did in Paris.

Harold holds Blair's hand the whole way to the hotel. He tells Blair about how he had managed to run into Guillaume and that he told Guillaume about Blair's illness. He took it badly.

Blair doesn't say anything.

They get to the hotel and Roman and Paul go off to find some lunch to bring back to them.

Blair and her dad sit on a couch and Harold takes her hand and asks her how she's doing.

She feels herself cracking and this time she gives in to all the emotions she's feeling.

She breaks down and her father holds her. She tells him how awful the chemo is, how she's so tired of being sick, how terrified she is when she falls asleep, worrying about Paul. Harold tries his best to comfort her, but he's just as broken as she is.

She pulls herself together. She tells him about Dan Humphrey. That they are starting to become friends again, she's relieved.

He is relieved as well. Blair tells him that he was very angry at first, but that was to be expected.

She gives her dad a shaky smile and says, "Paul isn't 100% comfortable with Dan yet, but they're coming together, slowly but surely."

"I'm glad." Harold says softly.

They sit in silence for the rest of the time till Roman and Paul show up.

Two sad and lonely Waldorfs holding each other's hands and not knowing what to say to comfort the other.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

She and Paul have dinner with Harold and Roman. It's a nice dinner with Paul telling them about his life in New York. Blair tries to enjoy herself, but she can't help how drained she feels. The emotional moment she had with her father earlier has left her exhausted. All she wants is to head back to her penthouse and bury herself under the covers. But Paul is having such a good time she can't do that to him.

When it is time for her and Paul to leave she gives Harold and Roman a tight hug.

"We're going to spend Paul's actual birthday with Dan Humphrey in Brooklyn." Blair tells him as she hugs them.

Roman pouts, but Harold understands. Dan was denied so much in Paul's life that he won't press having Paul for himself, not after he got to live with them for much of his life.

Harold tells Paul that he will be there tomorrow morning to take him to his school and will pick him up as well to spend some time with him and Roman.

When Blair is left alone that night she goes to bed bitter.

Why her? Why now?

She understands that she had done so many evil things to people in her youth but it's not fair regardless. Because Paul is good and he doesn't deserve this.

She turns over and can't seem to swallow the lump of anger growing in her throat. Eventually she goes to the bathroom and draws herself a hot bath to help her calm down.

She knows that it's not right she feel sorry for herself, but she can't help it. And that makes her even angrier.

After her bath she lays in bed for a few more hours, cursing nameless entities and fate for the hand that's been dealt to her and Paul.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Thursday comes and she feels much better after her blood transfusion. Harold takes her and Serena out for lunch. Serena and Harold catch up and Blair leaves the lunch in a good mood. Serena has always had that effect on people; you couldn't help but get wrapped up in her smile and start to feel good.

She goes to pick up Paul and when she comes back to the penthouse she finds Humphrey there waiting for them.

"I figured if I showed up here you both wouldn't be able to flake out on me" he says with a smirk.

They go to Brooklyn together in a cab and Dan makes a wonderful dinner.

He has a cake for Paul and Blair takes photos of them together. Dan looks happy in the photos.

After they sing to him Paul sits very quietly, thoughtfully making his wish and blows out his 5 candles.

"What did you wish for puffin?"

"I can't say, if I do, it won't come true."

Everyone knows what he wished for. Dan watches as a flash of emotions go over Blair's face. She's sad and angry, and then, she's smiling at her son.

Dan asks him if he wants his gift now or at the party. Paul thinks for a minute and asks for it now. Dan brings out a guitar.

"I saw you looking at the guitars that grandpa Rufus had and I couldn't help myself." Dan says smiling brightly at Paul's happy reaction.

Blair can't help but smile, remembering that Dan was always good at paying attention and knowing what the people around him wanted and needed. The memory makes her feel nostalgic and sad.

Paul looks amazed and worried and tells Dan, "But I don't know how to play it"

"Not to worry, I've already asked grandpa Rufus if he would teach you how to play it."

Paul pulls the guitar from Daniel's hands. He gingerly strums the strings. He looks so happy.

Blair can't help but feel bitter again. It's not fair. She won't be able to see him enjoy birthday gifts forever!

She looks up and sees that Dan is watching her. She gives him a hard look, not even caring if he can see how angry she is.

Eventually Dan suggests some scrabble. Of course Paul is ahead and watching him genuinely be happy to be besting his parents starts to lift Blair's mood.

But the moment is brief. Paul spells out the word "Cancer."

Dan watches as Blair's face gets very still.

Dan clears his throat, "I'm bored of this game, Paul, what do you say we watch some Van Damme movies?"

Paul, aware of the shift in mood in his mother nods his head and stares at his mom.

They all take their seats on the couch. Paul starts to yawn. The Humphrey couch has always had a sleepy effect on the Waldorfs.

Blair notices and starts to get ready to head back to the UES.

She starts to gather up Paul, "Come on Puffin, let's head back home." She says softly.

Paul rubs his eyes, "Can't we just stay here? I'm tired." He asks her sleepily.

Dan watches as her face gets hard and she answers very sternly, "No."

Dan knows this isn't going to end well. Paul is tired and when Paul is tired, he's cranky and he can be as stubborn and awful as Blair.

"I don't want to leave! I want to stay! I'm having a good time! I want to watch the movie and stay! And I don't want you to call me Puffin anymore! I'm 5!"

"Don't be foolish Paul, you're falling asleep and you're tired! Now let's go." She says with annoyance.

"I'm not tired. I want to stay!"

"Paul, I'm not going to ask again."

Dan watches as it escalates into a yelling match between Blair and her equally stubborn son. Paul yells at his mom accusing her of never letting him do anything he wants (typical 5 year old stuff) and he watches as Blair tries to reason with him with a very condescending voice. Yeah, he's glad he's not on the receiving end of that voice.

Dan steps in, "Blair it's okay, he can stay. If you're not feeling well and want to head back to the Upper East Side I don't mind having him for the night."

Blair turns her head to him, "No, we're staying together; it's his birthday, who knows how many more I get to have with him? You can have him all to yourself when I'm dead." Her voice dripping with venom.

Dan watches her eyes grow big as soon as she realizes what she's said and who she's said it in front of.

Blair looks to both of them and tells them she's sorry and runs from the loft.

Paul is on the couch and he's crying silent tears.

"Don't worry Paul. I'll go get her, she didn't mean it. Will you be okay for a few minutes when I go down and get her?"

Paul just looks ahead and cries.

Dan finds her downstairs in front of his building.

She's crying.

"Hey."

She looks up at him. He takes a breath. Blair's eyes were one of the most amazing things about her. It wasn't that they were some amazing blue color, but the expressions they could convey. The look of mischief that made you check your defenses, the anger that flashed that gave so many of her minions PTSD. But Dan had always loved it best when she smiled at him with her eyes, letting him know that she was happy, happy that he was there to hold her hand, happy after she had read his book Inside and knew how he felt about her, how she felt about him. He would do anything to get a look like that from her now and that makes him feel uneasy.

Unfortunately her eyes at this moment are sad. That's the eyes that always made Dan crumble. Especially now, with how thin she's gotten and having no hair, her eyes seem to take up her whole face and he can't see nothing but the sorrow reflected by them.

"Is Paul angry at me?" she asks in a trembling voice.

"He's hurt. Look, why don't you just stay the night? You and Paul can have my bed and I will sleep on the couch."

She looks down at his shoes.

"Don't worry Blair, Paul's a thoughtful child. He's going to understand. Just come up, it's his birthday." He says gently.

"He shouldn't have to understand things like this! He shouldn't know how to spell cancer!" Her voice is bordering on hysterics.

Dan just looks down at his shoes, knowing that Blair is starting to fall apart. He doesn't want to see it, he's afraid he may fall apart with her.

Mercifully she takes a deep breath and he can watch her pull herself together.

"C'mon Blair."

She looks at him and heads up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair spends the rest of the night making it up to Paul. He falls asleep and Dan helps Blair get him into bed. She comes back out and sits on the couch as he cleans up the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Dan, I didn't mean what I said earlier… I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been so angry these past few days. You and Paul didn't deserve that."

He brings her a cup of tea and sits on the couch with her.

"I understand this isn't easy for you."

She looks at him and gives him a sad smile, "You always did understand."

Dan pulls her into an embrace. He remembers how he used to always do this for her. After they became friends she always ran to him whenever she was feeling low. So many nights were spent on this couch comforting the great Blair Waldorf.

Everyone was so afraid of Blair Waldorf, and with good reason, she could be menacing. But if you were lucky enough to get past the hateful stares and snarky remarks, you would find a terrified girl, worried that she would never be worthy of the people she was surrounded by.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? I'm dying Humphrey."

He's not sure why, but it hurts to hear her say that.

"You don't know for sure. The treatments…"

"Right Humphrey, the treatments" she interrupts, "because chemo has such a great success rate with Brainstem Glioma patients, oh no, that's right, it doesn't" she spits at him. She's angry again and she's starting to take it out on Dan Humphrey.

Dan feels his chest tighten. He knows that she's trying her best to be awful, but he sees through it. She's terrified and for whatever reason it scares him. He just lets her cry onto his shirt and doesn't say anything. They fall asleep like this.

Later on when he wakes up he realizes that she's not on the couch with him anymore.

He finds her in bed with Paul. She's curled around the little sleeping 5 year old's body and she looks so peaceful. He pulls the blankets to her shoulders and kisses Paul on his forehead.

He goes back to the couch and has a hard time falling asleep. He can't shake the look Blair Waldorf had earlier in the night. He feels sorry for her, but most of all, he feels sorry for Paul.

He falls asleep thinking of the typewriter and Blair.

If he could, he would keep Blair in this loft with him and Paul for an eternity. Tucked away like the typewriter was, in his closet all these years. Only to exist as a reassurance that they are safely with him, where no one and nothing can touch and harm them.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair has been keeping herself busy with the final preparations for Paul's birthday. She's actually feeling much better. She hasn't talked to Dan since Paul's birthday.

She's embarrassed about how she acted but really in what she said to Dan. He must think she's so petty. Crying for herself and talking about how unfair life is when ultimately it's Paul who's going to end up the most hurt at the end of it all.

She wakes up on Saturday determined to make the most of her time she has left.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The day of the party has arrived and Blair is thankful to find herself busy.

Nate and Jenny are one of the last to arrive.

Nate gives the table of food an incredulous look.

"Mac and Cheese and Sushi? Who picked the food?"

Blair glides up to them and says in the tone Nate has heard so many times in his youth, "Paul did, and if you have any words of criticism to say to my baby, I warn you Archibald, I will have you gutted and added to the menu, complete with an apple in your mouth."

She looks at Jenny, nods, "Jenny"

And then her attention is fixed on someone else and she's walking away asking a caterer where, "Where they learned how to set a table."

Nate can't help but smile as she walks away verbally abusing the hired help. He finds his wife giving him a hard look.

"What? You have to admit it's nice to see Blair acting like… well Blair."

Jenny eventually smiles, kisses Nate's cheek and says she's going to go try to find the birthday boy.

Paul is running around. He has a few friends from school and Dorota's children who have shown up for the party. He's showing them his new guitar that Dan bought for him and playing the few chords that he's already learned from Rufus.

Blair finds herself getting a little emotional watching Paul. He usually acts so serious and grown up and it's wonderful to watch him act like the child he is. She looks up and see's Dan watching her.

She gives him a little smile and he nods to her. Then he breaks eye contact and a grimace grows on his face. He's looking at something behind him. She turns around and her heart sinks a little.

It's Chuck, sans wife.

She's not sure how this is going to go, but knowing Chuck, probably not well. She walks over to him quickly and slips her hand in the nook of his arm.

"What are you doing here?" She's smiling but Chuck can see that she's not sure if she should be pleased that he's here.

"Just saying hello to the birthday boy. I really never got to meet him, Lily invited me, so I figured why not?"

Blair asks very softly, "You're not drunk are you?"

"No. Blair I'm not here to ruin your son's day."

"You'd better not be, you know all too well what I am capable of, so make sure you don't cross me, especially today."

"You don't trust me? I'm hurt" Chuck whispers into her ear playfully.

This annoys Blair and she steps in front of him and turns to face him.

"Didn't I tell you? We're the best at hurting each other. After Paul was born I promised myself that I was done destroying people but if you ruin Paul's 5th birthday, I will make an exception."

Chuck gives her a warm smile, "It's good to see you Blair."

She can't help but return the smile. "I mean it Chuck."

Chuck smirks at her, "So do I Blair, no funny business. I'm just here to meet the son of one of my oldest and dearest friends and hopefully score some cake…. and maybe a pretty caterer."

Blair cocks an eyebrow, "Oh and you're wife? I don't want any scenes here."

"Left town, filing for divorce, irreconcilable differences, you know the usual thing that happens here on the Upper East Side, why are you available?"

Blair gives him an icy glare and he knows that he has to stop baiting her.

"But seriously Blair, how are you?" He asks her softly.

Blair just crosser her arms, looks down at the ground and shrugs. "As good as to be expected."

Chuck can tell that the question has made Blair uncomfortable. "Well, how about you introduce me to your son as your first love?"

Blair scoffs and smiles and they head over to Paul together.

Dan has watched the whole thing. He's not sure of what was said but he can't help but feel annoyed at the moment they had. He knows that Blair said she wouldn't go back to Chuck, but it's like he said before, they have a strange pull on each other. It kept him a little paranoid while they were dating, though he never let her know. He tries to bury the twinge of jealousy he feels when he entertains the notion that Blair may still want to be with Chuck, but he really can't help himself.

He watches as Blair introduces Paul to his "Uncle Chuck."

Chuck puts his hand out to shake and Paul takes it. They talk for a while and it seems that Paul takes to Chuck very well. This infuriates Dan a little when he remembers how hard it was for him to get Paul to like him.

Blair announces cake time and Dan has to swallow his annoyance and smile brightly at Paul as they all gather around him to sing Happy Birthday to him.

Paul beams, knowing he is the center of attention with a bunch of the people he's recently learned is his family around him. After he finishes blowing out his candles Nate jokingly pushes his face into the cake.

Blair's face goes still and Daniel holds his breath. He knows Nate meant it as a joke but Paul's a serious kid and they don't know how he will react.

He comes up slowly, but he surprises everyone. While he was slowly raising his head out of the cake he dug his hands into the side of the cake and manages to get a glob of it into Nate's hair.

This starts a cake fight and Blair starts barking orders at everyone to stop. Chuck of course runs behind the counter, not wanting to get his suit ruined but he watches it all laughing especially when Paul manages to run his hands on his mom's brand new skirt. Dan laughs out loud at the grimace on Blair's face and that's when he notices the hand that Paul is hiding behind his back. It's too late anyways, the kid has a really good arm. Dan gets a face full of cake flung at him. When he wipes his eyes he sees Blair laughing at him.

He walks up to her and she tells him very sternly, "Don't you dare Humphrey."

He looks at her with mischief and raises a frosting covered finger and runs it down her nose.

"Sorry Waldorf, I couldn't help myself."

The penthouse is covered in cake and Blair feels sorry for the caterers. She's sure that none of them thought that being covered in French Vanilla Cake was something they were looking forward to this morning. She will have to tip them well.

Eleanor is running away from cake covered versions of Cyrus and Harold who are demanding hugs from her. Serena is pulling frosting out of her hair and Jenny is helping Nate get cake off of his face.

Paul and his friends are covered in cake. The cake is a total loss.

But that doesn't matter to Blair, not when she sees Paul laughing so hard he's rolling on the floor. So she straightens out her skirt as best as she can and announces it's time to open gifts. She cancels the football game, seeing as to how no one has an extra set of clothes to wear and they will just have to reschedule it another time.

When Nate chimes in with Paul about how unfair she's being she shoots him a look that could kill an elephant, "You only have yourself to blame Archibald."

Paul opens his gifts and afterwards they manage a very sloppy but fun photo of everyone to commemorate his 5th birthday. Everyone is covered in cake and smiling.

Blair has her arms around Serena and Dan's carrying Paul. Paul and Dan have the same grin on their face and Blair makes a mental note to add a hard copy of the photo to everyone when she writes their thank you cards.

Everyone starts to head out. Sorry they have to leave so early and clean themselves up. Dorota sends Paul and his friends upstairs into the tub to get cleaned off. They will just have to be sent home wearing Paul's clothes with notes of apologies and promises of dry cleaned garments the following morning.

Blair sighs and starts to clean up a little. She gives the caterers a generous tip, she jokingly tells them she will be reserving them for next year's party tomorrow. They walk away laughing nervously.

After everyone gets sent home it's just her, Dan, and Paul. Paul's already cleaned and is playing with his gifts.

"So, I'm wondering if you have any of my clothes still here from when we used to date."

Blair looks at him blinking.

"I mean, I don't know of any cab on the Upper East Side that will be willing to pick me up covered in cake."

Blair goes upstairs and returns with a flannel shirt and a pair of sweats. "It's all I could find Humphrey, I think the sweats actually belonged to Nate, but the flannel" she makes a bitter face as she says flannel, "the flannel I can assure you is yours."

"Okay I'm going to go get cleaned up."

When he comes down after getting cleaned up, Blair asks him to stick around and keep Paul company while she gets cleaned up. He's more than happy to do so.

When she comes down he can't help but be reminded of how beautiful Blair is. She's bald, but here she is, in silk pajamas with no hair and her face scrubbed clean of makeup and he can't help but wonder how he could have never paid attention to her before Serena.

He stays with them, until Paul falls asleep and he carries him up the stairs. After he's put him to bed he comes down to hang out with Blair for a while.

"It was a great party Waldorf"

"It was wasn't it?"

"Yeah…"

He watches as her eyes get heavy and she starts to yawn. He takes his cue to leave and gets up to gather his dirty clothes.

"Oh Humphrey, leave them, I'll send them for dry cleaning and have them delivered to you."

"You don't have to you know, I'm quite capable of cleaning my own clothes."

"It's no big deal, really."

They stand there, for an awkward moment and then Dan hugs her. He hugs her tightly and breathes in the scent of her.

"Thanks Waldorf."

"For what?" She sounds confused.

"For letting me be a part of his life."

She pulls away from him and smiles at him, "Good night Humphrey."

He turns on his heels and tells her goodnight.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**I'm not sure how I feel about the ending… But I think the rest of the chapter is okay. Thought I'd give you something that isn't so sad. It may be a while before I can update. The past two weeks have been rough. I had a death in the family so this kind of went on the back burner as I grieved and caught up in school. I have bits and pieces written out for how I want the rest of the story to go, but no defined chapter 9 written up. My apologies. **

**I hope to get caught up in school and get started as soon as I can. I enjoy writing this and I'm grateful that you all enjoy reading it.**

**Ciao!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9-

Blair and Paul head to the airport to see Harold and Roman off.

She's surprised when she finds Dan at the airport waiting for them.

"I invited him down to say goodbye and I wanted one last photo of you three before we left. I don't have a photo of Paul with both of his parents." Harold explains.

Blair, Dan, and Paul pose for a photo for Harold and Roman to take back to Paris. After Blair gives her approval for the photo she tells Roman that he better Photoshop some hair on her if he wants to make prints. He chuckles and shakes his head as he reaches into his carry on. He pushes a photo album into Daniel's hands.

"A gift for you, from Harold and me. Nothing big, but we are family now."

Dan looks down at it surprised. "Wow, ummm, thanks, I don't know what to say."

Harold and Roman just wink at Blair as she gives them a suspicious look. Then they walk through security and begin their journey back to Paris.

Blair sighs. Sad to see them go. She has always been close to her father.

"Mommy? Can we go eat now? I'm hungry." Paul asks interrupting her thoughts.

Blair looks down at her son, "Sure Puf… Paul. Where would you like to eat?"

"I dunno, Dan where would you like to eat?"

And just like that, Dan is invited to eat with them.

Blair was hoping to have a quiet night with just her and Paul and that she wouldn't have to deal with Dan. Lately she's been feeling very uneasy about it him. She can't explain it, but she remembers feeling this way before.

She's starting to feel too comfortable with him and might just start expecting him to be there for her.

Which she knows he probably won't, not again. Why would he? He did once before, it ended terribly and it was her fault.

No, she need to distance herself from Humphrey (NOT Dan) and hide behind her walls. Humphrey owes her nothing.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul has Dan ride with them in the town car back into the city. Paul is in the middle of his parents but Blair leans into the window, trying to add more distance between her and Humphrey.

Paul and Dan start looking through the photo album Roman gave Daniel.

It's an album filled of photos of all the moments Dan missed in Paul's life.

There's one of an ultra sound, followed by a photo of Harold holding Blair's hand with both of them crying while Eleanor is in the background hugging Cyrus. Dan can tell they are in a Doctor's office and Blair is further along in her pregnancy. He can make out an ultrasound on a screen and thinks this may have been when they found out that she was having a boy. When he asks Blair she doesn't even look at him or the photo. Just nods her head as she continues to look out the window.

There's another photo of Blair very pregnant, beaming, and pointing down to her stomach.

"Wow! Isn't my mom really pretty?" Paul asks Dan.

Dan looks over at Blair and says, "Beautiful."

And there it is again, that uneasy feeling starts growing in Blair's stomach. She fakes a smile and tells Paul, "Of course! You can't expect such a good looking kid to come from a hideous mother!"

This has Paul giggling and he returns to looking through the photo album.

There are a lot of photos. A photo of Blair and Paul in those first moments after birth, both tired from the ordeal they've been through but focusing their attention on each other. Blair asleep with a very fat 1 month old, Blair and Harold with Paul at a Café. Roman, Blair, and Eleanor holding Paul blowing out 1 candle. Harold crying as Paul goes off to his first day at day care. And all the other moments he missed.

When he and Paul are done looking through the photo album that's when he notices Blair leaning over and looking at the photos. She eventually joined in on viewing what photos Harold and Roman selected for Dan.

When he closes the album she looks at Paul and gives him a knowing smile, "Roman had to have made this photo album. See how every photo of him has his best angle? Why he couldn't have omitted photos of my last trimester is beyond me."

Paul smiles and Dan looks over at her, studying her. This causes her to quickly look out the window again.

She wonders what is wrong with her and why she's started to feel so uncomfortable with Dan Humphrey.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After they eat in the city Dan comes back to the penthouse to help Blair put Paul to bed. Blair would really rather Dan leave, but she can't seem to ask him to leave. She used to be so good at telling him what to do.

She excuses herself, "I'll be right back Humphrey. Nightly pill regimen." She says over her shoulder as she heads up the stairs.

While she's in the bathroom taking her medication Dan wanders around the penthouse.

He eventually finds himself in her study. He starts looking at her book collection. He finds books that he would expect to be in the possession of Blair Waldorf. Lady Chatterly's Lover, a few Jane Austen classics, some of the Bronte sisters works.

He stops as he recognizes one of the books on her shelf. It's one of his. In fact it's the book he wrote right after she left.

He pulls it off the shelf, and runs his hand over the cover.

It's about a man (a writer) who moves into an old home on the Upper East Side. The house had belonged to an enterprising young man before him. He was a playboy and captain of industry and had died in the house a year after moving into it.

It was a very odd turn of events.

The young man had been a mainstay on the social scene of New York, but soon after moving in to his new residence, he stopped going to society galas, stopped caring for his enterprise, and let his life fall into disrepair. They found him 3 days after he had died. It wasn't a gruesome death and no one could explain it. His heart simply stopped beating while he slept.

This of course made the house a very hard sell so it came cheap. The writer wasn't superstitious and the location and price was a dream come true, he would have been insane to not jump at the offer.

After moving into this home he starts to dream about a woman every night. Eventually he falls in love with this woman he dreams about. She's beautiful, with expressive brown eyes, brown wavy hair, and small bone structure. The writer starts to withdraw himself from his waking life in favor for the one that he has constructed for himself in his dreams with this woman.

One night during a storm, as he's dreaming of him and the woman in bed, he is awakened by a thunder clap and finds that he is in fact sharing his bed with a succubus.

He runs from the house screaming and starts to take up residence at a hotel in the city. He thinks about selling it, but can't bring himself to do it. He can hear the woman while he's sleeping, crying and begging him to "come home, come back to me." He wakes up smelling her. He starts to miss his dreams.

Eventually he moves back into the house, knowing full well what waits for him there. He begins to understand the young man who owned the house before him. Even though he knows the truth about the woman in the dream he doesn't care. He has to be with her. One night his heart stops as dreaming of her. The book ends with the house going on the market once again.

Yeah, it's about Blair.

Dan can't believe it's a part of her collection.

He hopes she hasn't read it, and if she has then maybe she won't tie the woman to her, but who is he kidding? She knows, Dan wasn't very subtle about it, and he dropped her name on the book's dedication page, "This story is dedicated to Blair, without you this story could have never been written." It did really well and made a few bestsellers' lists.

"There you are."

He looks up and sees Blair smiling in the doorway.

When she notices what book he's holding her smile disappears.

He instantly feels guilty. Knowing that she's read it and she knows just how far he went in demonizing her, literally.

"I would have never thought you would have this."

She smiles at him, "Well Humphrey, after how hurt and upset you were that I didn't read Inside, I didn't dare risk your anger for not reading this one." She says sarcastically.

He looks at her confused, "Did you read the whole thing?"

"Yes. I think the tone was a bit too Byronic in the story, but you're a very good writer Humphrey." She bites her lip, "It was good."

He feels helpless.

He knows that he shouldn't feel like apologizing for the story considering what she had done.

In fact when he wrote it and published it he hoped she would read it. He had hoped it would hurt her, hurt her as badly as he had been hurt by her. But as much as he hoped, he really thought she wouldn't have bothered.

Especially after reading the reviews about the book and seeing her name on the dedication page.

He looks at her guiltily, "I don't know what to say."

She meets his eyes, gives him a tight lipped smile and shakes her head. "I think you should leave Humphrey, I'm a little tired and I think I'm going to go to bed."

He nods and walks towards the elevator, feeling as monstrous as he made Blair seem in the book.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair has been ignoring Dan Humphrey's calls for the past week. She's kept up all communication between them with text messages.

"_Answer your phone Waldorf, I want to take you and Paul out for Dinner sometime this week_."

"_I'm busy this week, but Paul should be able to join you for dinner Wednesday Night. I will send him over to Brooklyn with Dorota if you like."_

"_That's fine….. but you can't ignore me forever Blair."_

She hates how petty she feels. She knows that she shouldn't hold the book against him.

She knows that she had deserved such a portrayal, but after seeing him with the book all the hurt she buried bubbled up to the surface again.

She had loved him so, and while she had been awful at the end, she still thought what they had together was precious. She understood his anger but to vilify their relationship in a novel cut her. She had thought that despite how it ended, their relationship was, for the most part, the most adult, mature, and caring relationship she had ever had.

She knows she's going to have to swallow her anger and push it out of her mind eventually. But that never came easily from Blair Waldorf. She would usually devastate someone for such an infarction, or at least have them begging for her forgiveness.

But she can't expect Humphrey to apologize, after all, she deserved the portrayal, she was awful.

Blair sighs and picks up her phone.

Again he lets the phone ring a good 6 times before he answers.

"Hi Blair."

"Hey Humphrey, what time do you want Paul at your place Wednesday night?"

"4 pm-ish sound okay?"

"Well I have a doctor's appointment that day. More Chemo." She winces inwardly as she realizes how sick she's going to be this week, "So why don't you just pick him up from school."

"Okay, I can do that, what time should I have him home?"

"Why don't you keep him for the night? I'm not feeling good as it is already and I can just imagine how much fun I will be that night."

"Are you sure?"

She closes her eyes. No she's not, she'd rather be healthy and fine and not have to spend a night alone in the penthouse away from Paul.

"Yes Humphrey, I'm quite sure." She says through tight lips.

She ends the call by hanging up on him.

In Brooklyn Dan stares at his phone for a bit and a crazy thought enters into his head. It must be hard on Paul to be shuttled back and forth between parents, especially when one is sick. Things would be easier on Paul if he lived closer to them, or even together.

But as soon as the thought enters his head, he shakes it from his mind. It's crazy. He could never live with Blair, and she would never agree to it.

He sighs; this arrangement will just have to do.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is at the dining table rolling herself a joint, when the elevator dings and Rufus walks into the penthouse with Paul in tow. She's very surprised, seeing as to how Paul was supposed to be sleeping over at Rufus's place.

She quickly gets up.

Rufus looks at her amused and tells her, "Paul missed you; he wanted to come home."

Paul eyes her suspiciously, "What are you doing?"

Blair tries to hide her stash behind her, "Oh, it's.. Oregano. Dorota had to leave and she asked that I prepare her Oregano for tomorrow's dinner".

She cringes inwardly. God she used to be so good at lying.

"Why would you be wrapping it in paper?"

"Oh you know Dorota and her ways. It's some kind of technique from Poland… yeah, but don't worry about it, I'm almost done and I can put you to bed."

But Paul can tell she's lying to him and he's not happy about it.

He turns to Rufus, "Grandpa Rufus, can you put me to bed?"

Blair looks helplessly at Rufus and Rufus is doing everything he can to hide his smile.

"Sure kiddo."

Blair stays behind as they go up the stairs.

She hears them getting Paul ready for bed. They're singing a Lincoln Hawk song.

Blair rolls her eyes. Maybe guitar lessons with someone else would be a better idea.

Rufus comes down as she's cleaning up the dining table.

"Oregano huh?"

Blair looks down embarrassed, "It's for my therapy Rufus" she says sheepishly.

Rufus flashes her a big smile and puts his hands up, "I would be the last person to judge. Just make sure Paul doesn't find out about it."

Blair can see why Lily is so madly in love with Rufus. Even with how much older he is, Blair sees that he's extremely handsome. In that middle class, charming way, just like his son.

She looks up to him. "Would you like some tea?"

"Sure."

He waits at the table as she's in the kitchen making them both tea. He watches her as she walks out and places a cup in front of him and she takes a seat across the table from him.

They sit in silence at the table. He's the first to start talking.

"You never told Daniel about me coming to see you did you?"

Blair looks up to him wide eyed. She shrugs and mutters, "It really doesn't matter now does it?"

Rufus shakes his head and he remembers how he had come to the Penthouse a few weeks after Jenny was released. Right before Blair had fled New York.

She was surprised to see him in the parlor.

"Rufus… Did Dan send you here?" She asked him hopefully.

"No. Dan doesn't know I'm here. No one does. I came here on me own. "He cleared his throat, "I came here to tell you to stay away from my family. And by that I mean everyone. EVERYONE Blair" he emphasized.

"I don't understand." And she looked confused.

"I married Lily, so Serena and Eric are my family now. Chuck is a part of my family as well. But most of all you need to stay away from Dan and Jenny. If you come near them or even try to reach out to them I will know and I will make you very sorry you ever did."

He watched as her face got hard, "Threats Mr. Humphrey? You really think you can threaten me?" she tried to sound amused.

"I mean it Blair. You're poison. Everyone you touch you destroy. Serena has suffered all these years as your best friend, you tormented Jenny all these years, made Nate miserable, and Chuck." He paused as he gathered a breath, "there's a good side to Chuck, I've seen it many times, but never when he was with you. Then there's Dan. For whatever reason you thought it was worth your time to break his heart by destroying his sister. There's a common denominator to all these people's unhappiness and that's you Blair. You profess to love these people, but you always end up destroying them. You should do everyone a favor and leave town."

He watched as the truth of what he said crashed down on her. She swallowed hard and yelled at him to leave.

As he turned to leave he saw her starting to break, he walked to the elevator slowly, wanting to make her feel uncomfortable and not wanting to give her the courtesy to fall apart alone.

He had never felt so triumphant and so horrible at the same time. When he got into the elevator he took one last look at her and saw that she believed everything he'd said.

He got into the car as fast as he could and instructed the driver to leave. Afraid that Blair Waldorf might be behind him with her angry eyes, throwing threats to ruin him and his family. He didn't doubt that she would too. He could see why Jenny had feared her all these years; he had never met someone as formidable as Blair Waldorf.

5 days later Serena came to the dinner table and announced that Blair had left town. No goodbyes, nothing. She said it blankly and sat down and stared at her food all night. Dan closed his eyes and didn't say anything for a while. When he opened his eyes, he started talking about the idea he'd been conceptualizing for his new book. It's a dark story about a man and the ghost of a woman, or a demon woman, Rufus wasn't really paying attention. They moved on and lived their lives without Blair Waldorf, but he always knew that she left a vacuum in their lives, especially Serena's and Dan's.

He's watched Serena look to her right at society galas expecting to see Blair there and then hiding her sadness when she realizes that she's not a part of her world anymore. He remembers Dan refusing to come to these events. Not wanting to be reminded of the world he once shared with Blair Waldorf. He knows he did the right thing, but he still can't help but feel sorry for them.

He comes out of the memory and looks at Blair.

"Just so you know, I didn't leave because of you." She says cautiously.

Rufus just stares into his cup of tea. It's gotten cold while he was thinking. He gets up to leave.

As he's about to reach the elevator Blair speaks up.

"Rufus… I want you to know that I won't tell Dan, if that's what you're worried about. Though I think he'd understand even if he knew, but I just want you to know that I won't say anything and Paul will never know either."

Rufus looks back at her and says, "I know."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**Hope you all like it! I'm trying to get these up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10-

Blair shows up at the release party for Dan's new book. It's held at an old speakeasy in Brooklyn. Blair remembers it as the very one that Chuck had tried to save during one of Blair's schemes against Vanessa.

The book is Dan's first real adventure outside of fiction. It's about Brookyln's old bars and a lot of it is centered on this speakeasy. Which is why it's the venue hosting his release party.

Blair's eyes immediately lock in on Serena's and she walks up to her.

"Blair! So glad you could make it. Isn't it amazing? I'm so proud of Dan!"

Blair smiles, "Yes it is."

Serena doesn't say anything and leads Blair deeper into the release party. Saying hi to everyone and introducing her to a lot of the New York's literary elite.

Blair looks around and spots Rufus and Lily. Blair makes eye contact with the senior Humphrey and he finds himself unable to hold her gaze and breaks it quickly.

Good, Blair thinks. She can't help but have felt vulnerable the last time they had encountered each other and is glad that she has the upper hand in this exchange.

"Rufus" Blair says verbally acknowledging him.

"Glad you could make it Blair" Rufus says not really looking at her.

Blair just gives him a small smile.

Lily, realizing the tension between Rufus and Blair tries to mitigate the situation.

"I can't believe Dan was able to get this book done. This has to be the longest he's ever worked on a project, well, barring Inside."

Rufus smiles down on his wife, "I got to read a small excerpt a while ago, it's brilliant. A fitting tribute to the local history that makes up Brooklyn. I really think this is Dan's best work."

Blair starts to look around the bar for Dan. Seeing as to how this is his party for his book she would like to congratulate him.

Blair spots him and notices a woman besides Dan and she can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. They are deep in conversation and Dan has hand his resting on her hip. He seems to really be enjoying her company and conversation. This must be Dan's date, his plus one Blair thinks with a great deal of annoyance.

She quickly turns her head away; making sure no one can catch her staring at Dan Humphrey and his lady.

Then she meets eyes with the last person she would have expected at this party. Or maybe she should have, considering her tendency to crash parties.

Georgina gives her a megawatt and very plastic smile, "Blair."

Blair can't help but shudder at the way her name rolls off of Georgina's tongue. Blair finds herself looking for an open window, something she can push Georgina out of.

"What are you doing here Georgina" says a voice behind her.

Serena is standing behind Blair looking fierce, like a Viking ready to defend the small brunette in front of her.

The irony isn't lost on Blair. Blair was always the one defending Serena, ready to take someone down for hurting the girl that Blair had loved so much all her life. She smiles a little to herself in spite of having to face Georgina.

"Really Serena, can't old friends say hi to each other?" Georgina says rolling her eyes.

"Blair doesn't need any of the crazy you tend to bring around you."

"Not to worry Serena, I know all too well what Blair can take and what she can't"

Blair narrows her eyes, "What do you want Georgina."

Georgina returns her gaze to Blair and says softly, "I just wanted to see you, I'd heard about.."

Blair closes her eyes, not wanting to hear about her condition, especially from Georgina.

"What is she doing here?" she hears Dan's voice demand behind her.

When Blair opens her eyes she finds herself surrounded by Serena, Dan, Jenny, Chuck, and Nate.

Georgina smiles at everyone "Wow! The whole gang is back together again! Just like old times eh? Anyways, I just wanted to fill you in with what's happened since you've been gone! So much has happened in your absence, where to start?"

"Oh! I know, let's start with Serena first. I don't know if you subscribed to the NYSpectator while you were in Paris but did you get to read that one article Serena wrote about you? We're here celebrating Dan's foray into non-fiction but I must say the most accomplished writer of history is Serena. She wrote about you leaving Manhattan and how New York was better for it, that with one less vindictive socially conscious girl the men and women of New York's elite could breathe a little easier. Granted she didn't name you in the article, but everyone in Manhattan knew who she was talking about. That article really made her popular, did you realize Blair? That Serena's career really took off after her scathing re-write of your history with her? Looks like all that time she spent with Humphrey rubbed off and she decided it was worth her while to write about her friends. Though I must admit Serena, nothing you've ever written since has been QUITE as provocative or generated as much interest."

"Georgina, that's enough." Dan steps in.

Serena is looking at her shoes and Blair can't help but feel a little stunned. Yes Blair had been awful, but it wasn't like Serena to be vindictive and to air her dirty laundry.

"Oh but Dan! I'm only getting started!" Georgina says wide-eyed. She then turns back to Blair, "You probably didn't hear about Dan's MANY exploits after you left."

"He really didn't take much time to get over you. He dated almost every woman he crossed paths with, even the one he's with now. Really Humphrey? Bringing your ex-girlfriend to meet your baby's mommy? Well I suppose we can't expect much, you are from Brooklyn after all. Come to think of it, I think, barring Jenny and Lily, you've slept with almost every woman in this room." Georgina says darting her eyes to Serena and Blair. "Not bad for lonely boy from Brooklyn, now tell us Dan, Cause I'm dying to know, who did you think was the better lay? The Waldorf? Or the Van Der Woodsen?" Georgina asks smugly.

Blair can't help but flinch. She had always suspected AND expected that Dan had seen other women after her but to have it flung in her face by Georgina was something else.

Dan looks at Blair, looks at the woman he was talking to earlier, then down at the ground.

Finally Blair intercedes, "Why are you here Georgina? Don't you have a kid to take care? Someone in your life that actually wants you around? Goodness knows there's a reason why you weren't invited here, and you want to know why? It's because you're irrelevant!"

Georgina's eyes go wide as Blair says this.

Blair can't help but feel energized and continues on, "It's been a long time since you were actually apart of this world, so I can't for the life of me figure out why you are always weaseling your way back into a group of people who can't stand you. You can't possibly be that obtuse. Let me spell it out for you. We've all become so accustomed to you, so your schemes and games are useless here. NO ONE wants you here Georgina, really, it's pathetic and I feel embarrassed for you." Blair ends with her trademarked condescending Queen B smile.

Everyone is staring at Blair as she finishes. Blair grabs Serena's hand and walks away from the group.

Serena starts to apologize to Blair about the article and Blair stops her.

"Really Serena, I'm not going to hold that against you. Anyways I won't let anything Georgina says tear us apart, especially after I've just repaired what I did before." She says squeezing Serena's hand. Serena looks at her and smiles gratefully.

"Well at least we know this party is worthwhile, I mean for Georgina to go through the trouble of crashing it and trying to wreck it" Serena says with a grin.

Blair looks back at Georgina and watches as she retreats back to the streets of Brooklyn. She shakes her head thinking about how formidable Georgina was.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Rufus is walking around talking to everyone about Dan. Blair can see the amount of pride that shines in his eyes for Dan and she can't help but feel a little sad.

They have such a great relationship, always there for each other and always supporting each other. She knows that Dan and Jenny both draw a lot of their strength from the support their father gives them.

Blair can remember a thanksgiving years ago where she found Jenny Humphrey crying because she had fought with her father.

Blair had begrudgingly admitted that she was lucky and that she was in fact jealous of the fact that Jenny and Dan had a father who cared and loved them so.

Blair doesn't hold anything against her parents, they lived in a very different world than the Humphreys, but she can remember her mom being annoyed with the burdens that came along with having a young daughter, especially one as demanding as Blair.

She had always vowed that Paul would never long for his parents the way Blair had.

Eventually a band starts to play some music. Blair goes and sits at a table and watches as a few people dance.

Chuck comes and takes the chair across from her.

"You look beautiful Blair" he whispers in that deep husky way that used to drive her mad in her youth.

She looks at him from the corner of her eye and gives him a terse, "Thanks."

He looks down and smiles to himself.

Blair looks over at him and smiles small, "Remember this place? I remember you and Vanessa working hard to save this place."

Chuck grins at her, "I do. You know Joe Kennedy was attached to this place."

Blair just looks around at the bar with an approving glance. "Yes well, it certainly does hold a certain level of charm. I'm glad that Dan's book will help in preserving spots like this."

Chuck starts to trace the grain in the wood on the table.

"I'm going to be leaving soon."

She looks up confused.

"So soon? You're usually one of the last ones to leave these events! Unless, you've managed to talk a pretty waitress into accompanying you." She teases, "Really Chuck, I would have expected by now that all the catering companies had warned their employees."

He throws a smirk at her and she's about to razz him about his taste in the hired help when he reaches for her hand and holds it up to his cheek.

"I'm leaving New York."

"But New York is your home." Blair says alarmed.

"You know that I've been expanding Bass Industries, I'm moving beyond New York. I want to make an empire across the country… Business calls Blair. I would be willing to stay though…" He adds and looks at her hopefully.

She withdraws her hand from his and starts to finger the beading on her dress, "Chuck, I… you know that can't happen."

Chuck looks off at Lily and Rufus, "Because you need a man in your life, because you need someone who will care for you. I know I'm not that man and I know that we can't love each other the same way we did as kids. I'm going to change that Blair. I'm going to get away from New York, from all of my vices so I can become the man you want and need."

Blair looks at him sadly, "Chuck… How many times do we need to go down this road? You're fine the way you are, there's someone out there for you, and it's just not me. Someone will love you for all your faults; I know there's someone out there for you Chuck."

"You mean like how Humphrey was for you?" He adds bitterly.

She's startled at the mention of Dan and looks around the room for him. She finds him and she's a bit dismayed that he's watching them intently. He doesn't look mad, but he doesn't look happy either.

She looks back at Chuck and tells him softly, "Yeah, like the way Humphrey was for me."

Chuck looks away angrily.

This time she reaches for his hand, "Chuck, I don't want to hurt you. I do love you, and I really did love you…. Completely, in my own way. It was a passionate, all-consuming love, but it wasn't healthy. I could fall back into that so easily, how could I not? It would be so easy to be Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck all over again. Only… it wouldn't be, it would be Chuck and Blair and Paul.."

"I would love Paul as my own you know this." He says to her.

And she doesn't doubt it.

"I know Chuck, but it just can't be. I don't want to hurt you, but, I don't want to be with you Chuck." she says as gently as she possibly can.

Chuck exhales loudly, "Wow. You were always the most honest one out of us, brutally honest I may add." He says with a sad smile.

Blair tries to give him a warm smile, "I'm sorry Chuck."

He looks at her, "Don't be. It's one of your most amazing qualities…. Along with a few others." He adds with a devilish grin.

Blair throws back her head and laughs. "So is it too late to buy up stock in Bass Industries?"

"Supporting my enterprise? Maybe you should wait to see how it rides out first, I mean, how can we be sure that the rest of the nation is ready for Chuck Bass?" he says in his teasing, husky voice.

"I have no doubt; you are your father's son after all." Blair reassures him.

Chuck sits there for a few more minutes, "Yeah I guess I am…. I'm as unlucky in love as he was" he says mournfully as he watches a tender moment between Lily and Rufus.

Blair feels her heart breaking. Chuck always meant to make himself worthy of the people he loved. Blair understood this all too well. She had spent so much of her life doing the same. They were really the same people and for all their good intentions in proving themselves worthy of people's love, they always did it the wrong way and ended up hurting the ones they were trying so hard to please.

"Chuck…"

He interrupts her with a grave looks, "I love you Blair, I will love you till my dying breath."

She looks away and nods, "When are you leaving? I'd like to see you off."

He turns to her, "I'd rather you not Blair, let the goodbyes stay here."

She nods slowly and understands. Chuck spent a lot of his time saying goodbye to people he loved. Why draw this one out? She can feel herself wanting to cry but manages to choke down the sob in her throat as she watches him walk up to Dan to congratulate him on the book.

He leaves a short while after and Blair can't help but feel a bit bereft, as if there is something missing. Which she knows what it is, a Chuck shaped hole in her heart.

She sits there for a while, lost in her memories of Chuck. The Limo, the time he showed up at her 17th birthday party and started to bare his heart to her, the Cotillion. There were bad moments in their time together, a lot of bad moments, but the good moments were amazing. They outshone the bad, which was why it was so hard for the both of them to say goodbye to each other.

She's so lost in her thoughts she doesn't notice Dan Humphrey taking the chair that Chuck was sitting in earlier.

"That was impressive, the way you dealt with Georgina" he says breaking her out of her reverie.

She gives him a smug smile, "It's just like riding a bicycle again Humphrey, just like riding a bike."

Dan rolls his eyes but she can't help but notice a shadow of a smile on his lips.

She remembers what Georgina had told her Dan's many conquests and her stomach drops a bit.

"So where's your date?"

Dan looks at her guiltily, "She left… Blair I… We're not…"

Blair turns to him annoyed and puts a hand up to stop him, "Really Humphrey, you don't need to explain. I really don't need to know about what call girl you're shtupping."

Dan's eyes go dark, "She's not a call girl Blair. She's actually works at the publishing firm I'm attached to."

Blair waves her hand dismissing his argument, "Whatever Humphrey, all I'm saying is I don't care. And I was being facetious, I know you can't afford call girls, and I don't know of any service that would willingly send out their employees to some drafty loft in Brooklyn."

Dan just looks at Blair and Blair can't help but feel good. She loves having the last word, especially with Humphrey. He was always so good with the tit for tat with her.

"So what did you and Chuck have to talk about?" Dan says, obviously wanting to change the subject.

Dan watches her face fall a little, "Chucks leaving New York."

Dan looks surprised, "Leaving? Why?"

"Because unlike SOME people, he sets his sights on the far horizon, rather than look out the windows of his consignment store furnished loft and longingly gaze at the Brooklyn Bridge and day dream about blondes who live out of their reach." She says exasperated.

Dan just looks away and doesn't say anything.

Blair leaves it at that.

Dan starts chuckling and she looks over at him. He's watching Serena dance with Jenny to some song the band is playing, she's being silly, but Serena can't help to look nothing but beautiful and endearing, even as she tries to goof around. She feels a little stab in her heart when she sees how happy he is as he looks at her.

She can't help but wonder if perhaps Serena was one of those many conquests Dan had in Blair's absence from the Upper East Side.

The thought saddens her and she resigns herself to the fact that they probably had. Dan was Serena's first love and for Dan, well, Serena was his first love but she was more than that. He worshipped her, there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her and there were many times that he had put himself in dangerous situations for her. Serena had a strong hold on Dan Humphrey's heart, she always would.

Blair remembers the many arguments they had when they were together about this. Blair was always ready to hear the worst. That in a moment of weakness Dan and Serena hooked up or that Dan had come to his senses and decided that he wasn't going to put up with Blair anymore. That he would be returning to the radiant blonde he had idolized so much in his youth.

Blair would never admit it to Dan but that was one of the reasons why she never read any Gossip Girl blasts or any of the Gossip columns concerning Manhattan's elite while she was in Paris. She was terrified of seeing a blast detailing Dan and Serena's eventual hook up or even marriage. That would have devastated her.

She turns her head away from the dance floor, not wanting anyone to see the jealousy that is written all over her face. She hates that she feels this way and knows she shouldn't. After all, she has no claim to Dan Humphrey. Whatever claim she had she threw away, in favor for a childish vendetta against his kid sister.

"Why don't you go out there Humphrey? Go dance with her" she says nodding her head towards Serena.

He looks at her surprised, "Obviously you've been away for far too long Blair, and I suppose you can't remember how lacking I am in the dance department."

She chuckles to herself, "You were AWFUL Humphrey! I remember feeling so sorry for Serena at Prom."

"Why aren't you dancing Blair? I remember you always forcing Nate or myself to dance with you at these galas."

"Nate was a great dancer, and you… well we all remember how awful you were at Dorota's wedding, oh my poor feet" She grimaces as she relives the memory in her head.

"So go out there and dance Blair."

"I'm not feeling well Humphrey" she says to him.

She looks out at the dance floor longingly and Dan feels himself soften up again.

They sit there silently. Watching the people dance in the little space they have between the bar and the tables. Occasionally Serena tries to get Blair to dance with her, "C'mon B! It's a party!"

"It's in a bar! In Brooklyn!" Blair yells back at Serena while laughing.

Serena walks away pouting, but she knows that she won't be able to convince her otherwise.

Blair then remembers something and reaches into her purse. She pulls out a card and a wrapped gift and hands it to Dan across the table.

Dan looks at her surprised, "What's this?"

"Oh come on Humphrey, you know I'm not tacky to not get you a congratulatory gift for your book!"

Dan sits there stunned and looks at the envelope. He opens it.

"Paul made the card. He's pretty upset with me that he can't be here tonight, but you know a bar is not the ideal place for a 5 year old." Blair says while smiling and shaking her head.

Dan is speechless. He has a hard time talking. He clears his throat.

"Oh wow. I'm… I'm so happy he thought of me. The card is amazing, I don't even…."

Blair just smiles brightly at him, "He's really thoughtful, I know Humphrey, I did my best to make sure his manners reflected the Upper East Side address he now occupies."

Dan can't help but smile at the way her face lights up when she talks about Paul.

"Well, open the gift! That one is from me. You know congratulations… nothing big." She says. She doesn't know why she suddenly feels so nervous.

He knows what it is just by the shape of it, but his breath hitches when he opens it.

"The Stranger, Albert Camus" he reads the cover out loud.

Blair leans across the table smiling. She opens the front cover and points out something.

He's not looking at what she's pointing at, he just stares at her stunned.

"Look! First Edition. I had Harold and Roman scour all of London for it on a weekend trip they took. So really you should be thanking them."

"Blair… I don't know what to say" Dan says softly.

Blair finally looks at him and their eyes meet. They can't seem to break away and it doesn't seem like any of them are breathing. She starts to feel uneasy at the way he's looking at her. Or maybe she feels uneasy at how she's staring at him, she can't tell.

"…. Usually people say thank you." Blair whispers.

"Thank you." Dan whispers.

"Now what could you two be whispering about?" comes the bubbly voice of Serena.

They both look up and see the radiant blonde beaming down at them as well as Jenny glaring at them and Rufus looking worried.

Blair sits back in her chair.

Dan clears his throat, "Blair got me an English first edition of Albert Camus's The Stranger and Paul made me a card to congratulate me."

Rufus looks the card over and glances at the book, "That was awfully nice of Paul. It really is a great card. He must get his artistic skills from your mom Dan."

Jenny is finally able to wrestle Dan away from the table and away from Blair. Blair spends the rest of the night sitting at the table feeling confused about the moment she just had with Dan.

She leaves that night and wrings her hands in the back of her town car, worried that she may be falling for Dan Humphrey again.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan has decided that since Paul wasn't able to come to the party he would throw a little get together at the loft that Paul could be a part of. Rufus, Lily, Jenny, Nate, and Serena are already there by the time Blair walks in with Paul.

They're late because Paul is in a bad mood. He didn't get his afternoon nap in and is making sure his mother knows just how tired he is.

Blair makes him come anyways, "We have to go Paul. Don't you want to congratulate your dad in person?"

Paul scuffs his shoes on the floor, "I already made Dan a card, can't we go another other time?"

Blair can't help but feel bad for Dan as he tries his best to make Paul happy at the party. But Paul won't have it.

Blair decides she's going to let Dan handle this. It's his turn to have to deal with Paul when he isn't being amazing and is instead being downright rotten. She turns her head to hide the little smile she has on her face as Dan looks up to her, his eyes imploring her to help.

She walks over to Serena, Nate, and Jenny.

"B!" Serena says warmly as she embraces Blair.

"I didn't think you were coming Blair, I thought it was just gonna be family only." Jenny says staring at Blair blankly.

Blair gives her a tight lipped smile, "Now what kind of mother would I be if I just let my child go to Brooklyn alone? I'm too afraid someone may call Child Protective Services."

"Now, now ladies, its Dan's party, let's not make an ugly scene." Nate says while giving Blair a hug.

Blair hugs him back and says in mock horror, "Scene? When have I EVER made a scene Nate?"

"Ha Ha Blair" Nate says dryly as he puts an arm around Jenny.

Blair just gives them both a dry smile and turns on her heel.

She starts to walk over to Lily and she can't help but feel better about herself.

After her encounter with Georgina, Blair is starting to feel more like herself. Granted she never wants to be the girl that destroyed Jenny Humphrey again, but she's enjoying letting her claws out a little.

"Blair! Now that blouse on you is just darling! Where did you get it?" Lily exclaims.

"It's from my mother's new collection, she let me have it, I'm sure it'll be released here shortly." Blair explains to Lily.

"Actually, that's a blouse that I designed." Says Jenny's voice behind her.

Blair looks over her shoulder at Jenny, "Really? I would have never guessed that you would have designed this. I mean with it not having any kind of black or leather in it you can understand why I didn't put you and this blouse together. I must hand it to you Jenny Humphrey, you're skills have greatly improved under the tutelage of my mother, bravo."

Jenny gives her a small smile, "I'm going to take that as a compliment Blair."

"And you should" Blair emphasizes with false sweetness.

She turns back to Lily and sees Rufus has joined them, listening to the exchange between Blair and Jenny.

"Blair" Rufus says politely. But his eyes show her that he's angry at her. Angry that Blair is still trying to make Jenny feel small.

Blair can't help but feel a little ashamed of herself.

"Hello Rufus" she says cautiously.

Lily noticing the tension between Blair and Rufus can't help but ask, "Alright that's it! What is going on between you two? The past few weeks you have been avoiding each other and when two interact it's like watching a tense exchange between South Korea and North Korea! What is going on?"

"Nothing" Rufus and Blair snap at Lily at the same time.

Blair collects herself and smiles at Lily, "Really Lily, nothing." She turns to Rufus and Jenny, "Rufus you look well, and Jenny, you really did a great job with this blouse, I wouldn't be wearing it if the quality was any less than superb, and that is a genuine compliment."

Jenny and Rufus stare back at Blair with wide eyes.

Blair smiles at them, "Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I should go and rescue Dan from Paul's bad mood."

She walks off leaving triumphant and leaves behind a stunned Jenny and Rufus. Lily shakes her head and smiles. She knows that something is not right between Rufus and Blair, she just wishes she knew what it was.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rufus raises his glass at the dinner table.

"I'd like to give a toast to Dan, for his extraordinary book, and I'd also like to say thanks to Blair for bringing my extremely handsome and equally talented grandson Paul."

Everyone cheers to this and Blair can't help but smile when she sees Paul smile at his grandfather.

The rest of the dinner passes on but Paul fidgets in his seat.

"Paul, you're manners!" Blair scolds him softly.

Paul just looks down at his lap.

Any attempts at making Paul talk are futile and Blair knows that she needs to take Paul home. But she feels bad knowing how eager Dan was to celebrate with Paul. She tells herself that after desert she will take Paul back to the penthouse to get his well-deserved sleep.

Paul however doesn't make it to desert and his behavior deteriorates.

"Stop it Paul! You know better than to act like this when you are a guest in someone's house!" Blair scolds him loudly.

"Blair it's okay" Dan says softly.

Blair throws him a look that would have had him taking a step back in his younger years.

"No it's not! I didn't raise him to act like this." She turns to Paul, "You need to behave! Tell everyone you're sorry! This is your family after all!"

Rufus chimes in, "Maybe he'd feel a little more at ease and like we are family if you didn't hide him from us for 5 years."

Everyone in the room stops.

Blair's eyes are wide and she's still turned to Paul. Everyone watches as she sharply inhales.

Dan already knows however this ends, it's not going to be well.

Blair's anger was never loud and explosive like a volcano; it was controlled and precise, like a pressure cooker and you could almost see the damming words forming in her head.

She turns towards Rufus and narrows her eyes.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have given me the idea to run Rufus."

Rufus's eyes go big.

Paul realizing the shift in the room tenderly takes his mom's hand and stares down the Humphrey's with her.

"Wait what?" Lily asks.

"Yeah, what do you mean Blair?" Dan asks very confused looking between Blair and Rufus.

Blair flippantly says, "Ask him." Then she turns to her son, "I'm sorry Paul, we can leave, and we're going now!" and storms out of the loft with a very scared looking Paul following.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair has already put Paul to bed and she's ready to get herself into her own bed when she hears the ding of the elevator.

She walks down the stairs thinking that perhaps Dorota has come back to grab something she might have left.

She stops half way down the stairs as she sees the familiar mess of dark curly hair waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.

He looks upset and watches her as she descends the rest of the stairs.

"Dan, it's late and Paul's already sleeping…"

"Why didn't you tell me" he interrupts her angrily.

She crosses her arms, instantly defenseless, "When should I have told you Dan? Anyways it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter? I didn't get to see my son for damn near 5 years, didn't even know he existed and you're going to tell me it doesn't matter?"

"Yes Humphrey! Why does it matter? Whoever gave me the idea to run doesn't matter, because I'm the one who did it! And how was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey Brooklyn, long time no see, sorry about destroying your sister, here's the son you never knew existed, play nicely now! Oh and by the way, your dad who you idolize so much, can be quite an ass, he threatened me and told me to leave New York.'" She ends mockingly.

"Aren't you even sorry for how difficult this is for us? For Rufus, for me, for Jenny, for Paul?" Dan shouts.

"I can't count how many times I've apologized to everyone since I've been back and I'm not going to do it anymore. I've let you all tell me how horrible I am and was but it ends here Dan! Remember YOU shut your door on me! It wasn't the other way around! This is hard on you? Think of how devastating it was on me! To run away from everything and everyone I loved? And you think you can come to my house and yell about how difficult this is for you and I will continue to accept the role of villain? Fuck you Dan!" Blair yells back at him.

"My sister almost died because of you" Dan shouts hoarsely.

"Mommy?" comes a voice from the top of the stairs and Blair whips her body around to see a very tired and confused 5 year old boy watching her. "Did you hurt Aunt Jenny?"

Dan watches as Blair's face crumples and she holds back tears. She looks terrified and vulnerable and Dan feels some of his anger slip away.

"Yes, I did. I was a very bad person before and I hurt your Aunt Jenny, I'm really sorry baby." Blair whispers.

Paul looks down at his mom and doesn't say anything.

"That's why I'm here, to make things better for you, for her, for everyone" Blair says as she starts to go up the stairs.

Paul watches as his mother makes it up the stairs, "I'm going back to sleep." and turns and runs back to his room and closes the door on her.

Blair stands outside of his door for a while and then heads back down the stairs. Dan stands there waiting for her.

"Do you want any tea?" she asks not looking at him, exhausted by what had just happened.

"Yeah" he replies.

He follows her into the kitchen and leans against the counter as she makes tea. He doesn't say anything to her until she puts a cup in front of him.

"Where you ever planning on coming back or telling me?" he asks softly.

He watches her shoulders slump and she looks at him with the most defeated look he's ever seen on Blair Waldorf's face.

"I tried to call you a couple of times but I lost my nerve. Then I thought I'd email you, but I could never seem to hit send." She takes a sip, "Regardless of what you may think Humphrey, it really wasn't easy for me."

"It wasn't easy for me either when you left" Dan whispers.

"I know just how hard it was for you when I left Dan." Blair says bitterly, referring to what Georgina had said at his release party.

Dan looks down and he's not sure why he feels so guilty about that. "Blair I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry about what my dad said, he should have never done that and you should have never run."

Blair puts her head into her hands and Dan's afraid that she may have started crying.

Just as he's about to reach out to her she looks back at him wearily, "Dan, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Let yourself out whenever you're ready to leave."

He watches her walk all the way up the stairs and into her room. He stands in the parlor for a few more minutes thinking about what had happened that night. Eventually he sighs and heads towards the elevator.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**My sincerest apologies in the delay in getting this chapter out guys. Really I am so sorry. I do read the reviews and I did have to sit back and agree that Blair was a little ooc….. dare I even say, a little pathetic? So I had to rewrite chapters. This one was excruciating because I changed it so many times. In fact I'm really not happy with the way it ends but I can't think of another way to end this chapter. And to tell you the truth, I have many more chapters to rewrite hahahaha so I've given up on this chapter.**

**I know a lot of people may not like how much time I spent on Chuck and Blair but let me assure you, I am definitely a Dair shipper but I do have a great deal of respect for Chair and think that they should be handled respectfully. I hope I don't get too many negative reviews for it. *fingers crossed***

**Enjoy guys and thanks for reading. I'm going to continue working on this, but who knows when I'll get the next chapter out.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11-

Blair wakes up and groans. Considering last night's events she wishes she could crawl under the covers and hibernate. But she can't. She has to help get Paul up for school. It's the last two weeks before school is out.

Paul.

Blair bites her lip as she thinks about the look Paul gave her after she admitted that she had hurt Jenny. He looked crestfallen and disappointed. Blair hates that she was the one to disappoint Paul.

She gets Paul ready and tries to get him to talk to her but he ignores her. On the way to school he sits as far from her as he possibly can and when she tells him she loves him and wishes him a good day at school, he just looks at her and curtly nods his head as he flies out the door of the town car.

Blair starts to get angry and wordlessly damns Rufus, Dan, and Jenny. She should have never left Paris. If she had stayed in Paris she could have lived her last days in the careful and safe world that she had constructed. With no threat of Paul knowing what she was like before.

It's only as she feels the pain in her palms does she realize that she is clenching her fists tightly. She relaxes her hand and looks at the crescent indentations each of her fingernails have left on her palms.

She sighs.

She knows that she can't only blame them. She has as much to play in Paul finding out about what she had done to Jenny as Rufus did or Dan. She should have never outed Rufus like that in front of everyone and Rufus should have never pushed her towards it. They were all to blame for this.

She sits in the back of the town car hating herself as much as she hates Rufus Humphrey.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is angry. Scratch that she's seething and her poor driver is feeling the brunt of it.

They have been sitting in Manhattan's traffic for well over 20 minutes. She looks at her watch and realizes that she's 10 minutes late to pick up Paul from school.

"Honestly, I thought I paid you to drive, NOT to take me through Manhattan's most congested streets! Where did they find you?" Blair snaps at the driver through the partition.

"Very sorry ma'am. I am trying to get us there as soon as possible." The driver says shakily.

"Don't try, DO!" Blair yells back and raises the partition.

They finally arrive at Paul's school 25 minutes late. Her heart sinks a little as she sees no children waiting by the curbside to be picked up.

She figures this is because she is 25 minutes late and rushes into the school, hoping to find Paul waiting in his classroom for her after he realized that she was going to be a little late. He had done it before in Paris whenever she was running behind.

Paul's not there. She's told by his teacher that he got a ride with this friend. He had told her he would have them drop him off at his parent's home. The teacher didn't think anything of it considering the child had ridden in Paul's town car before and Paul had ridden with him before as well.

Blair thanks the teacher and comes out to the car.

She knocks on the partition when she gets in. It takes the driver a few moments before he lowers it.

"We were late, so he's already gotten a ride home from one of his classmates. Now can I trust you to get me back to my penthouse in a timely manner? Or should I call your employer and let them know how incapable you are with the easiest routes in Manhattan?" She says very slowly and calculated, letting him soak in her threat and animosity.

"No ma'am, I'll get you there as soon as possible." The young driver says with a quivering voice.

Blair raises the partition and sits back in her seat with a huff.

Much to the driver's credit he gets her back to her penthouse quickly and she decides that she's verbally castrated enough. When he opens the door for her she doesn't acknowledge him and walks past him to the door to her building.

She could give him a harder time, but she decides that she's terrified him enough and lets the poor boy off.

She rushes up to the Penthouse and when the elevator door opens she's already calling for Paul.

Dorota greets her, "Miss Blair? Paul is not with you?"

"No! He's supposed to be here, we were late and he got a ride from one of his friends, he hasn't arrived yet?" Blair says, worry creeping into her voice.

"No Miss Blair, Paul has not come home yet" Dorota says, her eyes reflecting the same worry that is in Blair's voice.

"Maybe he's with his friend, I'm going to go call his mom" Blair hurries to her telephone book to find the number of the mother of the friend that Paul hitched a ride with.

Her hands are shaking as she dials the number into the phone and she closes her eyes, mentally pleading that Paul is there with them.

Her eyes snap open as the other line is picked up. "Mrs. Carlton, Hi, Blair Waldorf, Paul's mom? Doing well. I'm actually calling in regards to Paul. I understand that he hitched a ride with you, I'm terribly sorry about inconveniencing you, my driver went down the wrong roads and we ended up in the worst traffic, is Paul there?" Blair starts to frown and Dorota finds herself getting even more worried.

"Brooklyn? He asked to be dropped off in Brooklyn? His dad's house?" Blair sighs, "Well thank you very much Mrs. Carlton. Yes I will see you around the school sometime."

Blair hangs up and quickly calls Dan's number.

He's at his publishing firm meeting with his editor about his new project and ignores the call from Blair. When he feels the buzz alerting him to the text message he's received he steps out puzzled.

"Could you please make sure Paul is ready to be picked up? I'm going to be heading over to the loft to come get him."

He calls her not understanding her text message.

She picks up on the first ring, "Humphrey." She snaps.

"Blair, I'm not at the loft, what do you mean Paul is there?"

He can hear the panic in her voice as she tells him what's happened.

"Okay, okay, calm down, does he have a cell phone we can reach him at?" Dan asks hopefully.

"No he doesn't have a cell phone Humphrey! He's 5! If he had a cell phone don't you think you would have had his number by now?" Blair shrieks, her voice bordering on hysteria.

Dan feels his chest tighten with worry, "Okay, I will head over to the loft, I'm closer anyways, just sit tight at the Penthouse just in case he's decided to go home since I'm not there."

"Dan… he's only 5, and I was really late picking him up, you don't think….." Blair can't even bring herself to say it.

Dan shuts his eyes and tries to reassure her, "No, let's not go there Blair. Let's try to be rational. He's a really bright kid and I don't see him running off with strangers."

Blair just nods her head, "Yeah, he is." She ends the call and sits on her couch with her phone and hands in her lap.

15 minutes later Dan is calling her.

"Is he with you?" Blair demands in to her phone.

"No, he wasn't here; he's not at the penthouse?"

"No" Blair chokes out.

"Alright, I'm on my way over, call everyone you know to see if maybe he went to see them, I'll call Rufus, I 'll be right there Blair, don't worry, we'll get through this together." He ends the call and Blair immediately calls Serena, Eleanor, Cyrus, and even Georgina. Not wanting to leave any stone unturned.

Paul is not with any of them. In fact he's with Jenny.

Jenny had come by the loft to drop off a few suits to Dan that she had tailored for him. He would be doing a few readings and she wanted to make sure he looked his best. She found Paul sitting outside the door of the loft and was very puzzled.

"Paul, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Dan after school. My mom was late in picking me up so my friend's driver dropped me off."

"Does your mom know you're here?" Jenny asks incredulously.

Paul just looks down at the floor and shrugs.

Jenny sighs, "Well come on in kiddo, I'm going to drop these clothes off and I'll take you home"

Paul looks up at her with pleading eyes, "Can we please go get something to eat? I'm really hungry."

Jenny looks down at him and nods slowly, "Okay, we can do that, but I need to make sure I call your parent's okay?"

Paul just looks away quickly and then gives her a small nod.

While in the cab Jenny tries to call Nate or Lily to ask for Blair's number but none of them are answering.

Odd.

When they get to the restaurant Paul has chosen she sits them down and after they've ordered she calls Dan.

He picks up on the first answer, "I was just about to call you"

Jenny can hear the worry in his voice "Is everything okay?"

"Paul's missing, he wasn't at school and.."

"He's not missing Dan, he's with me."

"With you? How?" Jenny can hear the relief in his voice and can hear Blair in the background grilling Dan with questions.

"I went by your loft to drop off your suits. He was waiting in the hallway outside the door. He said he came to see you. He asked me to take him to eat, I've just ordered for him, when we're done I'll bring him to the loft."

"No, bring him to the penthouse, I'm here and Blair is sick with worry."

"Okay" Jenny says begrudgingly, then she lowers her voice, "Dan, he seems really upset today."

Dan sighs, "I went to the Penthouse last night, after Rufus told us what he had done and got into an argument with Blair. We ended up shouting and Paul overheard everything, even the part about you."

Jenny bites her lip. She had threatened to tell Paul about Blair once but she hadn't meant it. She never wanted to hurt Paul like that.

"I see."

"Jenny…. Blair wants to speak with you" Dan says as he hands over his phone to Blair.

"Jenny, is Paul okay?" Blair demands.

"He's fine Blair, really, you don't have to worry, he's just waiting on his dinner."

"Where are you at, I'll come to you."

"I think you should probably stay put. He seems pretty upset."

"Okay" Blair says slowly, "Can I talk to my son then?" Blair is starting to sound angry.

"Look, I don't think that's a very good idea right now. I'm sure he's really angry at you, why don't you just let me have dinner with him and try to get him to cool down a bit? You don't have to worry; I will bring him home to you as soon as we're done eating."

"Okay" Blair says. Jenny can't help but note how small her voice is and she hangs up.

She turns her attention back to Paul. He's watching her very carefully.

"You know you should have told your mom, she was really worried."

"I don't care!" Paul exclaims but he looks unsure.

Paul and Jenny talk throughout dinner. They talk about what had happened.

"Is that why you hate my mom?" Paul asks softly.

Jenny inhales sharply, so much for civility in front of Paul.

"No, I don't hate her. I did before, for a very long time, but I don't hate her anymore." Jenny answers truthfully.

Paul just looks at her, like he's studying her.

"Paul, you're mom…. She's complicated, very complicated. She wasn't the nicest person to know once upon a time, but then something in her changed."

Paul perks up, "What? What changed?"

"I think it was you, Paul. Having you changed her and made her want to be a better person. And your mom can be a very good person, I've seen it before," Jenny hates that she's admitting this.

"Yeah, but…." Paul starts.

"I don't know if me and your mom will ever be friends, but I do respect her Paul, she's your mom." Jenny says begrudgingly.

"But what about Grandpa? And Dan?"

"Your Grandpa Rufus is very sorry for what happened. Dan doesn't hate your mom at all. I don't think ever really did." Jenny adds softly. "Paul, you can't judge your mom by what she was before. Enjoy what she is now, she's trying…" Jenny bites her lower lip, "she's really trying Paul, I think it's time for all of us to recognize that." She adds softly.

Paul looks down at his hands and nods slowly.

Jenny decides to change the subject. They talk about Dan.

Finally she asks Paul something that's been bothering her, "Paul" she says softly, "You call me aunt Jenny and Nate uncle Nate, and even Chuck is uncle Chuck, Rufus is grandpa, but why do you still call Dan by his name? Why not Dad?"

Paul just stares at his desert and mutters, "I dunno."

"Do you still feel uncomfortable with him?" Jenny asks.

Paul just shrugs, "Do you think he wants me to call him dad?"

"Only if you want to, but yes I do…. I think it's important to him….. I think it's important to your mom too." Jenny says gently.

Paul looks up to Jenny sadly and nods his head a little.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Jenny eventually gets him back home where his parents are waiting for him.

Blair hugs him with tears in her eyes and gently reprimands him for going off and not telling her. Dan tells him not to do it ever again.

Before Jenny leaves the penthouse Blair looks at her and Jenny can see the gratitude in her eyes.

Blair never says thank you and Jenny doesn't hold it against her. She is Blair Waldorf after all and gratitude was never her strong suit. As she descends in the elevator Jenny leans against the back wall feeling exhausted and sad. Exhausted at constantly trying to hate Blair Waldorf and sad that Paul will be losing her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Everyone is at Paul's end of the year showcase for his school. He has told everyone to come and that he has a very special performance for his mom.

Blair is a little perplexed when Rufus joins Paul onstage during his portion of the showcase.

Rufus helps Paul with his guitar and slings his guitar on him as well.

"My grandpa Rufus taught me how to play this song; this song is for my mom." Paul says shyly.

The whole auditorium awws.

Blair almost starts crying when she hears them playing Moon River. Paul tries to sing the song but he hasn't learned all the words yet. No big deal because Rufus helps him and chimes in whenever Paul falters at the words.

Which is a good thing, Paul may have been blessed with good manners and great talent as a guitar player, but he has no business singing.

After they're done Blair realizes that her eyes are wet and she gives Rufus a small smile.

It's a small smile. Not a grand gesture, but an indication that she is willing to move past the ugly incident that happened between them. Rufus finds himself exhaling a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

The auditorium erupts in loud applause for Rufus and Paul.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul has been out of school and enjoying his summer break for 3 weeks now.

Blair is helping him get packed for his trip with Eleanor and Cyrus to visit Harold and Roman. Blair bites her lip wishing she could go with him, but she's been feeling so awful with her treatments that her doctor has recommended she stay home. The stress of traveling will compromise her already compromised immune system.

Paul is a bundle of excited energy. He's excited to get back to Paris and to see his old playmates.

Blair cries after he gets through security. Dan puts his arm around her and pulls her into an embrace.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair has decided to host a little get together at her house. To congratulate Dan for making the Bestseller's list and to wave off Serena. She is going off to California to visit her brother on the set of his new movie.

Nate asks if Jenny can come and Blair agrees to it, a little begrudgingly. But she resigns herself to the fact that Jenny is now a permanent member of her group.

Dan is the last to show up and when he does he finds them all stoned, Nate having found Blair's stash. Blair hands him a joint and tells him it's a part of her therapy.

"Indulge me Humphrey." Blair says giggling.

"Okay, here we go, front runners for parents of the year." Dan says dryly before inhaling long and deep.

Blair, Jenny, Serena, and Nate are rolling on the floor laughing.

"Wow Blair, this stuff is REALLY good!" Nate exclaims after another hit.

"You should know Archibald!" Blair says giggling.

"No really, maybe I should get into the medical marijuana business!"

"I can see it now, Archibald Dispensaries!" Serena says jokingly.

"Hahaha, Maybe you should Nate, you and Chuck would be quite knowledgeable from what I can remember of high school" Dan chimes in.

"Hahahaha, Yeah I can have Chuck finance it, have my dad come up with the business strategies."

"Chucks money and the captain's business savvy, what would you be there for?" Jenny says kissing Nate's nose.

A goofy grin spreads across Nate's face, "I'll do product knowledge and quality assurance." Nate says in-between puffs. "Someone has to verify that we are putting out a good product. That and I'll put advertisements into the NYSpectator."

Everyone laughs.

They get hungry and order Pizza. One pizza for each person. Blair orders gourmet for herself. Dan can't help but smile at the memory of her ordering gourmet pizza, once upon a time.

Nate starts to talk about Jenny's new line. Eleanor has encouraged Jenny to make a name for herself and expand her horizons. Jenny is working on designs.

"Oh do tell!" Serena squeals.

"You'll see soon enough, I'm going to be launching it in the fall at Fashion Week."

Blair almost chokes on her pizza.

"Really? Wow! Fashion Week is huge! Do you think you're ready?"

"Yes Blair, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think I was" Jenny says rolling her eyes.

Blair nods slowly, "Well I'm sure my mom wouldn't be encouraging you if you haven't shown great improvement and refinement. Congrats."

Jenny flashes Blair a sly smile, "Just stay away from my models this time okay Blair?"

Blair takes a bite of her pizza, "Don't give me any ideas little J" she says with a mouthful.

Everyone breathes out a little relieved that while tenuous, Blair and Jenny have come to some kind of agreement and they can be polite and civil and they can poke at each other a little without world war 3 breaking out.

When everyone goes home, Dan is left in the Penthouse with Blair. He's still stoned. He helps put Blair to bed and she's giggling and tells him he should probably stay and sober up. He lays down next to her on the bed and they talk about the past.

"Remember when you married that Prince? His accent was so horrible, what accent was that? Where was that accent from?"

"Hahahaha. That was a disaster! Remember when I walked in on you and Georgina in our dorm room?"

"Ugh, don't remind me! Remember when you asked me to take you to that one college party at NYU?"

"Haha yes! That's when I knew that I had reached bottom, begging cabbage patch to take me to a party"

"Oh it wasn't that bad!"

"Isn't that where you and Georgina hooked up?"

"Ugh, okay, it was that bad." and so on until they both fall asleep.

He wakes up later on in the night when he hears Blair retching in the bathroom. He goes in and asks her if she's okay, she meekly nods yes.

He jokes around, "Normally I would be chivalrous and hold your hair back…."

But stops when he sees that she's in no mood to joke around.

She's biting her lip and she looks like she might cry. He rubs her back, but he doesn't dare tell her it's okay. He knows it would be a lie. She never cries though. Not a single tear. Just sits there on the floor, angrily looking into the toilet.

Eventually he gets her back into bed.

He's about to head out the door when she says, "Dan, stay. I don't want to be alone tonight."

Dan does, because ultimately, he's never been able to say no to someone in need. Especially when the person in need was a snarky Upper East Side princess who could have the saddest eyes.

He lays down next to her and watches her until she falls asleep.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Well it's May and I'm still working on this fan fiction. I dunno how regularly I will be able to update and really, I didn't want to post this chapter without working on it more, but I just figured I should get it up already. **

**BTW, can we just take a moment to revel in the fuckery (Please excuse the language, or don't, my Fic is rated M) that was the season finale? To be clear, I was expecting Dair to break up. Even hoping for it just so that they could reconcile sometime next season (preferably last episode or so for endgame). I was hoping it would be Blair who would mess up and have to fight for Dan like he had done all season. I was even okay with the prospect of Dan having sex with Serena because he BELIEVED Blair had run back to Chuck. I figured it would give us some good angsty episodes in the fall, a la what Sophie Bee had written in Mad World (I believe that's the title). **

**But nope, I don't know what the writers were thinking but we were given this really awful, character assassinating episode that leaves me scratching my head asking, "WHERE DID THAT EPISODE COME FROM?" Remember when Blair talked about Chuck selling her out for a hotel? Then she runs to him and profess her love for him on the roof of the very hotel he tried to sell her for? LOL writers!**

**Alright, end rant. Please read and review. Thanks. **


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12-

Nate ends up having Blair write a fashion blog.

Jenny isn't too happy about this, her fashion show is debuting around the same time and she's afraid of Blair's critique, as she should be. Impressing Blair is going to be difficult... very difficult.

Nate reassures Jenny, tells her he has faith in Blair, but he says it almost like he's trying to convince himself.

But Jenny's fashion show happens, and the response to it is positive.

At the dinner celebrating the fashion show, Eleanor asks Blair what she thought of Jenny's foray into fashion as her own designer. Everyone quiets and looks on at Blair with dread, terrified of what she may say. Blair was always honest, especially when it came to fashion.

Blair daintily wipes her mouth. She doesn't look at Jenny as she says, "Well, I think the designs were very on point. Clean lines, a collection that appreciates the absurdity of art and yet relevant to the everyday woman. However, I can't say much for the color palette." She says with disdain.

Eleanor snorts and raises her glass, "Here, here! To the evil dictator of taste! Jenny you should be proud, you didn't get a scathing review! I'm sad to admit that many of my shows have been commented on by Blair, and they were bad enough to have me running to my studio with the intention of burning all my designs." Eleanor says playfully. "I can only be thankful that she didn't have a fashion column in a well-read paper while I was designing." Eleanor ends taking a sip of her glass.

She turns to Blair playfully, "And do remember dear, Nate went out on a limb giving you this column and he does have to sleep next to Jenny, so, let's put away our old prejudices, shall we?" she ends raising her eyebrows and looking at Nate and Jenny from the corner of her eye.

Blair turns to her mother and gives her a knowing smile, "Really Eleanor, I have no idea what you're talking about."

No one is sure how to take this.

Dan finds himself wishing Serena was there. Because if there was someone who could gauge what Blair was thinking it would be Serena. He could watch Serena's nonverbal cues after Blair' responses; if she rolled her eyes he knew that Blair was just being rude as always or if she gave Blair a knowing smile he knew that Blair was being cheeky…. And rude as always.

But Blair does write about Jenny's show. It's the focal point of her first article. She compares Jenny to something reminiscent of Alexander McQueen's work, yet the lines of her clothes reflect the time she spent under Eleanor's tutelage and she doesn't rely on the theatrics of Alexander McQueen in her designs. Dan saves the article and frames it for Jenny.

Nate mounts the article on the wall, but Jenny takes it down and puts it in a closet. She's not there yet with Blair Waldorf, that will take time, but deep down she holds the article dear to her heart. She had tried so hard in her youth to get Blair Waldorf's approval.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is at the doctor's office waiting to see if her treatment is working. Paul will be returning in three days from his vacation from Paris. She planned it out this way.

She would find out what the news was, come what may, without Paul there. If it was good, then good, if it was bad, well then she would have three days to grieve. Three days to figure out what to do with what time she had left. She would stop chemo if it wasn't helping. There was no point to being this sick if this wasn't going to help her.

The doctor comes in and Blair is irritated that she can't read him.

He methodically puts the scans up and uses his pen to point to her brainstem.

"Well…. It looks like what we've been doing is a bit promising."

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. All the money that Chuck Bass could spend and this doctor can't come up with a more eloquent way to tell Blair that the news is good.

"….So…. So….. What does this mean?" Blair asks unbelievably hopeful.

The doctor turns to her sheepishly, "Well, you're not cured, I'm not sure there is such thing as a cure with this type of treatment, but you're responding well….. 40% reduction in the mass." He says proud of himself as he taps on the faint mass on her brainstem.

Because it was all his doing. He spent all the nights worrying about Paul and retching up hopes and dreams into a toilet.

"…. What do you mean? Am…. I'm doing well?" Blair asks with tears in her eyes.

"Now, now. Not well. But you came to me and told me you wanted time, well Ms. Waldorf, I think we can safely say that we've bought you some time. You know this type of cancer is very aggressive and the life expectancy…." He prattles on about statistics but Blair doesn't hear him.

She looks at the image in front of her with gratitude. Thankful that regardless of how awful she has been in her past, karma has decided to give her some time…. Who knows how long? But she has time and that's all that matters.

"So, can we stop treatment then?" Blair asks hopefully.

"Oh no! No! You're responding well to treatment so I want to pursue this. We're going to go as far as we can with this. I would like to get you down to at least 90% remission." He says while admiring the image on display.

Blair can't help but be disappointed. She didn't' know what she expected but she had hoped that come what may she would be told that there would be no more need for chemo.

She gathers herself and takes in a shaky breath, "Of course doctor. I want time."

The doctor seems to pick up on her mood and turns to her sympathetically.

"Ms. Waldorf, I'm being very cautious here, but I'm the best in my field, and I can tell you without a doubt you are by far responding the best out of every other Glioma patient I've ever treated."

Hope springs in Blair, "Of course, Thank you…. Thank you so much Doctor!"

She listens on as she talks to her about what she can expect in the next couple of months. Blair barely listens and nods her head dutifully.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

She walks out of the doctor's office wondering who she should call. She decides she should call the very person who made sure she made it this far. She calls Chuck.

"Blair." Chuck says and she can hear the rustling of sheets as he hurriedly gets up.

Blair smiles, something's never change.

"Chuck… I've got great news."

He doesn't answer.

"I'm not cured… But I'm better. There's some hope…." She stammers, "You've bought me time Chuck! Oh Chuck! I can't even express how grateful I am!"

He draws in a shaky breath and she hears a woman asks, "Chuck what is it?"

Blair immediately recognizes the voice. It's Raina Thorpe. Blair can't help but roll her eyes and shake her head.

She hears Chuck whisper, "It's Blair.."

"Blair…. So what does this mean?"

"It means I'm a lot better than what I was before Chuck… it means I may have bought myself another year with Paul… who knows how much time I have? It means it's working Chuck…. You promised me you would get me the best help and ….. I'm getting it."

"Blair… I'm, I'm so happy, I don't… I don't" Chuck starts.

"It's okay Chuck… I know I caught you at an inopportune time." Blair says teasingly.

"Well we were always known for our bad timing weren't we?" He chuckles.

"We were… Tell Raina I say hi." Blair says warmly and ends the phone call.

Blair calls Serena next.

"B!.. I have so much to tell you!" Serena exclaims upon answering the call.

Blair breaks down right then and there. While she's waiting for her driver to pull up to the curb she puts her head into her hands and starts crying.

Serena instantly starts to panic. "B! What? Tell me! Oh god! Okay, don't worry! I'm going to buy a ticket home now!"

"No…. It's good" Blair says as she gulps for air.

"Good?" Serena asks timidly.

"Yes! Good! 40% reduction! Serena, It's not a cure, but I think I'm getting better." Blair cries.

She gets into the back of her car just as she hears Serena start to bawl.

They both talk about how happy they are… Then Serena tells her about the man she has just met.

"He's older. Much older. But we're in love! B! I haven't felt this way since….." and she doesn't finish her thought. She doesn't have to. Blair understands all too well the Humphrey appeal.

"He sounds lovely S. Oh I want to meet him!" Blair says smiling.

Serena promises she will. Blair ends the call telling her she has to tell Eleanor and Harold.

"I love you Blair… You don't know how happy you've made me" Serena says.

"I love you too Serena." Blair says as she ends the call.

She calls everyone else she can think of. Even Nate.

Jenny shoots her a text later. "_Nate told me about your news, I'm glad."_

Civil and perfunctory, Blair smiles to herself knowingly. "_Me too."_ She texts back.

The last person she calls is Dan Humphrey.

He sounds genuinely happy for her, of course he is. Dan Humphrey was always sincere with her.

He decides to take her out, to a celebratory dinner. Just them, after all, Jenny and Nate are in Hudson visiting his mom, Rufus and Lily are in the Hamptons (Rufus saying that if Paul isn't in the city, he has no reason to stay there for the summer), Chuck in Chicago, and Eric and Serena in Montecito.

They celebrate the upcoming return of Paul to New York and her great news with two bottles of wine. Dan Humphrey insists on paying for dinner. "Alright, but if you can't pay the electric bill in that drafty loft, don't blame me, I offered to get this one Humphrey." Blair teases.

After dinner Dan follows Blair out of their Taxi and goes up to the Penthouse. They giggle and talk about Paul the whole way up the elevator ride. He's not even sure of what he's doing or why he's going up to the penthouse. The only thing he knows is that he doesn't want to leave her just yet and it seems to be mutual.

Blair laughs and reaches over and squeezes his hand as he tells her a funny joke.

He looks at her surprised. She withdraws her hand and looks down embarrassed, "Sorry Humphrey, I forgot myself for a moment… Felt like old times.." She trails off, mortified.

Dan grabs her hand and squeezes it back, "It's quite alright Waldorf, you were always "handsy" with me."

She flashes him a grateful smile.

The elevator door opens to the Penthouse and they are greeted by a flustered Dorota.

Blair snatches her hand out of Humphreys, "What is it?" she snaps.

"Someone here to see you Miss Blair." Dorota says quietly, keeping her eyes at the space between Dan and Blair's hands.

They walk into the foyer, "Well, who is it?" Blair demands.

"Blair?" comes a masculine voice from the dining room that sounds both British and French.

Dan watches as Blair's eyes widen and she hurries over.

Dan follows and finds himself staring at a man.

"Guillaume" Blair says breathlessly and Dan watches as she embraces him.

Dan wants to turn away, he feels like an interloper, but can't bring himself to. He's intrigued by this man and wants to know who he is, and why Blair is hugging him so tightly. He almost finds himself protesting as the man places a ginger kiss on her lips. Must be an old boyfriend Dan thinks bitterly.

Guillaume looks at Blair's head mournfully and Blair instinctively runs a hand over her baldness, feeling equally mournful and a little embarrassed.

Then he looks over Blair's head and notices Dan. "And who is this?" he whispers in Blair's ear.

Blair turns around and finally remembers that Dan followed her up into the penthouse.

"Oh God! Forgive me guys! Dan, this is Guillaume. Guillaume, this is Dan Humprey… Paul's dad." Blair says gesturing between the two.

"Ah Mon Dieu! Of course!" Guillaume exclaims and crosses the space between Dan and takes his hand into a very enthusiastic and firm hand shake, "Of course you're Paul's father! He looks exactly like you! Well he has Blair's eyes, but everything else is you!"

"He doesn't look that much like Humphrey" Blair says with disdain.

"Hush Waldorf, it's rude to argue with your guests" Dan says.

Blair looks at him with dark eyes, "I'm sorry, in what universe does a Brooklyn Cabbage Patch get to lecture me on manners?" Blair exclaims incredulously.

"Why don't we all sit and talk, uhhh, catch up?" Guillaume says gesturing to the table. He's been on the receiving end of Blair's condescending tone and knows that he needs to mitigate the situation before Blair starts to tear down the poor chap standing in front of him.

They all take their seats at the table. Humphrey sits at the head and Blair sits next to Guillaume, clasping his hand.

Dan can't help but feel unnerved by this, though he can't pinpoint why.

"Dorota! Make some coffee for us before you leave okay?" Blair snaps.

Dorota materializes in the dining room, "Do you need anything else Miss Blair?"

Blair finally turns herself towards Dorota and takes in how tired she looks.

"No Dorota, thank you, just start on the coffee pot and we'll serve ourselves, go home Dorota, if anything, I'll have Humphrey serve us. You still remember how to pour drinks right?" Blair says sardonically to Dan.

Dan rolls his eyes, but gives Dorota a warm smile. "Tell Vanya and the kids hello for me."

"Will do Mr. Humphrey, Vanya loved your book. Says it was probably the best book you've ever written. Of course, I like Inside and Mr. Humphrey's portrayal of Blair." Dorota says, giving Dan and knowing smile.

Blair looks at Dan, clearly irritated. "Dorota! LEAVE!"

Dorota doesn't make Blair say it twice and happily heads back to her apartment in Queens. She smiles to herself in the cab remembering the way Dan and Blair were holding hands in the elevator when the door opened.

She had always liked lonely boy the best. He would actually talk to Dorota like she was on his level. Chuck was never mean to her, but she always felt that when he was talking to her, he was talking to her through a pane of glass. Something that was invisible, but a distinct border that determined who he was, who she was and it was never to be crossed. Nate was always sweet to her, like a young boy talking to an aunt, but there was never any kind of substance to their conversations. She would usually validate whatever boyish thing he was saying while he hurried off, either to run off and do Blair's bidding or to meet up with Chuck. Louis, well, she's not sure Louis ever knew she existed. She can't remember a single conversation or any kind of interaction that happened between them. She's sure they did at one time utter a few words to each other, she just can't recall.

But she remembers everything about Lonely Boy. She remembers the way he liked his breakfast. How he liked his tea and coffee. How thoughtful he was when he slept over. Always making the bed after him and Blair rolled out of it, mindful of Dorota. Of course Dorota always had to remake it; he never made it the way Blair wanted. With the sheets folded over and tucked under the mattress, but Dorota always appreciated the thought regardless.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan doesn't end up having to serve them Coffee, for which he's grateful. They each get up and get their own cup and come back to the table and talk.

Guillaume asks Dan lots of questions.

Dan answers them as truthfully as he can.

"You know I read your books. You're very talented." Guillaume says.

"Thanks" Dan says warmly.

"But I must say, the second book… it was very cruel." Guillaume says pointedly.

Blair looks down embarrassed, "Guy…"Blair says softly.

Guillaume holds a hand up, "Now I can understand. There were times while I was with Blair that I was convinced she was the reincarnation of Caligula, but that portrayal of her went too far no?"

Blair watches as Dan's eyes go dark. "You didn't know Blair before, what she was capable of."

Guillaume turns to Blair studying her, "She's hinted that she was awful before, but I wonder what awful thing she could have done to have deserved such a portrayal. What will you say Mr. Humphrey, if Paul ever reads it and asks you if the woman in the book is his mom? He's very bright you know." Guillaume says softly.

This time Dan looks down embarrassed. "I didn't know about Paul when I wrote it… I …. I dunno what I'll do if Paul ever gets his hands on it." Dan stammers.

"We can always institute a book burning" Blair says dryly, trying to lighten the mood.

This helps dispel some of the tension and Guillaume turns his attention back to Blair and asks her questions about her diagnosis, how she's doing, how Paul is.

Dan sits there, stewing in his emotions. Half embarrassed and half angry at Guillaume for making him defend his portrayal of Blair.

Eventually though, he lets it go and rejoins their conversation.

Guillaume teasingly tells Dan, "You know, she would talk about you sometimes. If she was drunk enough, she would even say, you were the best guy she had ever had and smile wistfully."

Blair looks at Guillaume mortified, "I don't remember ever saying anything like that!"

Guillaume turns to her with a sly look on his face, "Like I said if you were drunk enough."

Dan can't help but smile at this.

Blair looks at Dan with a look she's given him so many times before, "Don't. Look. So. Smug. Cabbage. Patch." She says tersely.

Dan swallows his smile and bites his tongue.

Guillaume tells Dan about his life with Blair and Paul in Paris. Tells him about their breakup and how it was very difficult for him to lose both Blair and Paul.

Dan sees the moment that a look of longing crosses her face as Guillaume talks about the time they spent together. It irritates him and again he can't figure out why.

"So what are you doing in New York?" Blair asks.

"I stopped here to come see you. I was in Montreal and decided on my way back to Paris that I would come find you. I haven't seen you since you slashed my painting."

Blair smiles at him, "You deserved that. What were you doing in Montreal?"

Guillaume looks away embarrassed, "A patron." He says slyly.

"Ohh! I should have said WHO you were doing in Montreal." Blair exclaims.

"You know how it is Blair, being an artist is tough, sometimes we have to resort to…. Measures." Guillaume says, a little embarrassed.

"I should have known better when you started to come into my life." Blair teases.

"It was real Blair" Guillaume says seriously. "With you, it was real, always."

Blair stares at Guillaume and nods her head slightly.

Dan starts to feel uncomfortable and gathers himself as he gets up to leave.

"Well, it's 4 am, and really I need to be going, Guillaume, it was really nice to have met you."

"Oh! Is it 4 already? I need to go too!" Guillaume says, surprised at how much time has passed.

"Where are you staying? Do you want to do Breakfast tomorrow?" Blair asks Guillaume.

"I wish I could" Guillaume says mournfully, "My plane takes off in 4 hours. I need to get back to the hotel, get ready for my flight, and then head to the airport already. I'm sorry Blair, I could only manage 1 night."

Blair looks at him sadly, "I understand."

Blair hugs Guillaume and whispers something to him in French. He mutters back something back in French into her neck. She nods her head and when she unfolds herself from Guillaume's arm Dan see's she's got tears in her eyes.

She turns to Dan and tells Dan she'll see him at the airport when they pick up Paul. Dan for whatever reason feels emboldened hugs and kisses Blair on the cheek, "Congrats on the good news Blair, I really am over the moon about it."

Blair looks at him stunned and softly says, "Thanks."

Guillaume and Dan descend in the elevator in silence. Not having anything to say to each other. They wait for taxis in silence and Dan offers the first taxi to Guillaume.

Guillaume turns to Dan, "It was very nice to meet you Dan. Make sure you take care of them. They both depend on each other so much and when he loses her, he's going to be devastated."

"I will." Dan says softly.

"I know you will" Guillaume says with certainty, "Paul has a lot of good qualities and I see a lot of them come from you."

And with that Guillaume enters his cab and doesn't look back. Dan catches the next cab.

He arrives at his loft in a haze and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. That night he dreams of Blair Waldorf. It's a dream he had many times, a dream that he would try to erase by burying himself into his many female conquests.

In his dream Blair Waldorf is soft and supple under him, moaning his name and clutching at his hair in one hand, running a finger up his spine gingerly in a way that used to drive him wild. Then his dream would change and she'd start crying and he'd find himself drowning in her eyes and he'd hear her mournfully say, "You said you'd be there for me, even if I lost everything." He always woke up with a start. This night was no different. He shook his head, as if he was trying to shake off the memory of the dream.

He lays his head back down on the pillow and eventually falls asleep. But not before he glances at the framed photo on his nightstand. It's the group photo from Paul's birthday. He can't help but mentally note how beautiful Blair looks in it, even bald and covered in cake.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**Alright, so again, my apologies in how late this is coming. Unfortunately I don't have any of my chapters written out. I have an outline of how I want the story to go, but nothing else is written out. Whereas the previous chapters, they were for the most part written out and I was adding/editing them. Also I'm in a very time intensive nursing program and so my time is really being monopolized by school at the moment. However I never forget about it and I'm always trying to steal some time to work on it. I'm interested in seeing how this story goes, but I really am at this point, trying to work to an endpoint. However, I have so many ideas and chapters that are forming at the moment so who knows when this will be complete? I hope by 20 chapters or less, but who am I kidding? I started this thinking it would only be 10 chapters max, hahaha.**

**BTW, love all the Angsty Dair fanfic that's come out since the finale! That finale was so disappointing but I have to say, if there is one good thing that came out of it, it's the plethora of fanfiction! Love it guys! Keep it going!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13-

Paul comes home three days after Blair's Dr.'s appointment.

Blair and Dan go to the airport together to welcome him back.

Paul comes running to them bounding of energy with a haggard and tired Eleanor and Cyrus behind him.

Blair hugs Paul and then hugs Eleanor.

"Good lord mother, you look awful."

Eleanor looks down at her daughter irritated, "Thank you Blair." She sighs, "I do wish they would bring back the concorde services, it really takes much too long to get across the pond."

Blair just rolls her eyes and watches as Paul tells Dan all about Paris.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul brought back a few souvenirs for his parents from Paris. A new Louis Vuitton scarf (probably something Roman picked out) and a fountain pen for Dan.

Unfortunately Paul also brings home a cold, which he does share with his mother.

Blair finds herself knocked off her feet by the cold so she has Dan take Paul for a few days. She tells him to drop him off Thursday evening, she should be feeling better by then.

Unfortunately she's not, but she's ready to have Paul back and doesn't want to spend another lonely day with only Dorota to tut around her.

Late Thursday evening Blair hears the ding of the elevator bell announcing their arrival.

They find Blair in her bed.

"You look hideous Waldorf" Dan says, smirking at her door as Paul jumps into his mom's bed.

Blair throws him an icy glare and then smiles sweetly at her son.

"How was your dinner darling? I do hope your dad was able to bring you somewhere worthwhile."

Dan can't help but smile and shake his head. How is it that these people keep insisting that living in Brooklyn means one is destitute. "We had a good time tonight Blair. I wish you could have been there."

"Yes well, it's probably best I wasn't. Considering how sick I was, I can just imagine what health department condemned hipster deli you chose." Blair retorts, still irritated with his earlier assessment of her appearance.

"I'm sorry I made you sick, mom." Paul says.

Blair looks back down at Paul. "Don't you worry about it hun, I'm fine, really I am. Just a little bug, nothing to be worried about."

Dan comes into the bedroom and finally stands in front of her. "Should I get Paul ready for bed?"

"No Humphrey, you can go back to your borough. Dorota can help him get ready for bed."

Dan's eyes widen incredulously, "You mean she's still hear? Good lord Waldorf, I'm sure there are labor laws against that!"

"She wanted to make sure he made it back from Brooklyn safely. I'm not the only one that worries for our son while he's in your neighborhood. Really Humphrey, you have a son now, can't you find a better neighborhood?" Blair says further annoyed.

Dan crosses his arms and smiles smugly at her "You know, Paul told me he really likes Brooklyn. I told him that I wasn't surprised, considering there was a time when I couldn't keep his mother out of Brooklyn."

Blair opens her mouth to retort but comes up with nothing.

Dan takes his cue, smiles, salutes and turns on his heels to head back to Williamsburg.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The buzzing of Daniel Humphrey's phone awakens him from his dream. He was dreaming of Blair Waldorf again. He's almost thankful to be brought out of the dream.

When he looks at the caller id he's confused. It's Dorota.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Dan, Sorry to wake you, but Paul is asking for you." Dorota says frantically.

Dan sits up immediately when he hears the emotion in her voice, "Dorota, what's going on? Is everything okay?."

"Miss Blair got really sick. We took her to hospital Mr. Dan, she…."

"I just saw her about an hour and a half ago! She seemed fine."

"She had fever, fever got worse. While I was getting ready to leave I check Blair one last time. Very hot and sweating. Doctor say she's going to be okay, but Paul is asking for Mr. Dan."

"What hospital are you at?" Dan says, already up and pulling on some pants.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

5 minutes later Dan is in the back of the cab silently wishing the driver could just warp to the hospital.

The idea of Blair and Paul living with him returns to him. He thinks it over as he chews on his thumbnail.

It makes sense, no more shuttling Paul between Brooklyn and the UES. That and he can be there in case Blair takes a turn for a worst.

He's so lost in his thoughts it takes the cab driver two times to get Dan's attention.

"Sir! We're here."

Dan snaps his head up, mutters thanks and pushes the man 40 dollars. "Keep the change."

He darts out of the cab and runs into the hospital.

A nurse directs him to the floor that Blair is on. He wanders the hall looking for her room.

"Dad?" an unsure voice says behind him.

Dan turns on his heel surprised.

This is the first time Paul has called him dad.

"Is my mom going to die?" Paul says with the saddest eyes Dan has ever seen.

Dan drops to one knee and gathers his son in his arms.

"Where's Dorota?" Is all that Dan can choke out.

"I'm here." He turns around and see's Dorota standing behind him.

"How is she?"

Dorota sighs, "Good, stable. They are going to keep Miss Blair here for few days because she has fluid in lungs." When she finishes her sentence her voice quivers a bit and Daniel can see how tired she is and how hard this is for her.

"Dorota, go home, I'll take care of this from here. Go to sleep and I'll take care of Paul and Blair, don't worry" Dan says as reassuringly as he possibly can.

Dorota refuses at first. They all go into Blair's room and she only leaves after Blair snaps a dismissal at her.

Blair looks over at Paul. "I'm sorry Paul, I'm so sorry."

Paul climbs into her bed and lays with her silent.

She looks at Dan with eyes that are asking for help.

Dan takes a seat next to her bed and takes her hand.

"Hey." He says.

"Hey" she replies.

"How are you feeling?" Dan asks, grasping for some way to start a conversation with her.

"Wonderful" she says sarcastically.

"I can take Paul back to the loft and get him to whatever he needs to do tomorrow. Or I can bring him here bright and early in the morning."

Paul looks up at his mom and Blair looks back at her son. She uses her other hand and smooth's the hair out of his eyes.

"That would be great Humphrey" Blair says softly.

They sit like this. Silently looking at each other.

Eventually a nurse comes in and announces that visiting hours are over and that Blair needs to rest.

Dan leans over and presses a small kiss at the top of Blair's head.

"Rest up Waldorf, we'll be back tomorrow morning, I promise."

She turns her face away and Dan is sure she's about to cry so he hurries himself and Paul out of the room.

He tells himself it was more out of courtesy for her, knowing she never liked to cry in front of people, especially middle class kids from Brooklyn, but really, he does it because he's afraid of how he will feel watching her cry, he was never good at being objective and distant while Blair Waldorf cried.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul is bounding down the corridors of the hospital, "Dad hurry! I wanna be there when she wakes up!"

Dan is following behind Paul, balancing Rufus's waffles that Paul insisted they bring to Blair. He said Rufus's waffles made his mom better the last time she was in the hospital.

Dan is about to tell Paul to slow down but decides it would be futile.

Dan thinks about the night before as he follows his son.

He spent most of the night up. Chuck called him asking how Blair was and kept Dan on the phone for a good 30 minutes. He wanted to know everything. How she looked, how her spirits were, why she isn't taking calls, does she need him? Did she ask for him? She's supposed to be getting better, she needs to take care of herself more, and so on and so forth. He ends the call telling Dan, "You know she can't keep doing this. She shouldn't be living by herself with only Paul, I just don't understand why she doesn't move in with Eleanor and Cyrus."

Dan sighed, "I know".

They ended the call after that. It is the longest phone conversation Dan has ever had with Chuck.

Dan also spent most of the night mulling over the idea of living with Blair and Paul. Of course he knows that he can't live on the Upper East Side, he's seen how hard it's been for Rufus, but he also knows that Blair will never agree to live in a loft in Williamsburg. He's going to have to find some kind of compromise…. Oh and convince Blair that cohabitating with him will be good for Paul.

Cohabitating, that's all, two people who are linked together only as mother and father doing what's best for their child.

He tosses and turns thinking of what would have happened if Dorota had left earlier or if she had gotten sicker later and Paul had been there by himself. He can't bear the thought of it just being Blair and Paul anymore.

Paul runs into his mom's room and stops cold. Blair is still sleeping but she has an oxygen mask on and Paul looks terrified. Dan comes up behind him and puts a protective hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry Paul, she's only sleeping."

Paul looks up at Dan timidly and takes his hand.

"Should I wake her up?" Paul asks in a small voice.

Blair starts to stir. She opens her eyes and her eyes focus on Paul and Dan. She smiles weakly.

"Hey there! Is that waffles I smell?" she says groggily.

Paul walks up to his mom slowly "Are you okay?"

She pushes off her oxygen mask, "I am now."

They are interrupted by a nurse. "Looks like you guys got here before I did."

They turn and see a bubbly nurse at the door, "Ms. Waldorf, I'm here to assist you in your morning routine, I'm sorry but your guest are going to have to wait outside until we get through them."

Dan and Paul wait outside the door, a privacy curtain is drawn and Paul sighs. He sits on the chairs outside the room with the box of waffles in his lap.

Dan sits down next to him and puts an arm around him. He looks up and is surprised to see a frazzled Serena coming down the hallway, Louis Vuitton carry on still on her shoulder.

She looks worried, but as soon as Paul sees her she lights up.

"Aunt Serena!" Paul says and runs up to her. She brings him into her arms and carries him, burying her face into his head of hair.

Dan has always thought it hilarious that Blair allowed Paul to grow his hair out. After all Blair had spent so much of her time critiquing Dan's hair and calling him a muppet.

Serena turns her attention to Dan, "I came as soon as I heard, how is she?"

Dan smiles reassuringly and embraces her, "She's stable and fine, they're keeping her here to monitor her. She's got some fluid in her lungs, but other than that, it's nothing like last time." Dan says into her hair.

She pulls back and bites her lip, "Can I see her?"

"Yeah, they're just doing some morning routine with her, as soon as they're done we can go in."

Serena sits in the chair that Dan had been sitting in earlier. She keeps Paul company and entertains him with her stories about California as Dan keeps looking into the room.

Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, the curtain is pulled back and the nurse comes out smiling, "She's ready for you all now."

Dan walks in and Blair is sitting upright in her bed, the oxygen mask now replaced by nasal cannula. She brightens up when she sees Serena behind Dan.

"S! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in California!"

"I figured you getting yourself admitted into the hospital was just another one of your schemes to get my attention B." Serena says giggling, "I just had to come."

This makes Blair laugh and Dan is incredibly grateful that Serena is there. Besides Paul, Serena is the only one who can make Blair laugh when she's feeling down, and right now, Paul is a bit pensive.

Eventually they all sit around Blair's bed and start to dig into Rufus's waffles.

They keep Blair company for a few hours.

"So when are they discharging you B?"

"The nurse said I should be able to go home tomorrow morning, barring nothing unexpected comes up." Blair replies.

"What time? I can be here for that. I can bring Paul as well" Serena says looking at Dan.

Dan looks down at Paul and nods his head. "Yeah, you can pick him up at the loft. I have to meet with Alessandra tomorrow around 9 am anyways."

"Great!" Serena squeals, "Then we can spend all day at the Penthouse. I'll help you take care of Paul and you can let me go through all the FABULOUS clothes and shoes you acquired while you were living in Paris." Serena ends giggling.

Blair smiles widely. "Help yourself to any of my clothes… If you can fit them S." Blair teases.

They carry on like this all morning. Eventually the time zone change catches up with Serena.

"S, go home, go get some sleep. I expect you well rested to take care of me and Paul tomorrow."

Dan looks at Serena, "C'mon, we'll go with you, I need to stop by and thank Rufus for the waffles."

Serena nods her head and then turns to Blair and hugs her.

"Love you B."

"Love you too S."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It's been a month since Blair was discharged.

Dan has been looking for homes. He's found one on the Upper West Side which he thinks is a good compromise between him and Blair. Of course he hasn't run any of this by Blair. He knows he should.

He was hoping that Serena would stay longer and she could help convince Blair that moving in with Daniel Humphrey of Brooklyn is a good idea. Unfortunately he never even got the chance to tell her about what he was planning.

She left a week after Blair was discharged. She had to get back to California and back to Darren, the producer that Serena is madly in love with.

Dan smiles thinking back to the dinner before Serena left. The dinner when she told everyone about Darren. Lily of course was not too pleased with the thought of her daughter running off to join a much older man who worked in Hollywood. She even commented that Serena was just looking for validation with all her daddy issues in pursuing Darren and that it wouldn't last.

Needless to say, Serena spent that last night at Blair's penthouse.

It would be easy for Dan to just roll his eyes and blow Darren off as yet another man in Serena's ever long list of loves; however Dan thinks that's not the case this time. It's different this time. He's pretty sure that this time, it's for real and he's happy for Serena. He'll always love her, but not in the way he did when he was 16. Somewhere along the line she became family, though he will never think of her as his sister. That would just be disturbing.

Dan begins to get ready for the afternoon. He's excited and nervous. He's putting an offer on the 5 bedroom brownstone on the Upper West Side he's been eyeing. It's been on the market about two weeks and he's really hoping he can get it, it's in a great neighborhood and it's still close to Paul's school, which he will be starting in two weeks.

After Dan finishes his breakfast he shoots Blair a text.

_Have u dropped off Paul his lessons yet? Do u have a few hours to spare?_

_Just dropped Paul off. Have a few hours, what do u have in mind?_

_How about Coffee? I have some news I want to share._

_If it's a sequel or prequel to your second novel, I'm not interested Humphrey._

_Haha, no, I assure you it has nothing to do with my truthful and scathing autobiography of Blair Cornelia Waldorf, the Tyrant of the Met Steps._

_Hmmmm that could be your next best seller. Anyhow, I can meet u. Where and when?_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is waiting at a café in Brooklyn for Blair.

She walks in and he watches her. Watches as she scans the café looking for him. He watches as her brow starts to furrow as she can't find him and then a look of recognition passed over her face as her eyes met his.

She hurries over to his table and sits. "Humphrey"

"Waldorf" he replies. "Surprised you agreed to a café in Brooklyn. I thought it would have been harder than that."

Blair gives him a wry look, "Well my immunizations are up to date so I figured I could venture out here for a short visit."

A server comes up to Blair. "Can I get you anything?"

"Order what you want, it's on me." Dan Humphrey.

"Oh, big spender! Well since you're buying, I suppose all I can get is a small coffee. Small Coffee and a Apple Turnover please." Blair says sweetly to the waitress.

Dan rolls his eyes.

The waitress returns with two cups of coffee and an apple turnover.

Dan is blowing into his cup when Blair finally quips up.

"So what did you want to tell me?"

"Oh, well, I'm buying a house."

Blair almost chokes on her coffee. "Seriously? Where? Why? What about the loft?"

"I thought you hated that loft" Dan says smiling.

"Nevermind that Humphrey! I'm only asking because you're sentimental attachment to that squalid tenement is every bit apart of you as your flannel shirts are. Just because I don't care for it doesn't mean I can't be curious."

Dan sighs, "I'm still going to hold onto the loft. I don't think I'll ever be able to let it go. I suppose I'll turn it into a writer's studio/music studio for my dad. If Jenny wants to work on her designs there she can… I suppose I'll just hold onto it and turn it into some kind of Humphrey workspace."

Blair nods at him, seemingly satisfied with this answer. "So where are you buying? And why? Are you asking me for advice? Because the real person you should be asking is Chuck. Fashion and delegation are my domains Humphrey, not real estate."

"Well, it's a brownstone on the Upper West Side, I've been in it, it's in fantastic shape, close to Paul's school, it's just time for me to grow up and move into an actual home. Besides, as much as Paul tolerates Brooklyn, he's your son after all. He spent the first 5 years living with you in luxury. I don't think he'll ever fully get used to Brooklyn, not as a place where he can really flourish or get comfortable… at least not for a long time."

Blair smiles at him, "Yes well, Paul is definitely a product of the Upper East Side. Forcing him to slum it with you, albeit it just on the weekends has to be tiring for him" Blair says smugly, then her eyes soften, "it's really great of you to move closer to Paul's school. It'll make the commute between us shorter."

"Yeah, well…. Actually the real reason why I'm buying it is because I want you and Paul to move in with me."

This time Blair actually chokes. She ends up having to spit the bite she had just taken of her turnover into her napkin.

She looks at Dan confused and reaches up to feel his head, "Did you fall out of bed this morning Humphrey and hit your head?"

Dan swats her hand away, "No! Stop that!"

Dan watches as her face turns to stone, "So then I must have some kind of auditory sensory side effect from my medication, because I'm pretty sure you just asked me to move in with you, and I can't honestly believe that you would want that "Blair crosses her arms.

"Listen Blair, just hear me out. I'm thinking of Paul. I mean this can't be easy for him, being shuttled between us."

"People do it all the time Humphrey! It's called divorced parenting!" Blair retorts.

"But still, I mean, you're really sick Blair, I could be there to help you take care of Paul, especially while you're still on Chemo. Admit it Blair, you could use some help."

"Humphrey" she scoffs, "In case you haven't noticed, I've raised Paul on my own for the past 5 years and I've done a stellar job of it. The past year I've done it while going through chemo, I think you severely overestimate how relevant you are to my wellbeing. You don't have to worry cabbage patch, Dorota.."

"Dorota!" Dan interrupts, "Christ! Yes let's talk about Dorota! Dorota has a family Blair, a family! That means a husband and children, and you're 27! How much more of her life does she have to devote to you? You don't even know how terrified I was that night you went to the hospital thinking about the what-ifs. What if Dorota had left earlier, what if you had gotten sicker later? I can't bring myself to imagine how terrified Paul would have been at the Penthouse alone with you that sick. Dorota can't be there for you forever Blair!"

Blair shoots daggers at him with her eyes.

"Blair please, I…. I just want to be there more in Paul's life…. I'm not trying to fight with you, just think about it please."

Blair closes her eyes, "I understand why you think it's a good idea but ultimately I don't think it will work." When she ends her sentence she opens her eyes to look at him.

"Look, I know what you're saying. But don't you think we could put aside our differences for our son? I mean, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend, I'm asking you to be my roommate. Let me be there for Paul."

Blair sighs, "Humphrey, we may not hate each other anymore, but we're two incredibly different people. It just wouldn't work out. C'mon, I'm Madison Avenue, you're… Williamsburg." Blair ends with a look of disgust.

Dan rolls his eyes, "Really? Cause I remember a time when our differences didn't matter and we focused on the MANY similarities we had."

"And look how bad that ended?"Blair reminds him. "We have similarities, sure, and we have a great kid together, but that's not going to make for a happy home."

"Look, I found a great place which I think I have a very good chance of getting. It's the closest to a compromise of our worlds as I can get to."

Blair returns her attention to her cup of coffee, signaling to Dan that this conversation is over.

Dan finds himself getting irritated.

"You haven't even seen the place yet!" Dan exclaims. "Look, the thought of being verbally abused by you every day is not exactly something I'm looking forward to. But I'm thinking of Paul. Like I said, it can't be easy for him to constantly be shuttled back and forth between us. Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you don't ever wish there was someone else there to help take care of him. Blair you're not well."

"DON'T tell me about MY health Humphrey!" Blair's voice starts to raise.

"Goddamnit Blair! Will you lower your voice! Why are you always trying to fight with me? Why is it so hard for you to accept any kind of help from me?"

Blair opens her mouth to reply, but closes it quickly.

Dan gives up. He scribbles an address on a napkin and tosses it her way.

"Thanks for coming by Waldorf. Here's the address of the place. I'm heading over there at noon to make my offer on it. Come by if you want."

He tosses a few bills on the table and leaves the café. As he heads out the door he turns and watches as Blair reaches over and balls the napkin in her fist.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

She doesn't come by that afternoon to look at the place. Not that Dan was really counting on it. He hoped but he knew that she would never make it that easy for him.

Later on that night his real estate agent calls him to tell him the owner of the Brownstone accepted his offer. He thanks the agent and tells him he will meet with them later on in the week. Final arrangements, closing, handing over the keys. Dan can't help but feel a little more grown up.

He looks around the loft sadly, knowing that his days are numbered here. Even if Blair never agrees to it he still plans on living in the brownstone, though he will always hold onto the loft.

Blair…. As he thinks about her he sinks to his couch feeling miserable. He can't understand how she's gotten under his skin again.

As he walks to his room he passes Jenny's old room. He stands in the doorway thinking of the time they spent here.

Then his stomach drops. Oh yeah, he's going to have to explain to Jenny and Rufus why he's buying and moving to a Brownstone on the Upper West Side.

Oh well, he thinks, he faced down Blair Waldorf earlier today, this should be cake right?

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Hey all! Okay so I know that some of this may seem a bit rushed and what not. Bear with me. I'm really trying to finish this story. But I have a lot more to go. I wish I had all the time in the world to devote to it because at this point, I'm kind of writing the story as it comes to me and having a lot of fun with it. I pretty much have the ending written, but I have a lot of story to tell before I can get there.**

**So yeah, these are coming out whenever I can manage them. I would love to spend a lot of time really working and writing these chapters, but alas, time is a luxury I don't have and, well if I did try to devote a lot of time to it I'd get a chapter out every 6 months. **

**Thanks to everyone that reviews. I really appreciate it. There are a handful of you that have been following this story from the beginning and I can't tell you how ecstatic I am that I've been able to keep you interested in it this long!**

**I really love reading all of your reviews and I'm so thankful that you all like it. Again, thanks so much for your encouragement, they do actually pull me away from my studies and force me to sit in front of my desktop trying to type out a worthy chapter. **

**As always, no clue when the next chapter will be out and I do apologize if the chapter does seem choppy and rough, to tell you the truth, I'm not entirely pleased with it but I needed to work through it to get to where I want to end up.'**

**Again, Thanks for the reviews and for reading!**

**Ciao!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14-

Dan looks down at the last box of his belongings that he's taking with him from the loft. He's leaving a lot in the loft, things he believes belong here, like his bed and a few books. He can't help but feel that the loft looks so empty, in the way that a hotel room feels empty. It's got all the necessities one needs to live for a few days, but no comforts and no evidence that people actual live there. It makes him sad.

His dad honks from the road and Dan knows he has to head down soon. He closes the door of the loft and hands over a set of keys to a somber looking Jenny. After Dan had told them about his plan they had all decided that it was best they keep it. It would serve as a hideout for all the Humphreys to go to when they needed to run away from the Upper East Side and its inhabitants.

Jenny remarked that it would come in handy for when the Vanderbilts came to town around Christmas.

Seems like no one wants to part with the loft.

As Dan and Jenny climb into the van ready to embark towards Dan's new domicile on the Upper West Side Rufus looks over and asks Dan, "Are you sure about this?"

Dan looks over at his dad, "Too late now Dad, I've already paid for the brownstone. Time for me to move on. If anything I can give the loft to Paul when he gets older, or I can give him the Brownstone and I can move back here."

Rufus looks over Dan and nods and starts the van up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is putting his home together. Well actually he's putting his library together. It's the only thing he's managed to do in the 4 hours since he left the loft. Jenny rolled her eyes and said it was typical that Dan would choose to make sure that his books were dealt with first.

Jenny and Rufus left 2 hours ago. Rufus was meeting Lily for a charity event with Eleanor and Cyrus and Jenny was going home to a "special" dinner that Nate had cooked up for her.

"Nate cooks?" Dan asked skeptically.

Jenny looked at him with a wry look, "yeah well Hamburger Helper comes with directions, so yeah….. Oh God! Please don't let it be Hamburger Helper again!"

Dan is lost in his thoughts as he's putting away his books. Thinking of the loft and how lonely it looked as he closed the door. He fights the urge to abandon the Brownstone for the night and head back to the loft.

There is no point to him being here tonight after all. Dan is picking Paul up from school to bring him to the Brownstone tomorrow.

But Dan just sighs and continues to put away his book.

He doesn't hear the front door open or the expensive heels clunk up the staircase of his brownstone.

It's only when Blair speaks does he realize he's not alone.

"You know Humphrey, the Upper West Side may be a huge step up from Brooklyn but you still can't just leave your front door unlocked."

Dan turns on his heels surprised and finds himself facing Blair standing in the doorway to his library.

Blair walks into the room and walks past him to the window overlooking the street below.

"You know, I just don't know if I can feel safe letting Paul stay here if you're just going to leave an open invitation at your front door for any passerby to come into your home. Oh and your doorbell doesn't work either." She says still watching the road below.

"What are you doing here Blair?" Dan asks confused.

Blair turns to him, a worried look starting to creep onto her face, "You gave me the address…. You said I should come… Nevermind." She says flippantly and starts to cross the room to head back to the road she was just watching.

Dan realizes that she's leaving and grabs her hand, "No, I mean, I just, I gave you the address to this place weeks ago…. I never thought you would come here, I've tried calling you and you refused to talk to me."

Blair looks down at the hand covering hers. "You were right Humphrey" she sighs "I can't keep relying on Dorota forever, and regardless of how awesome Paul is, I'm sick" her voice wavers, "and I need help with him at times and Dorota has offered to come by every day to make sure Paul and I don't live in squalor so…."

Dan allows a grin to grow slowly on his face.

Blair starts to get uncomfortable and retracts her hand.

Dan puts down the book that was in his other hand, "C'mon I'll give you the grand tour." He nods his head towards the doorway and starts walking out.

Blair follows Dan all the way down the stairs to the first floor.

"This is the first floor. There's a front room here as you can see, fireplace, yadda yadda yadda, I'll let you worry about how this room looks." He walks ahead and turns right, "This is the kitchen."

Blair looks around the kitchen and gives a little nod of approval. Dan has to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

He starts walking towards the left, "This is the dinning room, and out those French doors is a little fenced in yard, nothing big, but Rufus has plans for a vegetable garden for himself and Paul."

Blair peeks out the French doors. The yard is nothing spectacular but it seems to get just the right amount of light and she can envision Rufus's vegetable garden, near the big tree towards the back which she suspects is a Norway Maple. Blair starts to feel herself getting excited as she envisions Paul in that little plot of green that he can call his.

Dan starts to lead her upstairs and to the first door at the back of the hall. He opens the door lets Blair walk into it, "This is going to be Paul's room" Blair walks into it and heads to the window. She's now overlooking the little yard that she had just looked at from the dining room.

She gives a satisfied nod before Dan pulls her back out in to the hallway. He goes passed the room next to Paul's room and points out a bathroom on the left, "Paul's bathroom" he says shortly.

"Dan, what about this room?"

"Just hold on, I want to show you this first."

He opens the door to the third room on the middle floor of the brownstone. "This I figure can be your office, study…. Or play room for Paul if you want."

Blair walks around the room trying very hard to look unimpressed.

When she looks back at Dan he has a sly smile on his hand, "C'mon Waldorf, let me show you your room."

He goes back to the room next to Paul's room and opens the door. Blair finds herself walking into the largest room on the level.

"Nice" Blair says perfunctly.

Dan smiles wide at her, "I haven't shown you the best part" and opens the double doors in the room.

Blair's eyes widen and her mouth drops. She can't help it. She finds herself looking at what is on one side a huge walk in closet and on the other side a bathroom.

"Impressive huh?" Dan says looking at it proudly, "I knew it would be the one thing that would impress you in this house."

"It's… It's huge!" Blair says looking at the walk in closet.

"Yeah well, the former owners were a couple with a child. Somewhere in the marriage they decided that they couldn't stand each other and so instead of separating and divorcing like normal people, the wife moved to the second floor and renovated a room and decided to use the spare room next to it as a walk in closet. They sold the house because the kid went off to college… odd people really" Dan rambles.

Blair takes in the place and can't help but be impressed by Dan.

It used to marvel her how well he knew her, especially since they had spent so much time hating each other. But Dan had always been observant and she internally chides herself for not giving him more credit.

She clears her throat, "So, where do you live?"

Dan leads her upstairs. It opens up to a living area that takes up most of the floor.

"This I suppose will be the living area/den." He turns down the hall "The bathroom is on the right and my room is next to it" he pushes in the door to his room and Blair looks in. It is the smallest room in the house, which isn't saying much, most of the rooms were large for New York Brownstones yet Blair can't help but look at him surprised.

Dan takes her down the hallway to the room that she had found him in earlier. "This is my study/library."

Blair looks around and realizes that it is definitely a Humphrey study. There are bookcases built into the walls and there is a fireplace near the door to the room. She can imagine a chair there where Dan Humphrey will spend many a cold night in front of a fire reading some pretentious book.

"I have to admit Humphrey" Blair says turning to him slowly, "You've done better than I thought you would."

"Well I'm glad you approve Waldorf."

"But what's up there?" she points to the stairs going up from the hallway.

"You wanna see?"

Dan leads her up into a sun room and out onto the Garden Terrace. He walks over to the railing and looks out at the city.

Blair joins him, "I suppose this will have to do" she says.

"You think you and Paul can slum it with me on the Upper West Side?" Dan snorts.

"What wouldn't a mother do for her child." Blair responds.

"You definitely deserve some sort of recognition for the sacrifice you're making."

Blair just turns her back to the railing and leans against it.

"Tell me what you're thinking" Dan says softly, noticing the shift in Blair's mood.

"Just thinking about how sad the Penthouse is going to be without myself and Paul there…. You know my mom thinks this is a good idea" Blair scoffs, "But I can't help but feel sad that I won't be living in that Penthouse anymore. My mom and Cyrus are going to stay at their place… I just I dunno, I know it's been empty while I was away for the most part but, Paul has been there and now it's even more significant to me. It's stupid, I know…"

"No, it's not stupid Blair." Dan says softly.

Blair looks at him and gives him a small grateful smile.

"What do you or Eleanor plan on doing with it?"

"Keep it. I figure when Paul is staying over at his grandparent's place I can always run back there to get away from you." Blair says scrunching up her nose, "Or maybe I'll leave it to Paul when he gets older."

Dan starts to laugh.

"What's so funny Humphrey?"

"Nothing Waldorf, just glad you came around."

They both turn and watch skyline from the garden terrace in silence.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair and Paul move in a week later, just in time as Paul starts up school. It seems to be working out well and Dorota comes by in the mornings as she and Blair had agreed upon. Dorota does leave though about an hour or hour and a half after Paul gets home from school which is a great improvement from her later hours she kept at the penthouse.

It takes some getting used to, but Dan starts to enjoy having Dorota at the Brownstone. He realizes that Dorota and her family are family to Blair and Paul and having her here is something that calms Blair and helps keep Blair manageable. Dorota is always there to intervene when Blair gets angry at him. Dan doesn't think Blair will ever know how to live without her and he realizes that he's not sure if Dorota will ever know how to live without Blair. The thought saddens him.

He also loves waking up in the morning and walking down to a breakfast Dorota has cooked up. After all these years she still remembers how he likes his eggs and how strong he likes his coffee. He keeps telling her she doesn't have to but she just pish poshes him and mutters something like, "Mr. Dan, you must eat. Need strength, we never know when Miss Blair will get angry and you will need strength." She says while winking at him.

One thing Dan can't get used to though is Dorota making his bed in the mornings. He keeps telling her that he doesn't want her making his bed. Mostly because he doesn't feel right having her make his bed. He has no issue about her making Paul or Blair's bed, but for him, it just doesn't seem right. He tells her and she always agrees not to, but he always seems to have a freshly made bed every morning. Even when Dan stays home to work on a novel or article, she somehow sneaks into his room stealthily and makes it. He begins to suspect that she may have once been a part of some Polish spy ring and teases her saying he's going to write a book about her, a sleeper agent placed in the homes of New York's elite by an international spy syndicate to report back on what offshore accounts those silly American socialites keep their money stashed away in.

Dorota says if he writes it, it will be his best novel to date.

Yeah, Dan can't help but enjoy having Dorota around.

And at this moment Dan can't help but wish that Dorota was here to iron his suit for him.

He's getting ready to meet Blair and Paul at Paul's school for a "Welcome to the first grade" night where the students and their parents get to meet the teachers and discuss goals for the year.

This is a big deal for Dan seeing as to how this is his first one and he's excited to be a part of this. However, Dan let the time slip past him as he was working on an article he was writing for Nate's paper (just a guest spot he sometimes did).

His phone goes off alerting him to a text message, he already knows its Blair asking where he is.

_Where are u Humphrey? We've been waiting ten minutes and Paul is asking for you._

Dan double times it and eventually manages to get to the school just in the nick of time. Blair sees him in the hallway and starts to march towards him with Paul following. Dan looks to Paul and Paul throws him a sympathetic look. Blair is angry.

"Really Humphrey? All that talk about how this was important to you and you can barely show up on time?" Blair lectures him under her breath while smiling at the other parents around her.

"I'm sorry Blair, I was working on a piece for the NYspectator and lost track of the time. Hey buddy, I'm sorry it took me so long to get here" Dan says as Paul slips his hand into Dan's.

"It's okay Dad, you got here on time, that's all that matters."

"No it doesn't!" Blair says under her breath again as she politely nods to one of the teachers that passes by them.

"Hey, I can admit that I should have been here and that it won't happen again. How about I make it up to you Paul? Gelato afterwards? On me of…" Dan is cut off as he offers up his peace offering.

"Blair? Blair Waldorf?" a voice behind them exclaims.

Blair and Dan both turn around and see Isabel Coates standing in front of them.

"Isabel" Blair says politely through clenched teeth.

"And Dan Humphrey?" Isabel says confused. "Both of your kids go to this school? What a coincidence." She exclaims sweetly, though Dan can see that she can't fathom how any of Dan's offspring would be able to attend this school.

Blair turns to Paul, "Paul, why don't you go off and see if you can find any of your friends hmm?"

Paul looks a Dan and at Blair and nods. He runs off in the direction of his class and Blair turns her attention back to Isabel.

"Yes Isabel, OUR son, Paul, he attends this school" Blair emphasizes the word our and Dan looks at her surprised.

"Wait? What? You and Dan Humphrey had a child together?"

Blair sighs exasperated, "Believe me Isabel, even I can't believe it sometimes."

And there she is again, the Blair that Dan is used to being around. Something about being back in a school setting seemed to bring out the original gangster Blair. He can't help but feel nostalgic.

"So are you two married? I would think I would have at least read about it in the spectator" Isabel asks confused.

"No" they both answer quickly. They look at each other. Blair gives him an annoyed look.

"No, we are not, but we're both committed to raising Paul in the best environment we can manage" Blair answers diplomatically.

Isabel looks them over and crosses her arms, a smug smile growing on her face.

"Well Blair, we really need to catch up! I mean the last I heard of you, you had married a prince and not too long after the honeymoon he divorced you. Wow that was quick! You must have broken some kind of royal record with that one!"

Dan watches as Blair's face tightens and her jaw ticks. He can't help but be a little glad that Blair's anger at him has been diverted and all her malice is directed towards Isabel, though he does feel sorry for the poor soul. It seems as though she has forgotten what Blair could be like.

"Annulled actually" Blair says tight lipped. Then she plasters a smile on her face, "But let's not talk about me! Let's talk about you! Last I heard you had gotten married to a wonderful heart surgeon and then walked in on him in bed with his male colleague a few years after the wedding. Oh Isabel! I wanted to call you and offer you my condolences. B-T-W, the man your husband left you for, GORGEOUS! I'm just so thankful that Gossip Girl had found you irrelevant by then or else you know that would have been plastered all over the internet. But really Isabel, I had meant to call you because I felt so mortified for you, but for some reason it kept slipping my mind."

Isabel flinches as Blair finishes, just as she's about to respond Blair quickly starts talking before she can get a word out.

"Oh! That's right! The reason why I kept forgetting to call you is because, while I realized that your name sounded familiar, and your face looked familiar, I just couldn't place who you were. Somehow I had forgotten all about you! But you can't hold that against me, seems like everyone else did as well."

Dan steps in, feeling sorry for Isabel and that he can no longer stand to watch this girl get ripped apart by Blair anymore.

"Come on Blair, Paul's waiting for us."

Blair looks him over and slips her hand into the crook of his elbow.

"After you Humphrey" she says as they walk away and she turns her head to flash Isabel a triumphant smile.

"Whew, geez Waldorf, that was… impressive" Dan admits.

Blair looks at him from the corner of his eye and pats his arm.

"You can't honestly say its surprising now can you Humphrey?"

"No, I can't… I must admit, it feels nice to see you be… well you sometimes."

Blair looks at him with a small smile, "Really? I never thought I'd hear you say something like that. Well I can say for me, it felt…"

"It felt?" Dan asks

Blair inhales deeply, "Exhilarating."

Dan grins the whole time they are sitting in front of Paul's teacher.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Dan has to admit living with Blair has been great. Greater than he expected. He thought that they would be fighting more often and sometimes they do, but they're never serious and Dan usually leaves the tiff feeling satisfied. Blair was always able to match him intellectually. He's thinking about a disagreement he had the night before in line at a café when he runs into one of the women he used to sleep with after Blair left NYC.

"Hey Dan! How have you been?"

Dan looks up and sees a familiar redhead with two cups of coffee. "Um, Claudia, wow, good. How have you been?"

"Pretty good, I'm actually really busy right now and have to run, but how about we meet up sometime and catch up?"

"Uhh sure."

She smiles broadly, "Great is tonight okay?"

"Ummmmm…"

"Oh come on Dan, you can spare a few hours to catch up with an old friend can't you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I mean… okay, where?" Dan answers feeling uneasy.

"The old Italian restaurant you used to take me to, do you remember?"

"Yeah sure, um…. 7ish okay?"

"Sure, I have nothing planned at 7."

"Great Dan, see you tonight!" She yells back as she runs out the door.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan can't help but feel uneasy about meeting up with Claudia. They didn't end badly, well, they couldn't end because they never really started. She was just someone who frequented his bed for a time being after Blair had left New York.

He can't figure out why he's so uneasy about meeting up with her. When he tells Blair to order take out for him and Paul she asks why he won't be joining them for dinner. For whatever that Dan can't understand he has a hard time telling her that he's meeting up with Claudia. He does however, giving Blair full disclosure which is another thing he can't understand. Why he feels he needs to be so honest with her.

Blair acts a little odd after he tells her.

"You're not jealous are you?" Dan teases.

"Please Humphrey, don't flatter yourself! I just want to remind you to not make too much noise when you get back home from meeting up with your old girlfriend. I have an appointment tomorrow to receive some chemo and I'd like to get as much rest as I can."

"Oh, I forgot about your appointment tomorrow, I promise I won't make any noise getting back into the house."

"Make sure that you don't" Blair says as she turns and heads up the stairs to join Paul in the living area.

"You know Blair, I can cancel, I mean it's not important that I go."

Blair turns around and looks at him. He watches as her face softens and she sighs, "No Humphrey, go out, enjoy yourself, you've been such a great help these past few weeks, you deserve it." Blair says with a genuine smile but Dan can't help but notice a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"Are you sure? It's really not a big deal if I don't go."

Blair waves her hand dismissively, "No, go Humphrey! I'm going to enjoy the few hours I can get Paul all to myself."

Dan watches her as she jogs up the stairs.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is sitting at a restaurant across from Claudia.

She's even more beautiful than Dan remembers yet Dan can't help but will time to go by faster so that he can get back to Blair and Paul.

They catch up and Dan tries his best to converse with Claudia, but he can't help but keep going back to his phone and texting Blair.

_How's Paul?_

_Fine Humphrey, we're watching a movie._

_What movie?_

_Paul chose Spaceballs._

_Great choice!_

_I suppose, really I can't figure out your dvd collection Humphrey. How can you have Philadelphia Story next to Spaceballs?_

Claudia interrupts him, "Important text messages?"

"Yeah, you know work stuff, keep talking, I'm listening. Anyhow you know how Alessandra likes to keep me working in hopes I will write the next great American novel."

She looks at him with a look of understanding and he feels guilty that he's lied to her. He doesn't know why he doesn't tell her about Blair and Paul. It's not that he's hoping to go home with her tonight, it's just he feels like that's something she doesn't get to be a part of, why tell her about it, nothing will happen and it's obvious that she's not interested in what's been going on in his life as she keeps bringing the conversation back to the time they had spent together and all the "great times" they had.

Dan politely nods and gives her a small smile but their time together is the last thing from his mind. At this moment he can't help but wish he was at home sitting next to Paul and watching as Blair rolled her eyes at them as they laughed at the movie.

His phone alerts him to a new text message and he sees that Blair has sent him a photo of her and Paul eating popcorn on the couch.

_Paul's trying to teach me to catch popcorn in my mouth, however I'm not as good at it as he is. I tried to pick up most of my failed attempts though I'm afraid Dorota might have some extra work to do. LOL._

"Something funny?" Claudia asks.

Dan looks up, "I'm sorry, what?"

"You're grinning from ear to ear, I'm just wondering what Alessandra could have said that could make you smile so much."

"Oh, it's nothing really, just a funny story that happened around the firm…. You know, what, I'm going to turn this phone on vibrate and set it down, no more text messages." Dan says as he turns his phone over and places it on the table.

Claudia beams at him.

"I'm happy to have your attention."

They talk through dinner and though Dan was initially distracted, he does manage to have a good time. There really isn't much to not like about Claudia, she's very agreeable. Perhaps too agreeable.

Eventually Claudia gets up from the table and leans over seductively. "I'm going to go powder my nose and how about after you and I go back to my place and have some… desert." She says suggestively.

"Oh Claudia… I" Dan starts but she interrupts him.

"Don't answer now, just think about it while I'm gone. Try not to think about what Alessandra probably wants you to come in early for tomorrow, just think about what I'm offering" she ends with a seductive smile and her eyebrow raised.

"Okay, I will…. I think I'm going to go visit the men's room as well." Dan says stammering as he gets up and walks away.

He doesn't notice the brunette that was sitting at the table next to him listening in on his conversation. No one notices as she gets up to walk to the bar and quickly picks up the phone that Dan had left on the table.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Claudia is already sitting at the table by the time he gets back.

He walks up to her already rehearsing the excuse he has for not joining her back at her apartment.

Just as he sits down he notices Georgina walking towards their table.

Oh no he thinks, this can't be good.

"Dan! Sorry to barge in on your dinner but I wanted to return your phone back to you, thanks." Georgina says handing his phone back to him.

"You took, you took my phone Georgina?" Dan asks incredulous.

"Well, you left it on the table for anyone to grab. Tsk tsk Dan, you should know better, especially after what happened at Cece's wake." Georgina says flashing him a dazzling smile.

Claudia, clearly uncomfortable tries to intervene, "You took his phone?"

Georgina finally looks down at Claudia, "Think of it more as safe keeping. I was merely making sure my friend's phone didn't get swiped by some other patron or busboy."

"Oh! You're Dan's friend?" Claudia asks.

Georgina gives her a patronizing smile, "You can say that. I'm Georgina Sparks."

Claudia offers her a hand, "Nice to meet you Georgina, and I..."

Georgina cuts her off, "Don't matter!" Georgina turns her attention back to Dan leaving a stunned Claudia with her hand extended. Dan starts to put his face into his hands.

"B-T-W Dan, Blair wants you to stop by somewhere and see if you can get some eggs for breakfast tomorrow morning."

"Blair? Who's Blair? And why does she want eggs for breakfast tomorrow?" Claudia demands.

Georgina exhales loudly and turns back to Claudia, "Blair is the woman that Dan has been texting the whole time he's been sitting here with you. She's the mother of his son."

Claudia snaps her eyes back to Dan, "What is she talking about." She asks.

"She's the mother of my child yes, but it's not like that, we're just roommates"

"Oh Dan, let's be honest! Blair is a former girlfriend of Dan's. In fact one of the two major loves in Dan's life. She was his muse for Inside, you know Clair Carlyle. Anyhow they had a love affair that ended badly with Blair leaving New York City. Dan wrote two scathing books about her, one that got published and one that he never published. The book he never published is personally my favorite it really is a great work of nonfiction Dan but I can understand you not publishing it out of fear as to how Blair might react. You see, he was very truthful in his portray of her and didn't make any attempt in concealing who he was portraying when he named her, Blair Waldorf. Anyhow, needless to say he never really got over her and when she showed back up in New York years later with his 5 year old son that he never knew about… well you can understand can't you?"

Claudia looks at Dan for a moment and Dan just looks at her helplessly. She quickly gathers her purse and pushes her seat back. "You're a prick Dan."

Dan watches as she storms out of the restaurant. He can't help but feel grateful and weary of Georgina. Grateful because she managed to get Claudia to leave, weary because Georgina has taken Claudia's seat across from him and is flagging down a waiter.

"A glass of your house white please" Georgina says smiling sweetly. When she finally turns her attention back to Dan she flashes him a friendly smile that Dan doesn't believe for a second.

"Okay first of all, why were you looking in my phone, secondly, how do you know about that book and what it's about, thirdly, whatever you've got working in your head I want no part of." Dan says firmly.

"Dan! Is that anyway to talk to an old friend?" Georgina says sweetly. The waiter brings her a glass and she immediately orders a second and takes a long swig as he walks away to get her a second glass.

She sets her half empty class down and looks at him, her smile gone now. "First, I looked through your phone hoping I could find Chuck Bass's number. Secondly, I'm Georgina Sparks! Of course I know about your book and what its' about, I know you're passwords and where you hide the key to your loft. Thirdly" she pauses and gives him a serious looks, "you're going to help me with what I have cooking in my head, and if not there will be consequences."

"I don't take threats lightly Georgina"

"And I don't give them out lightly Dan." Georgina says as she takes another swig of her wine. "You know that Phillip finalized our divorce. What you may not know is that I didn't get much of an investment from that dimwit. While he may not be the brightest bulb, his lawyers are unfortunately. Anyways, now that I'm free and have nothing to show for the 6 years I was with Phillip except a trust fund for Milo that can't be accessed until he's 18 I've been looking at New York's finest eligible bachelors. As you know, Chuck Bass has recently gone through a divorce too, but most importantly, he's got an entire empire, one that he is expanding across the nation as we speak. I want Chuck Bass, and I want your help Dan Humphrey."

Dan looks at her incredulously, "No. No. I may not be Chuck's biggest fan, but even I wouldn't do that to him."

"Oh you will after you find out what I plan on doing if you don't" Georgina says slyly.

"There is nothing you have on me that could make me help you with that. I mean Chuck is a lot of things, but insane is not one of them. Even if I did help you he would never fall for you."

"Nothing I have on you Dan? Didn't we just discuss the book you had never published?"

Dan looks at her alarmed. "You wouldn't" he growls.

"Dan, do you realize who you're talking to? Of course I would, and your friend Vanessa Abrams demonstrated for us all how easy it was to make sure you got published and put on a bestseller list even without your consent."

Dan looks at her speechless.

"I wonder now Dan, I mean Blair seems to have forgiven you for the portrayal of your sophomore novel; however, I don't know how she will react this time. I'm pretty sure she won't be so lenient when she realizes that you wrote about all her insecurities, her malicious ways, her feelings of being not worthy, and her eating disorder for everyone to read… I suspect she may buy a ticket for her and Paul back to Paris to die." Georgina ends smugly.

Dan can feel himself panic a little. It's not an unlikely situation. Dan knows that he was very hard on Blair in the novel, way harder than the one he published after she left. The possibility of Blair taking Paul back to Paris and Dan having to see Paul only on visits terrifies him.

"It wouldn't work anyways Georgina, he's with Raina Thorpe last I heard and they're happy."

"Really Dan, this is Chuck Bass we're talking about. When has he never sabotaged a relationship that he was happy in? You'll figure it out."

Dan looks over at her for a few minutes then signals the waiter for the check.

Georgina pouts, "But I wanted another glass of wine"

"I'll pay for the two you put on my tab, but the next one is on you Georgina."

Georgina looks up at the waiter and rolls her eyes, "He used to be chivalrous"

The waiter looks down at Georgina captivated. Dan doesn't blame him, Georgina is beautiful and there's no way this waiter can know how mentally unstable she is.

Dan pays his checks and starts to leave the restaurant. Georgina looks up to him as he walks past her.

"Good catching up Dan, I will be getting in touch with you soon!"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan stops by a convenience store and picks up some eggs. He's very careful to be quiet as he walks in the door and while he puts the eggs in the refrigerator. As he takes his shoes off he notices Paul's shoes thrown haphazardly by the door. He sighs as he bends down and repositions them so they fit nicely within the shoe rack.

One less thing for Dorota to do when she comes in tomorrow morning.

As he handles Paul's shoe he starts to think of what may happen if Blair does read Dan's unpublished work about her. He can't bear the thought of not having Paul in his life every day and decides that he is going to do everything within his power to make sure that doesn't happen. It sickens him to think that he will be helping Georgina, but he has no other choice.

Normally he would turn to Blair for help in dealing with Georgina, however he knows he can't turn to Blair this time without disclosing what Georgina has hanging over his head. If he tells her she would probably leave anyways.

As he heads up the stairs to his room he passes the den where he finds Paul and Blair sleeping on the couch together. The TV and DVD player are still on and he goes over to turn them both off as silently as he can manage.

However Blair still manages to stir.

"Mmmm, Humphrey, what time is it?"

"Around midnight."

"Oh? That great of a date huh? Must have spent a lot of time catching up."

"Not exactly. Let's get you and Paul back into bed." Dan says as he gathers Paul up in his arms.

Blair sleepily follows him down the stairs and watches as he tucks Paul into bed. She then turns and starts to head down to her room but loses her balance and trips.

Dan is at her side immediately and finds herself in Dan's arms looking straight into his eyes as he starts to help her back to her feet. She can't help but notice that Dan's eyes look sad.

"Are you okay?" Dan asks.

"Yeah, guess I'm a little more sleepy that I thought. Got a little dizzy and lost my balance that's all."

Dan follows her to her room and helps her get into bed. He looks down at her again and Blair can't help but notice that something is bothering him.

"Dan are you okay? I mean, is everything alright? You seem troubled." Blair asks.

"Just tired Blair, I'm just tired. Goodnight. Wake me up tomorrow morning when you get up, I'll drop you off at your doctor's appointment and take Paul out for some gelato." Dan says as he walks out of her room and closes the door.

Blair turns over ready to succumb to sleep again but thinks about Dan as she falls into deep slumber. She's pretty sure his date didn't go as expected. She feels sorry for Dan. He's been great to her and Paul and he deserved to have a good time, but she also can't help but feel a little glad.

Blair falls asleep with that last thought on her mind.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**So I really wanted to get this out sooner, but unfortunately my summer session kept me incredibly busy. I have some time off between the end of my summer session and the start of my fall semester and I hope to get a chapter out then.**

**Again, really appreciate the reviews and you all enjoying the story. **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15-

True to her word, Georgina contacts Dan a week later. Just a simple text.

_I need you to somehow get Chuck Bass back in New York._

_Oh and how do you suppose I do that Georgina? It's not like we're friends._

_Not my problem Dan._

But he doesn't have to worry, because Chuck does come back to New York. Serena decides a visit to New York with Darren in tow is in order, much to the chagrin of her mother. Lily calls Chuck and asks him to come back for an impromptu reunion.

He flies in the day before Serena does.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair walks into the Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey penthouse.

"B!" Serena exclaims as she rushes towards Blair with her arms outstretched.

Serena pulls Blair into a tight embrace.

"Good God S! Have you been taking lessons from Cyrus on how to suffocate people with hugs?!" Blair exclaims.

Dan walks in behind Blair with Paul in his arms.

Serena takes Paul from Dan's arms.

"I've missed you so much!"

Paul turns his face away shyly as Serena starts to smatter his head with kisses.

"Hey Serena" Dan says as he gives her a quick hug.

"Hey Dan! I'm so glad you guys could make it! You have to meet Darren!"

"Can't wait for the fireworks tonight" Dan says with a sideways smile.

"Honestly Daniel, I have no idea what you mean." Lily says as she comes up to Daniel pressing a small kiss to his cheek.

"Mom, you promised…." Serena starts.

"And I promise you have nothing to worry about." Lily says to her daughter patronizingly.

"So where is he?" Blair asks.

"He's flying in with Eric. They're flight should land soon." Serena says.

"Blair…." Blair turns around to see Chuck.

Chuck steps to her and takes her in a tight embrace.

Dan can't help but feel a little uncomfortable, but decides to take advantage of this tender moment and pulls Serena aside.

"Serena, I need your help" he says softly.

Serena looks at him with a sly grin, "She prefers Louboutins over Manolos and I don't think that hug means anything so you don't have anything to worry about. You're welcome." She says nodding her head towards Blair.

"No, no Serena, this is serious…. It's Georgina." Dan whispers.

Serena's grin vanishes. "Tell me everything"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After Dan tells Serena she agrees to help him.

Darren and Eric arrive about 10 minutes after Serena has agreed to help Dan with his Georgina problem.

Serena introduces Darren to everyone and he joins Serena on the couch.

Dan walks up to a window and crosses his arms as he studies the Manhattan skyline.

He's replaying his conversation with Serena in his head.

"_How could you write that Dan?"_

"_I dunno, I was angry! I never meant for it to be published or for anyone to read it, it was more for me, to get all my anger out."_

"_How badly did you portray Blair?"_

"_I talked about everything she's done. All her insecurities, her eating disorder, that she wanted to be a powerful woman but it would never be realized because she relied on men to validate her, that the Blair Waldorfs of the world would always end up with the Chuck Basses of the world because they were cut from the same cloth and with them, familiarity would breed understanding which could be compensated for love… it's not a pretty picture Serena, really it isn't, I'm not kidding when I say I don't know if she will forgive me for this."_

_Serena nibbles on her lower lip, pensive._

"_If we're going to do this Dan, we need to make sure we destroy Georgina. I mean it, I can't have her popping into Blair and Paul's life anymore, threatening to obliterate the happiness she's worked so hard to build for them."_

"_What do you recommend Serena?"_

"_We need someone who schemes naturally-"_

"_I've already told you, we can't involve Blair in this Serena!" Dan reminds her._

_Serena rolls her eyes, "Chuck, Dan. I'm talking about Chuck."_

"_No, no… I don't want to involve him in this either."_

"_Like it or not Dan, Chuck is involved in this regardless if he helps us or not. You and I are not equipped to handle Georgina by ourselves. It's scary enough doing it behind Blair's back, so if we could enlist Chuck all it would do is help our cause, you know I'm right Dan."_

_Dan sighs and gives her a small nod in defeat. She's right after all, without Blair the only person they can rely on to effectively tackle Georgina is Chuck._

"So… You're living with Blair now huh?" Eric says as he comes up to Dan and watches the same skyline as Dan.

Dan doesn't look at him, "And Paul… I live with Blair and Paul. Really he's the whole reason we share the same address."

"Well that goes without saying." Eric says snickering.

Dan looks at Eric out of the side of his eye. "What? What are you getting at?"

Eric smiles and takes a sip of the champagne that's in his hand, "Nothing" Eric says as he swallows, "Nothing Dan, though I keep thinking next you'll be telling me she smells nice." Eric says smiling into his glass.

Dan turns around and watches Blair and Darren talking as they set the dinner table.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dinner was amazing. Everyone is enamored by Darren, even Chuck. Rufus is just happy that Serena has found someone who can make her happy and ground her.

There were a few hairy moments when Blair was away and they would find Serena in some hotel room with white powder around her nostrils, incoherent and angry, some guy sheepishly ducking out the doorway.

Even Lily comes around.

Blair leaves that night carrying a sleeping Paul. Dan follows behind her, his hands full with left overs.

During the car ride back to the Upper West Side Blair looks over at Dan, "So what are you going to do? The great love of your life seems to be moving on. He seems like the real deal." She tries to sound like she's teasing him but it almost sounds bitter.

Dan continues to look out the window and watch as the rain hitting the window blurs the lights of New York, "I'm happy for her" he says softly.

They don't say a word to each other during the rest of the ride.

It's only after Paul has been put to bed and Blair is walking towards her room does Dan finally break the silence between them.

"She's not, you know." Dan says, keeping his back towards Blair.

Blair stops in her tracks.

Dan looks over his shoulder, "The great love of my life, she's not. She hasn't been for a while. There was someone else…. But that girl-"

Blair looks over at him with her eyes wide.

Dan stops. He shakes his head and turns and walks up the stairs and heads to his room and slams the door.

It's only after Blair hears the door slam does she take a shaky step towards her bedroom.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Chuck slides into the booth next to Serena. Dan looks across the table, still not sure if this is a good idea.

"Are you sure you want to do this Chuck?" Dan asks cautiously.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Humphrey, I suppose you don't remember how Blair used to always ask for my help when during her schemes, I'm born for moments like this." Chuck purrs into his glass of scotch.

"Nothing personal Chuck, I just don't want to owe you anything." Dan responds.

"What makes you think I want anything from you?" Chuck sneers.

"There's always a catch with your Chuck." Dan retorts.

"Not this time. I'm just as eager to get rid of the crazy bitch as you are Hum-Drum. Especially when her crazy involves me." Chuck says smiling.

"Okay what do you suggest?" Dan asks.

Chuck sits back and grins, "Well, obviously it's not enough to get her to leave your book alone, so… let's brainstorm. What are Georgina's traits we can use against her?"i

"Well, she's crazy." Serena throws out there.

"And she's broke" Dan adds.

"She's also a mom… we could use her kid against her." Chuck throws out there.

Dan looks at Chuck firmly, "No. I won't use Milo against her. I couldn't do that to her, but most of all, I can't do that to him." Dan finishes remembering Milo and how he used to fall asleep on his chest. Dan can feel the familiar ache start to build in his stomach as he thinks of Milo.

Chuck takes a swig of his glass again, "The high road eh Humphrey? I'll give it a try, but I'm just throwing Milo out there as an option, in case nothing works out. I'm not exactly crazy about the idea either, but I can't have Georgina constantly within Blair's orbit. You might have to choose Humphrey, either your fake son or your real son, just letting you know now."

Dan leans back and looks at Serena. The way that Serena refuses to meet his gaze tells him that she agrees with Chuck. At least she has the decency to feel guilty about it.

"I should have known. This isn't going to work Serena" Dan says as he gets up from the booth. "I knew it was a bad idea asking Chuck. I can't and won't do that to Milo"

Serena grabs Dan's hand. "Please Dan, stay."

Dan wrenches his hand out of her grasp, "No! I won't do that. I'd rather her read it and spend the rest of my life making it up to her and Paul than do that. It would hurt, but at least I would still be able to look at myself in the mirror."

"Well, I suppose Blair and Paul will sleep well knowing that you though it was important that you ensure Milo's happiness rather than your own son's."

"Fuck you Chuck." Dan says curling his hand into a fist.

"Mmmmm, your language reflects your social standing Humphrey" Chuck says smirking.

"Chuck! Dan! Stop!" Serena exclaims bringing the attention of the café. She lowers her voice, "Dan sit! You asked for my help and this is my help! I don't want to hurt Milo, you know that, so we just have to make sure that whatever plan WE" she says emphasizing 'we', "put together is so good that it doesn't have to come to that, but like it our not Dan, if we destroy Georgina it's going to affect Milo."

Dan stands at the table, hands in a fist, jaw ticking. Finally he slides back into the booth, staring at the man who had been on the receiving end of so many of Dan's fist.

"Okay, so, we have she's crazy, she's broke, what else?" Serena says trying to get the conversation going again.

"You tell us Serena" Chuck purrs while focusing on the ice in his class.

"She likes cocaine." Serena offers.

"She's afraid of her parents?" Dan offers as well.

"Her parents?! Been there done that Humphrey, I forget how amateur you are at this. Really, using Blair's old tactics from years ago, no wonder you enlisted me." Chuck sneers at him.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment Chuck." Dan says sarcastically. "What do you suggest then?"

"Well, I paid someone to look into the sealed documents of her divorce with Phillip." Chuck says as he inhales the scent of the glass of scotch he fondles in his hand, "Phillip really wanted custody of Milo and he had a great case to get him, however, Georgina managed to get a very good lawyer who made sure she got custody. You know, children need their mother or something." Chuck says as he takes a sip.

"Or else they end up like you?" Serena says poking Chuck in the ribs.

"I wasn't going to say that or go that far, but sure why not? Anyhow, of course the judge being aware of how batshit crazy Georgina is made a caveat on the custody agreement. She can continue to have primary custody of Milo as long as she proves herself clean from all of her past recreational activities." Chuck says.

"So what are you saying?" Dan asks not sure if he likes where this is heading.

"Well, like Serena says, she loves coke. I'm throwing a party at the Empire, you know she won't be able to resist and she'll crash it. I can make sure of some illegal activity and cocaine at the party and will make sure she sees it. She won't be able to resist. Someone gets a photo of her doing a line and-"

"I already told you, I won't hurt Milo and taking his mother away from him…" Dan starts.

"Let me finish Humphrey. Jeopardy." Chuck ends slyly.

"Jeopardy?" Serena asks confused?

"Yes. We will have incriminating evidence of her breaking her custody agreement. Use it against her." Chuck ends.

"You mean blackmail?" Dan asks.

"If that's what you want to call it. But it's a way to use Milo against her and not hurt him. Because as crazy as she is, she does love him and is terrified of losing him. She'll fall to our demands. I'm sure of it." Chuck adds proud of himself.

Serena and Dan sit back thinking about it.

"It's good." Serena admits.

Chuck looks up to Dan. Dan just sits back not sure.

"It's good." Serena reiterates. "You're right, faced with the idea of losing Milo, she will cave and it's something we can hold over her head forever. And unless she breaks our agreement, Milo will never get hurt. It's brilliant Chuck!" Serena exclaims.

"Well, I was Blair's epic love, it's only natural I should be able to come up with something like this."

Dan can't help but feel as if that is an insult directed towards him.

Serena looks over at Dan.

"Okay" Dan finally says. "Okay, we go along with it, if she refuses, we have to come up with something else, a back up, okay? I won't be responsible for Milo being torn away from her."

Chucks phone starts to ring. Chuck looks down at it and Dan watches as Chucks eyes light up.

"It's Raina, well I came up with the main plan, I'll let you two think up a plan B." Chuck gathers himself and presses a small kiss to Serena's cheek.

Dan watches as Chuck presses the phone to his ear and exits the café smiling.

Serena turns back to Dan giving him a knowing smile.

"I told you he'd help us."

"I know" Dan says chewing the inside of his cheek. "I just can't help but think this might blow up in my face."

"You know Chuck isn't trying to sabotage this. He has no reason to-"

"No reason to? It concerns Blair, Serena! Of course he has every reason to let me hang on this!" Dan reminds her.

Serena smiles at him, "No, I don't think so. Didn't you see the way his eyes lit up when he saw Raina was calling him? He may always love Blair, but right now I think he's in love with Raina….. He's happy." Serena says biting her lip. "He's happy…"

Dan looks at her nodding and pays for Chuck's scotch.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is sitting at the dining table sipping coffee as Dan reads the newspaper.

She looks out the window wistfully, "You know, I always loved Fall the best. It's coming, I can feel it." She says smiling.

Dan looks over at her with a grin, "Oh? Blair Waldorf is in tune with the weather?"

"No, not the weather, just fall." Blair says sipping from her coffee.

"Well, I suppose Chuck Bass's party to send off summer at the Empire is well timed, seeing as to how you can tell it's days are waning." Dan teases.

"Oh, Chuck's party! I need to go find a dress! Dan, can you make sure Paul makes it to school today and then drop him off at my mother's after school?" Blair asks.

"Sure, what should I pack up for his stay at Eleanor's?" Dan asks.

"Not to worry Humphrey, I'll have Dorota pack his weekend bag. He'll be back Sunday. Anyways, I know that if I let you pack for him he'd look like a lumberjack. My child just can't do flannel." Blair says condescendingly.

Dan chuckles as he gets up, "I'll go get him ready right now. You enjoy your cup of coffee and then have fun shopping. I do hope I can find a nice plaid cummerbund for tonight's soiree."

Blair rises giving him a knowing smile. "You're only saying that to get me angry, and fighting with you is beneath me. Fighting with you is beneath me, fighting with you is beneath me" she says as he walks away.

She's about to go put her cup into the kitchen when Dan's phone chimes informing there is a text message.

Blair is about to call after Dan and let him know he left his phone on the dining table when she realizes Georgina is the sender with an odd text.

_Make sure he's there tonight. If not Humphrey it will be your head!_

Blair feels annoyed. What the hell is Georgina doing texting Dan Humphrey? So Blair goes into Dan's phone, his passcode was way too easy, really 0-0-0-0? Please, it's like Humphrey wants her to snoop.

She doesn't get much from the prior messages. Just that Georgina is scheming and she's threatening Dan.

Blair won't have it.

Blair hums a tune as she gets ready for the day. A shopping spree, a party, and confronting Gerogina. It's like life is a little back to normal for Blair.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan and Blair do not see each other all day and show up to the party separately.

When Blair arrives she's intrigued. Dan and Chuck are talking in hushed tones in a corner. Since when have they been friends? She watches as Serena comes up to them and joins in on the conversation.

Blair's attention is momentarily diverted as she watches Georgina come in. Blair can't help but snort into her champagne flute.

Georgina looks on at Blair and nods her head at her and flashes a sly grin.

It irritates Blair and she finds herself searching for Dan, Chuck, and Serena again.

Unfortunately, they've finished whatever conversation they've been having and have scattered into the party.

Darren comes up behind Blair.

"Blair, have you seen Serena?"

Blair turns to him, "She was just in that corner talking to Chuck and Dan, but I can't seem to find them now. Have you tried texting her?"

Darren chuckles, "I suppose it really shows my age, I'm still not too savvy with texting."

Blair looks up to him and smiles warmly. She really likes him.

They both head to the bar together as he texts Serena.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Eventually Dan finds Blair.

"You look beautiful Blair" Dan says, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Happy to see there is no plaid in your outfit" Blair says, looking him over and nodding satisfied.

Chuck and Serena join them.

"Dan, we need to talk to you." Chuck says to Dan softly.

Dan looks at him and nods.

"Okay! What the hell is going on? Why are you two talking to each other? And Serena? What could you have to do with them?" Blair asks incredulously.

"I can't tell you Blair, but believe me, it's important." Chuck says.

Blair watches as Serena and Dan follow Georgina with their eyes.

"Something's up. And don't think you can lie to me, I know Georgina is attempting to blackmail you Humphrey, which I'm guessing you've turned to Chuck and Serena." Blair turns to Chuck and Serena, "No offense, but really Humphrey, if you had turned to me you wouldn't need those two to take down Humphrey, I can't help but be offended-"

"Dan, it's now or never." Serena says.

Dan nods to her and he follows Chuck and Serena as they walk towards Georgina.

Blair can't help but feel flustered. She marches after them.

She comes up to them as Georgina is looking over a phone with her eyes wide.

She looks at Dan, "You wouldn't!"

Dan doesn't meet her eyes and looks at the floor.

Chuck speaks up, "Oh but I would. Really Georgina, did you think you could mess with Humphrey and me and get away with it? You're out numbered and out of your element. I'm embarrassed for you."

Georgina notices Blair listening and a grin spreads across her face.

"Blair! I'm guessing they kept you out of this! Great! I'm so happy you're here. Now I can update you on what happened."

Dan turns around with an alarmed look on his face as he sees Blair.

"You must be so proud. They've managed a take down without you!" Georgina says shakily, "Though you must wonder why you were kept out of the loop."

"Georgina…" Serena starts.

"Don't worry. I'll accept your demands. It won't get published, but how can you all, as her friends, want to keep this from Blair? Enough with the secrets!" Georgina exclaims smugly.

"What is she talking about?" Blair asks.

Dan looks at her helplessly, Serena looks sad, and Chuck looks away, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Oh, come to me for the truth Blair, you know I'm always willing to tell you." Georgina exclaims.

"Blair, come on, let's go to the bar" Chuck says taking her arm.

Blair pulls her arm out of Chuck's hand. She looks at Dan, then to Georgina.

"I want to hear it." Blair says, not really sure if she wants to hear it.

"Have you read what Dan has written about you?" Georgina says smug.

Blair rolls her eyes. "So what? That was published years ago? I hurt Dan, I've moved on and really, you expect me to get angry about a work of fiction?"

"Oh you don't know! That's so cute!" Georgina exclaims.

Dan puts his head into his hands.

"Well let me fill you in Blair! There is a book that you don't even know of and you're mentioned in it… actually you've always been Dan's muse haven't you?" Georgina ends bitterly.

"Anyhow" Georgina continues, "this I assure you is a work of non-fiction,"

Blair looks at Dan uneasy.

"What of it?" finally blair answers. "We're a family now, I won't let you ruin that."

"Family huh? Why don't you ask Dan if you can read what he's written about you? After you read it, I'm sure you'll be happy that Chuck and Serena came up with his brilliant plan to blackmail me and keep me from publishing it. You DON'T want this book to be published." Georgina ends as she walks away.

Blair tells Serena and Chuck she's going home. She's tired, but that's a lie, she's exhausted and angry. Dan follows her and heads into the car with her.

"Blair… I am so sorry."

Blair turns to him slowly. "I want to read it" she whispers.

Dan nods.

When they get to the Brownstone he goes into this study and brings a stack of papers and pushes it into her hands. "I'm sorry Blair." He says not looking at her. Blair takes it to her study and shuts the door.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan sits in the hallway watching for the door to her study to open.

It's been 4 hours and he starts to worry. The book wasn't long.

The door opens and Dan gets up. Blair comes out and refuses to look at him. She walks past him.

"Blair please. It wasn't-" Dan starts.

"What humprhey?! Not true?! Cause we both know that's a lie !" Blair exclaims with tears. "I know my own deficits! But to have you portray them and leave them for everyone to read! Can you imagine what it would be like to have all your insecurities played out? Congratulations Humphrey! People will love it, maybe you should let Georgina publish it, the press will eat it up and you can finally have the sales to validate you as a writer!" She says as she stomps into her room.

Dan goes downstairs and goes into the kitchen. He makes himself a cup of tea and wonders how he got into this mess.

He should have erased the files on his computer and burned the copy he had printed out when Blair and Paul came into his life. He's not sure why he kept it.

He's so stupid.

He raises his head as Blair comes down the stairs, weekend bag in tow, filled with clothes. She pulls on her shoes and Dan speaks up.

"Blair, please, can't we talk about this?"

Blair looks at him disgusted and continues with her shoes.

"Why don't you calm down before you leave, please, just talk to me."

Blair slams the door and runs out of the Brownstone.

Dan sighs and crouches down.

He straightens out the shoes Blair had messed up in her rush to flee Dan and their home.

He needs to make it up to her, he's just not sure how he's going to manage it.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Two hours later Dan is in a cab with a manila folder in his hands. He's nervous as the cab pulls up to the address on the Upper East Side he had instructed the driver to.

He passes a few bills into the drivers hand and heads up.

He feels like the elevator ride up is the longest ride he's ever been in. He doesn't quite remember it ever taking this long to get up to Blair's penthouse.

As he walks in he hears Blair start to come down the stairs, ready to greet whoever is in her parlor at this hour.

"What are you doing here?" Blair demands as she stomps down the stairs gathering her robe around her.

Dan stands there looking at her.

"I'm not going to stand here and try to make you feel better about what I wrote. You're right, it was all true and I wrote it hoping to hurt you. And for that I am sorry." Dan starts, "However I wanted to remind you of the other person you were, the one that I liked best." Dan ends as he drops a manila folder on the accent table in her foyer.

She stands on her stairs and watches as he walks out. After he's left she walks over to the table intrigued.

She opens the manila folder and her eyes water as she reads the first lines, "In the film Sabrina, Audrey Hepburn said, "I have learned how to live…"

When she's done she puts down the folder and heads upstairs to change. She throws a trench coat over her pajamas, heads downstairs and hails a cab.

She goes back to the brownstone. Dan isn't there.

She hails another cab and tells them an address in Brooklyn.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan Humphrey is sitting in a chair chewing on his bottom lip as he reads a book.

He hears a familiar knock and watches as Blair Waldorf sheepishly pushes open the door and walks in.

Dan puts the book down and stands up.

They stand in front of each other.

Finally Blair speaks up.

"You know the first time I read that I was so happy. Louis and I hadn't been getting along and it felt like he had finally seen through all the layers of me and saw the woman I could be. The one I wanted to be… It really wasn't all that surprising when I found out it was you who had written that. Regardless of the fact that you are an AWFUL writer" Blair says with mock disdain, "you've always been good at observing people and seeing the best parts of them."

Dan gives her a small smile and brings her into an embrace.

Blair sighs into his chest. She had always loved how safe Dan had made her feel while she was in his arms.

She pulls away.

"So what are you planning for tonight Humphrey? I don't know how you can stand to be in this loft after stepping it up in the Upper West Side."

Dan smirks, "Are you hungry Waldorf?"

Blair just smiles at him.

She buys the pizza this time.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They fall asleep together, on Dan's couch. It's a familiar scene and when Dan wakes up in the middle of the night, Blair is sleeping leaned up against his shoulder and the Blu Ray they had been watching has been over long ago.

Dan could reach over grab the remote to turn off the TV and Blu Ray player. But doing that might disturb Blair and Dan for whatever reason just doesn't want her to wake up. So he presses a kiss to her head and shuts his eyes, content.

**Well, another chapter done. I hope you all enjoy it, and again, thank you from the bottom of this Dair shipper's heart for all the reviews. Really, whenever I read them it encourages me to write. **


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16-

Dan, Blair, and Paul are in the back of a town car on their way to see Chuck off at the airport.

"Why doesn't he live in New York anymore?" Paul asks his mom.

Blair smiles and pushes Paul's curls off of his forehead. "Because, he's working out of Chicago now."

"Is Chicago big?" Paul asks.

Dan smiles, "Some say it rivals New York. As far as Gotham Cities in America, Chicago and New York are the only real ones we have."

Blair scrunches her nose, "Yes, Chicago is big, but it's NOT New York. It's in the Midwest! You can't really compare it to New York."

Dan smirks, "Have you ever been to Chicago Blair?"

Blair slits her eyes, "No."

"Well I have, for a book signing. Seeing as to how I am the only one in this car who has been there trust me Paul, Chicago is just as grand as New York."

"I don't need to have been someplace to know that it's a second rate city Humphrey! You can't compare a city built on mafia money and jazz and prohibition in the early century to New York, New York has all the old money and history." Blair says condescendingly.

Paul looks between his mom and dad worried. Dan smiles down at him, "I'm going to have to let your mother win on this one, but I assure you kiddo, it's a great city."

"Maybe one day we can visit Uncle Chuck? See for ourselves how great it is?" Paul asks.

Blair snorts, "Trust me sweetie, there is nothing we need to see in the Midwest."

"But I want to go!" Paul insists.

Dan looks over at Blair as Paul takes his hand.

"Really Blair, could you really deny your son the chance to explore a great city like Chicago because you have some ridiculous prejudice against it?!" Dan asks starting to get irritated.

Blair looks down at her son, "Maybe, if I start feeling better, we can go visit your Uncle Chuck and you can see for yourself how greater New York is."

Paul smiles, knowing that he had won that round.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Paul runs into Chucks arms on the runway. Chuck is standing in front of his corporate jet waiting to take off. Everyone is there and Blair and Dan are the last to arrive.

"Mom says we can visit you in Chicago when she feels better!"

Chuck hoists Paul in his arms and chuckles, "Really? Blair Waldorf in the Midwest? I can't wait to see it" Chuck says as he looks on at Blair.

Dan goes up to Chuck and shakes his hand, "Thanks Chuck, for your help and everything."

"Don't mention it Humphrey, I really couldn't let you go against Georgina by yourself. You needed my help, after all, I'm Chuck Bass." Chuck says ending with his famous statement.

Blair rolls her eyes.

Chuck puts Paul down and turns his attention to Blair.

Blair smiles and straightens his tie. "Do you really have to go? I feel like we barely got to see each other."

Chuck grabs her hands and holds it against his chest. "Business calls…"

"And Raina" Blair ends cocking her eyebrow.

"And Raina too" Chuck agrees.

Blair sighs, "I'm glad you're happy Chuck you deserve it, I wish you didn't have to go to Chicago to find your happiness, but I'm glad that you and Raina have found each other again. She's definitely meant for you, she's just as powerful and business savvy as you are.." Blair bites her lip, "You guys make a great team."

"We do" Chuck says. "You know you deserve happiness too, are you happy?" Chuck asks while cocking his head towards Dan Humphrey.

Blair looks over at Dan and Paul holding hands and watching them, she turns back to Chuck and nods her head.

Chuck takes her into his arms and hugs her. "I'm glad. I love you Blair. You'll call me after your Dr.'s appointment? Let me know how the scan goes"

"Of course" Blair replies.

He gives Dan a nod and then presses a kiss on Lily's cheeks as she struggles to keep her tears from spilling over.

"Call as soon as you land Charles." Lily says.

"Of course" Chuck says.

"Next time bring Raina, I want to talk to the girl who has bewitched my son and entices him to return to the Midwest." Lily teases.

"If she's not busy next time I will make sure she comes." Chuck says warmly.

He shakes Rufus's hand and gives Serena a big hug. He turns one last time to look at Blair before he boards his plane.

Paul, Blair and Dan head back to the car. Dan can see that Blair is trying to hold in tears.

It irritates him a bit. He can't help but be frustrated by the hold that Chuck has and continues to have over Blair. But he doesn't say anything about it.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After they had left the airport Paul suggested Gelato to help bring up Blair's mood.

They had gelato and Paul eventually got his mother to laugh.

Dan joined in on laughing, feeling like they are an actual family. He loves this feeling.

They both decide to take Paul to the Met where they tell Paul stories about themselves on the Met steps.

"Did you really throw yogurt in people's hair?!" Paul asks his mom.

"There was this one time when I had dropped my belongings and your mother came up behind me and kicked my things, just to be a butt." Dan adds.

Blair throws him a warning glance, "Yes Paul I did all those things, but did you know your dad once had an affair with his teacher?"

"What's an affair dad?" Paul asks.

"Nothing, just a working friendship." Dan answers, he pulls Blair aside as Paul starts to play on the stairs of the Met. "Really? You're going to bring that up to our 5 year old son?"

"Only seems fair, seeing as to how you want to remind him of how awful his mother was." Blair bites back.

"Did you really rule these steps mom?" Paul interrupts.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far-" Blair starts.

"She did, she was an evil dictator of taste I tell you. But she had her great moments. She was fiercely loyal to the people she loved. I had dated your aunt Serena before your mom and when we ended and I started seeing other girls. Your mom seeing how hurt Serena was, made sure me and the girl were sorry for it. She put something in the girl's hair." Dan says smiling at the memory.

Paul stops and looks at his dad very serious, "You and Aunt Serena dated?"

"Yeah, but it was a long time ago." Dan explains.

"Did you love her?" Paul asks

"Yes…. Yes I did." Dan answers a bit uncomfortable.

"Did you love her more than you loved my mom?" Paul presses.

Dan finds himself stammering, "Well…. No, I mean, no, I did at one time, but that was years ago-"

"You should have seen him, lovesick for Serena, always there to rescue her. Though I have to say, as gentlemanly as your dad was, he wasn't a very good knight in shining armor and so had to call upon me a lot to help him. It's how your dad and I became friends, because we both loved your Aunt Serena so much." Blair interrupts, trying to help Dan out.

Paul looks at his dad uneasy.

"The truth is, we didn't like each other very much when we were younger. In fact, we hated each other, but we grew to like each other, then trust each other, then, well, we fell in love, and then I hurt your Aunt Jenny, and things became hard…" Blair says.

"Is that why you guys hate each other now?" Paul asks.

"Oh Paul, we don't hate each other" Blair answers quickly.

Paul looks at Dan. "But you hated her, you hated her for a long time. I remember hearing you talking to Lily about it the first time I stayed at your loft, I remember you yelling at her the night she went into the hospital."

"Oh Paul-" Blair starts.

"It's okay Blair" Dan says as he looks into his son's eyes. "I was angry at your mom for a long time, but I never hated her, I couldn't, it's impossible to hate your mom. Even with all the awful things she had done before, she's still such a great person that you could never hate her." Dan answers truthfully.

Paul nods satisfied. Then he wrinkles his nose, "Did you and Aunt Serena kiss?"

Dan and Blair laugh at this and Paul continues to run up and down the Met steps around his parents.

Dan puts his arm around Blair and Blair gives him a small smile. She looks out on the steps remembering when she did rule this place. Her own little kingdom, but Blair was an usurper, the power was never given to her, she took it by any means necessary, though there was this one time when she was crowned on these steps by a kind pauper with a cubic zirconia tiara.

Blair leans into Dan as she relives the memory in her head.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is doing the dishes as Blair puts Paul to bed.

Dan had sent Dorota home early in the afternoon. He cleaned up a little around the house and made lasagna for Blair and Paul for dinner.

Blair grudgingly admitted it was good. Paul loved it and told Dan he should cook more often.

Dan looks up as Blair comes down the stairs and walks up to the kitchen counter. She leans against it and looks weary.

"You look like you had a hard day." Dan starts to tease.

Blair smiles sadly, "It's never easy saying goodbye to Chuck."

Dan starts to feel annoyed. He looks over at her and asks softly, "You'll always love Chuck, huh?"

Blair looks at him surprised, "Of course I'll always love him. That doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

"What is it about him? I mean, I don't understand it. I can see the good in Chuck, but he could be so awful to you."

Blair nods her head, "He could be awful to me, but he was also amazing to me as well. I know everyone wonders how I could have stuck by him all those times, but no one knows, no one knows what it was like when we were together, just us, the tender moments, but it's more than that…"

"More?" Dan asks.

Blair sighs and she looks at the sink full of dishes, "You know about my insecurities, how I always felt I was in competition with Serena… Unlike you and Nate, I didn't have to share Serena with Chuck. Chuck had never been with Serena… I know it's ridiculous, but I hated knowing that I was second to Serena with you. With Chuck, he was mine, Serena never had him, I didn't have to worry about it, he was the only thing I had up to Guillaume that Serena didn't have first." Blair says truthfully.

Dan looks at her, "I didn't realize…"

"No one did. Nate didn't, you didn't, I think Chuck understood that and used that as assurance that I would be with him. I don't think he did it consciously… I dunno." Blair ends.

Dan finishes up the dishes. He puts his hands on the counter and looks Blair in the eyes.

"You don't have to you know." He says gravely.

"Don't have to what?" Blair asks confused.

"Feel as if you're in competition with Serena. You never had to. You are Blair Waldorf, there isn't anyone out there who can hold a stick to you, at least not for me" Dan says as he wipes his hands and starts to head upstairs.

Blair looks after him stunned. She finally decides to go to bed, but before she does she checks in on her sleeping son one last time and kisses his forehead.

"Thank you Dan Humphrey, thank you for our son." She whispers as she walks to her room.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Serena stays another three weeks before she flies out to LA for the wrap party of Eric's film. Her last week she stays at the Brownstone, sleeping in Blair's bed with her. Dan smiles thinking how they act like such sisters.

Serena goes with Blair to her doctor's appointment. She waits out in the hallway as Blair gets the reading for her scan.

Her doctor puts her scans up and looks them over. Blair holds her breath. She's not sure why he hasn't said anything.

Finally he clears his throat. "I don't know what to tell you Ms. Waldorf."

Blair feels a part of her heart crumble. She steels herself. She won't breakdown in front of him.

"So, it's not working anymore? Thank you for your help and all you've done" Blair answers mechanically and starts to gather her things.

He looks at her confused.

"No Ms. Waldorf, I'm saying that I can't find the Glioma in these scans."

Blair stops and sinks back down into her chair.

"What does this mean?" she whispers. Hope starting to flutter in her chest.

He turns back to the scan and studies it longer.

He turns back to her, "It means, I can't find any evidence of your Glioma. I've never seen this before, but I think it's safe to say, we've got a complete remission."

Blair starts to breath. "I thought that wasn't possible with this type of cancer."

"I've heard of it happening in some of the medical literature but I've personally never seen it. I'm just as stunned as you are."

"Oh my god." Blair whispers as the gravity of what he's said to her starts to crash in on her.

Complete remission? Blair never dared to even hope for that, now she's presented with the reality that she may not have cancer anymore.

The Doctor stops smiling and looks at her gravely, "I have to tell you, I've heard of complete remission but in all of the cases I've read it always returns. It's an aggressive cancer. There is no definitive time line it follows, sometimes it returns in months, sometimes in years. Because of how dangerous this cancer is I'm going to recommend you to come in quarterly for scans. To check if it's returned and if it is, I want to start treatment up immediately. You've responded the best out of any patient I've ever had and I'm confident if it did return and we caught it in time we could get you back to this point, if not this point, we could buy you a lot more time."

Blair looks past him at the scans he's put up. Her vision blurs and she realizes that she has tears in her eyes.

She grabs her doctor's hands and he looks at her surprised.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! Oh my god! I can't even express how grateful I am!"

The Dr. pulls his hands out of her hands and scratches his head embarrassed.

"You don't know how happy this makes me Ms. Waldorf, but I think you need to also give yourself credit. You were on a very aggressive chemo regimen and you never once gave up." He says openly admiring her.

Blair steps out of the room, promising to schedule a scan in 4 months. After she's made her schedule she runs into Serena's arms in the lobby.

Serena holds her, "Is it good Blair?"

Blair gulps down air and looks at Serena and nods her head.

Serena's eyes shine with tears and she pulls Blair into a tight embrace. They walk out together and get into the back of the towncar that's waiting for them. Serena continues to cling to Blair's hand while Blair starts to make phone calls. The first person she calls is Dan Humphrey.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan looks down at his caller ID. It's Blair.

"Hello Waldorf" he answers.

"Dan? I've just come from the Dr.'s office."

Dan takes a seat, "Okay…. So how did it go?"

"Really good Dan…. He can't find any evidence of cancer on my brainstem, Dan… I'm in remission!" Blair exclaims.

Dan can't talk. He just sits there with his hand over his mouth, a million thoughts going through his head.

"Dan are you there?"

Dan clears his throat, "I'm here" he answers with a shaky voice.

"Do you know what this means?" Blair asks.

"I think I do…. I just, I have no words. God Blair, that's so amazing…"

"Dan Humphrey at a loss for words? I told you you were an awful writer!" Blair teases.

Dan chuckles.

"I need to let you go, I need to call a few more people and let them know."

"Of course. Don't make any plans for tonight. In fact, invite everyone over to the Brownstone, we're going to celebrate, Humphrey style, I'll have Rufus make chili and I'll make some cornbread, Jenny will be on cappuccino duty." He says, he can imagine Blair rolling her eyes.

But she surprises him, "Sounds wonderful Dan, I will let everyone know."

She calls everyone and the last person she talks to is Chuck.

She thanks him for everything, for finding the doctor, for making sure she got the best care.

Chuck tells her that he would do all that and more for her if ever she needed him.

After they end the phone call Chuck turns to Raina.

Raina looks at him concerned, "Is it good?"

"Beyond good. There's no sign of cancer…" Chuck's voice hitches as he feels every emotion he's pushed back since the night he saw her hooked up to machines in the hospital months before crash down on him.

Raina looks at him with tears streaming down her face. She walks up to him and hugs him. "I'm glad" she whispers.

Chuck clings to her that night, he lays in bed with her and they do nothing but cling to each other. Happy for Blair Waldorf and enjoying the first night since finding each other again where they just slept. No power games, no sex, just slept.

Chuck can't ever remember sleeping so well.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Everyone shows up at the Brownstone and they celebrate Blair's prognosis. The whole night they talk, all of them on the verge of tears. When everyone goes home Serena helps Dan clean up as Blair puts Paul to bed.

"It's so like Blair isn't it? To leave us with the dirty work while she gets to put Paul to bed" Serena teases as she helps Dan put dishes away.

Dan chuckles and watches as Blair comes down the stairs and towards them.

She surprises them as she joins them and starts to help them clean up.

They all joke around while cleaning and when its over Dan looks over at them yawning and excuses himself to bed. He knows that Blair and Serena want to be alone. Serena is leaving tomorrow morning to go back to California for the wrap party of Eric and Darren's movie.

Serena and Blair stay up all night talking. Serena promises Blair that she will be back in New York with Darren to help Blair celebrate her birthday in November.

"But S! That's 2 months away! What will I do without you in New York?" Blair exclaims.

"You'll be fine. You've got Paul and Dan. It's fall, the holidays will be coming upon us shortly, you'll be busy, the time will fly by!" Serena explains.

They spend the rest of the early hours of the morning making plans for the holidays. Blair is adamant that it be held at the Brownstone or Penthouse, which ever place, as long as she is hosting it. Serena promises that she and everyone else will be here for Thanksgiving.

Dan comes downstairs around 7 am. Serena has just finished packing. He brings her suitcases downstairs and takes them out to the town car to load it up.

Blair is holding Paul in her arms and she looks up to Serena, "Are you sure we can't see you off at the airport?"

Serena shakes her head, "No, I'm afraid I might lose my nerve and never board the plane. It's best to get our goodbyes here."

Blair nods and hugs Serena tightly.

Serena whispers to Blair, "I love you B. I'm so happy about your doctor's appointment yesterday. I can't wait to make more plans with you. Birthdays and holidays, I'm just so excited."

Blair pulls back and nods.

Serena turns her attention to Paul, "Will you think of me everyday? I'm going to think of you" she says as she playfully tickles Paul.

Paul shrugs sleepy, but shines a bright smile for Serena, "I'm going to miss you Aunt Serena."

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you." She says as she kisses him on the cheek. He blushes instantly.

Dan hugs Serena, "Bye Serena, we will miss you. Thanks for being here for Blair and for everything."

Serena looks up to him and flashes her radiant smile at him, "I'll be back, don't you worry."

She looks back at the Brownstone and gives Blair's hand a tight squeeze before she retreats into her town car. As the town car pulls away from the curb she lowers the window and flashes them her most radiant smile and blows kisses at them.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The rest of the day, Blair is somber. Dan understands. It's hard to be cheerful after saying goodbye to Serena.

Paul goes to school and comes back and reports back to his mom on his day. They eat leftovers that night and they all don't talk much, exhausted by the past couple of weeks.

Dan puts Paul to bed and Blair goes to her room early.

After Paul falls asleep, Dan goes up to his room. He can't fall asleep. Thinking about the possibilities of Blair's remissions and what it could mean.

He looks over at his bedside clock and sees that it's 2 am. He groans. He needs to fall asleep; he has a big day ahead of him. He's going to be heading to Columbia to do a lecture on his last book and New York's speakeasies.

He's surprised when his door opens and Blair walks in. She comes in silently and pulls back the covers to his bed.

She wordlessly lies down next to him.

Dan lies there not sure what's going on. He can smell her and he starts to ache for her.

Ten minutes later Dan hears her breathing deeply. She's fallen asleep.

His eyes get heavy and he drifts off 5 minutes later.

When he gets up at 6 am, she's no longer there. He heads downstairs and opens her bedroom door. She's sleeping in her bed.

If his pillow didn't smell like Blair he would have thought he had dreamed the whole episode.

He heads downstairs and starts on coffee. There is no way he's going to be able to fall asleep again.

He sits alone in the quiet, dark house and thinks about Blair and sleeping next to her. He realizes that as soon as Blair laid down next to him, they both fell asleep quickly. For whatever reason, Dan finds himself hoping she will visit him again the next night.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Okay, moment of truth, I'm not too hot on the ending of this chapter, but I needed to end it somewhere. I realize that in most of my chapters I always end it either of them falling asleep. I suppose it's my go-to ending. **

**This story is not over, but it's on its way. Like I said I've got the ending all written out and a few plot points written that need to be addressed on the way to the ending. I honestly can't say how many chapters I have left, but I really hope it's not too many. **

**Someone had reviewed and had commented on missing family moments between Paul, Blair, and Dan. It made me really happy to read that because I am so wary about how I portray Paul. Me and Kids are like Pluto and Mercury, we don't have the same orbit and so I really do struggle with Paul. However I do like the challenge and I'm glad that he's being received well.**

**I know I know, I once again devoted a lot of time to Chair. In my defense I was once a Chair shipper (Season 1 and Season 2). Also after that mockery of an episode that finalized last season I kept trying to reason out in my head why Blair would leave Dan Humphrey for Chuck Bass. (I know, I can't wait till this show ends so I don't have to waste my time trying to make sense of the writers' logic). So I thought this would be a reason as to the hold that Chuck has over Blair. Serena is Blair's greatest love but she's also her greatest rival at the same time and I thought it was kind of poignant to note that Serena had never had Chuck (or from what I can remember). I hope you all don't mind.**

**I hope you guys like this chapter. I struggled with it. It's a lot easier to write angst then it is to write "good times" personally and honestly, I enjoy reading angst over any other genre. So I hope you will bear with me in this story. This will start to look up. But I promise that I am true about the genre, this is a Romance/Angst story. I'm getting there **

**Thanks again for all the reviews and for continuing to read this story. I really appreciate it. There are a handful of you all that have been reading and reviewing this story from the beginning and I'm in awe that I've been able to keep you guys interested. Again, thank you so much!**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17-

Dan is at the loft trying to start his next book. Unfortunately he has no idea what he wants to write about.

He thought that if he got away from the brownstone for a few hours maybe inspiration would start to hit him.

Unfortunately he sits in front of his computer with nothing but a blank page staring back at him.

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

He keeps thinking about Blair.

She continues to sleep next to Dan. It's become a nightly thing. She walks in after Paul has fallen asleep, never saying a word, pulls back the covers and falls asleep next to him. Some nights she will press up against him, some nights she stays over on her side.

She's always gone in the morning when Dan wakes up, though he can still smell her on the sheets and pillows. They get up and get through their morning acting normal like nothing happened.

It puzzles Dan. He's not sure what to think of it. He admits to himself that he likes it. He finds himself able to fall asleep and stay asleep soundly when Blair Waldorf is lying next to him. There is something comforting in hearing her breath in and out softly and he thinks it helps lull him to sleep.

He's not sure why they don't ever talk about it, just knows that it's something they can't talk about. Blair wordlessly drew a line in the sand and said that it was never to be crossed.

He looks up at his computer screen again and crosses his arms. Finally he gets frustrated and powers down his computer

This was pointless.

He looks at the clock and sees that it's almost time for Paul to get out of school. He grabs his coat and heads down to wave down a cab.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is walking up to Paul's school. She decided today that instead of getting a car service that she would walk to school.

Fall has started to roll into New York and Blair is enjoying it while she can.

Fall has always been her favorite season and really, while Paris is beautiful, the Fall season in New York City is something she missed dearly while she was away.

Blair catches a reflection of herself in a window.

It's been a month since she had found out that there was no sign of her cancer and her hair is starting to grow back.

Her heart skips a beat remembering what Dan said to her the other morning as he caught her looking in the mirror trying to do something with her short hair.

"_Not many women can pull off a cut like that. You remind me of Jean Serberg a bit. Don't worry too much about your hair Blair, you look great."_

Blair remembers the sideway grin he had when he was saying this to her.

She rolled her eyes at him and told him he didn't know what he was talking about when it came to hair. After all, this was the same guy who had that awful mop of hair while they were dating.

But inwardly she felt happy about it.

Though she never showed it, losing her hair did affect her deeply. She had a hard time looking at old photos of her with her mane of long, chestnut hair. She missed it dearly.

As she rounds a corner leading to Paul's school she hears someone call for her.

"Blair!"

She turns around and see's Dan getting out of a Taxi.

"Humphrey." She says acknowledging him.

"The great Blair Waldorf walking with all the plebs of New York? What happened? Car Service realized you weren't on the Upper East Side and was too scared to venture into our neck of the woods?" Dan teases.

Blair huffs and rolls her eyes, "What are you even doing here? I thought you were at the loft writing the next great American novel. BTW, I don't think people are going to be interested in a story where you watch a stunning blonde marry some guy and you spend the rest of your days pining for her, that story has been told so many times." Blair ends with dramatic flair.

Dan gives her a hard look, "Ha- Ha- Ha Blair" He says dryly, "No. I couldn't get anything down today." Dan scratches his head, "I just don't know what to write about."

Blair rolls her eyes, "See, I keep telling you, you're not a writer! Really, why you insist on keeping up this charade is beyond me."

Dan looks at her with his sideways grin again.

Blair feels her heart skip a beat.

"So, what are you doing here Humphrey?" Blair asks, trying to cover how uncomfortable she is starting to feel.

"Isn't is obvious? I'm here to pick my son up from school." Dan replies.

"Oh well, in case you haven't noticed, that's not necessary, I'm here to pick Paul up."

"I see that Blair, but maybe we can make a day out of this? You know, take Paul to Central Park or something?"

Blair looks at Dan, "Really? It's a school night. You don't think that maybe he has homework that needs to be done?"

Dan rolls his eyes, "C'mon Blair, he's 5! He's a kid! It can't be all work. Let him have fun, he's too serious and he needs to remember that he's 5, you both do!" Dan exclaims.

Dan watches as Blair instantly bristles.

"What are you trying to say Humphrey? That I push Paul too much? That I don't know that he's 5?! I was once a 5 year old and there is nothing wrong with encouraging your children to be driven and to stay focused!" Blair snaps.

Dan puts his hands up, "I know, I know… I just… I think it'll be good for him to not have to worry about that once. Just for tonight. This isn't going to be an every night thing Blair… Why can't we just have fun like a family?"

Blair looks away and bites her lip.

"C'mon Blair. What do you say? How about the Waldorf-Humphrey clan take a break from our lives and just enjoy each other's company?" Dan says softly.

Blair looks back at him and nods her head.

Dan exhales and follows her as they walk up to the school.

Paul runs down the stairs and jumps into Dan's arms.

"Dad!" Paul exclaims, "I wasn't expecting you to be here!"

Dan smiles down at the boy in his arms. "Well you're mom begged me to come and I figured it would be rude to not come."

Dan watches as Blair's eyes narrow and then she smiles warmly at Paul.

Dan puts Paul down and Paul stands between his parents, holding onto one of their hands.

"So Paul, how was your day?" Blair asks.

"It was okay. I did well on my science test. Tomorrow we're having music class. Can I bring my guitar to school?" Paul asks looking up at his parents.

Dan and Blair both look down at him. Blair stops and crouches down to Paul's level, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket. She wipes Paul's face and smiles, "I don't see why not?"

"Yay!" Paul exclaims gleefully.

Blair can't help but smile at Dan as she takes Paul's hand and they start walking again.

"So Paul, your mom and I have decided that we're going to take a little field trip today instead of heading home for homework. Of course you get to pick since we're tearing you away from your studies you love so much!" Dan teases.

Paul looks up at them both beaming. "I get to pick?"

Blair looks down, "Yep puffin…. I'm sorry, Paul, you get to pick, anywhere you want to go."

"Let's go feed the ducks." Paul suggests.

Dan looks over at Blair and notices her looking a little uncomfortable.

"The ducks? Why feed the ducks?" Blair asks.

Paul shrugs, "Because I haven't done it in a while and then we can go eat afterwards."

"We can do that" Dan answers.

"Sure" Blair answers softly.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Blair sits on the bench watching Paul feed the ducks the loaves of bread they had bought on their way over to Central Park.

Dan eventually joins Blair on the bench.

"You didn't seem too pleased about coming here." Dan says.

Blair continues to look at Paul.

"Sorry Humphrey, bad memories."

"Bad memories? I thought this was one of your favorite things to do." Dan asks surprised.

Blair sighs, "The last time I did this I had just found out I was pregnant with Paul….. And I was out here deciding what to do… If I should go through with the pregnancy." Blair practically whispers the last part and she drops her head to look down at her hands.

"Wow Blair, I never realized… I'm glad you did" Dan whispers.

"Yeah, me too." Blair answers meekly.

Dan finally looks over at her.

"What made you decide to keep him?" Dan asks.

Blair takes in a shaky breath, "I was sitting here and it hit me that the last time I had fed the ducks was when I was pregnant…. Before the wedding with Louis. And then I knew, I knew that I couldn't terminate, because I was given another chance to be a mom, yes it would be hard without you, but I wanted him, I wanted him more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." Dan watches as a tear spills over an eye and lands on her hands."

"I would have helped you, you know, If I had known." Dan tries to sound gentle but he can't help the bitterness that starts to creep into his voice.

Blair finally looks up to him. "I was terrified of telling you. I knew how angry you were with me and I didn't think I could take you denying me or Paul. I know you're not that type of person Dan, and I knew it then too, but still, I had never seen you close your door on me or anyone… I was afraid of how devastated I would have been if you did deny that I was pregnant with your kid. That maybe you would tell me that this was just another one of my schemes… I couldn't do it. I'm sorry Dan, I'm so sorry."

Dan exhales loudly. He takes Blair's hand in his.

"It wasn't easy for you to do what you did… I know. I know you were heartbroken, but so was I… I deserved to know, and I don't think I've ever felt more betrayed in my life when I read that letter, but all I can do is move past it, because you and Paul are here now and I'm grateful." Dan says squeezing her hand softly.

Blair looks at Dan gratefully. Dan reaches over and wipes a tear that has started to fall down her cheek.

She pulls away surprised and covers by pulling her hand out of his and rummaging through her purse.

"I know I have a Kleenex in here" she mumbles as she digs.

Dan turns his eyes away from her and watches Paul. Paul is throwing pieces of bread at Ducks and laughing gleefully.

"What was he like? As a baby?" Dan asks softly.

Blair looks up to him as she dabs her nose with a Kleenex.

"Awful!" Blair says as she starts to laugh. "He wouldn't sleep through the night and he screamed if I wasn't carrying him. I swear, I couldn't get any work done. Guillaume would try to put him to bed and he would scream and cry and carry on, he would only stop if I picked him up. The first 2 years, my life was high jacked by an infant. I remember once holding him and crying as he screamed. I blame that behavior on you, just so you know." Blair says.

Dan starts to chuckle, "Of course you do."

"As a toddler he got better. It was funny usually at the age of 2 parents are wishing they could turn back time, saying their baby is growing up too fast, blah blah blah " Blair says while rolling her eyes, "But I was so relieved. He was able to sleep through the night, he didn't need to be carried all the time and I could actually go out some times, oh it was divine!"

Dan smiles at her.

"Mom! Help me with the last loaf!" Paul exclaims. Blair looks up at him startled.

"But you're doing such a good job of it!" Blair replies.

"But if you're here to help me then we can get through with this quick and we can get food. I'm hungry" Paul replies.

Blair giggles as she gets up to help Paul.

Dan watches Blair walk away from him. He can't help but think heavily on what Blair told him.

He can't imagine life without Paul anymore and he's so thankful that Blair kept him.

He sighs and gets up to join Blair and Paul at the pond.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair scrunches her nose as a plate of pierogi's are brought to their table.

"Oh come on Blair, you should just try them." Dan says with a big grin.

"Yeah it's good!" Paul says through a mouthful.

Blair continues to sip her water. "Really Humphrey, the fact that I'm at Veselka should be enough for you. Why we couldn't just go to Cercle Rouge is beyond me." Blair turns her eyes at Dan and narrows them down to slits "Don't think I don't know that you're trying to undermine my years of good manners and breeding with our son."

Dan chokes on his pierogi as he starts to laugh, "Yes, you're right Waldorf, this is all a part of my grand scheme to make our son common, quel horreur!" Dan ends mockingly.

Paul looks between his parents uneasily.

"Your accent is terrible!" Blair snaps back.

"Nice comeback Waldorf" Dan says with his mouthful.

"Mom, try some." Paul says tentatively as he pushes a pierogi in front of her.

Blair looks at the offending item disdainfully. "No, you enjoy Paul, I'm not hungry."

"Please? It really is good." Paul asks again.

Blair looks at her son and sighs as she takes a bite.

Blair has to admit to herself that it's actually really good, of course she's not going to give Humphrey the satisfaction and so after her first bite she pushes the plate away.

"I'm really not that hungry" she says as she pushes her plate away.

Unfortunately her mutinous stomach decides that it's going to rumble as she finishes saying that which has Paul giggling.

Dan tries to hide his smile.

Blair tries to glare at them both but gives in and starts giggling too.

She sighs as she pulls the pierogi back towards her and starts to nibble on it.

"Just so you know Humphrey, I'm only doing this because I'm hungry, not because I think the food is wonderful, this is merely for sustenance." Blair says grinning.

"Of course Waldorf" Dan replies in between bites.

"Why do you guys call each other Waldorf and Humphrey?" Paul asks as he works on his pierogi.

Blair looks down at her son, "Well because that's our last names."

"I know, but no one elses parent's call themselves by their last names. Uncle Nate and Jenny call each other Nate, or Jenny, Grandpa Rufus calls Lily, Lil, and Grandma Eleanor and Cyrus call each other by their names…. Why do you guys call each other by your last names?"

"We just always have" Dan chimes in.

"So what am I?" Paul asks looking up at his parents.

Blair almost chokes on her food. "What do you mean? You're a Waldorf, you know that!"

"But I'm also a Humphrey. In fact a boy in my class told me that if you and Dad had done it the right way and gotten married then I would have my Dad's last name, but you guys didn't do it the right way and that's why I'm a bastard."

"Whoa!" Dan exclaims.

"Who told you that?" Blair asks ferociously.

"Just some kid in my class" Paul answers nonchalantly.

"Paul…. You're not a bastard…. You're anything but a bastard." Dan starts.

"Yes I am. I googled it after he told me. A person who's parents are not legally married" Paul says as he recites what he read off of google.

"You two were never married" Paul says as he points to his parents.

Blair looks down at her son, "Paul, that's an old word from an older time. People don't see things that way anymore, in fact no one who has any kind of class uses such language, now, who told you that?"

"Ryan Carlton told me, he said he heard his parents talk about it."

Blair clenches her teeth, "The Carltons huh?"

"Look, we did things differently, but that doesn't mean you're anything less than Ryan Carlton or any of the other kids you go to school with" Dan intercedes.

"Exactly right. Don't worry about what Ryan Carlton said, or what his parents said. You are just as legitimate as any kid you go to school with." Blair says through her teeth.

"Why don't you guys get married?" Paul asks.

Blair looks at Dan with wide eyes.

"Because… well… it's just…" Blair stammers.

Dan sighs, "It's complicated Paul. I don't expect you to understand, but know that we love you just the same as anybody else's parents who are together, I mean, we all live together, we're making this work."

"But you like each other now right?" Paul pushes.

Blair looks down at Paul, "Yes, we like each other now, but that's not enough… Married people love each other…. It's just, well like your dad says, it's complicated."

"So you don't love each other" Paul asks looking a bit hurt.

Blair looks over at Dan for help but Dan's just as speechless.

"Let's talk about this later, hmm? It's getting late and we need to get back home." Blair says trying to change the subject.

Paul looks away and begrudgingly nods his head. Unhappy that his mom has tried to change the subject on him.

They get a cab and ride back to the brownstone in silence. Blair can see in her periphery as Dan keeps looking over at her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After Blair has put Paul to bed she heads back downstairs. As she comes into the kitchen she can hear Dan on the phone finishing up his conversation.

"I know, I know. I just don't know if she will agree to it." Dan says quietly. "Yes, I promise I'll ask her. Love you too, talk to you this weekend" Dan says as he hangs up the phone.

He turns around and is startled to see Blair standing in the kitchen watching him.

"Who was that?" Blair asks as she walks over to the tea kettle to boil some water.

"My mom…. She wants Me, Paul, and you to go to Hudson for Halloween." Dan answers.

Blair freezes. "She wants me to come? If I remember correctly she wasn't too happy with me while we were dating and that last meeting we had was a disaster."

"Yeah well, you know how it goes, mother of her only grandson and all." Dan answers sheepishly.

Blair gets back to readying her kettle as she turns the burner on the stove on. "I really don't think that's a good idea Dan."

"I know, but she's trying Blair, she really is. She wants to be a part of Paul's life and well, you're a big part of his life, a big part…" Dan trails off.

"I'll think about it" Blair says as she turns on her heel and stares at him.

Dan decides to let it go for now, knowing that if he pushed a little more it will only end in a shouting match between Blair and himself.

Blair turns back on her heel and tries to reach for the tea. It's on the stop shelf of the cupboard and Dan can't help but think it's cute as he watches her stand on her tip toes, reaching her hand up and trying to jump a bit to grab the box of tea.

He comes up behind her and reaches up and grabs the box and hands it to her as she turns around.

He grins down at her, "You could have just asked for my help Waldorf."

Blair snatches the box of tea bags from him and moves to the side. "That's because I didn't need it Dan! I've been able to make tea in this house without your help so your concern is not needed. And it's Blair, Dan, not Waldorf." Blair retorts.

"Are you really worried about what Paul said today?" Dan says frowning.

Blair sighs, "It's stupid I know. I know that as far as class and money goes I am above the Carltons but I can't help it when I'm hurt that my son is calling himself a bastard… So let's not confuse him anymore with the last names, we are obviously not getting married and lets just try to make this as normal as possible for him, I'm Blair and you're Dan, we just need to remember that"

Dan looks down while he scratches the back of his neck.

"You really shouldn't let them affect you, you know."

"I don't, but when it affects my son, then it's a different story." Blair says as the kettle starts to whistle.

She reaches over to grab it and in her hurry manages to get her arm over the steam and burns herself.

"Shit!" Blair yelps as she jumps back grabbing her forearm. "FUCK! Dammnit!"

"Jesus Christ Blair! Are you okay?" Dan exclaims as he grabs her arm and looks it over.

"Yeah, just a little burn, fuck! God it hurts!" Blair winces as Dan starts to blow on her arm.

Dan turns on the cold water to the kitchen sink and runs the water over her arm.

He pulls it out and starts to blow on it again.

Blair suddenly becomes aware of a shiver creeping up her spine. She pulls her arm away.

"It's fine Humphrey" she mumbles.

"Dan" he replies, "Remember? You want us to start using our first names right?"

"Oh shove it HUMPHREY!" Blair snarls back.

"Hey it's your rule not mine!" Dan says as he puts his hands up. "I think my dad has some Aloe he started on in the garden out in the back, help me find it."

"Dan! I wouldn't even know what an Aloe plant looks like, let alone know how to feel around for it in the dark out there." Blair replies incredulously. "Just go down to the nearest pharmacy and get me some Aloe Vera gel."

"Why would I go down to the pharmacy when there is a perfectly good plant out there? Just wait here and I'll go out there."

Before Blair can reply he's rummaging in the junk drawer for a flashlight. He heads out the door as he looks around outside.

20 minutes later he comes in triumphantly wielding two stalks of the Aloe Vera plant Rufus had planted in their backyard.

"Really Humphrey? You could have been at the Pharmacy and back 10 minutes ago" Blair mutters.

"Nothing compares to the real thing Waldorf, and it's Dan, remember?" Dan says as he starts to spread the cool gel of the plant onto her burn.

He starts to blow on her arm again and this time Blair can't stop the shiver that creeps up her spine, or the fact that her body responds to it. She feels her nipples tighten and she's thankful that she's wearing a padded bra or else Dan would be able to see, and that would be mortifying.

Dan must notice the shiver because he looks up at her.

Blair finds herself unable to breath. It's like he's holding her captive with his gaze.

He continues to blow on her arm but this time he keeps staring at her. Finally she's able to gather herself and pulls her arm out of his grasp.

She clears her throat, "Thanks Dan" She says shakily, "It feels a bit better now… I think I'm going to go to bed."

With that she retreats up the stairs and runs into her room. After she closes her door she presses a hand to her heart. It's racing.

She's not sure why she's responding this way. She shakes her head and tells herself it's nothing, she's just shaky from what Paul had told them today and the burn on her forearm.

She looks down at her arm and lightly traces the outline of her burn. She smiles a little and then goes to bed and stares up at the ceiling.

Downstairs Dan cleans up the kitchen confused. Confused about what just happened and how he feels.

He goes to bed that night and isn't surprised that Blair doesn't come into the room. He doesn't fall asleep till 4 AM.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair stares out the train window that is taking her up to Hudson. She's not sure how Dan was able to talk her into this and at this moment, she wishes she was doing anything other than going up to Hudson to spend a night at Dan Humphrey's mother's house.

Allison Humphrey… Blair sighs as she thinks back to their last meeting. It was at the hospital. Blair had gone to the hospital the day after Georgina had disastrously told everyone about Blair's involvement. She walked into the room with a bouquet of Hydrangeas, remembering that Jenny had once said they were nice. Unfortunately Jenny was still unconscious and Allison was sitting there holding her hand. She looked over at Blair and asked her in a very quiet and bitter voice, "Blair! Did you come here to see what you've done to Jenny?"

Blair left the bouquet on the bedside table, whispered an apology and fled the hospital.

Yeah Blair is terrified of seeing this woman again.

When they get to the train station in Hudson Blair has to take a deep breath to get off the train. Dan must notice because he squeezes her shoulder.

Allison recognizes Dan and runs up to him and embraces him in a hug.

Blair watches her and admits that Allison is a very attractive woman. Different from Lily. She's a little more at ease and has an air of indifference about her looks, even though she's clearly gorgeous. Whereas Lilly is always aware of how she looks.

Paul, having already spent a weekend up in Hudson with Jenny, runs up to Allison and hugs her.

Blair watches as a huge smile grows on Allison's face and she kisses the top of Paul's head. "Just as handsome as his daddy" she exclaims.

Finally her eyes fall on Blair and her smile wavers.

"Blair…." Allison starts.

Dan turns around to watch the exchange between them.

"So glad you could make it." Allison says in the most civil tone she can manage.

Blair gives her a tight smile, "Yes well, I managed to make some time, and it's important to Paul, what wouldn't a mother do for her child."

Allison gives her a curt nod and then turns her attention back to Dan and Paul.

"C'mon guys! Let's get you to the house quick. There's going to be a lot of trick or treaters coming by tonight."

Blair jumps into the backseat with Paul as Dan and his mom talk about what's been going on in their lives. She looks out the window glumly and wonders why Allison even bothered to invite her here if she was going to treat her coldly.

Paul grabs her hand in the car and Blair looks down at it. She smiles at her son and resolves herself to get through the night.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They pull up to a townhome. Blair looks at it, surprised at how tasteful it looks.

She follows behind Dan as they go into the house. The house is exactly how Blair expects it to be. Shabby chic with lots of her artwork hanging on the walls. It's not Blair's style, but it's tastefully done and Blair can't find much criticism.

"Dan, you'll be staying in Jenny's old room, Blair and Paul will sleep in the guest bedroom. Why don't you show her to her room." Allison says.

Dan takes Blair's weekend bag and takes her upstairs. The guest bedroom is small with two twin sized beds. Dan puts her bag down on one of them.

Blair looks around the room, she finally turns to Dan and utters one word, "Quaint."

Dan snorts, "Wow, I was expecting worse Waldorf."

Blair opens her mouth to respond but Dan cuts her off.

"Remember Blair, this is about Paul, not you, not me, or Allison. Let's try to be nice okay?" Dan says as he walks out of the room leaving her flustered.

Blair heads downstairs and Paul comes up to her holding an orange bowl full of candies.

"Look mom! These are for the trick or treaters. Allison says they should be coming by any minute now"

The doorbell rings just as Paul finishes that sentence.

Blair and Paul walk up to the door, but just as they are about to open it, Allison comes through and edges Blair out of the way. Blair glares as she watches Allison and Paul open the door and pass out candy to the children dressed up.

Dan watches the whole thing and when Blair turns her face to him she can see the frown that's already on his face.

Blair sighs and puts a smile back on when Paul turns back to her.

"Did you see them? All the costumes? Why didn't we ever do Halloween mom?"

Blair's about to reply when Allison cuts her off, "Oh Paul, you can't hold that against your mom. Halloween is not what the elite celebrate, they see it as a plebian holiday."

Blair can't help but notice the biting tone.

She wants to respond to Allison but doesn't because she doesn't want to ruin this for Paul. She just smiles at Paul, "Well, we can try next year in New York City if you want."

"Nah, I like Hudson."

Blair inwardly groans as a triumphant smile spreads across Allison's face.

The doorbell rings again and Blair takes her opportunity to retreat to the kitchen and open the bottle of red wine she brought.

Dan finds her as she struggles with the cork.

"Don't tell me you've never opened a bottle of wine before."

Blair looks up at him annoyed, "Don't talk to me unless you're going to help me" she grunts.

Dan takes the bottle of wine from Blair's hands and starts to open the bottle.

Blair clears her throat, "I've never had to, so you can't really hold this against me. Anytime I had a glass of wine it was served to me."

Dan looks over to her and smiles, "I know." Dan gets a glass and pours a wine for her. "And here you are Madame" he says with the most pretentious voice he can muster.

Blair snatches the glass from his hands. She doesn't thank him, but he wasn't expecting it.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They all have dinner together and after it's done and Dan has helped Allison clean up, he takes Paul upstairs for a bath. Blair decides to finish her glass of wine and explores the living room. She stops as she comes across a table filled with photos of Jenny and Dan as children.

She's looking over them when Allison comes up behind her.

"Funny isn't it?"

Blair turns around and sees as Allison looks on at the photo that Blair was just looking at of Jenny and Dan.

"I'm sorry?" Blair asks confused.

"I said its funny isn't it? You worked so hard to destroy the people in this family and now you're a part of this family. The universe is an odd place where someone like you can be the mother of someone as great as Paul." Allison says in a voice devoid of any emotion.

"Allison… I.." Blair starts.

"I don't want to hear it Blair." Allison interrupts her, "You're a part of this family and I have to accept it now. I may not like it, and I may never like it, but you are Paul's mother" Allison says again in that same emotionless voice.

Blair scoffs, "I don't believe this. Why did you want me to come up here? Just to make me feel awful? To remind me of what a terrible person I was before? To hold it over my head? And you say us Upper East Siders are bad!"

"I've never done anything close to the shit you've pulled Blair" Allison says with venom.

"So why bring me here? Why invite someone you hate so much into your house?"

Allison smirks at her, "Of course, because this has to be about you doesn't it Blair?"

"It does when you make it about me. I was just as happy to let Dan and Paul have a nice night out in Hudson without me. I could go back to my penthouse as you all shared a nice 'plebian holiday'. But you asked Dan to bring me here." Blair retorts.

Allison looks on at her, "Because I wanted to try for Paul. Last time he was here he asked me if I hated you and it killed me to smile at him and say 'no', because the truth is, I do hate you. I love Paul, but what you did to Jenny and how devastated you left Dan… I can't help the way I feel Blair."

Blair looks on at her stunned. While she knew that Allison hated her having Allison tell her was another thing.

Blair swallows hard and tries to keep her voice from trembling, "You shouldn't lie to him, he's smart and he'll figure it out and resent you for it."

Allison sighs and crosses her arms, "I can be civil to you in front of my grandson, and I will, because I love him. I know you do too and you will be civil to me. That's all."

Blair goes back into the kitchen and sets her glass down in the sink.

As she heads upstairs she looks down and sees Allison still at the table of photos, fingering a photo of Jenny and Dan.

She reaches her room as Dan is getting ready to tuck Paul in.

"Let me do that" Blair snaps.

Dan looks at her startled and Paul looks at his mom worried, "Mom? Are you okay?"

Blair composes herself and steadies her voice. She plasters a smile on her face and looks at her son, "Yes, I'm sorry Paul, I'm just tired."

After she puts Paul to bed she looks at Dan who has not left the room. He cocks his head towards the door and she follows him outside.

"What's going on? Did my mother say anything to upset you?"

"Nothing I can't handle Humphrey, just don't worry about it. I'm tired, what time does our train leave tomorrow?" Blair asks.

Dan looks at her unsure, finally he answers, "It leaves at 11 AM."

"Okay, I will make sure we are both ready to leave by 9 AM. Goodnight Dan." Blair says as she shuts the door.

She crawls into bed as she hears Dan making his way downstairs.

Paul falls asleep before Dan starts talking to his mom, something that Blair is grateful for because the heating ducts in this house carries their conversation to the vent near Blair's bed.

"Why would you say that to her? She's done wrong but she's trying to make up for it." Dan asks quietly.

"Why wouldn't I? I don't like her. I don't like you living with her. I understand why you do, but I hate it Dan, I'm only being honest." Allison replies.

"Christ mom! Then why insist I bring her up here? I'm not going to have you making her feel bad about her past. She's Paul's mother, you have to respect that." Dan replies.

"Listen Dan, I'm worried for you. I can't help it. I don't want you falling in love with her again. You know how those Upper East Siders are! You don't belong in their world, you never have. Look at what they did to your sister! What SHE did to your sister! I don't want you to fall in love with her again and have her break her heart or she gets sick again and this time…" Allison doesn't finish.

"You don't have to worry about that mom. That isn't going to happen. Me and Blair living together is about doing what's best for Paul, not about Blair and I falling back in love with each other." Dan sternly assures his mom.

Blair closes her eyes and decides she doesn't want to listen anymore. She turns her face away from the vent and tries to stop the growing pit in her stomach that started when Dan assured his mom that he wouldn't be falling in love with Blair again.

Blair spends the rest of the night awake, willing morning to come quickly.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Okay so there's the next chapter. I'm just trying to get Blair and Dan closer together, but I don't want to force it either. I know, I know, it's been 16 chapters, when will they get together? I'm hoping soon, because honestly, I'm just as excited.**

**Someone asked me in a review earlier about why this was rated M. Well because I thought I might write some SMUT in here and I still believe I might. I dunno, I'm not sure. I did write a flashback scene that was a bit Smutty, but then I deleted it because I thought it was kind of lame. I will try once again, but really, who knows how successful I will be. Even that one sentence I wrote about Blair's response to Dan blowing on her arm was awkward for me to write. **

**Having sex and writing about it are two totally different things so I may just never write anything Smutty and change the rating to T rather than M. **

**Like I said, we will see. **

**Anyhow, I hope you like it. Thanks for waiting patiently for this . I had wanted to get this out sooner, but as I said before, none of these chapters are done and I'm just writing them as I go, trying to hit the points I've already written out that I want to be a part of this story. **

**As always, thank you dearly for reading and for reviewing. It really pushes me to write. **

**Oh and I promise we will have angst again, but for now, the next couple of chapters are going to be a little lighter… **

**Thanks again!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18-

**Thanksgiving Day**

Blair Waldorf has the taxi cab stop as she spots another one of Serena's favorite spots.

She runs into the bar wondering how it is that Serena has managed to turn her favorite holiday into another "lets go find/save Serena" moment.

As much as she grumbles under her breath she has to admit, she doesn't mind it so much. It makes her feel like she's young again.

She steps into the bar and scans the patrons. Being Thanksgiving the bar is quite empty, but leave it to the burrough of Brooklyn to have a bar that is open for all the hipsters to flock to and drink their PBRs.

She doesn't find a radiant blonde in there. So she walks up to the bartender, shows him a photo of Serena and asks if he has seen her. He shakes his head no as he runs off to grab another PBR for one of his patrons. She does notice the looks of disgust he throws her way as he walks away.

Blair can't help but think it ironic. After all she should be looking at him in disgust. If she had time she would have given him a piece of her mind, but she doesn't. Instead she draws her coat around her and walks out of the bar to flag down another cab. She's starting to get worried.

Her phone rings, it's Dan.

"Have you found her?" Blair asks as she answers the phone.

"No, I don't know of any other place she can be." Dan answers.

Blair bites her lip. She's really starting to get worried.

Serena had come back to New York with Darren in tow. She made it back in time for Blair's birthday. Dan and Paul insisted on it being held at the brownstone.

All of her friends were there to celebrate her 28th year, and say goodbye to the past year she had managed to get through. Chuck was there as well as Raina, Jenny and Nate showed up, as did Blair's parents and Cyrus. Lily and Rufus came for a while. Allison sent Blair a birthday gift. It was a painting of Paul. Blair almost choked up when she saw it.

Everything seemed fine that day between Serena and Darren and so Blair was very surprised when Darren bustled into the brownstone looking distraught.

"_Have you seen Serena?!" Darren asked as he enters the dining area._

_Blair and Eleanor look up from the table they are arranging._

"_What do you mean? She was with you, don't tell me you lost her already" Blair teases Darren. _

_Dan comes down the stairs, "Hey Darren, where's Serena?"_

_Darren doesn't look at Dan and continues to walk towards Blair._

"_We got into an argument this morning… she was upset, and I said something things I didn't mean… she said she was going to go out and get a pie but that was hours ago. I've tried calling her but her phone goes straight to voicemail." Darren says, "I'm starting to get worried."_

_Dan comes up to them, "Thanksgiving, Fight, Serena runs off, well nice to see that there are something's we can always count on around the holidays."_

_Blair closes her eyes for a moment. She opens them and looks at Darren._

"_Don't worry Darren, I'll go find her, it's typical Serena, she just needs to blow off some steam when she gets mad." Blair tries to sound reassuring._

"_Thanks Blair, but I'm really worried, she was really upset."_

"_I'll come with you, saving Serena is our specialty." Dan says as he grabs a coat._

Blair sits in the cab trying to think of where Serena might be. Oh why can't Serena be like me? Blair thinks.

When I'm upset there is usually one place you can count on me being, the duck pound Blair thinks as she looks out the window and watches Brooklyn pass by her.

Then Blair suddenly remembers something.

"I need you to drive to Central Park" Blair snaps at the driver.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair is walking down the familiar path to where she found Serena years ago. To where she and Serena had made up.

Her phone goes off and she sees it's a text from her mother.

_Lily and Rufus are here. They are starting to worry. Have you found her yet?_

Blair texts back a very succinct answer. _Not Yet. Tell them not to worry, I always find Serena._

Blair hurries and she almost shouts when she sees the familiar mess of blonde hair sitting at their bench.

"S!" Blair exclaims.

Serena turns around. Blair is about to yell at her but when she sees the mournful look Serena gives her she quickly runs to her and gathers her in her arms.

Serena clings to Blair and softly cries.

Blair pulls away and takes her coat off and puts it around Serena's shoulders.

"S? What happened? What could upset you so much that you're sitting in Central Park on Thanksgiving crying with only a light jacket on?" Blair asks.

Serena looks away and sniffles. "Darren told you we fought huh?"

Blair looks at her, "Yes but he didn't say what about. I'm sure whatever he said he didn't mean S, people say things when their angry."

Serena scoffs angrily and looks away.

"S, c'mon, let's at least get to the Brownstone where it's warm. I can throw Darren out of the house and banish him from New York if it will make you feel better." Blair coos.

"I'm pregnant B" Serena says as she starts to softly cry again.

Blair looks at Serena surprised. "I know it's scary at first, but children really are a joy, you'll see, it's not so-"

Serena gives Blair a wounded look which interrupts Blair's sentence.

Blair grabs Serena's hands. "Does he not think it's his?"

Serena gives Blair a quizzical look.

"What? Oh! No! He doesn't know!"

"Well then… what did you guys fight about?" Blair asks.

Serena sighs loudly, "I wanted to tell him today, before we went over to your place. I was all excited and giddy, I found out this morning and I've suspected for a while. If you noticed, I didn't drink anything at your party."

Blair nods.

"Well somehow we got around to talking about marriage. I know it seems stupid B, but I really want to marry Darren, before the baby comes. I've done things so ass backwards in my life this is the one thing I know is right. But Darren said that he's never getting married again, that his last marriage failed so spectacularly that he can't put himself through that again….. I tried to talk to him about how right we are, but he said 'Exactly Serena, we're great together, so why ruin that with some old antiquated institution such as marriage? I don't need marriage to prove that I love you' I just, I dunno Blair, it really hurts to know that he doesn't love me enough to make a commitment with me" Serena ends as two large tear drops run down her face.

Blair takes in a deep breath.

"S… You can't run away from him. You love him so much, then stay, fight! Fight for him! Running away when you're pregnant is not the answer, I know firsthand how hard it is!" Blair says shakily.

Serena looks over at Blair, "But what if I tell him about our baby and he still doesn't want to marry me?"

"Then he doesn't. You can make a choice if you want to stay with him. If what you have is enough for your, or if not, well, you'll always have me, but he deserves to know, you have to tell him" Blair says suddenly tired.

Serena looks over at Blair and nods her head.

As they walk back towards the cab holding hands Blair sends Dan a text.

_I found her, she's okay, we are heading back to the Brownstone. Now let'salvage this Thanksgiving._

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Blair and Serena walk into the Brownstone welcomed by the Humphrey/Waldorf/VanDerWoodsen/Bass/Thorpe clan. Darren is sitting at the dinning table looking glum.

When he sees Serena he gets up and gives her a worried look. Serena takes him upstairs into Blair's room.

Dan comes up to Blair, "You're freezing" he says as he rubs her arms.

Blair looks up at him and smiles, "Well, Serena forgot to grab a coat as she stormed out of her and Darren's hotel room. Since she had been sitting in Central Park for so long I let her have it." Blair ends as she sniffs.

Dan looks down at her and smiles. He notices her hair is starting to curl a bit on her head. It's growing out longer and he finds himself wishing it was as long as it used to be.

Blair focuses on someone else behind Dan and starts to walk away. Dan turns and sees her walking towards Chuck and Raina.

"Never a dull moment spending Thanksgiving with my favorite group of upper east siders." Chuck says while pressing a soft kiss to Blair's cheek.

Blair smiles, "Yes well I hear last year's thanksgiving was quite the show, I'm so sorry to have missed it!" Blair teases.

"Hmmmm, nope, I don't recall anything happening last Thanksgiving" Chuck says as he feigns ignorance.

"Hello Blair" Raina says softly.

Blair turns her attention to Raina. A small smile on her face.

"Hello Raina, Happy Thanksgiving, thank you for coming" she says civilly.

Raina returns the small smile. "It's a lovely home, I can definitely see pieces of you in this house, and pieces of Daniel."

"Oh, believe you me, it was difficult getting Humphrey to leave his Williamsburg taste behind" Blair says rolling her eyes.

"I don't know what's so bad about having plaid wallpaper" Dan teases.

Chuck smiles and Raina giggles.

"Do you see what I have to live with?" Blair dead pans.

"Doesn't seem so bad Blair" Chuck says smiling.

"Yes well, if you all will excuse me, I'm going to go find my father and son, let me guess, in the kitchen?" Blair says turning to Dan.

"Yep, with Rufus and Jenny."

Blair walks into the kitchen and see's Paul and Rufus watching intently as Harold instructs them on the proper way to make a pumpkin pie.

Paul is sitting on the counter watching his grandfather, Rufus nods his head, and Harold, loving the attention, makes sure to hit all the important points of pumpkin pie making.

Jenny leans against the counter with her chin in her hand smiling as she watches Paul.

Blair smiles and comes up behind Paul.

She starts to comb Paul's hair with her fingers.

Unfortunately he inherited Dan's mop of curls.

Blair presses a kiss to Paul's temple.

"Did you find Aunt Serena?" Paul asks, continuing to watch Harold.

"Mhmm. She was fine, she's upstairs talking to Darren." Blair says as she works on Paul's curls.

"Talking about what?" Paul asks softly.

"Grown up things." Blair says as she continues on Paul's head.

"Stop mom! You're distracting me!" Paul says.

Blair smiles and presses another kiss to him temple. "Sorry puffin, I couldn't help myself."

"Blair bear! Come help me show these Humphrey's how we make pie!" Harold says.

Blair looks up and sees her father holding out an apron to her. She smiles widely and puts it back on.

"Blair Waldorf, cooking? Is it backwards day?" Jenny teases.

"Baking little J, a big difference. Baking is an art and science, whereas throwing miscellaneous ingredients into a crock pot and hoping something edible comes out as Humphreys are wont to do is something you'd never see me doing." Blair retorts back.

Jenny smiles and rolls her eyes as Nate comes up to her. Rufus chokes down a snort as he watches Blair tie the apron around her waist.

Blair stands beside her father and starts to feel as if she's a little girl again. Carefully measuring out ingredients for her dad as he complimented here and told her he would never find a sous-chef as precise as her.

Eleanor and Lily start on the champagne, Chuck and Raina sit with them, chatting about Chicago and Chuck's expanding empire.

When Blair looks up she sees Dan leaning in the doorway watching her with a sideways grin. When she makes eye contact with him he raises his eyebrows.

When everything is done Dan helps Blair and Harold bring all the food to the table.

They eat and talk and Blair finds herself warming up to Raina.

Darren and Serena come down eventually, obviously having made up.

They sit next to each other and of course can't keep their hands off of each other during dinner.

Blair smiles knowingly to her. Paul grimaces every time Serena gives Darren a kiss.

Lily finally throws her arms up. "Okay Serena, tell me what's going on? Because usually you don't go from temper tantrum-storm out to making out like teenagers in one night!"

Serena starts to giggle and Darren blushes.

"Well, I have big news!" Serena says.

Blair smiles at her encouraging her.

Dan looks over "Oh? Do tell Serena."

Serena giggles again.

"Oh come on sis, the suspense is killing me" Chuck says as he takes a sip of his scotch.

"Well… I'm Pregnant!" Serena blurts.

Everyone is stunned for a moment, Blair is grinning widely.

Rufus is the first to get up and runs over to Serena and plants a big kiss on her cheek "Congratulations Serena! Congratulations Darren" Rufus says as he shakes Darren's hand.

Lily sits there stunned; Eleanor pours her another glass of champagne.

Chuck is calling for a toast, Raina raises her glass enthusiastically. Dan says his congratulations to Darren and Serena.

Serena looks at her mom hopefully, "Mom?"

Finally Lily is broken from her trance; she gets up and walks over to Serena.

She grabs Serena's hands, "A baby?" she asks.

Serena bites her lip and nods.

Lily smiles and she has tears in her eyes. "Oh Serena!" She manages to strangle out as she embraces her daughter.

Jenny starts to talk about something being in her eye, Eleanor smiles at Paul and presses a kiss to his forehead.

Dan takes a seat next to Blair and takes one of her hands. Blair looks up at him. He winks at her as he pulls his hand out of hers.

"Get your sleep in now Darren." Harold says joking. Roman hushes him.

"No really, get your sleep now, you'll soon be finding out just how little sleep the body can work on, unfortunately!" Blair chimes in.

"Is it really? I wouldn't know" Dan says playfully.

Blair looks at him annoyed, "Believe you me, I did you a favor, Paul was an awful baby, as much as I love him"

"I WAS NOT! I WAS A CUTE BABY!" Paul protests.

Blair looks over at Paul, "Yes baby, you were definitely cute, but oh my gosh did you cry and scream!"

"Jenny was the same way as a baby." Rufus chimes in.

"See! I knew it was a family trait that came from you" Blair says pointing at Dan.

Dan puts his hands up as he begins to laugh.

"Well Blair, you can't blame it all on the Humphrey side, you were an awful baby." Harold chimes in.

"Oh God! Yes! Harold she was awful!" Eleanor exclaims agreeing.

"What?!" Blair demands.

"Remember how I found you carrying her at 2 in the morning and she was crying and you were crying?" Harold says to Eleanor.

"Oh, don't remind me! Yes! I remember her never wanting to be left alone. She always had to be carried. She quieted down quicker with you though." Eleanor replied.

"I remember Blair holding her breath and passing out at the store because you wouldn't get her some doll" Eleanor reminds Harold.

"Ah yes, the infamous Blair Waldorf temper tantrum" Harold says remembering.

Blair starts to clear her throat.

Lily chimes in, "Not Serena. Serena was the happiest baby. Always full of sunshine, always squealing with delight whenever she encountered something/someone new."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Chuck says smiling.

Blair throws him an annoyed look as Chuck holds his drink up to toast Serena and Darren.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After everyone is gone and Daniel has cleaned up the kitchen and Blair has put Paul to bed they head upstairs and collapse on the couch.

Dan looks over at her, "Well that was a lot better than that one party we hosted when we first started dating."

"Don't remind me!" Blair groans.

"So why did Serena run out on Darren earlier today?" Dan asks Blair.

Blair looks over at him, "Oh, well, he didn't know Serena was pregnant, and Serena brought up marriage, and well… lets just say his last marriage left a bad taste in his mouth, and Serena got her feelings hurt"

Dan rolls his eyes knowingly. "Ahhh, yes. How I've missed tracking down our favorite It girl who hasn't gotten her way."

"Well, I hope they worked things out."

"I'm sure they did." Dan says as he gets up yawning. "Well I'm exhausted Waldorf. Going to bed. Goodnight."

Blair gets up as well, "Yeah, I'm tired. Good night Humphrey."

Dan of course tosses and turns in bed for a good hour. Around 12:30 Blair walks into his room and slips under the covers with him. They fall asleep quick and he's surprised when he wakes up the next morning and she's still in bed. He smiles and closes his eyes again and falls back asleep.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**December 29****th****.**

Blair sits back as the plane takes off. She looks over at her son as he plays with his IPad he got for Christmas from Dan. She shakes her head and looks over at Dan across the aisle.

He's clutching at the arm rest of his seat.

Blair looks on at him amused. Seems Dan is afraid of flying.

She looks around the plane and see's Chuck and Raina holding hands in front of her, Jenny is scribbling on some pad, probably coming up with new designs for her label, Nate is already snoring with his head on her shoulder. Eleanor is sitting in the row above Dan Humphrey, Cyrus couldn't make it. Rufus and Lily are talking to each other two rows ahead of Blair, probably talking about what's in store for them.

Eric is sitting behind Dan reading over the newest script his agent has sent him.

Blair turns back to her son and smiles at him. He gives her a smile before he turns his attention back to his game.

Blair sighs and sits back in her chair. She thinks about how she ended up on the Bass corporate jet with everyone flying out to St. Martin.

She smiles as she remembers Serena bursting into her room the morning after Christmas, breathless and excited. Blair jolts awake and pushes her eye mask up her face.

"_What?! What happened?!" Blair asks frantically, still foggy by her exhaustion of the holidays._

"_I'm getting married B!" Serena exclaims as she falls onto Blair's bed beside her._

"_What?! Oh Serena! Couldn't that have waited till later?" Blair says as she starts to pull her eye mask back down._

_She hears Serena giggle and suddenly her eye mask is ripped of her head._

"_No it can't!" Serena exclaims._

_Blair rolls her eyes and pulls herself back up._

"_Okay, you have my attention, what should we start planning?" Blair says._

"_Oh planning Blair? No! This isn't going to be some great society gala! All I need is for you to be there, barefoot, and beaming beside me." Serena says giggling._

"_Barefoot? What? You're not making sense" Blair starts to scoff._

"_We're getting married on New Years Eve!" Serena exclaims._

_This gets Blair awake. "WHAT?! SERENA! That gives me no time to plan anything!"_

_Serena grins and pulls Blair into her arms. "I know, that's why it's so perfect. Chuck has arranged for all of us to use the Bass Corporate Jet and we are flying out to St. Martin!"_

_Blair looks on at Serena speechless. Of course Blair thinks, Of course it's a fly by your seat, spur of the moment wedding that Serena is having. _

_Finally Blair starts to giggle and they start to talk about the beaches._

_Dan opens the door to her room and Paul comes running in jumping onto the bed._

"_What are you guys laughing about?" Paul asks._

_Dan walks in with two steaming mugs in his hands, one with coffee for Serena and one with tea for Blair. _

"_What's with all this ruckus?" Dan asks._

"_Well, Humphrey, it seems that we are going to be ringing in the new year in St. Martin."_

"_Nope, can't do it. You know getting sun would totally ruin my whole pale tortured writer look" Dan says as he takes a seat on Blair's bed._

_Paul goes and climbs into Dan's lap. Serena giggles._

"_Why are we going to St. Martin?" Paul asks Blair._

_Blair looks over at Serena, "Should I tell them or should you?"_

_Serena pulls Paul into her arms, "Because I'm getting married baby!"_

_Paul looks up at Serena and smiles at her. "Married? To Darren?" Paul starts to giggle, "But he's so old!"_

_Serena throws her head back and laughs, "He's not that old Paul!"_

_Paul grins at her, "Well okay. Is Darren going to become Uncle Darren?" Paul asks his mom._

"_Yep! Look! Your family is growing so fast since we've come back here, and to think when we first got here all you wanted to do was go back to Paris."_

_Paul looks at his mom harshly, "I did not!"_

_Blair smiles at her son knowingly, "Okay, I must have made that whole thing up."_

_Paul looks at his mom and gives her a definite nod, as if to agree with her statement._

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Blair jerks awake. She'd fallen asleep. Paul is telling his mom that he needs to use therestroom. Blair unbuckles herself and unbuckles Paul and walks him towards the back of the jet.

As she gets to the back Dan comes out of the lavatory. He looks green.

Blair looks at him sympathetically.

Paul goes into the bathroom and locks the door behind him. She turns back to Dan who takes the seat closest to the lavatory.

She takes the seat in the aisle across from him and turns to him.

"Not feeling too well Humphrey?"

Dan looks over at her annoyed. "I never flew much, and well…. This ride is a bit bumpier than I thought it would be."

Blair smiles. "I believe I have some phenergan in my carry on if you want. It should help with the nausea and will help you sleep while we're flying."

Dan looks over at her gratefully. "That would be wonderful Waldorf."

Paul comes out of the bathroom and takes the seat next to Dan.

"Are you okay dad?" Paul asks as he slips his hand into Dans.

Dan looks down at the small hand in his and gives Paul a big grin. "I'm feeling better."

"Don't be embarrassed Dad, I don't like flying either." Paul says to Dan reassuringly.

"Since when?" Blair asks.

"Since forever. I hate having to sit in a seat for this long! Ugh!" Paul says as he makes a face.

Blair smiles and shakes her head. "Well why don't we sit back here hmm? Your dad needs to be close to a toilet at all times. I'll go grab our things and bring it back here." Blair says as she gets up and starts to walk up to her seat.

She gathers Paul's carry on and hers as well. She also goes up to where Chuck and Raina are sitting and gets the bottle of scotch for Dan. Raina is sleeping with her head o on Chucks shoulder and Chuck is holding onto her hands as she sleeps. Chuck gives her a small smile as she walks past and she raises her eyebrows.

"What Chuck?"

"Are you and Humphrey looking to join the mile high club back there?" Chuck asks.

Blair scoffs at him incredulously, "What?! I don't believe you! Of course not! I would never, and anyways my son is on this plane!" Blair reminds him.

Chuck smiles slyly at her, "It wouldn't stop me"

Blair punches Chuck in the arm which has Chuck give a little yelp. Raina wakes up with a start.

"What? What's going on? Are we landing?" she asks groggily.

"Shhhh, no we have another two hours before we land. Blair here is just getting drunk on the company dime and, well, some people can't handle their liquor and she's getting a bit unruly with the other passengers." Chuck says to Raina as he takes her hands into his again.

Blair stands there flabbergasted with her mouth hanging open.

Raina looks at Chuck and Blair smiling, "Now, now children. If you can't play nice." Raina mumbles

Chuck chuckles as he pulls Raina's head back onto his shoulder.

Blair storms down the aisle and back to Dan and Paul.

She gets back to her seat and buckles herself in.

They hit some turbulence and she watches as Dan's face goes from green to white and he grabs onto Paul's hand.

Paul giggles, "You don't have to worry dad! Sometimes the planes bump. It happens all the time" Paul says smiling.

Dan looks down at his son and gives him a weak smile.

Blair goes back into her purse and pulls out her pill bottle.

She passes Dan two white pills and the bottle of scotch. He takes them from her gratefully and mouths a Thank you to her as he throws back his head to swallow the pills. Blair smiles and pulls out the book she has in her carry on.

20 minutes later she hears Dan breathing deeply. She looks over at him and sees that he and Paul are both sleeping. Blair puts her book away, reclines her seat and closes her eyes.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair walks out of the bungalow peeved.

Serena had ensured everyone had their own bungalows on the beach to stay in while in St. Martin. Serena's one oversight was that the bungalow she got for Dan, Blair and Paul had 1 king sized bed and 1 twin sized bed.

Of course to be insufferable, Humphrey refused to take the couch and suggested Blair should take it, or that he would be more than willing to share the king sized bed with him.

She walks out onto the beach and kicks at the sand.

She finally plops down.

She's not surprised when 10 minutes later Dan sits down next to her.

"Where's Paul" Blair asks not looking at Dan.

"At Nate's bungalow playing some Xbox game." Dan replies watching the waves.

Blair sighs.

Finally Dan turns to her. "I don't know why it's a big deal; we sleep next to each other every night now."

Blair looks at him and narrows her eyes. "This is different."

"How?" Dan asks gently.

Blair looks away and huffs. "It just is."

"Well, I'm not going to give up the king sized bed. If you want you can pretend you're sleeping on the couch and come in and sleep next to me, no one will have to know that you are sharing your bed with a Humphrey."

Blair looks on at the waves. She gets up and heads back into the bungalow.

Dan sighs as he watches her go in.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Serena gets married on the beach at sunset on New Year's Eve. Blair is standing beside her as her maid of honor.

Lily cries and Blair's eyes stay wet during the whole ceremony.

Paul was the ring bearer. Dan sat in the front row watching Blair the whole time, drinking in how beautiful she looks with the sun setting behind her.

Blair catches him watching her and she feels her cheeks getting hot.

Dan sees her avert her gaze and Dan can't help but think back on the past two nights.

He gave in and has been sleeping on the couch.

_The first night he woke up after a dream and found himself pressed up against her. He was hard and the memory of the dream was on his mind. It was of Blair. They were drunk and on an elevator. He tries to fall back asleep but he can't. Not while he's this hard and she's sleeping right next to him. So he takes a cold shower and when he's done he stands at the foot of the bed deciding if he should get back in. The memory of the dream comes back to him and he can feel the warmth building in his thighs. _

_He sighs and grabs his pillow and heads to the couch. He doesn't fall asleep at all that night. _

_That morning when Blair wakes up she passes him a plate of fruit. _

"_You slept on the couch." Blair says blankly not looking at him._

_Dan clears his throat, "Yeah, well, it was too hot and I thought I could sleep here with the ceiling fan on and the windows open and it wouldn't disturb you."_

"_I see" Blair says. Dan can't help but note the sound of disappointment in her voice._

"You may kiss the bride" Says the reverend.

Dan is jolted out of his reverie just as Darren pulls Serena in for a long passionate kiss. Paul makes a face and hides his eyes, Lily looks on them beaming and crying. Blair stands up there grinning. She looks over at Dan and as soon as their eyes meet she averts her gaze again quickly.

Dan finds it strangely endearing.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It's nearing midnight. Paul is staying at the bungalow with Eleanor who decided to retire early, not wanting to attempt to stay up till midnight and ring in the New Year. There is a small band on the beach for Serena's "reception" and everyone is dancing.

Blair manages a few dances with Chuck.

Eventually Dan cuts in and dances with Blair.

"You look beautiful Waldorf" Dan says to Blair as he takes her hand in his.

"You're not so bad yourself, well, once you get past the Brooklyn grime." Blair says to him grinning.

"No you can't use that against me anymore, I live on the Upper West Side now." Dan says teasing her.

Blair smiles at him and doesn't say anything.

She looks past him over at Chuck and Raina. Dan follows her gaze.

"I must say, I'm surprised that there is someone out there for Chuck, well besides you" Dan says, with a hint of acridness in his voice.

Blair looks at him surprised. Dan gives her a small smile.

"Of course there's someone out there for Chuck!" Blair says.

Dan looks down at her, "I remember when you used to say that you guys were destined to be".

"You really can't hold me accountable for things I said when I was 19, I was 19 Dan!"

Dan smiles down at her. "What do you think they talk about?"

"Chuck and Raina? They probably have a lot to talk about. They share the same orbit and have the same ambitions."

She puts her head on Dan's chest and she feels it rumble as he laughs softly.

"What?" she asks as she looks up at him.

"Nothing, just can you imagine the dirty talk between them?" Dan says as he starts to chuckle.

"I'd rather not" Blair says making a face.

Dan bends down and starts to whisper in Blair's ear. "Today, I bought out my competition's company." He says as he tries to imitate Chuck's husky way of talking.

Blair starts to giggle, "Fascinating Chuck! But I have started up another enterprise under Thorpe enterprises, much easier to take something that someone else has built up than to build something up your own." Blair says trying her best to imitate Raina.

"I propose a merger between Bass industries and Thorpe enterprises?" Dan whispers.

"Oh Chuck, you know what I like" Blair adds again giggling. Dan joins in and they find themselves laughing.

"What are you two giggling about?" Serena asks.

They break apart and look at the radiant bride in front of them.

"Nothing" they answer at the same time, which has them laughing even harder.

"Okay, keep your secrets then! But Dan, you promised me a dance, I hope you don't mind Blair." Serena says arching up one of her eyebrows.

"Oh please do! My feet were starting to ache after all the times Humphrey stepped on them" Blair insists.

"Don't believe her lies Serena" Dan says as he guides her onto the dance floor.

Blair goes and takes a seat next to Eric as she watches Dan and Serena dance together.

"You looked like you were having fun out there" Eric says.

Blair turns to Eric, "Well of course, you know I've always loved to dance."

"Sure" Eric says grinning.

"What are you getting at E?" Blair asks suddenly annoyed.

"Nothing, just I've watched this pull and push thing you and Dan did the last time you guys were falling in love." Eric says

Blair looks at him with her mouth open. "What?! Are you drunk?! We have a child together, nothing more."

"I'm just saying, I remember the last time I saw Dan looking at you that way. I knew before he did that he was in love with you then." Eric says to her grinning.

Blair looks on at Serena and Dan. "I can assure you, Dan is not in love with me." Blair whispers.

Eric looks over at her surprised and he catches the sad look on her face before she flashes him a brilliant smile.

He's about to say something when they are interrupted.

A young man runs up to them and pushes sparklers into their hands, "It's almost midnight! It's almost midnight!" He says as she runs to the rest of the party.

He passes out sparklers and turns up the battery operated radio as the countdown begins.

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" They all yell out.

The band starts to play Auld Lang Syne.

Chuck and Nate appear with two bottles of Champagne and they all take swigs from it as it gets passed around. Rufus grabs Lily and takes her into a sweet embrace and kisses her.

Nate gives Blair a kiss on the cheek, tells her Happy New Year as he moves on to kiss Serena.

Dan is wishing Jenny a Happy New Year.

Nate pulls Dan in and gives him a big smack on Dan's lips.

Dan pulls away laughing, "Nate! You promised it would be our secret!"

Blair and Dan make their rounds wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

Eventually Dan ends up next to Blair.

Blair begins to think of what Eric says to her and she for whatever reason can't seem to find her words as she looks into Dan's eyes.

Dan must be suffering from the same loss of words because he isn't saying anything either.

"Happy New Year Blair" Dan whispers as he leans in.

Blair can feel her heart in her throat as her eyes close.

He gives her a soft kiss on the lips.

When she opens them again Dan is looking at her and she can feel the tension between them.

"Happy New Year Dan." Blair whispers back.

They are interrupted by Serena coming by gleefully. She throws her arms around Dan and Darren presses a kiss on Blair's lips.

"Happy New Year!" They both shout as they move on. Dan moves on with them.

Blair stands here stunned and numb. Not knowing what to think.

When the party winds down Blair walks back with Dan to their Bungalow. Neither of them talking. She catches him stealing a few glances at her in her peripheral vision. She keeps her eyes focused on the path in front of her.

They walk into the quiet Bungalow, both of them aware that they are alone.

Blair is the first to speak up. "Umm, well, I can sleep in Paul's bed tonight. You can have the King sized bed. I'm sure after two nights on the couch you need it."

Dan looks over at her, "Are you sure?"

No Blair thinks. No, I'm not sure about anything. I'm not sure about how I feel about you looking at me like that; I'm not sure how I feel about what Eric told me.

But she manages a meek, "Yeah, enjoy Humphrey. Tonight it's yours, but I will expect it back tomorrow." She says with a shaky smile.

Dan looks at her and nods, then heads into the room and shuts the door. She hears him start the shower in the room and then sighs and goes into the bathroom Paul and Dan have been using. She starts up the shower and jumps in.

When she's done she walks into Paul's room in a bathrobe. She forgot to pull out clothes from the room and so has nothing to wear besides the robe.

She walks up to door of the room and gathers the robe around her tightly as she knocks on the door.

"Come in" Dan answers.

She walks in and see's Dan is already in bed.

"I forgot to grab my pajama's before I gave up this room." She explains sheepishly. She pulls out a nighty from her luggage and starts to head towards the door.

"Blair, stay, just sleep next to me" She hears Dan whisper.

She looks over at him and his eyes are half closed. He moves over in bed to make room for her. She heads into the bathroom and pulls the nighty over her head, when she gets out Dan is already asleep. She stands at the door not sure of what to do.

Eventually she sighs and slips into bed next to him.

She falls asleep 10 minutes later.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan is dreaming, except he doesn't know he's dreaming. He's dreaming that Blair Waldorf is on her knees in front of him, she's got a devilish grin on her face. She takes him into her hands and starts to stroke him.

She continues to look up at him as her red mouth gets closer and closer. His fingers find themselves in her hair and get lost in her long curls.

He sighs as he feels her tenderly kiss the tip of his penis. She starts to play with the tip with her tongue and when he feels her warm mouth take him in he almost can't bear it….

Dan's eyes snap open.

His heart is pounding and he's pressed up against Blair. He inhales and breathes her in and he realizes how much he ached remembering her scent while she was away. Ached so badly that he tried to erase it from his mind with the countless women he bedded in her absence.

Dan also begins to become aware of how hard he is, very hard. He starts to move away from her and is mortified when she turns towards him.

She's fully awake.

He doesn't know what to say so he starts to get out of bed.

She reaches for his hand and he finds himself looking at her. He's drowning. Drowning in the big pools of her eyes. She pulls him back into bed and he lays down again unsure.

"Blair-" Dan starts.

"Shhhh" Blair says as she puts a finger to his lips. He complies and watches as her finger starts to trail down his chest and towards his cock.

He's breathing gets harder as she tentatively runs her fingers on the waistline of his pants. She goes past it and feels his hardness through the fabric.

He closes his eyes and fights the moan building in his throat.

Blair brings her other hand and pulls his pants down as she starts to start a trail of kisses down his chest.

He can't stop the moan from escaping his mouth as he feels her hands encircle him. They slowly stroke him as her mouth tries to catch up to them.

He looks down just as Blair takes him into her mouth. Immediately his hands go to her hair and he rolls his eyes back.

He keeps opening his eyes to make sure that he isn't dreaming, that this is really happening and that it's not a memory.

He knows he's getting close, can feel the warmth starting to build in him and his breathing starts to get harder. He grabs her shoulders and pulls her up.

He kisses her harshly and gets her lays her on her back.

He starts by nibbling at her collarbone, a spot her remembers drove her wild. She arches her back and he pushes down the straps of the night down her arms. He looks at her breasts. Remembers how they always fit perfectly in his hands.

He remembers once, after they had sex she was standing in front of her mirror naked looking over her body. Dan remembers how critically she was looking over herself.

"_You're beautiful you know." Dan says to her as he watches her._

_Blair turns to him with a small smile, "I know."_

"_So why are you looking at yourself in the mirror so critically?"_

_Blair huffs and climbs on top of him and straddles him. "Don't you know anything Humphrey? Women are never satisfied with their bodies!"_

"_What could you possibly have to be unsatisfied with?" Dan says as his hands start to move up her hips._

"_Well, I've always wanted to be a little more well-endowed in my chest" Blair admits shyly._

_Dan sits there stunned and moves his hand up and cups one of her breasts. He plays with the nipple as it gets hard in between his fingers. The other one he nips with his teeth._

"_All you need is a handful, anything more is wasteful" Dan says as she closes her eyes and moans._

Dan lets the memory go and focuses on Blair in front of him. He finds himself amazed at how after having a child her breasts are just as perky as he remembers them. He takes one of his hands off of her and eases it to the spot where her legs meet.

He goes back to her mouth. The mouth that drove him wild and starts to kiss her hard as he pulls her panties down. She's starting to wiggle underneath him as his head travels down her body again.

He takes his time. Using his fingers to drive her crazy by lightly running them at her opening. She bucks her hips up and a strangled sound comes from her throat. Dan looks up at her as he slips a finger into her.

He almost loses it right then and then. She's so wet. She starts to moan louder and Dan is grateful that Eleanor took Paul to stay with her tonight.

He withdraws his finger and encircles her little nub. She bucks her hips up at him again and this time he drops his head and can feel her thighs quiver around him as he flicks his tongue against her nub.

This time she doesn't try to hold back her moans and it comes out loud and breathy. He continues to tease her with his tongue. He knows she's close and it encourages him. He works faster, enjoying the taste of Blair.

He brings his hand up and runs it up along the inside of her thighs. Her legs are shaking and a strangled "Dan, Please!" comes from her.

He slips a finger in her as he starts to suck on her a little and she shatters.

He holds her as she crashes over and over. When she's done he pulls himself up and kisses her hard and deep.

She returns the kiss matching his ferocity. She pushes Dan off of her and has him lay on his back and straddles him.

He looks up at her and runs his hands up the front of her body. He slips a finger into her mouth and moans as she sucks on it.

When she lowers herself onto him she sighs deeply. Dan's hands go to the swell of her buttocks and cups her there. She starts to move on him and Dan rolls his eyes back.

Fuck. He spent so many years trying to forget this, why? There is nothing better in the world then fucking Blair Waldorf.

Blair starts to mew softly and Dan's eyes snap open. He watches as she rides him, her movements getting faster and frantic, her breaths getting quicker.

He grabs at her bottom and starts to pump his hips up to meet her.

She arches her back and lets out a loud groan.

He continues with the rhythm and feels the friction start to build up.

Blair leans over and Dan finds himself pushing harder faster. His moans come out louder and faster as well and as he feels Blair clench around him he knows he can't last any longer.

With a hoarse cry, Dan comes.

Spent, Blair collapses against his chest as he comes into her.

He kisses her shoulder as she moves off of him and lays beside him.

He looks over at her and she smiles at him timidly.

"Thanks Humphrey" she whispers to him as she gives him a quick kiss on the lips.

Dan wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him. He presses his lips to the top of her head.

"Anytime Waldorf. I aim to please." He says as he feels her smile against his chest.

When Dan Humphrey wakes up the next morning he is alone. His boxers and pants are neatly folded up on the chair next to the bed.

He gets up and peeks in on Paul's room. Blair is there, sleeping contently.

He starts the coffee pot and thinks of what happened last night.

He doesn't know what to think of it, but he does know that he hopes it happens again.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Okay, so I apologize for how long it's taken for me to get this chapter out. I hope I haven't lost you guys. I can only blame it on how busy my studies have kept me and I was hesitant to publish this in it's present form, however, if I don't, who knows when I will get the time to do it again (huge exam done yesterday, huge exam looming on my horizon).**

**So here it is, I'm not too pleased with it and apologize in advance for the errors. **

**I really hope I do get this done, but with how school is going, I can't make any promises as far as when you can expect submissions. **

**So I bite the bullet and wrote the smut. The rest of the chapter was written out about a month ago except for the smut, which I kept deleting and trying again. I dunno if I will write smut again in this story. I dunno. I just struggle with it so much.**

**Again, as always, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and reviewing.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Blair opens her eyes and hears Dan breathing deeply next to her. She looks over at her bedside clock. It's 4:27 AM.

This has got to stop she thinks as she looks on at the man who has been sharing her bed lately.

After New Year Blair had expected that to be the only time they slept together, though she didn't want it to be. They spent three more awkward nights in that bungalow with Paul. She spent most her nights hoping that Dan would open the door to her room and join her in bed. Unfortunately that never happened and she would wake up the next morning, sigh, and head out to the beach to watch Dan and Paul play in the water.

She had no plans on sleeping with Dan Humphrey again, or at least not initiating it again, but 6 days after returning to the brownstone she finds herself staring up at her ceiling one night, frustrated and unable to fall asleep. She resolves to go up to Dan's room and see if he was awake, just to look. She opens the door and looks in and he is indeed awake, and also half naked.

For a brief moment she is able to take him in, standing there with his back to her.

The moment is brief; he turns to her and looks at her with a question on his face. She gulps. He isn't wearing a shirt, and his pants are hanging loosely off of his hips. She's missed his chest.

Dan's chest has always been something that drove Blair crazy. Well-toned and broad shouldered. She remembers how she loved to lazily run her index finger on his chest when they would lie in bed together, watching some movie.

He looks at her quizzically and Blair starts to feel embarrassed.

As she finally decides to close the door and let him be he walks over to her.

He smiles down at her, "Can't sleep either?"

Blair gives him a small nod. Her eyes are focused on his chest. Her skin starts to get goosebumps.

Dan must notice because he starts to rub her arms

Blair doesn't remember how but they eventually end up on his bed. She's panting and pulling at his pants, he's devouring her mouth just as passionately and attempting to undo the buttons on Blair's pajama top. She eventually gets frustrated and pulls the whole shirt over her head.

When they are finished she falls asleep in his arms and is only woken up when Dan wakes up and gently tells her that Paul will be up soon. She heads down to her room and brushes her teeth to get ready to wake up their son. Dan knocks softly on her bedroom door. He walks in with her bra in his hand.

"You forgot this… and we wouldn't want Dorota to get any ideas." Dan says sheepishly as he hands it back to her.

"Good thinking Humphrey" Blair says, feeling embarrassed that she left her bra in his room.

"Well I know how much you like plausible deniability." Dan teases as he walks out of her room.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

It doesn't happen again until 4 nights later when Dan actually comes down to her room one night. It continues this way and eventually, Dan becomes a regular nightly visitor to her bed. He stays with her and they always wake up together before Paul gets up and he goes back up to his room to get ready for the day ahead of them.

And so it goes and Blair starts to realize that she's in love with Dan Humphrey again. There is no denying it to herself and she starts to worry. Worry because she knows that Dan Humphrey, while he enjoys sleeping with her, she remembers what she overheard him saying to his mom and that he doesn't reciprocate the feeling. Worried because it starts to hurt.

She tries to squash the feeling, but how do you kill a feeling? She finds it growing bigger and bigger and sometimes she feels that it may suffocate her.

She tries to hide behind the façade that she's cool with the casual sex charade. It's no big deal right? But every night before he comes to her room she resolves herself to turn him away this time. She wants to prove to herself that she is bigger than this feeling. However whenever he comes in, she loses that resolve.

One cold night in January, post coitus, she's laying in his arms and he kisses her. She catches herself just as she's about to tell him that she loves him. She can't. She could never. What good would it do for him to know?

He doesn't love her back, and hearing him say that he doesn't would be harder for her. Even if he did say he loved her back, it's unfair, her cancer will probably return and she would end up leaving him all over again. No, there's no point to it.

And so they continue their lives. Paul being the focus of them both, and she offering up her body to him every night and taking his body from him every night.

She tries to convince herself that this is enough. But she can't help it when she dreams of him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

And so February comes around and Blair decides to fly out to Los Angeles to see Serena. Serena will be finding out the sex of her baby in the middle of the month and Blair wants to be there. Most of all she misses Serena and wants to get away from Dan. Unfortunately, because it's in the middle of Paul's schooling he will not be joining her.

Paul throws a fit when he finds out.

"Why! I WANNA GO SEE AUNT SERENA TOO!" He wails as Blair tells him he can't come. "You never let me go anywhere!" He exclaims angrily.

"Puffin! We're going to be doing girl things! You don't want to come and be around that!" Blair tries to explain, instantly feeling like the world's worst mother.

"No, I can just hang out with Dad!" Paul says looking up to Dan.

Dan gives him a sad look, "Nope, I'm not allowed to go either. No boys allowed. Let's just let your mom go and have her girls week and we can stay in New York, have a men's week what do you say?" Dan asks hopefully.

Paul looks at his dad and his mom. "Okay" he sniffs.

Blair knows he's angry at her. She tries to talk to him during the dinner but it's evident by his cold shoulder that he is not okay with her going to California without him.

Dan gets him to bed and afterwards he comes to her room with a cup of tea. He sets it on her nightstand, "Figured after tonight's outburst you wouldn't be up to having sex." He says as he lays down next to her.

She sits up in her bed and sighs and takes the cup of tea. "Thanks Dan."

He lays on his side and props his head up with his hand, "No problem Blair." He says as he gives her another one of his sideways grins.

She smiles and they spend the rest of the night talking. He tells her about how he's been struggling to write a new novel and she tells him about how she's really enjoying writing for Nate's paper.

She falls asleep first. Dan presses a kiss to her forehead before he drifts off to join her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Blair lands in L.A. and is greeted with a beaming Serena. It almost takes Blair's breath away, Serena looks so radiant.

They catch up and spend most of their days hanging out, shopping, visiting Eric on the set of his new movie. Sometimes they visit Darren on the set of his movie, but mostly they just spend their days together. Every night Darren makes them dinner and they all eat together. Sometimes Eric comes by and joins them for dinner, bringing a different guy every time. Blair misses him. She misses both of them.

She ends each night with a phone call back to New York. She talks to Paul and Paul tells her about his day and tells her that he misses her, then she ends up talking to Dan. Dan usually fills Blair in with the things Paul omits. Like the day he got angry at one of his friends and threw the boy's math homework in the toilet at school. Paul got after school detention. When Dan went to pick him up from school, he says that Paul was so guilty. He talked Dan into stopping by a store to get a new notebook and he scribbled a few things in it and insisted that they stop by the boy's house.

The mom wasn't very pleased to see Paul there but Dan explained to her that he wanted to apologize to her son. She let them in and Paul said he was sorry and gave the notebook to the boy. Afterwards while they were walking home Dan asked Paul what he had written and he said he wrote down all the answers to tonight's math homework problems.

Blair can't help but giggle and wonder at her son. Her son is so much like Dan, but at times, he can be just as rotten as his mom.

At the end of every phone call Dan tells her he misses her. Blair never says it back, afraid that she may end it with an "I love you."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Blair and Serena are at the beach on February 14th, Valentine's Day, laying in the sand and talking before her ultrasound appointment in the afternoon.

"When are you coming back to New York S? I hate not having you near me." Blair whines.

Serena looks over at her giving her a playful grin, "Oh? No one there for you to send gossip girl blasts about?"

Blair kicks some sand towards her and laughs.

Serena moves a strand of hair off of her face as she looks down towards the shore break. "I miss New York too. I've talked to Darren and his movie is wrapping in 2 months. After his movie wraps we will pack up and head over to New York. I'm insisting that baby be born in New York. Darren loves New York and agrees that the baby should be born in New York. He's been looking at some apartments near Rufus and my mom. So, looks like we'll be living on the east coast until the baby is born. Darren has another job that brings him back out to L.A. and I'm going to be going with him." Serena says.

She must notice Blair's look of disappointment because she quickly adds, "Not to worry B! I will be visiting New York; you know I won't be able to stay away." She says giggling.

Blair gives her a small smile, "I just, I dunno, New York is my home and yours, but it isn't the same when you're not there, it's like you're at boarding school all over again."

Serena puts her arms around Blair, "I miss you too B." She says softly.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO

Blair looks over the Ultrasound Technician scrutinizing him. "Are you sure you're capable of operating this machine? Where did you go to school?" Blair grills him.

Serena gives the technician an apologetic smile as he stammers and tries to prove to Blair that his credentials are legit.

Blair rolls her eyes at him as he heads out the door to get the OB-GYN.

"B, I know you're intentions are well, but you have to lay off that kid. He's been doing a wonderful job."

"S, trust me on this okay?! If he wanted to be taken seriously he wouldn't show up to work at the OB-GYN's office in his converse sneakers and rolled jeans. I thought hipsters only lived in Williamsburg, unfortunately that trend is alive and well on the West Coast!" Blair says with disgust.

Serena sighs and rolls her eyes.

The technician walks in again with the OB-GYN.

"Lovely to see you again Serena." Dr. Shumacher states. "And who might this be?" she says as she turns to Blair.

"That's my best friend, Blair Waldorf." Serena says, "Blair, Dr. Shumacher, Dr. Shumacher, Blair."

"So this is the lady who is terrorizing my ultrasound technician" Dr. Schumacher says amused.

Blair turns towards her and starts to reply when she's cut off by Serena.

"Blair means well, she's just, well, Blair." Serena ends giggling.

The technician clears his throat, "umm…. We're ready to start Dr. Schumacher." He says avoiding Blair's gaze.

Dr. Schumacher gives him a nod and he flips the screen on and applies the lube and device to Serena's stomach.

Blair puts all her attention on the screen. Serena grabs her hand and squeezes it tightly. Blair gives her a big smile.

"Okay, go a little left past the midline." Dr. Shumacher instructs the technician.

Blair sees the image of the baby on the monitor and she almost chokes. Her throat constricts and her eyes water up. She looks down at Serena who is beaming at the doctor.

"Well, everything looks good, baby's heartbeat sounds strong…."

"…. And?" Serena asks.

"…. And I hope you like pink, because you are having a healthy baby girl!" Dr. Schumacher says smiling at Serena.

"A girl!" Serena exclaims, she looks over at Blair with tears streaming down her face.

Blair kisses Serena's hand. "Oh S! She's going to be just as beautiful as you are! A girl!"

After the appointment is over Serena calls Darren and tells him the news. She then calls Eric and Lily. Blair texts Dan. He texts back that he can't wait to meet her.

That night Darren has a long night shoot for the movie and so Blair and Serena lay in bed talking as they wait for Darren to come home. Blair is heading back to New York tomorrow.

"A girl B! Can you believe it?! I have to admit, I was secretly hoping for a girl this whole time" Serena exclaims.

Blair smiles, "I'm so excited! What are you going to name her? Oh I have so many headbands to buy her!" Blair ends jokingly.

"Oh no you don't! You are not going to turn her into one of your minions!" Serena says throwing a pillow at Blair.

"I'm not going to turn her into my minion, I'm going to groom her to be the queen of New York's Prep schools. Yes I will have her flinging yogurt in no time!" Blair says giggling.

"Hahahaha! God can you imagine! Me? A mom to a girl! God, I hope she's better than I was." Serena says.

"Oh S! You were wild, but you were always a good person, which is something that can't be said about me" Blair says.

"B! Don't say that!" Serena says.

"Who are we kidding S? I'd love to sit her and hope that at my funeral there will be nothing but wonderful things to say about me. But let's be serious, I am… well like you say, Blair." Blair says a little sad.

"B? What's wrong? I mean, don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed all the time we've had this past week, but I'm your best friend, what's bothering you?"

"Nothing" Blair answers quickly.

"Is it Dan?" Serena asks.

"What?! Don't be ridiculous!" Blair exclaims.

"Oh come on B! We've been best friends for how long? You can't keep this from me!" Serena teases.

Blair looks away and pouts.

"B, does he know?" Serena asks cautiously.

"Know what?" Blair snaps, suddenly irritated.

Serena rolls her eyes, "That you're in love with him! God B! I've known for a long time! You're not hiding it well."

"I AM NOT!" Blair proclaims.

Serena cocks an eyebrow and gives her a knowing smile.

Blair sighs and looks at her best friend, "Of course not S. What one of my mottos? Deny everything, or was that The X-Files? Anyways, he doesn't know and he never will."

"B! You should tell him, I've seen the way he looks at you, I've seen him look at you that way before.."

"Stop Serena, just stop." Blair interrupts. "Whatever you believe you've seen, you've made up yourself. I can assure you that he doesn't love me."

"How do you know?" Serena asks.

"Over Halloween we went to Hudson, Dan had a conversation with his mom about me, he assured her that he didn't love me and that he wouldn't be falling in love with me and I overheard it." Blair says with a sad smile.

Serena looks at Blair sadly, "Blair, I know Dan, and believe me when I say he was probably just saying that to make his mom feel better. There was so much sexual tension between you two at my wedding I'm surprised you didn't have sex on the beach that night!"

Blair gives Serena a sly look.

"B! You didn't! OH MY GOD you did!" Serena squeals.

"Well not on the beach!" Blair says exasperated.

"See! There, that's how I know that Dan feels something for you!" Serena exclaims.

"See that's where you're wrong. I'm just a warm body, it's just sex Serena." Blair points out.

"No, not with Dan. Like I said I know Dan, and I know you, with both of you sex is meaningful. It's endearing really." Serena argues.

Blair sighs and looks away. Serena notices the shift in Blair.

Blair turns back to Serena with a tear rolling down her cheek. "Even if it is meaningful it would be cruel of me to hope for him to love me back S. I'm in remission now, but the chances aren't good… How can I even hope or wish that Dan could love me back? I've taken so much from him with not letting him know about Paul how can I expect him to love me, or even allow it not knowing how long I'll be here for?" Blair asks.

"Oh B! Dan doesn't care about that! But regardless of that you should let Dan know. Just put it out there, if he doesn't, well, then he doesn't. But I'm sure he does and don't you both deserve happiness? I mean, Dan was miserable when you left. His writing became bitter, he became a shell of himself. Since you've been back, he's been pulling himself out of it, it's like, I dunno, you both are so good for each other. He should know, regardless of your fears, or your life expectancy."

"I just don't know what good it would do" Blair says shaking her head.

Serena leaves it at that and sits with her in silence.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXO

After Serena has gone to bed with Darren, Blair gets her phone. It's too late in New York to call, Paul is in bed already so she decides to text Dan.

_When Paul gets up tomorrow can u tell him I'm sorry I didn't call? Serena & I had a girls night._

_No worries, Jenny wore him out today. He fell asleep after his bath. Can you talk?_

Blair smiles a little and dials Dan Humphrey's number.

"How's LA?" Dan asks as he answers.

"Fine. I miss New York though" Blair says.

"Yes well I must say, the nights are awful lonely with out you" Dan teases.

Blair bites her lip before replying, "Ditto."

"So, it looks like we've been found out." Dan says, trying to lighten the conversation.

"Oh? Did you leave your boxers in my room one night? Not that it matters, I can always threaten Dorota into keeping silent." Blair says.

Dan chuckles, "No, not Dorota, Paul."

Blair's eyes go big, "WHAT?!"

"Uh, yeah. He, uh, asked me why I sleep in your room at nights. It was really awkward." Dan replies.

"But how does he know? We always get up before him."

"He says one night he got scared from a bad dream and he came to the room. I was in bed with you and so he decided to just go back to his own room. He asked me if I had a bad dream that night too. I guess you had forgotten to lock the door that night." Dan says laughing nervously.

"Me?! You mean you! Seeing as to how YOU are the one who comes into my room and the last person to touch my doorknob the responsibility of a locked door lies with you! Humphrey! How could I have just assumed that you would be capable of this one responsibility?!" Blair says groaning.

"Hey, it's not like he… saw us having sex or anything, he just saw us in the same bed a couple of times." Dan replies.

"A couple of times?! Good lord how many nightmares is he having?" Blair exclaims.

"No, he said a few times he checked to see if I was in bed with you. I asked him if he didn't like it, and he just shrugged and said that he liked that you didn't sleep by yourself. He says he used to hear you cry when you were in Paris trying to fall asleep in your room. Jesus Blair, did you really?"

Blair tries to change the subject, "Oh my god! I can't believe he's caught us more than once! We have to do something Humphrey! I mean, we can't be letting this happen. What if he does open the door and we're…"

"What Blair? Having sex? It won't happen, I will make sure that I lock the door when I come to visit you."

"No, this isn't happening anymore Humphrey!"

"You can't be serious Blair." Dan exclaims.

"Humphrey, do you know how mortifying it would be if we were having dinner and Paul innocently tells Rufus or ANYONE that he has caught us in bed together? Then the world will know that I, Blair Waldorf is once again shtupping Dan Humphrey! I don't think my reputation can take that hit again!" Blair exclaims.

"Okay, okay" Dan chuckles, "I can tell you're obviously upset. Look let's just drop it and you just get some sleep tonight okay? You have an early flight tomorrow; I'll be there when you fly in. You land at JFK around 2:30 right?"

"Yes, 2:30" Blair sighs.

"Alright, well get some sleep. Goodnight Blair. See you tomorrow."

"Night Humphrey." Blair says as she hangs up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXO

Paul is all smiles when she sees him at the airport waiting with Dan. She runs to him and pulls him into a tight embrace.

"God I missed you so much Paul!" Blair exclaims as she buries her face into his curls.

"I missed you too mom!" Paul says to her.

She picks him up and lets Dan carry her carry on and luggage.

"How was your flight?" Dan says as he slides into the town car with her and Paul.

"Good. You know nothing beats flying private jets, but first class is nice. I feel bad for all the folks who have no other choice but to ride in steerage, I don't know how they manage." Blair says scrunching up her nose on the word steerage.

Dan chuckles.

"Mom! Did Aunt Serena ask about me?" Paul asks earnestly.

"Yes she did! She talked about you the whole time we were there!" Blair says to Paul. Paul gives her a satisfied nod.

"Did you go to Disneyland?" Paul asks.

"No baby, I did not, but Serena has said that after the baby is born we should all go out to see her in California and she will take us to Disneyland, how does that sound?" Blair asks.

Paul gives her a satisfied nod and then starts to tell his mom about all the things she missed out on, like when Aunt Jenny took him to go swimming at a pool.

Blair can see Dan looking over at her from the corner of her eye. She refuses to meet his gaze.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO

Blair is in bed settling in, ready to go to sleep when Dan opens the door to her room.

"Don't worry, I know, lock the door." Dan says teasingly.

Blair looks at him and is about to tell him she can't tonight but stops when he takes off his shirt.

Damn him and his chest, Blair inwardly curses as she rises to her knees to take her top off.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

_Have u told him yet?_

Blair looks down at the text message that Serena has sent her.

_No! And quit pestering me!_

_B! What are you waiting for?!_

Blair sighs defeated. Serena is right after all. No matter what Blair is falling more and more in love with Dan Humphrey and she's getting bad at hiding it.

She's caught herself almost saying "I love you" this morning.

_Dan was heading out the door, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and wished her luck on her new submission to Nate's editor._

"_Yeah, you too, I…" Blair stopped herself just as she was going to end it with "love you"._

_Dan turned back to her, "huh?" he asked nonchalantly._

"_Nothing, I.. I will see you tonight, when you get back here." Blair says laughing nervously._

"_Okay! Well, I'm off" Dan says as he walks towards the cab waiting outside_.

Blair inwardly groans as she texts Dan.

_Do you have any free time? Want to meet up for lunch?_

She hopes he doesn't text back. Or maybe he does and says he's already eaten. Then she will have a valid excuse to text back to Serena.

_Sure, where do you want to meet?_

_How about that one café up in Midtown we used to go to?_ Blair suggests.

_Sure, meet you there in 30 minutes._

Figures! Blair thinks as she heads out the door to hail a cab. Serena 1, Blair 0.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Dan's already sitting at a table drinking a coffee when Blair gets to the café.

She takes a seat across from him and orders.

"So, why did you want to meet for lunch?"

"Can't two roommates meet up for lunch once in a while? Anyways, I had given Dorota the day off only to realize that she hadn't cooked anything for lunch. I think I'll have to dock her pay for this week." Blair exclaims.

Dan rolls his eyes.

Their lunch is brought to them and Blair takes a bite of her salad.

When she's halfway through her meal she finally gathers the courage.

"Dan, I think… I think we have to stop sleeping together."

Dan looks at her quizzically, "Okay, why?"

"Because… it's just going to complicate things."

"You mean because of Paul? I've already started locking the door when I come in, you don't have to worry." Dan says dryly.

"No, not because of that. Well yes, but because…" Blair stammers.

"What Blair? I mean I don't see why we should, I think we're both two consenting adults and we have needs, we're both accessible, why not?" Dan asks.

Blair slits her eyes. "So I'm accessible?" she grinds out.

"What? No, I mean, yes, but no, no. I mean…." Dan starts to ramble.

Blair sighs deeply, "We can't do this anymore because I'm in love with you Dan and I know you aren't with me, I didn't mean to, but I overheard your conversation with your mom and yeah. So I can't sleep with you anymore, and now you can understand what I mean when I say that it complicates things. There I've said it."

Dan looks at her with his mouth open and he looks shocked.

Blair waits a few minutes until she can no longer bear it. "Say it Dan, say what's on your mind. I know, you don't love me, so just say it and then we can move on."

"Blair… I don't know what to say… I…. I mean…." Dan continues to stammer.

"You know what? Forget I said it! Just forget it! I'm such a fool! I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Look, I'm gonna go, here's some money, I'm just… I need to get out of here" Blair says as she throws some money on the table and runs towards the exit.

She stumbles outside and tries to flag down a cab. Her vision starts to get funny and she realizes it's because she's starting to tear up. She mentally tells herself that she can cry when she gets to the brownstone, but she can't do it now, not here on a busy Manhattan sidewalk.

She's surprised when someone grabs her from behind and pulls her into a hug.

She tries to pull away and Dan holds her tighter.

"Don't think you can run from me this time, the more you try to get away the tighter I'll embrace you." Dan finally says his voice hoarse.

"Dan.." Blair starts.

"No! I get to talk, this time you listen. You're so stupid Blair Waldorf! You think you can just drop that on me and not even give me a few minutes to wrap my mind around what you're telling me and then just run off? Why do you always run off? If you would have just stayed around when you found out you were pregnant I would have come around. I was angry but I still loved you, I never stopped loving you, but you didn't even give me a chance! If you think I'm letting you run off on me again you're wrong, I'm never letting you go again." Dan chokes out.

Blair chokes on a sob and Dan holds her tighter.

"Please don't close your door on me now Blair, cause you see, I've loved you this whole time. I tried to squash it and bury it in the countless faceless women I came across after you fled New York, but it never worked, I dreamt of you, I still do, and when you came back to New York with Paul in tow it was like you had never left. Whatever emotions I felt when you left were still there. Yes, there was anger, but there was also love. I fell for you at W and I've never been able to recover. That's why my mom was so scared and had to have that conversation with me. I'm sorry you heard it, but the truth is, I lied to her." Dan finishes.

Blair looks up to him, he looks down at her, tears and mascara streaking her face.

Dan smiles down and gently pushes a strand of hair off of her face and behind her ear.

"Dan I…."

"Shhh, let's get you home, your face is streaked with mascara and it's not a good look for you Blair." Dan says full of emotion.

Blair nods her head and they hail a cab together. He holds her hand the whole way home.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

That night they both put Paul to bed and as he starts to walk up the stairs to his room Blair grabs his hand.

He looks down at her and follows her into her room and this time she locks the door. She kisses him deeply.

That night Dan falls asleep first and as she falls asleep she whispers a prayer of thanks to whatever nameless entity may hear it.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO**

**Alright! So here is chapter 19! Can't believe I've gotten to chapter 19 and I'm still not done!**

**So lemme know what you all think of this chapter love it? Hate it? Liking this part of the story or are we just ready for angst all over again? **

**I myself am loving writing them in love and finding each other but I am starting to really come up on the end of this story here. I dunno how many more chapters I have left, but I think (or hope) I should be able to finish this in 5 more chapters. Good lord! I can't believe it's taken me this long to write this! So yeah. Hope you all enjoy and I thank you all dearly for reading and reviewing.**

**P.S. I know there are probably a lot of errors in this. I'm trying to get this done as soon as possible. **


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20-

Dan sits at his computer in the loft. He buries his head in frustration. He's not sure why he can't get an idea for a novel down. He's tossed around a few ideas, some fiction, some non-fiction but when he sat down to turn those ideas into the beginnings of a novel he always ended up drawing blanks. Usually he will go and open up the file he started a little while ago about a fearless, outspoken, fiercely intelligent brunette from Brooklyn who falls in love with a sensitive, but judgmental boy from the Upper East Side.

It's complete crap, but Dan can't help returning to the piece and trying to see if he can make it any better.

Sometimes he thinks about finishing what he had written about Bart Bass, but he knows he can't. Chuck has already told him how he doesn't want Russell Thorpe's crime to be published seeing as to how it would hurt Raina all over again. Dan can understand and puts it aside.

Serena has said he should do a biography on Fitzgerald, seeing as to how he's been so influenced by him. Dan keeps kicking the idea around, though he'd rather do one about Zelda.

He's been thinking about writing a story based on Lily and Rufus. But every time he starts to type anything he realizes the story he starts to write becomes about him and Blair. He keeps writing it. He's sure he's not going to publish it; he figures the rest of the world is probably tired of reading about Blair Waldorf in the very different versions of her he writes.

Blair…. Dan starts to think about Blair.

It's been a month since they had both proclaimed their love to each other.

They have been open about it with Paul and Paul seems to be very happy to see his parent together. But even though she is okay with Paul and Dorota knowing she is adamant that no one else know.

This bothers Dan. He doesn't like having to hide his love for Blair or Blair having to hide her love for him from the motley bunch of people that make up their family.

Blair reasons that it would upset too many people, his family specifically.

He has to agree with her on that point. He is sure his father would accept it, Jenny might be a little harder, but it would be difficult telling his mom.

His phone alerts him to a text. It's from Rufus.

_Don't forget tonight we're having dinner at our place to celebrate Serena and Darren's return to New York._

_You know I can't Dad, Blair somehow manipulated me into helping her and Dorota get her penthouse ready for Darren and Serena._

Dan looks back at his computer screen and finally turns off the computer in defeat. He's not going to get anything done tonight.

Dan thinks about Blair again.

He smiles as he thinks about Blair and her relationship with Serena.

They were so volatile. Dan remembers when he was with Serena in their youth and he would have to console Serena after Blair had turned on her, over and over again. And there were times when he would actually side with Blair when Serena had hurt her.

But of course, as awful as Blair could be towards Serena, she was also Serena's biggest advocate.

He remembers the many times he went to Blair to help save Serena from herself.

So when Blair heard that Serena and Darren could not find the perfect place she offered up her Penthouse for them. After all, Blair wasn't using it and it was staying vacant.

She redid Eleanor's old room for Serena and Darren and had Dorota and Dan help her make Serena's old room/Paul's old room into an acceptable nursery for Serena's daughter.

She drove Dan mad with her indecision about what swatch of pink was appropriate for the walls of her room. Everything had to be just right for Serena and her daughter.

They had just finished it this past weekend. Blair made sure it was done before Serena and Darren flew into town.

Blair was insistent on it being done before they arrived and while Dan was next to Blair putting the finishing touches on a nursery for Serena he caught himself fantasizing that he and Blair were putting together a nursery for a daughter they were having.

He caught himself in it and looked over at Blair. She had a paint streak on her neck as she scrutinized the room, looking for any imperfection she could demand Dan to fix.

He embraced her and gave her a kiss on the paint streak. She looked up at him. He pulled her into another kiss. When they pulled apart Dan looked down at Blair and he saw the lustful look in her eyes. She grabbed him by the belt and started to pull him into her old room.

By the time he closed the door she had his pants unzipped.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO

Dan is talking to his dad when Serena walks into the penthouse.

"Aunt Serena!" Paul squeals as she walks in. She rushes to him and pulls him into an embrace.

"Serena! You are glowing!" Lily says as she walks up to her pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Mom! You look great" Serena says smiling at her mother.

"It's not fair!" Blair exclaims as she walks towards Serena, "I blew up like a blimp at 6 months, whereas you just look radiant as always!"

"B!" Serena says pulling Blair into an embrace.

Dan goes and shakes Darren's hand, "Welcome back to New York."

"Thank you Dan!" Darren replies.

"Blair is right Serena, you do look absolutely radiant. Pregnancy suits you Serena." Dan says as he presses a kiss to her cheek.

They have dinner and they all catch up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Dan! We're going to be late" Blair exclaims as she tries to tame Paul's hair.

"Mom stop! It's good already" Paul exclaims as he tries to swat Blair's hands away.

Dan shows up in the hallway of the bathroom that Blair and Paul are in.

He leans against the doorframe as he watches his son and Blair squabble with each other over how to handle Paul's mop of curls and what looks acceptable for Easter Dinner with at Lily and Rufus's penthouse. He feels his heart swell with love.

"Dad! Tell her to stop!" Paul exclaims.

Blair sighs exasperated and turns to Dan, "Humphrey, maybe you can try your hand at making something of his hair, seeing as to how you have many years' experience with such texture!"

Dan gives her a sideways smile and walks up behind Paul and looks in the mirror as Blair sits on the edge of the bathtub watching them over.

He looks him over.

"It looks good, go ahead kiddo." Dan says smiling at Paul in the mirror.

Paul yelps with joy and runs out of the bathroom before his mom can get her hands on him.

Blair gets off the tub and walks up to Dan not looking amused.

"Nice stunt Humphrey! But just what did you hope to accomplish by that?" Blair asks firmly as she cocks up an eyebrow.

Dan puts his hands on her waist. "No stunts here Blair, I just wanted to get you alone." As he pulls her into a deep kiss.

Blair's hands instinctively go up his chest as his hands travel down her skirt. He starts to run his hands up her inner thigh as she starts to work on his belt buckle.

He feels as she starts to spread her legs apart-

"Mom! Dad! Come on! We're going to be late!" Paul yells from the foyer.

Dan pulls away from Blair. Blair sighs and rests her forehead against Dan's.

Dan straightens out her blouse and kisses her nose.

"Later tonight Blair." He says as he walks out of the bathroom leaving Blair to pull herself together.

Blair takes in a shaky breath. She's going to spend all night hoping it will end.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOX OXO

During Easter Dan grabs Blair's hand at the dinner table.

Everyone stops to stare. Serena smiles and winks at Blair.

Blair freezes and her eyes instantly fly to Rufus and Jenny.

She notices the grimace that Rufus tries to hide and watches as Jenny's mouth forms a hard thin line.

She snatches her hand out of Dan's hand and gives him a hard look.

Later that night Rufus and Jenny pull Dan aside to talk to him.

"What's going on between you and Blair?" Rufus asks.

"What do you mean dad? I love her, she loves me, it's simple really." Dan answers.

"Yes, but how? I mean, after all she's done?" Jenny stammers.

"Look, she's made mistakes, we all know that, she knows it, hell how can she forget it when you all are so eager to remind her of them. But she's moved past them. She's the mother of my son, and your only grandson and your nephew; I'm not going to apologize for loving Blair." Dan says.

"But you hated her…" Rufus starts.

"No, I never did. I was angry at her and I thought I hated her, but no matter what, I loved her, loved her so much that when she left I never felt whole again." Dan replies.

"Look Dan, I feel like I can speak for Dad in saying we're worried and all we want is for you to be happy." Jenny starts.

"Well then don't worry because I am happy. It's not even a choice I've made. I fell for Blair when I was interning at W with her. I've never been able to get over it. I tried, I tried so hard to kill this feeling, but even after all the awful things she did I can't help but love her, you would understand if you really knew her, knew her like I do." Dan exclaims.

"Yes but…. What about when her cancer comes back Dan? I don't want to watch you fall apart again." Jenny says, instantly hating how she sounds.

Dan looks at Jenny sadly, "What can I do? Is it wrong of me to want to live out whatever time we have left just loving each other as we should have all these years? Me loving her or not loving her won't alter whatever fate is in store for her. I just want to be happy and I want to make her happy too, can't you understand that?" Dan asks pleading his dad and sister.

Rufus pulls Dan into a hug, "Of course son, of course I can understand. I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but I can accept it. In the year she's been back she's been through a lot and I've come to admire and respect her, even like her, I'm sure I can come to love her."

Dan hugs his dad back, "Thanks dad."

He looks at Jenny, "Jenny?"

Jenny stares at him with her arms crossed. "I still think it's a bad idea Dan." Jenny says, then sighs, "But I want you to be happy, and if she makes you happy, I can accept it to." Jenny says conceding.

Dan smiles and gives her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Jenny, I know you guys are concerned, but I'm a grown man, I don't need to be protected." Dan says to Jenny and Rufus.

Jenny crosses her arms and whispers, "I just don't see how you are going to avoid being hurt again."

Dan gives his sister a tired look and heads back to join the party.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair refuses to look at Dan during the car ride home. Dan knows she's angry because of him letting people know they are together.

In fact, if Dan wasn't holding a sleeping Paul in his arms Blair would be screaming and hitting him the whole ride home. Dan starts to get angry and bitter as he starts to think about how Blair thought they could go on hiding. Of course, her warped logic rearing it's ugly head.

When he gets Paul in bed and exits his room that's when Blair turns on him.

"Really Humphrey?!" Blair hisses at Dan as she walks towards her room.

"I know it wasn't ideal, but I don't want to hide us anymore!" Dan whispers back to her sternly.

"What's the point of everyone knowing Humphrey?!" Blair starts to yell as she takes her earrings off.

"Because we shouldn't have to be ashamed of us Blair!" Dan starts to raise his voice.

"Sure! It's that easy! Except it's not Humphrey! You've just made everything as complicated as I said you would!" Blair says as she throws her earrings onto her vanity.

"Why? Why is loving me so hard?! Tell me Blair? Even before, you put me through hell, had me swallowing my feelings for you while you chased Chuck while engaged to a prince. Why can't it ever be easy with me?!" Dan shouts at her.

Blair looks at him stunned. "You don't understand anything." Blair whispers to him angrily.

Dan puts his hands up. "Obviously I don't." He says as he walks out of her room.

When Blair hears him slam the door to his old room/the new guestroom does Blair sink to her bed and puts her head into her hand.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Dan stares up at the ceiling thinking about the fight he and Blair had tonight.

He knows he overreacted but he can't bring himself to apologize to her. He hates that she insists on hiding them. It doesn't matter now, everyone knows.

He looks over at his bedside clock.

Shit, it's already 2 am. He turns back and stares up at the ceiling again.

The words Jenny said earlier about Blair's cancer coming back return to him.

He closes his eyes as he remembers the very real fact that while Blair is okay now, this can be temporary.

He feels his chest start to tighten as a deep profound sadness starts to build itself in him.

His mind flashes him an image of Paul and he opens his eyes.

He decides he's going to go down to Blair and see if she's awake and apologize to her.

As he starts to get out of bed his door opens.

He watches as Blair enters his room. She bites her lip and walks over to the bed and slips in.

Dan lays down next to her.

She turns to him and he sees the worry on her face.

"I'm sorry Dan. I shouldn't have gotten so angry, and you're right." Blair sighs, "I have never made loving me easy for you, I've constantly put you through hell. It's not that I'm embarrassed of us it's just…" Blair's voice falters again, "It's just I knew how loving me destroyed you before… I sometimes don't feel like I deserve it again, and I don't want others to know because, well, I don't want them to judge what we have. Because what we have makes me feel so strong and safe, it makes me forget about the fact that my cancer can come back." Blair starts to choke as a tear rolls down her face.

Dan feels his chest tighten more and he pulls her into a tight embrace.

"We're both to blame Blair. We've both hurt each other far more than we deserve. I should have respected your wishes; I should have waited until you were ready. I'm sorry Blair." Dan whispers into her hair.

"Don't be." Blair says looking up to him with tears shining in her eyes, "Don't be. You were right. We shouldn't have to hide us and I don't want to anymore either."

That night Dan holds Blair. After she falls asleep, he continues to stroke her arm and looks up at the ceiling, thinking about what Jenny had said earlier.

As he starts to get sleepy he relives a memory of Blair. They had just had a falling out at Cece Rhodes's funeral. He sat in his loft feeling sorry for himself when Blair knocked on his door. She walked in and her face was unreadable.

He remembers the sigh of relief that came out of him when Blair assured him that she hadn't gotten back together with Chuck.

He remembers kissing her after she told him that her heart belonged to him. He remembers her smiling and her eyes shinning at him as he had her say his name over and over again.

If he could he would turn back time, he would do anything to go back to that moment. When Dan Humphrey couldn't believe that Blair Waldorf had chosen him.

He wants to go back and change the way he pushed Blair out of his life. He would have made sure his dad never went to Blair Waldorf to threaten her. He starts to re-imagine what might have happened had Blair told him that she was pregnant.

He thinks he would have not believed her at first, perhaps accusing her of yet another scheme. Perhaps he would have driven her away anyways. The thought makes him sad. He realizes how big of a judgmental asshole he can be.

He thinks of how maybe he could have still been angry with her, but not accused her of scheming. That she would try to push herself back into his life as her pregnancy progressed. Not very likely, Blair Waldorf was the most prideful creature he had ever met.

But what if? What if he had known? He tries to imagine himself in the pictures that Roman had put together for him long ago. He imagines himself looking at the ultrasound of his future son. Still distant from Blair, but grinning as he looked on at the video monitor.

As the photos progressed he and Blair's relationship would start to mend and he'd get closer and closer in each photo. There'd be a photo of him smiling and pointing at her stomach with her.

He would be holding her hand, maybe kissing her forehead in the photo of her and Paul, in those first moments after his birth; he would be there to see Paul off on his first day of school.

Perhaps if that had happened, she may have not gotten sick. Who knows what she got exposed to that could have triggered her glioma's? Blair has told him that no one knows what causes it, but he wonders. Maybe the extreme stress or sadness she experienced could have triggered something.

He know it's stupid, but maybe he could have altered something that would not have him and Paul, living under the constant threat of Blair being taken from them.

He falls asleep thinking of this alternate reality.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Is there really no other way we can get to Lenox Hill faster?! I mean, we do pay you to get us to where we need to go as quick as possible!" Blair yells at the driver of her towncar.

Dan looks down at Paul and winks at him as he watches Blair verbally accost the poor driver.

He watches as the driver swallows, "I'm sorry ma'am. I am trying my best, but I can't control the traffic." He says trying to explain the commute and point out the obvious to Blair.

Dan gives the poor driver an apologetic look as he hears Blair take in a sharp breath.

"I don't want to hear your excuses! I need you to drive! Do you think you can manage that?! Or do I need to call your employer and-" Blair starts to shriek, but is interrupted by Paul.

"Mom? Is Aunt Serena in the hospital because she's hurt?" Paul asks.

Blair looks down at her son and her face instantly softens, "No, she's in the hospital because she's gonna have her baby." Blair explains smoothing Paul's hair off his forehead.

Dan takes this chance to talk to the driver.

"She's really not that bad. I mean, she can be, but her best friend is in labour right now and she wants to make sure she's there to dictate and yell at the nurses and Dr.'s. She won't be calling your employer" Dan reassures the driver.

The driver gives him a grateful smile as he turns his attention back to the road.

When they get to Lenox Hill, Blair glares at the driver before she exits the car.

Dan follows Blair and Paul as they rush down the halls to Serena's room.

When they enter Serena brightens up.

"B!" Serena shines as Blair rushes to her bedside, pushing Darren out of the way.

Darren looks at Dan. He looks incredibly stressed.

"Hey man how are you?" Dan asks.

"I'm okay." Darren replies, then turns to Serena, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can get you?"

"Darren! I've told you! I'm perfectly fine! Quit pestering me Darren! Just calm down!" Serena says giggling at him.

Dan brings Blair a chair bedside and Paul climbs into his mother's lap as she takes a seat.

"Oh S! Of course you're radiant, even while in labour!" Blair says taking Serena's hand.

Dan looks over at them, "I bet you were just as splendid during your labour." Dan says.

"I assure you she was not!" Eleanor says as she walks into the room. "Hello darling!" She says to Blair pressing a kiss to her cheek. Eleanor takes Paul into her hands as she looks over at Dan.

"She was anything but splendid during her labour." Eleanor says to Dan. "She was screaming and crying, yelling at the anesthesiologist telling him he was incompetent. She even vowed to hire a hitman to come after you during the last couple of minutes of labour." Eleanor says laughing.

Dan looks over at Blair, "Haha, I don't believe it!"

"Don't Humphrey, Eleanor has a tendency to exaggerate."

Eleanor just gives Blair a knowing smile as she presses a kiss to Serena's forehead, "Hello Serena! How are you feeling?"

"Good, a little uncomfortable, but I dunno, this doesn't seem so-" Serena's sentence is interrupted as her eyes go big and she doubles over in bed.

This has Darren running back to her bedside, "Serena? Honey? Are you okay?"

Serena bites her lip as she nods her head. When the contraction passes, Serena finally straightens up in bed.

"Wow, that one, was good lord!" Serena exclaims as Blair wipes her forehead.

"Serena! Oh I do apologize for being the last one here, but the traffic was horrible!" Lily says as she and Rufus walk into the room.

Dan watches as tears well up in Serena's eyes and she buries her face into her mom's shoulder.

"Serena?!" Lily asks alarmed, "What's wrong?"

Serena pulls away, smiling with tears running down her cheeks, "Everything's fine mom, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just, just so happy to see you for whatever reason."

Lily smiles down at her daughter and smooths out her hair.

"Oh! The gang is all here!" the Dr. says as she surveys everyone in the room.

Everyone moves aside as the Dr. comes to Serena and does an assessment while reading the baby monitor hooked up to them.

Serena has another hard contraction and the Dr. times it. When it's done she looks over at Serena. "How far apart have you been having these contractions?" The Dr. says as she feels on Serena's stomach.

"I dunno, maybe every 5 minutes." Serena answers.

When she checks for how much Serena has dilated she frowns.

"What is it Doc?" Darren asks, instantly alert. Serena grabs for his hand, worried.

"Is it okay to talk with everyone in the room?" The Dr. asks.

Serena nods her head giving consent and Blair stands beside Dan.

"Your labour is progressing, however, you have not dilated past 3 centimeters. I'm a little worried, I know you had discussed having a natural birth, but I'm afraid that if there is no change in the next 10 minutes and your contractions keep progressing, we need to start looking at a C-Section."

"What? No! We agreed that my plan was to have a natural birth with no epidural or drugs." Serena says wincing as another contraction overtakes her.

The Dr. calls in a nurse and the nurse comes in to monitor the baby's heartbeat.

Blair overhears the nurse tell the Dr., "Baby is becoming tachycardic Dr."

The Dr. nods at the nurse and turns her attention back to Serena and Darren.

"I'm sorry Serena, I know we had planned on a natural birth, but I'm afraid that is becoming less and less likely. I'm afraid if we don't make a decision soon, we may be putting you both in jeopardy." The Dr. says.

Lily looks at the Dr. alarmed, "Surely it's not that serious? She was fine just minutes ago."

The Dr. looks at Lily, "I'm sorry Mrs. Humphrey, but unfortunately emergencies like this can happen, fortunately, this is something that we can get control of here, we have a fantastic team."

Darren looks down at Serena and Serena finally looks at the Dr. "Okay " she says softly.

As they prep Serena for surgery Blair holds her hand the whole time. She only lets go of her hand as they wheel her into the OR room.

"It's going to be okay Serena! I promise! Soon you'll have a beautiful baby in your arms!" Blair calls after Serena. After the doors close and Darren follows her, Blair turns to Dan and collapses into his arms.

"Shhh, she'll be fine" Dan whispers to her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Serena's daughter is born at 8:48 PM that night. She's beautiful. A summer baby with cerulean blue eyes that Serena and Darren name Cecilia. Paul falls in love with her as does everyone else.

She's joyful and full of light, Blair marvels at her as she plays with her hands and feet at Serena's bedside. Blair guesses this must have been what Serena was like as a baby. Eric flies in a few days after she is born and he stays over at Blair's old penthouse, sleeping in Blair's old room.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Blair is at the airport seeing off Serena, Darren, and Cecelia.

"Do you have to go?" Blair says to Serena as she carries Cecilia in her arms, "I don't think I can live without her in my life."

Serena gives her a small smile as tears shine in her eyes, "We'll be back, I promise."

Blair hands Cecelia over to Darren as she hugs Serena.

"Hurry back! And God help you if you don't bring Cecelia with you!" Blair says joking.

Serena squeezes her hand as she starts to walk towards security.

Blair keeps the smile on her face after they've passed through security. After they are out of sight does Blair allow a tear to fall from her eye.

Later that night after Blair and Dan have put Paul to bed they lay in bed together and talk.

"Marry me." Dan blurts out.

Blair looks at him surprised, "What?"

"Marry me." Dan repeats.

"No, No Dan!" Blair answers, rolling over onto her side.

Dan moves closer to her and spoons her. He takes one of her hands and intertwines it with his.

"Marry me Blair. I'll just keep asking. You know I won't stop until you agree to become Mrs. Humphrey." Dan says kissing her shoulder.

Blair scoffs, "Hah! Even if I did marry you I'd never take your last name. I'll never be Mrs. Humphrey and you can ask all you want, I'll keep answering with no."

Dan smiles and kisses her shoulder, "We'll see, I mean I did manage to get you to move in with me and I did manage to get you to admit you loved me first."

Blair swats his hand away. "I told you I loved you only to get Serena to stop harassing me about it, you had nothing to do with it."

Dan smiles into her shoulder and purrs into her ear, "Admit it Waldorf, you got manipulated by Dan Humphrey of Williamsburg Brooklyn."

Blair turns to him and she narrows her eyes, "Keep it up and you will be sleeping on the third floor again Humphrey."

Dan buries his head into her hair. It's grown out and starting to become a wavy bob. He loves it. He falls asleep with her scent on him.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Okay, Happy Thanksgiving! **

**I got this chapter out and I know it's rough. In fact I should work on it to work out the kinks, but I'm afraid if I do, then I will be publishing this after the finale of this GAWD AWFUL season! **

**So I'm pushing through and trying to get these done before the season ends, because, well, this fan fic has taken way too long. So, it seems as though all of the following chapters will be kind of rough. I'm going to work on them as diligently as possible, but really, I need this to be over with hahaha. **

**As before, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! It really does help me to keep pushing on. **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21-

"Package? I wasn't expecting a package? Did they say who it was from?" Blair asks Dorota as she looks over the box.

"No! They give package, say it's for Miss Blair, I sign for it, bring it here. Don't worry Blair, I listened for time bomb, no ticking." Dorota says winking at Blair.

Blair rolls her eyes as she looks over the box. "Really Dorota, none of my former minions know where I live and a Time Bomb is just not Georgina's style, too messy. I wonder what it could be." Blair asks herself as she continues to look the box over, then she turns to Dorota.

"Well don't just stand there! Get a box cutter and start cutting!" Blair snaps at Dorota.

Dorota rolls her eyes before she heads towards the drawer that holds Dan's Leatherman.

When she returns she starts cutting as Blair looks over it quizzically.

A note was taped to whatever was in there. The object is wrapped in brown packaging. Dorota has a small smile as she hands the note to Blair.

Blair opens it and smiles puzzled.

"Look what I found! Love S!" Is the handwritten note.

Dorota pulls off the packaging tape and chokes on a giggle. Blair looks up at her and raises an eyebrow.

"What Dorota?" She asks irritated.

"Maybe Miss Blair should come look." Dorota says as she holds up the object.

Blair walks over to the front of the object and almost falls to the floor laughing.

Blair can't believe it. Serena's found the painting Guillaume did of her.

"But why the red yarn?" Dorota asks Blair.

Blair clears her throat, "Nevermind that Dorota! Let's put it in my study, we wouldn't want Paul to see this now would we? I'd hate for him to become another Upper East Side cliché, needing therapy because of some past traumatic experience seeing his mother nude in a painting" Blair says as she starts to pick up one end of the painting.

"I did not know you had sat for nude portrait Miss Blair" Dorota says as they start to walk up the stairs.

"It was a favor… for Guillaume." Blair says as she walks up the stairs backwards.

"But why the red yarn?" Dorota asks again.

Blair sighs, "Because I slashed the painting." Blair explains.

"Oh." Dorota says, wanting to ask why, but biting her tongue instead.

Blair rolls her eyes, "I did it because Guillaume and I were dating, and unfortunately I came to surprise him at his studio one day and well, I was the one surprised, because he was there… with a patron." Blair says like she has a bad taste in her mouth.

Dorota nods her head knowing what Blair means.

They get it into Blair's study on the second floor and Blair stands in front of it, looking it over and smiling.

She closes the door when she leaves the room. She grabs her phone and texts Serena.

_Just got ur package S! Where on earth did you find it?_ Blair sends off.

_Hahaha, I went to visit the director that Paul is working with on his next project. I almost choked on my martini when I saw this hanging up in hi_s _living room. It took a lot of bargaining to get this painting from him._ Serena replies

_Oh god! You shouldn't have! _Blair responds

_Why? It really is an amazing painting. Anyhow, I had to promise that one day he could come out with us to New York to meet you. _

_You didn't! _Blair replies.

_I did, I hope Dan doesn't mind me bringing around an admirer ;p_

Blair ends the conversation and spends the rest of the day, walking in and out of her study, looking over Guillaume's painting.

Dorota swears she hears giggling while Blair is in the study.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

After Blair gets Paul to bed she goes downstairs and into the kitchen where Dan is brewing them some tea.

She leans against the counter with her chin resting in her hand and smiles.

Dan looks at her suspiciously, "What?"

"Nothing, just a good day" Blair answers back.

"Oh do tell?" Dan asks.

"Mmmm, no. You first!" Blair answers slyly.

"Well I didn't have a great day." Dan mutters.

Blair comes up behind him and hugs him, "Couldn't get anything started at the loft?"

Dan sighs, "I keep getting ideas and I start on them, and then they just end up crap. Actually, I keep finding myself writing about you." Dan says turning to her with a cup of tea in his hand for her.

Blair takes the cup of tea from Dan, "Well I am a fascinating personality. Why not Dan? I give you permission to write about me, it can't be any worse than what you've already written." Blair says jokingly.

She stops when she sees the hurt look on Dan's face.

"Dan, I was just joking." Blair

"I know, but… you do know how sorry I am about that right?" Dan asks.

"Dan, I can understand why you wrote what you wrote. Let's be honest, I wasn't the nicest person to you in high school and we parted on…. Bad terms. Just think of it as me making sure you always have something to write about and having a bestseller. I know, I give give give and you just take take take." Blair says with a wink.

"You must be in a good mood!" Dan says putting his arms around Blair.

"Well, I got a package from Serena today." Blair says as she takes a sip.

"Oh? And what pray tell, did my step-sister send you that could have you so giddy?" Dan asks while taking a sip from his own mug.

"Mmmm, maybe you should go to my study and find out." Blair says cryptically.

"I'm starting to get scared." Dan jokes.

"Just go!" Blair says smiling, "I'll meet up with you after I finish off my tea and rinse my cup."

Dan gives her a wary look and heads up the stairs.

After Blair rinses her cup out she heads up to her study.

Dan studies it and Blair comes up behind him, puts her arms around him and nuzzles his neck.

"Penny for your thoughts Humphrey" Blair says smiling into his neck.

"It really is a great painting" Dan replies running his hands along Blair's forearm.

"It is isn't it? I'm surprised you can identify good art, I seem to remember your tastes being dreadful when we first became friends." Blair says teasing his ear with her lips.

"Ahem, my mom is a painter, remember?" Dan says as a shiver runs up his back, "Who painted it?"

"An ex-boyfriend I had in Paris" Blair answers slyly.

"Should I be jealous?" Dan asks.

"Mmm" she says nodding and positions herself in front of Dan, smiling mischievously, "you've met him."

"I have? Oh?" Dan asks cocking an eyebrow up.

"Very passionate French man, dastardly handsome, unbelievably charming, and great in bed." She teases.

"Sorry, I didn't think Louis was that handsome, or charming, just rich." Dan teases back.

"Guillaume would be very offended if he heard that you didn't associate my description with him. You know how passionate French men can be!" Blair tsks tsks to Dan.

"Fuck Guillaume" Dan mutters as he closes in for a kiss.

He picks her up and she wraps her legs around his waist as he takes her in their room to make sure she forgets everything she said about "Guillaume", especially the part about being great in bed.

After they're done he rolls over and spoons her.

"Marry me Blair Waldorf" he whispers in her ear.

She looks back at him and smiles, "No." and intertwines her fingers in his.

She can feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs against her back.

"You know I'll keep asking Waldorf. Us Humphrey's can be quite tenacious." Dan says smiling into her neck.

Blair just smiles as she closes her eyes and falls asleep.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

**Late August**

"C'mon mom!" Paul yells as he runs down the shoreline.

"No fair Paul! You know I haven't been feeling well!" Blair calls after her son.

She watches as Paul runs into the surf, catching up with his father. Blair sets her towel down and she looks out as Dan and Paul play in the surf.

She sighs and looks out around her. She's always loved spending the last of summer in the Hamptoms. So when Eleanor said that her and Cyrus would be extending their stay in Paris and the house was open to Blair, Blair jumped at the opportunity and invited Nate and Jenny to come stay with them in the expansive Waldorf Hampton house.

She remembers the last time she was at the Hamptoms.

Her and Dan played in the surf the whole time they were here and spent every night in bed. She looks back on this time fondly and with some pain.

Fondly because she was genuinely happy to be there with Dan, and Dan seemed to be just as happy as well.

Painful because she had first heard about Jenny and Nate and this is when her plan had come together as she watched Serena look at Nate longingly while he wasn't looking.

Blair looks out at Dan and Paul play and wishes she could turn back time and have a do-over. But she can't, and she's thankful for being able to be here again with Dan Humphrey.

She kicks off her sandals and walks towards the surf to join Dan and Paul.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Later on in the afternoon, Paul is napping at the house, Nate and Jenny are at the house laying around and Dan and Blair decide to take a walk along the shore.

They walk hand in hand.

Blair is wearing a blue sundress and she has her sandals in one of her hands as they walk along.

Dan looks over at her hair blowing in the wind and it takes his breath away how beautiful she is.

She looks at him from the corner of her eye and smiles a bit, "You're staring Humphrey!"

"Am I?" Dan asks.

"Yes you are, it's rude." Blair responds.

"Is it?" Dan asks chiding her.

"What? What's on your mind Humphrey?" Blair asks rolling her eyes.

"Just thinking about how beautiful you are, how this, right now, would be the perfect setting for our wedding, you in that blue dress, the wind whipping your hair around and raising the skirt of your dress up, teasingly." Dan answers honestly.

Blair turns towards him and huffs, "I don't know why you keep insisting on setting yourself up disappointment, making up futures that do not exist for us."

Dan looks over at Blair and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "We're getting married Blair, I know it, I can't tell you how, but I know that somehow someway you're going to be my wife, I'm sure of it."

"Wow, crazy much Humphrey?" Blair says with a blank look on her face.

"I can't explain it, I just have this feeling that I'm certain of." Dan exclaims.

"Sounds like I'm not the only one that suffers from warped logic." Blair says poking Dan in the ribs.

Dan grabs her arms and pulls her down onto him as he falls onto the sand.

"Dan!" Blair exclaims with big eyes, "What are you doing?"

"Don't you remember this spot? We spent a lot of time here last time, you liked it because it was so private." Dan says smiling up at Blair.

Blair pushes herself off his chest and straddles him as she starts to rock her hips back and forth.

"I do remember now Humphrey, I also remember them being hurried and frantic; think you can keep up now? You have aged." Blair says as she teases him with the friction the crotch of her panty is creating with his shorts.

Dan grabs at her hips, "I think I can manage Waldorf" Dan mutters as she starts to work on his belt.

And it's exactly as Blair remembers, frantic, hurried, passionate. Dan manages to just get his pants down far enough and Blair just pushes the crotch of her underwear aside as she rides him, gasping his name and saying "yes" over and over again.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They lay on the beach, in the same spot. Dan with his arm behind Blair's head and Blair giggling.

"I can't believe we did that! I mean, we're parents! What if someone caught us?" Blair says giggling.

Dan looks over at her and smiles, "Well, sometimes it's nice to revisit the past. Anyways, since you've been back, I've started to pick up some of your deviant behavior."

"My deviant behavior?!" Blair says raising an eyebrow.

"Yes your deviant behavior. Smoking pot, sex in public places… You are a bad influence Blair Waldorf."

Blair looks over at him and kisses him deeply. "No I'm just exciting." She whispers to him.

"Yes you are" Dan replies.

She sighs as she rolls back and looks up at the sky. "I can't believe the summer is almost over! I love autumn don't get me wrong, but I also love summers in the Hamptoms. I really missed being here when I was in Paris" Blair whispers.

"We can do it again next year." Dan replies.

Blair looks over at him and lays her head on his chest.

"So is there anything you want to talk about?" Dan asks Blair as he strokes her arm.

Blair looks up at him, "What?" she asks puzzled.

"Yeah, well, puking all the time, should I allow myself to hope?" Dan asks.

"Oh no! Oh no! Dan, it's just some stomach bug!" Blair exclaims giggling.

"How do you know? I mean, we haven't been practicing any sort of safe sex, I know you're not on the pill, I checked your medicine cabinet." Dan admits.

"What if I have an IUD in? Or an implant?" Blair asks.

"Well, do you?" Dan responds.

"No" Blair says with a small smile.

"So?" Dan asks raising his eyebrows.

"Dan, I'm not pregnant, you ask me how I know, I just do… I knew when I was pregnant with Paul, even before I took a test, I can't explain it, I just know." Blair says looking into his eyes.

"But you're not sure, I mean, have you even gotten yourself tested?" Dan asks.

"No, but I'm telling you Humphrey… I'm not pregnant!" Blair exclaims.

"Yeah but still…" Dan mutters.

"Oh my God Humphrey! Are you hoping I'm pregnant? Is this how you think we will get married?" Blair says as she sits up.

"I can't say that it would be horrible if you were… Would it be so awful if you were?" Dan asks as he sits up beside her.

Blair looks back at Dan, "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or make it seem like it would be so awful, it wouldn't, but… you know it can come back don't you? What would be the point? To just leave another child motherless?" Blair says angrily.

"No, I dunno, I guess, when we were making Cecilia's nursery I couldn't help but imagine this is what it would be like to get ready for a little girl with you, I dunno, you're right it's stupid." Dan says poking at the sand with his feet.

Blair looks over at Dan and feels bad.

"Dan" Blair starts as she grabs his hand, "I understand how you feel, another baby would be wonderful, but it just is not going to happen. Aren't Paul and I enough?" Blair says looking at Dan.

"Of course, of course Blair." Dan answers.

They lay back down and stay there in each other's arms for a while. They eventually get up and walk back to the house, hand in hand.

Later on that night Blair wakes up and runs to the toilet and pukes. As she sits there gasping for her breath Dan comes up behind her and strokes her back.

"I'm sorry I woke you." Blair says as she sits there.

"It's alright, how long are stomach bugs supposed to last? You've been puking for the past week." Dan asks as he kisses her shoulder.

"Just a few days, usually. I dunno. It's probably nothing." Blair whispers as she shuts out the nagging voice in her head that is telling her there is something wrong.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXO

**September**

Blair looks at her calendar marking her next scan. She's three weeks out and she's not sure if she should call her doctor to see if she can move it up.

She remembers the nausea that accompanied her diagnoses the last time, but it was one of the last symptoms.

She even took a pregnancy test to appease Dan, even though she knew she wasn't pregnant. She remembers the disappointed look on Dan's face that he tried to cover up.

She grabbed his hand and didn't say anything. She didn't have to. It could be like that with Dan, they could just be together, holding hands, no talking, no scheming, no getting an offending party back. Just comforting each other by simply being together.

She looks back up at the calendar marking her date. She decides it's probably nothing and she will wait the three weeks.

"Mom! Come down and have breakfast with us!" Paul yells up at Blair.

Blair sighs and heads downstairs and kisses her sons head as she takes a seat next to him.

She looks across the table at Dorota who Dan has insisted he make breakfast for. Dorota looks at Blair a little uncomfortable.

Dan comes in with two plates of crispy bacon and some eggs for Blair and Paul. He puts down a plate of Muesli for Dorota, after finding out from Vanya that is Dorota's favorite thing to eat in the mornings.

Dorota looks at her Muesli suspiciously, then takes a bite. She looks over at Dan and gives him a nod of her approval.

"Dad who taught you how to cook? Did you have a maid that taught you?" Paul asks.

Dan snorts as he sits down to join them at the table, "No son, I didn't have a maid to teach me, my parents taught me." Dan says winking at Dorota.

"Your mom cooked?" Paul asked as he looks at his mom with his eyebrows raised.

"Hey! I've cooked before! Remember helping Roman with pasta sometimes?" Blair says as she defends herself.

"All we did was boil pasta, Roman said he'd teach me how to make a real meal, but then we moved." Paul says pouting.

"Well, boiling pasta is an art. If you boil for too long, it's nothing but disgusting mush, too little and it's too al dente. So I have cooked, thank you very much Paul." Blair says as she takes a bite of her bacon.

Paul giggles and drops it.

"So are you excited for your first day of second grade?" Dan asks Paul.

"I guess" Paul shrugs. "Mom? Why does Aunt Serena have to always go back to California?"

"Because that's her new home. That's where Darren works." Blair explains.

"Why can't he work here?" Paul asks.

"I miss her too Puffin." Blair says looking at her son knowingly.

"I told you not to call me that anymore" Paul says as he starts to play with his eggs.

"I know, I'm sorry Paul." Blair says as she picks up her newspaper.

She takes a sip of her coffee and opens up the newspaper to the life section.

Dan watches as she looks confused and then puts the newspaper down.

She reaches for her fork and then stops.

"What? What awful piece of gossip did you read about?" Dan asks teasing Blair.

Blair looks at Dan confused and then shakes her head. "Oh no, it's just, my eyes, I dunno, I got a little bit of double vision for a while."

Paul looks at his mom seriously.

Dan notices the change in his son.

"Is it coming back again?" Paul whispers to his mom.

"Oh no honey! No! It's this awful coffee that your dad made. It's so bad it crossed my eyes!" Blair says as she crosses her eyes at her son, "Dorota, please, take this and make a fresh pot!" Blair says as she hands her cup of coffee to Dorota.

Paul looks at his mom, not fully believing her.

Blair looks over at her son, "Paul, I'm fine, really I am. I'm not worried, so you shouldn't be either. You know what they say about worrying right? Keeps you distracted, not able to see the things that are right in front of you." Blair says as she snatches the crispiest piece of bacon off of Paul's plate.

"MOM! I WAS SAVING IT! THAT' S THE BEST PIECE!" Paul says as he tries to grab the swiped bacon from his mom's hand.

Blair playfully slaps Paul's hand away. "Oh, you know, as your mother, I think I deserve this more, considering the hard work I put in to make sure you are as wonderful as you are!" Blair says as she starts to put the bacon into her mouth.

"MOOOOOOOOM!" Paul giggles and yells, "Dad! Tell her that's mine!"

"Children, if you can't play nicely, I'll have to take you both back to Brooklyn." Dan says as he uses his best impersonation of Blair.

"Really Humphrey?!" Blair says as she turns her attention to Dan, which gives Paul his moment of opportunity and he grabs the bacon from Blair's hand and gobbles it down as quick as he can.

"Do you see what your influence has done to our son?!" Blair says as she looks at Dan and points to Paul who is grinning as he chews, a mouth full of bacon and eggs.

"Oh no! You initiated this whole thing Waldorf." Dan says grinning.

Blair closes her eyes and puts her hands up, "Whatever, we need to clean up, we have 30 minutes to get Paul to his first day of class. Let's all get cleaned up so that we can still WALK Paul to school. If not I'm afraid we'll be jogging him to school."

Dan looks at his son, "You heard the warden! Summer ends now!"

Paul mockingly wails as he walks up the stairs to get dressed. Blair throws Dan a withering gaze before she follows her son up the stairs, as she rounds the corner she throws Dan another look and what looks like a small smile.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXO

Blair and Dan walk back home after dropping Paul off at school. They stop by a café and walk side by side while drinking their coffees.

"So, that was pretty heavy this morning." Dan says to Blair.

"Oh, yeah. It's awful that he has to worry about that. I wish he didn't have to." Blair says softly.

"Me too." Dan responds, "Blair, you would say something if you thought anything was wrong right?"

Blair looks up at Dan surprised and then looks away quickly. "Of course Dan. But if I was really worried I would call the doctor and get started on the regimen. I can't leave now, we just found each other again." Blair says as she grabs Dan's hand.

Dan looks at her and smiles. "Marry me Waldorf."

Blair looks at Dan and smiles. She cocks her head to her side and Dan starts to feel hope rise in his chest.

He raises his eyebrows.

Blair grins, "No."

Dan feigns chest pain. "You hurt me Waldorf! You hurt me bad! But I'm not discouraged, like I said, I know we're going to get married." Dan says squeezing her hand.

"In your dreams Humphrey." Blair says as she rolls her eyes.

"Mmmmm, in my dreams, we're usually doing something different, which I am more than happy to show you when we get back to the house. You'll have to send Dorota home, what can I say? I'm a bit modest." Dan says.

Blair laughs and walks with Dan to her home where she immediately dismisses Dorota and Dan shows her what his dreams are made of.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXOXO

**2 Weeks Later**

Blair looks at her calendar. Looking at the date marked next week for her scheduled scan. Next to the date is the handwritten phone number of her doctor she has to call the day before to confirm her appointment.

She looks at the date with a sense of foreboding. Since that breakfast two weeks ago when her vision doubled she hasn't had any trouble. No nausea, no double vision. So she knows she shouldn't be worried. That whatever was causing this has passed.

She looks at her calendar again.

She hears her door ring and listens as Dorota opens the door.

"Grandpa Rufus!" Paul exclaims as he runs down the stairs into his grandfather's arms.

"Oh! I've missed you so much!" Rufus exclaims as he squeezes Paul.

Blair watches from the top of the stairs and Rufus looks up at her.

"Blair! You look great!" Rufus says.

"Thank you Rufus, you look well." Blair responds, "So, what's the plan for today?"

"I was thinking, waffles at the loft, then a jam session with my favorite grandchild, and I'd have him back in time for dinner tonight." Rufus says.

Blair starts to go down the stairs, "Oh, Dan and Jenny are at the loft right now working on their own respective projects, so I'm afraid you might have to find somewhere else to play old 90's tunes with Paul."

"Hmmm, well we can do it at the penthouse, Lily won't mind." Rufus says ruffling Paul's hair. He turns his attention back to Blair, "Has Dan been able to get anything written?"

"No it seems like he can't…" Blair says.

Rufus watches as a puzzled look washes over Blair's face. He watches as she tries to reach for the bannister.

"It seems he can't…" Blair whispers.

Rufus tries to catch Blair before she falls down the stairs but it's too late.

"MOM!" Paul screams as his mom lands at the bottom of the stairs.

He gathers Blair off the floor. "Blair! Blair! Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?"

He watches as Blair tries to focus on Rufus's fingers.

Dorota comes in and pulls Blair's head into her lap and tries her best to comfort Paul.

"Mom tell him how many fingers he's holding. Please!" Paul cries.

Finally Blair looks at Rufus with a terrified looks, "Rufus, in my study there's a calendar, next week Monday I have an appointment, there's a phone number written by the date. I need you to call that number and tell them I need my appointment rescheduled. Tell them I'm on my way to Lennox Hill. Dorota, call the car service."

Rufus runs up and calls the number and the receptionist gets the doctor on the line and the doctor says he will meet them at Lennox Hill to schedule a scan as soon as she comes in.

He helps Blair into the town car and holds Paul in his lap. He can feel his heartbeat rapidly.

Rufus calls Dan.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXO

Dan and Jenny run down the corridors of the hospital.

"I don't understand? Did he say what happened? Blair seemed so fine last week." Jenny asks Dan again.

"I don't know! All I know is she fell down the stairs and the doctor Chuck got her last year is meeting her at Lennox Hill, that's all I know Jenny!" Dan barks back.

"Dan!" Rufus says as Jenny almost runs past him.

"What happened Dad?" Dan asks his dad.

"I dunno. She was walking down the stairs and talking and then all of a sudden it was like she was… confused, and then she tried to reach for the bannister and she fell… I tried to get to her Dan, I really did." Rufus stammers.

"Where's Paul?!" Dan asks tensely.

"He's in the room with his mom, the doctor went in to talk to her and when he came out Paul asked to go in and see her, he's been there ever since."

Dan looks into the room and he feels his throat close up as he sees his son laying in bed with his mom. Blair is sleeping and Paul looks up at her so mournfully.

When Dan walks in Paul looks over at him.

"Dad, is my mom dying?" Paul whispers.

Dan doesn't have any words and he stands there helplessly looking at Blair and Paul in the bed.

Blair stirs and her eyes open.

"Oh Dan! When did you get here?" Blair asks groggy.

"Just now. I can leave if you need to rest." Dan says, not wanting to leave.

"Oh, no, stay. The drugs they give me for the exam make me sleepy." Blair says.

"What… what did he say?" Dan whispers referring to the doctor.

Blair looks down at Paul and smiles. "Hey puffin, is it okay if me and your dad have some time to talk?"

Paul looks up at her, "Talk about what?" he asks cautiously.

"Grown up stuff." Blair says reassuringly to her son.

"I can take him down to get some dessert." Rufus says from behind.

"Thanks Rufus." Blair says and gives him a small smile as Paul slides off the bed and takes his grandfather's hand. He looks at his parents one last time before he exits the room.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jenny whispers to Blair.

Blair gives her a small smile. "Do you think you could call my mom? Her number is in my phone. I would, but I'm just too tired."

"Sure, I can do that, I'll call Nate too." Jenny says.

"Thanks Jenny" Blair says as Jenny walks out the room to give Dan and Blair some privacy.

Dan pulls up a chair next to her bed.

"What did the doctor say?" Dan asks dreading the answer.

Blair takes a deep breath, "The growth is back, it's 20% larger than the first diagnosis I had in Paris. It came on very quickly which would explain why my symptoms progressed so fast this time."

"What does that mean? I don't understand what that means." Dan says as he swallows hard.

"It means that it's bigger than the first tumor, but the doctor says it's not progressed too far into my brainstem… He's going to start me up on chemotherapy again, he's very hopeful, I responded so well the last time and I'm young and healthy and…." Blair's voice starts to falter.

Dan feels helpless. "Can I do anything for you Blair?" He asks softly.

Blair turns her face away from him and he can tell from the ragged breaths she takes in that she's crying. He turns her face to him and he watches as her face crumbles.

"Just hold me Dan. Just hold me tonight." Blair asks him as tears fall from her eyes.

Dan takes his jacket off and climbs into the hospital bed with her and holds her until she falls asleep.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXO**

**Okay, I am rushing through these chapters. I really need this fic to be done! My muse for this fic went down in a Bass Corporate Jet over the Atlantic Ocean and her remains cannot be found! **

**UGH! I can't even with this season. So enjoy. **

**I'm hoping that I can finish this fic in the next chapter which I am going to get out as soon as possible. I can't fathom working on too much longer after the season finale. **

**As always, I am so so very grateful to you all that are still reading and reviewing and following. I really appreciate all the kind things you all have to say about this fic. **

**I would have loved to continue writing them in love, but what can I say? The GG writers are just making that hard for me. So yeah, I'm thinking the next chapter will be the final chapter.**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22-

**September**

Blair looks on at the ducks at the pond, her loaf of bread long gone.

She sits pensive, looking as the ducks swim through life, oblivious to things such as life expectancies, side effects, and scans. She sighs and looks on with envy.

The doctor had recommended a much stronger dosage because of how much larger the tumor is this time.

The doctor had frowned as he looked at her first scan since starting treatment.

"_Well, it has shrunk a little, but you're not responding as well as you did last time…"_

Blair closes her eyes as she remembers him telling her that he wanted to up her dosage, because he was still hopeful that they could get the tumor to shrink, the sooner the better.

She agreed with the doctor and next week she will be starting with her new dosage.

She's hopeful, however she can't help but be terrified of the side effects. Earlier this morning after Dan had left to walk Paul to school, she vomited up her breakfast.

She walked out of the bathroom and saw the look on Dorota's face. Dorota knew, she always knew. She gave Blair a mournful look and Blair started to feel suffocated.

So she left.

She went out the door and started walking. After a while she felt her phone vibrating as she realized Dan was calling her. She turned her phone off and kept walking.

She didn't even know where she was going until she passed a bakery. She stood outside of it for a long time before she decided to go in.

Once she had the loaf of bread in hand she knew where her destination was.

And so that's how she ended up at the duck pond, sans Dorota.

She sits there longer thinking about the growth that's been growing on her brainstem again.

She hears leaves rustling near the park bench she's sitting on and she sighs as Dan Humphrey sits down next to her.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" Blair asks not looking at him.

Dan looks straight ahead, "Dorota said you looked upset…. I figured this could be the only place you'd be…"

Blair just continues to look ahead.

"So do you want to talk about it?" Dan asks cautiously.

"You know, I think in my next life I'd like to come back as a duck. Just swimming along, hoping for some passerby to throw bread. Not knowing about what illness may be germinating within me." Blair says softly.

Dan looks over at her and takes her hand.

"What happened?" Dan asks.

"Nothing, I just needed to get away." Blair answers softly.

"Blair, you can tell me what's wrong." Dan responds softly.

"What's wrong?!" Blair scoffs, "What's wrong is that I'm dying Dan, what's wrong is that I just threw up my whole breakfast this morning, what's wrong is I'm probably going to leave Paul motherless…" She ends bitterly.

Dan swallows hard. "I don't know what to say Blair."

Blair pulls her hand out of Dan's.

"There's nothing to say Dan." Blair says softly.

"You don't know that you're dying you know." Dan whispers.

"Oh wake up Dan! I was lucky, extremely lucky! So lucky that my brilliant doctor that Chuck spends all this money on had never seen a case like mine. It probably won't happen again." Blair spits back.

"Blair, please…." Dan pleads as he turns her to face him.

Blair closes her eyes as she feels them fill with tears.

"I'm sorry Dan. I didn't mean to lay that on you." Blair apologizes with her eyes still closed.

"Marry me Blair." Dan whispers.

Blair opens her eyes. "Oh, so should we add widow maker to my list of things that are wrong?" Blair asks angry once again.

"Marry me." Dan answers firmly.

"Are you insane? No!" Blair answers back.

"Why not?" Dan asks

"Have you not been listening this whole time Dan? I can't marry you Dan…. What would be the point?" Blair asks.

"The point is I love you and you love me, and I want you to be my wife." Dan answers back.

"Your wife? Yeah but for how long?" Blair asks, "Really Humphrey! I think you live in some alternate universe where happily ever after actually exists for us?"

"For as long as we have Blair." Dan answers.

"You can't ask me for this Dan." Blair says as she turns her face away.

"Why not? Don't we deserve it? We've made such a mess of our lives, why can't we do this right?" Dan asks.

"I don't deserve it." Blair whispers.

"What?!" Dan asks incredulously.

Blair shakes her head, "Dan, after everything I've done-"

"That's insane Blair!" Dan interrupts her.

"Dan… your family…" Blair starts again.

"My family has accepted you. Why do you always use them as a reason against us?! Do you not want this?" Dan asks.

"Of course I do Dan! I want you and Paul more than anything in the world-" Blair answers.

"So say yes!" Dan interrupts her.

Blair sighs and turns her gaze back to the ducks.

Dan gets in front of her and kneels. "So say yes." He repeats.

"Dan… it might not be for very long…" Blair says.

Dan sensing that she was finally starting to change presses her again, "And I could get hit by a car tomorrow…. So say yes Blair… Say yes."

Blair looks at him, unsure, "Okay." She says softly.

Dan raises up from his knees and kisses her. His hand gets lost in her hair as he continues to kiss her. He wishes that she didn't look so sad. He kisses her harder, hoping to erase the sadness out of her eyes.

"When?" He asks breathless when he finally breaks away.

Blair laughs, "God Humphrey, let me let this settle first! I just agreed to marry Dan Humphrey of Brooklyn!"

"Dan Humphrey of Brooklyn comma world famous author!" Dan corrects her.

"That is really up for discussion Humphrey" Blair derides as she cups Dan's cheek.

"Let's marry, as soon as possible! If we don't have much time as you say we don't, let's do this as soon as possible!" Dan exclaims.

"Dan please! Let me at least tell Serena and give her time to make arrangements…." Blair starts.

"Of course. Sorry, I'm just a little high, I mean I finally convinced you to become Mrs. Humphrey." Dan says as he pulls her up to stand.

"Hah! Don't flatter yourself Humphrey! All I agreed to was a social contract that we could combine our finances, FYI, lucky you, I'm kind of rich." Blair jokes as she pulls her coat around her.

"Are you now? I didn't know, I promise I'm not marrying you for your money." Dan jokes as he puts an arm around her, happy that she's joking and not looking at him mournfully.

"Oh I'm not worried, we WILL be signing a pre-nup, one of the stipulations being that I get to keep my last name." Blair points out.

"Fine, Paul gets my last name though." Dan answers back as they start walking.

"Absolutely not! I want to make sure that Paul has every advantage in life, and that means going through life as a Waldorf." Blair answers.

"He's a Humphrey Blair." Dan answers.

"He's a Waldorf Dan." Blair answers dryly.

"He looks just like me." Dan points out.

"He's better looking than you! Anyway, if he does look so much like you, all the more reason why he needs my name!" Blair responds.

"Well, I suppose we've hit one of our many impasses." Dan says smirking. "Perhaps a compromise? Paul Waldorf-Humphrey?"

"We'll see" Blair says as she leans into Dan and they walk back towards the Upper West Side.

Dan walks back with a smile on his face, but inside he feels like the luckiest and unluckiest person in the word. Luckiest because he has Paul, and Blair will become his wife. Unluckiest because he knows just how real of a possibility it is that he may lose her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**October**

Dan and Blair get married a month after the proposal near the pond. Serena flies into town the week of and she brings Cecilia with her.

They all go down to the justice of the peace. Blair wears a light yellow dress with her hair pulled up into a simple chignon.

Serena stands near her beaming as Blair and Dan promise the rest of their lives to each other, Paul stands near his father, proud. Rufus, Lily, are there smiling. Nate and Jenny grin the whole time, barely keeping their hands off each other. Eric sits with Cecilia in his lap, cooing along with her during the whole ceremony. Allison regretfully could not make it, but sends her best wishes. Blair is grateful that she is tactful to not say she does not approve. Eleanor is there. She kisses Dan's head at the end of their "ceremony" and Cyrus pulls him in for a sequence of hugs, exclaiming "Not enough!" each time Dan pulls away. Harold and Roman are there, smiling proudly at both of them, Roman winks at Blair when she looks out after the ceremony. Vanya is there with a crying Dorota on her arm. After the ceremony Dorota pulls Blair into a hug and whispers, "I always knew you would find Pure and Simple love Miss Blair!" When Blair pulls away she has tears falling down her cheeks and she kisses Dorota's forehead. Chuck is the last person Blair hugs after the ceremony. He kisses Blair on the forehead and his eyes shine with happiness and tears. Blair straightens his tie. He shakes Dan's hand and tells him, "You lucky cad. Just so you know, if you don't treat her right, I know people who can take care of you." He jokes as Raina slaps his arm and gives Blair her congratulations.

They don't go on a honeymoon. Instead they spend two weeks not doing anything. Blair having deemed the two weeks as work free, she decrees that she will not be writing anything for The Spectator and Dan is barred from the Loft. They discover all the parts of New York with Paul.

They enjoy sitting on the couch, watching The Philadelphia Story with Paul, Dan tells Paul about how when he first met Blair he thought she was a, "95 pound, doe eyed, bonmot-tossing, label-whoring package of girly evil."

Paul giggles when he hears his dad describe his mom this way.

"What about you mom? Do you remember when you first met dad?"

Blair pulls Paul into her side as she laughs at the memory.

"My first memory of your father… well it was at the Palace hotel, Chuck's dad, Bart, was throwing a brunch," Blair recounts, "I was mad at your Aunt Serena, and she was the last person I wanted to see. So who should show up? Serena, with your dad." Blair says nodding her head towards Dan.

"Anyways, your dad is there standing next to Serena, and you should have seen the look on his face as he scanned the room! He was terrified, as he should have been. No one wanted him there, except your Aunt Serena. But I can remember even then, knowing how uncomfortable he was, how much he didn't want to be there, how much he knew that no one wanted him there, but he went anyways, because Serena needed him, I was a little jealous." Blair admits smiling at Dan.

"Jealous?" Paul asks.

"Yes Puffin, jealous. Because I had a boyfriend back then, who was so indifferent to me, to what I wanted, yet here was your dad, terrified, absolutely wanting to be anywhere but where he was, but he tolerated it…. He did it all because he knew Serena needed him." Blair bites her lip, "You could say that I used to be very jealous of your Aunt Serena." Blair ends as she starts to comb Paul's hair with her fingers.

"Jealous, why?" Paul asks his mom.

"Because, everyone fell in love with her easily. I had to work to make people love me." Blair says as she presses a kiss to Paul's head.

"I love you mom." Paul says as he hugs her.

"Thank you puffin." Blair whispers to him.

"Was it hard for you to be in love with mom?" Paul asks Dan.

Dan looks at Blair as he answers Paul. "I'll admit, when I fell in love with your mom, it took me by surprise. But loving her was easy. I mean, she likes to make it harder for everyone, but no, once you fall for your mom, there's no coming back from it."

Blair gives him a wide smile.

Paul nods, "Yeah, she's funny, but that's what makes her my mom."

Dan points his finger at Paul, "Exactly!"

Paul falls asleep halfway through the film. He complains through the first half about how boring these black and white films and doesn't know why his mom and dad always want to watch such boring films.

Dan carries Paul down to his room. Blair follows and smiles as she watches Dan tuck Paul into bed and presses a kiss to his head.

As Dan closes the door Blair puts her arm around his waist.

"You're a natural. You were born to be a dad." Blair remarks.

"Well he makes it easy." Dan says burying his face into her hair.

They get into bed and Blair turns to him and breathes in his scent.

"Thank you Dan."

Dan looks at her surprised, "For what?"

"For everything. For Paul, for asking me to live with you, for fighting for me, for loving me, for convincing me to marry you." Blair answers.

She feels his chest rumble as he chuckles, "My pleasure." Dan replies as he starts to stroke her hair. They fall asleep within minutes of laying down.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

**January**

Dan wakes up. It's been three months since they've been married. He walks down to the kitchen to start on coffee. He looks out the window and he sighs as he sees the snow falling. He knows Blair and Paul will be excited to see the snow, it's the first snow they've had this season. He recalls Blair and Paul lamenting the lack of snow the whole season.

Dan thinks about Blair and he frowns. She's continued with her chemo regimen and it seems like she's getting sicker. The doctor had told her that while her tumor hadn't shrunk. It hadn't grown any more, but they weren't seeing any reduction as far as the actual growth went. Dan was there as the doctor told her this. He reassured her and Dan that it didn't mean anything and that they would still press on and that he fully expected her to start to react positively to treatment by the next scan.

Dan felt reassured, knowing this brilliant doctor wasn't worried, however he remembers how Blair looked. She just nodded at him blankly and then gathered her coat and agreed to come to the next appointment.

Dan looks up at the ceiling above him. He thinks about Blair.

The coffee maker beeps and tells him coffee is ready. He snaps out of his reverie of Blair in a green dress, sulking in a hallway and grabs two cups. He walks back up to their room, one cup for him, one cup for her,

She's still asleep as he opens the door. He walks up to her and put his and her cup on her nightstand as he crawls back into bed with her.

He starts to stroke her hair and revisits the time he found her in the hallway. He remembers seeing her and being so confused at first. She had always been this strong beacon of the Upper East Side. A monolith that he could smash his frustrations of the Upper East Side and their inhabitants against. He looked at her in that instance and saw her not as what he thought she was, but as a real person. Vulnerable and damaged, wanting nothing more than acceptance and seeing Serena taking everything she worked so hard for easily. He understood her then. He understood that she knew just how unfair life was. But instead of him, she didn't get cynical, she just got as unfair. She showed life how unwavering her will was, in spite of how unfair it could be. He admired her then as he lowered himself to the floor and opened up to her.

Dan comes out of his reverie and realizes that his hands are full of hair… her hair. He sits up in bed staring at her hair in his hands.

He doesn't realize he's crying until two drops fall into his hands and her hair.

He feels Blair stir beside him and he starts to feel embarrassed. She deserves someone strong, not some weak sap who cries at a few strands in his hands.

He feels Blair's hands in his hands and she presses her face into his neck.

"I'm sorry Blair." Dan says as he continues to sob.

"Shhhhhh. It's okay.. Humphrey, it's okay. The first time I saw it, it scared me too." Blair whispers to him.

"I should expect this. You're beautiful even without hair. I should know what to expect. The doctor told me what to expect." Dan rambles.

"It's just hair Dan, it'll grow back when I'm done with Chemo." Blair says trying to give him hope.

"I know. I know." Dan says as he continues to cry.

"Shhhh…. Will you help me shave it off?" Blair asks as she strokes his back.

Dan starts to collect himself. He hugs Blair tightly. "Yes."

Blair brings him into the bathroom and she makes him sit on the toilet. She heads down and walks to where she had Dorota store the clippers. She walks back to the bathroom she left Dan and she composes herself as she walks in.

Dan looks at her as she motions for him to sit on the edge of the tub.

His mouth makes a little oh, as she puts the clippers in his hands and sits in the tub.

He plugs it in and hearing the buzz sobers him. He puts the clippers to her head and watches as her locks fall into the tub. He hears her sharp intake of breath and watches as she rubs at her face.

He continues to run the clippers on her head and watches as more of her hair falls off. He says goodbye to the time they've had, cancer free.

When he's done he goes and sits in the tub with her. Her hair lies around them and he holds her as they cry together.

Finally she talks. She takes in a long shaky breath, "We're going to have to explain this to Paul. He's getting up soon."

"We've got a good 45 minutes before his alarm goes off." Dan whispers into the nape of her neck.

She starts to gather her hair and gets out of the tub. She throws it away and grabs the rest of the hair Dan has collected into his hands.

Dan finally stands up and Blair comes back into the tub.

"Look at you! You're covered in hair!" She says as she starts to brush his shirt.

Dan puts his hands on her back, "Speak for yourself." He replies, attempting some humor.

Blair looks up at him smiling gratefully as she reaches around her back and starts the shower.

"We'll have to take care of that won't we Humphrey." Blair says looking at him slyly.

They get dressed in time to get Paul up. He's slept through his second snooze and when he gets up his dad's hair is wet. He looks at his mom's head mournfully but doesn't say a word.

As he brushes his hair Dan and Blair decide that they won't send him to school. They call the school letting them know that Paul won't be coming in today. The school reassure them that they understand fully.

Dan and Blair spend the whole day, cheering Paul up. Paul tries to smile for his parents, knowing how important it is for them to feel as though they've made him feel better.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**February**

Blair walks into the Brownstone and is greeted by Dorota.

"Miss Blair, how did Doctor's visit go?" Dorota asks worried.

Blair reads her and knows how important this visit for Dorota was. Blair had been so miserable lately, vomiting, in pain, listless and tired. Dorota wanted to ensure that all the hell Blair was going through was worth it.

Blair plasters a smile on her face, "Well Dorota, we'll talk about it later, but I'm tired now and I'm going to go take a nap."

Dorota gives her a suspicious look but nods her head as Blair turns and heads up the stairs. She lays in her bed and stares up at the ceiling. The only time her eyes leave the ceiling is when Paul comes in after he gets back from school. He crawls into bed with her. She doesn't fall asleep for her nap until Dan comes in and joins them.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair joins them at the dinner table but doesn't eat. Paul asks her most of the dinner asking her if she's feeling sick.

Blair smiles, "No I'm just not very hungry tonight." Blair answers each and every time he asks her.

It's not a lie. Blair doesn't feel hungry. Her stomach turns as she knows what she has to tell Dan the news.

She looks over at Dan. He looks at her with an expression she can't read.

After dinner is done and Dan cleans up, Blair gets Paul ready for bed.

She watches as he plays in the tub, blowing bubbles at her and she allows herself to laugh and splash water all over the bathroom. By the time he's done she's soaking wet.

Dan puts Paul to bed as Blair changes out of her wet clothes and gets ready for bed herself. She sits at her vanity as she moisturizes.

She smiles at Dan's reflection as he walks into their room. She watches as he changes into his pajamas.

He turns to her with a little smile, "You must be in a great mood to have allowed Paul get so out of hand and joined in on that."

Blair shrugs, "What can I say? I just saw how much fun he was having, I didn't want to ruin that for him."

Dan lays in bed and Blair joins him.

"So how did the doctor's visit go?" Dan asks cupping her cheek.

Dan watches as Blair's face falls.

He hugs her and she buries herself into his chest.

Blair bites her lip and takes a deep breath, "You're not going to like this, but please understand, I've decided to stop chemo."

She feels his body tense up underneath her hands and he pulls away.

"What? Is that what he recommended" Dan asks sitting up.

"No, he didn't recomm-" Blair starts.

"I don't understand" Dan says firmly.

Blair sighs and sits up. "Dan I'm not getting any better. There hasn't been any reduction in the tumor for months now. We've done nothing but get more and more aggressive with my treatment, but there's been no improvement. The scan today showed that it's grown. Not by much, but even with the higher dosages I'm just not responding to it. It's not working Dan."

"We could get a second opinion! You should have discussed this with me!" Dan says angrily running a hand through his hair.

"What's there to discuss? I'm not getting any better and the tumor has grown. Dan I'm trying to come to terms that I'm not going to survive this. All I have is whatever time I have left with you and Paul. I don't want to spend it sick."

"What did the doctor recommend?" Dan asks as he gets out of bed.

"He said it was up to me, but that chemo at this point may only buy me time, but he wasn't sure what that time would look like. It was an easy choice for me to make Dan." Blair says.

Dan starts to get dressed, his hands are balled into fists at his side, "So you're just going to give up is that it?! Just like that? What about Paul and I? Don't we have a say?"

This gets her angry and she starts yelling, "I am thinking of you and Paul, but don't I get to decide how I die? You're being just as selfish as I am! I'm tired Dan! Can't you see how tired I am?! I'm terrified as well, but I don't want to be sick anymore!" She yells with tears in her eyes.

Dan starts to feel sick. "I need to get out of here!" He says as he storms out of the house.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Dan opens the door to the loft and as he closes the door he lowers himself to the floor. He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He feels his chest tighten and he finds himself gasping for air.

He lays on the floor for a while, thinking about what just happened. He knows it was unfair for him to leave Blair like that, but it was just as unfair for Blair to decide to stop treatment without talking it over with him and Paul.

It's not that he thinks she made the wrong choice. He's not really sure how he feels, but he wishes he had been able to be a part of that decision, that maybe she could have included Dan in on that decision rather than just telling him how it would be.

Around 1 AM he pulls himself from the floor and walks over to his old notebook.

He reads about his youthful musings of Serena and Blair. He gets an idea and then powers up the laptop he keeps at the loft.

He starts to write. He writes about Blair. Everything about her, not just the bad. He writes every memory of her he has. So Paul can know every memory Dan has of her. He titles it "The Girl in the Hallway."

When he stops writing he realizes it's 9 AM. He looks out the window and sees the sun coming into the home he shared with his dad and sister. He even shared it with Blair during their courtship. They bounced back and forth between the loft and the penthouse.

Yet even with how familiar this scene is he knows it's not home anymore. So he saves what he's written so far and powers down his laptop and heads back to the Upper West Side.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Dan walks into the Brownstone and he's greeted with silence. As he's taking off his shoes he watches as Blair rushes out of her room. She stops at the top of the stairs and looks at him with uncertain eyes.

Dan can't bear it and he runs up the stairs and takes her into his arms. He feels her crumple a bit and he catches her weight as she sobs into his chest.

"Shhh. I'm so sorry Blair. I shouldn't have left last night like that." Dan says.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Dan. I shouldn't have told you like that, how else could you react?" Blair says as she sobs.

They lay in bed all day, holding each other.

They pull themselves together before Paul comes home. They spend the rest of the day playing Scrabble. Paul wins. He's a natural.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Dan groans as his phone rings. He pulls it to his face. It's Serena. He looks over at Blair and she is still asleep.

He leaves the room as he answers.

"Serena, I know you know what time it is in New York City." Dan says as he answers.

"You need to talk to her. You need to tell her she needs to continue treatment. You nee-" Serena responds.

"I don't think I can Serena" Dan says interrupting her as he presses his fingers into his eyelids. "She's not getting better Serena, she really can't keep going on with the treatment, it was making her miserable."

"So you've given up too." Serena says softly.

Dan takes a seat on a step on the stair case leading to their foyer.

"What can I do Serena? I want her to be here as much as you do. I want her holding my hand when I take my last breath. I'd do anything I could to ensure she lives, but I can't tell her how she's going to die." Dan answers defeated.

He listens as Serena cries. "It's not fair. She was getting better wasn't she?"

"She got better. But now we have to accept that Blair Waldorf can't beat this. Believe me, this is hard for me to deal with." Dan answers shakily.

"How's Paul?" Serena asks.

Dan is jarred as she says Paul's name.

"Paul?" Dan asks as he gets off the step and continues down the stairs. "He's…. He's dealing as best as he can, but no, he's not alright. How can he be? His mom is dying." Dan says as he walks into the kitchen.

He can feel the tears stinging his eyes as he sits at the small table in the kitchen.

"I need to come home. I need to see her." Serena starts to ramble.

"Serena, just slow down. Don't make any travel arrangements yet. Let us deal with this as a family first, then you can come." Dan says.

"But I am family Dan!" Serena exclaims and Dan realizes how true it is.

"Please Serena, I promise, you will see Blair again. Just let us deal with this. Let me and Paul try to deal with this please. Please." Dan pleads with her.

"Okay Dan. But I won't wait forever. I need her too you know." Serena answers softly.

"I promise Serena." Dan answers as he hangs up on her.

Dan hangs his head and sits there until Blair comes down and starts the coffee maker. She squeezes his arm as she heads back up to wake up Paul.

Dan collects himself as the day starts on, oblivious to the hell that he is going through.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair sits with her mother at the dinner table.

Eleanor eyes shine with tears.

"Mom, please understand. I want to enjoy the time I have left. This wasn't easy for me mom." Blair says and her voice cracks as she answers.

Eleanor embraces Blair.

Cyrus watches them solemnly.

Blair turns to Cyrus, "I need to get my affairs in order Cyrus… I don't think I'm going to live through this one."

Cyrus breaks down, "You can't ask this of me Blair."

Blair gives him a small smile. "Do you think you can get Cyndi Lauper to play at my funeral?"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

**March**

Dan finishes packing for Paul.

"What is California like?" Paul asks his mother who sits on the bed.

Dan looks over at Blair, her hair has started to grow back. Her scans have shown some growth but it's very slow. The doctor recommended that with such slow growth that she should start back on treatment. Dan remembers as Blair just smiled and shook her head and said, "I don't think so, thank you." Dan sat there helpless, but understood.

Eleanor walks in. "California! Dreadful place Paul! The founders of our nation had it right staying on this side of the continent!"

"Mother! Obviously they expanded and moved westward for some reason."

"Yes, some fool's rumor of gold!" Eleanor exclaims as she pulls Blair in for a hug.

"Do you think Cecilia will remember me?" Paul asks Dan.

"She's about 8 months now, so I wouldn't take it personally if she didn't." Dan answers back.

"I bet she's horrid now" Eleanor pips in, "She's probably teething. Ugh, I remember Blair back then."

"Let's not got there mother." Blair warns her mother.

"So we land, and then Aunt Jenny and Uncle Nate will meet us later?" Paul asks.

"Yep." Dan answers, "Then we all go to LEGOLAND the next day."

Blair giggles, "I bet your Uncle Nate is just shaking in anticipation for LEGOLAND."

Paul giggles.

Eleanor and Cyrus see them off at the airport. Rufus and Lily will be flying in with Jenny and Nate and they will spend two weeks in California at Serena's place. Dan doesn't admit it, but he's excited for LEGOLAND.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It's a wonderful trip and they take lots of pictures together. Dan and Blair smile as they go through the pics.

Serena cried as Blair and Paul got on the plane.

Blair continues to deteriorate. But she's in good spirits. She has Chuck come over one day and they talk and she places him as the executor of her will. As he leaves Blair can't help but remember a time when she was truly in love with Chuck, before they could ruin what she had being Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. She remembers standing under a tree next to Chuck as they both looked on at the Empire Hotel. Chuck told her that he would own it and that it would become the first addition to the empire he was going to build.

In her will, she leaves the penthouse to Serena. Eleanor agrees that it should go to her.

Blair's appetite starts disappear. Dan notices and asks Blair why she's not eating. She shrugs that she's not been hungry lately and it doesn't take much for her to get full. Dan starts to get worried, knowing that the end is drawing near. He doesn't have much time left with Blair.

He hides his fear for most of the day but it always catches up with him while he's sleeping. He awakes with a start, gasping for air. He knows it's a panic attack. He leaves his bed quickly so as not to disturb Blair.

He usually ends up on the floor of their bathroom, trying to catch his breath and silently pleading to whatever nameless deity may hear him, "Please Please Please, send us a miracle, anything, please don't take her from me." It becomes his nightly mantra and something that helps him slow his breathing down.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

**May**

Dan gets up, goes about his normal routine, Blair is downstairs helping her son get ready for school. Dan Is surprised at her level of energy. She's been on this downward spiral and two days ago Dan had to carry her up and down the stairs. He starts to hope that maybe his pleas for a miracle have been heard.

He gets Paul ready for school. As they leave to walk to school Blair comes to the door.

Blair gives Paul a hug, "Learn lots, giggle plenty, I love you!" she says. She's been saying that every time he leaves for school. Paul smiles at her widely. Gleeful that Blair had been feeling better, hopeful that maybe she is getting better like last time. Dan turns to her and gives her a kiss.

"I love you, you know that right?" Blair tells Dan.

"I do now." Dan jokes.

Blair pokes in him the ribs and giggles as Dan embraces her.

"I love you too Blair." Dan whispers to her, "I'll be back soon. Let's go to Central Park and enjoy the day together."

Blair grins up at him, "I'd like that Humphrey."

"Dan, you mean Dan." Dan says to her he walks out the door.

Blair waves them off from the door.

It's the last conversation Dan has with his wife.

Dorota arrives within 5 minutes of Dan leaving to straighten up the Humphrey Brownstone. She finds Blair face down on the floor. She calls 911 and Blair is rushed to the hospital.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair dies 4 days later, having never regained consciousness. The tumor pressed up against and invaded her respiratory center and she stopped breathing. It would have been nice for her to have woken up, to have said goodbye, one last kiss with Dan Humphrey, and impart words of wisdom for Paul, but that kind of stuff only happens in the movies.

Instead Blair died surrounded by the people who love her. She had an advanced directive for no tube feedings and intubations. She wanted to die as naturally as possible, well as natural as it is to die in a hospital room.

Serena was there holding her hand as she took her last breath. Chuck pressed a kiss to her forehead as Dan and Paul stood in the room, watching Blair Waldorf pass on.

In the hallway Chuck embraces Dan.

"You made her so happy. Thank you Dan, Thank you for coming into her life." Dan just nods at him blankly.

Chuck picks up Paul and sobs into his curls.

Chuck takes over the arrangements. Blair had detailed her funeral in her will. Dan is grateful. Eleanor and Harold aren't able to do much. They are joined once again, in their grief.

Dan is glad it wasn't left to him. He has to hold himself together for Paul. Serena and Chuck take Paul to get a tailored suit and Jenny cries as she sizes Dan for his suit. Dan doesn't do anything but stand there as Jenny falls apart around him. He can't comfort her. Not when he has to keep it all together for Paul.

Rufus and Jenny stay over at the brownstone the 2 days before the wake and funeral. They help Dan with taking care of Paul. Dorota has not been in, she's been grieving as well, devastated and left numb by losing Blair. Dan understands.

The day of the funeral arrives. Cyndi Lauper sings time after time. Dan sits there numb.

Serena is there with her husband and Cecilia in tow. Serena tries a eulogy, she can barely talk.

"Blair and I were more than best friends, we were sisters." Serena starts off shaky. "Growing up on the Upper East Side can be difficult, a lot of times we end up growing up faster than we should…."

Serena takes a big gulp, "But we were family, and Blair was the Queen B of the Upper East Side. She was ruthless at times, we hurt each other so much" Serena says glancing at Nate. Nate sits there staring at his hands.

"However as much as we could hurt each other, and as awful as I could be, she never gave up on me, she was always there to help me up again, to protect me and save me from myself at times….. I don't know how I'm going to go on without her." Serena stops there and tries to speak again but she can't.

Eric comes up and finishes her speech for her.

It's a beautiful service and Blair looks beautiful and peaceful in her casket. Dan thinks Chuck must spend his fortune on peonies for the service. Dan tries to remind himself to send Chuck a thank you note.

Dan looks back in the middle of the ceremony to see who is all there.

Prince Louis and his sister Princess Beatrice shows up as well. She offers her condolences to Dan and Paul and watches them mournfully, Louis stands there silent. He looks on at the woman who was never really his wife, but who he loved so much at one time, someone that he would have given up the throne for.

Georgina shows up. But she stays towards the back. Not daring to come up to the casket. As if she's terrified of Blair, even in death.

Dan gives her a nod of acknowledgement as he turns his attention back to Blair in the casket. He walks up to it and stares at her numb.

Dan never cries at the funeral. Because crying means grieving and grieving means accepting that she's gone, accepting the fact that she'll never scrunch her nose up and say Brooklyn, accepting that she'll never get to make Paul giggle again. He just sits there throughout the rest of the service, looking ahead blankly, and muttering thank you to the various people who file in front of him offering their condolences.

His hand firmly clutches Paul's, as if Paul is the anchor that keeps him tethered to here and now, the gossamer thread that keeps him from entering his own world where Blair is alive and healthy.

They bury her in the Waldorf family plot. Eleanor faints as the casket is lowered and Harold keeps his hand over his mouth as Roman tries his hardest to console Harold.

Chuck throws the first peony into the grave. Allison is the next person to throw a peony. Making amends the only way she knows how. Dan understand where he got his judgmental nature from.

After the burial is done they all leave. Rufus carries Paul and Jenny clutches to Dan's arm as they turn away. Dan takes one last look at Blair's final resting place and see's Serena sitting there, by herself next to the plot, a solitary figure in her grief. Dan looks over at Darren who is holding Cecelia as he looks on at his wife. Unable to help his wife as she deals with this loss.

He continues to watch her from the back of the towncar. She's the last person to leave the burial site.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After everyone leaves the Brownstone Dan powers up his laptop. He visits the site that monopolized his youth. Gossip girl has a special memorial for Blair on her website. She gathers all the photos of Blair she has archived and posts them. "RIP New York's Queen B."

Serena eventually writes a column on Blair in the Spectator using most of the photos Gossip Girl had posted of Blair. Nate happily allows her to be a freelance writer and eventually she takes up Blair's old column. It is received well.

Dan saves a bunch of the photos for Paul. One of her in her cotillion dress, one of her and Serena in blue and orange versions of the same dress, being silly in Central Park.

There's a photo of a beaming Blair being crowned as Senior Prom queen alongside a grinning Nate. Her and Dan walking towards the Ostroff Center, coffee cups in hand. There's a photo of her in a wedding dress, running out of her reception at the St. Regis hotel. He will have to explain that to Paul someday.

There is another of her in a white and silver floor length gown, Valentine's Day 2011, the night when she had her heart broken by Chuck Bass. That was the night that Dan Humphrey reached out for her hand and started to fall for her.

There's a photo of Blair in a red dress, Valentine's Day 2012, kissing Dan Humphrey at Nate's spectator party. There's a photo of her on a chair, being hoisted at someone's bar Mitzvah holding Chuck's hand. Then a photo on the stairs of the Met with Dan, wearing a Tiara and she's beaming a radiant smile at Dan. Dan remembers this moment, remembers them talking about it and Blair had told him that this was the moment that she started to fall in love with Dan. Dan Humphrey breaks down while looking at it, finally accepting the fact that she's gone, it isn't pretty.

Dan calls Rufus and he comes and takes Paul for the weekend.

Dan lives in the past. He wanders around the house reliving every memory he has of Blair in the house. The time she sat at the table telling him about knowing Autumn was coming. The time he found her on the couch, asleep with Paul. The night he almost told her she was the love of his life. Why didn't he tell her that while she was alive? He hopes she knows. Hopes she understood. He feels as though he was her great love. Even greater than Chuck.

But of course they never talked about such things. He wonders if Chuck paces his penthouse worrying about the same thing.

The weekend that Rufus takes Paul turns into a month.

He still can't bring himself to put away her things. Her shampoo and soap is where she left it in the shower. Her perfume and make up are where she organized them on her vanity and all of her clothes are in the closet. He finds himself loving sleep. When he dreams of Blair and curses every morning when he wakes up and realizes that she's not laying down next to him. He had a mild panic attack the morning he wakes up and can't smell Blair in the sheets and pillows anymore.

Rufus brings Paul over for dinner every night. It's the only time Dan gets out of bed. He sits at the dinner table and listens to Paul prattle on about his day. Dan eats a little and these dinners with Rufus and Paul are the only time Dan really gets out of bed each day, he tries his hardest to involve himself in to the conversations.

Dan sees the worry in Rufus's eyes. Every night Rufus pulls Dan aside, "Son… Please, Paul misses you." And it's true, Dan knows it.

Paul is smart and knows Dan isn't doing well. He knows that Dan is sliding into some abyss. Every night before he leaves he grabs Dan's hand, "Dad? Can I come home soon?" Dan always hugs him and promises him soon.

Dan cries every night for Paul, knowing that Paul deserves better. Knowing that this is hurting Paul, but he just can't seem to get out of this spiral.

But how can Dan let Paul see this? Dan bumbles between the Brownstone, the Loft, and Blair's Penthouse reliving every memory he can of Blair.

When he's over at the Penthouse Serena looks on at him mournfully and they hold each other in their grief.

Dan is grateful for Serena. After all it was Serena who would lead him to Blair.

He keeps the Brownstone exactly as Blair left it… a mausoleum to Blair Waldorf's last days.

People start to come visit him. They tell him how unhealthy he is being. Serena even begs him to pull himself out of his spiral, for Paul.

Fuck them Dan thinks after they leave. Especially Serena. He rants at her and pushes her out the door of his Brownstone. Yelling at her how easy life is for her, how easy it is for her to move on from Blair, but life isn't that easy for the Waldorfs and Humphreys of the world.

When she finally ends her screaming monologue at his door about how unfair he is being he realizes how awful he was to her. She's drowning just as badly as he is. In fact she is probably having a harder time, gasping for air as a brick in the shape of Blair Waldorf remains tied tightly around her ankle, pulling her down.

One day Eleanor comes to visit Dan. She doesn't say anything. Just sits on his bed and looks at him mournfully. When she gets up to leave she pushes an envelope in Dan's hand and squeezes his hand.

Eleanor has given Dan a letter Blair had written to Paul. It's a list of things for Paul that Blair had written when she first found out about her diagnosis. The first time she looked at that x-ray and contemplated the inconsequential mass of cells that sealed her fate at 27. Her list starts off with "Puffin… I am so sorry that I will not be there to watch you become the man you will be. The past 4 years have been so wonderful and knowing you has been the pinnacle of my life. The whole reason behind my existence was you, I was born to be your mom… I want to be selfish and stay, I want to dictate your happiness for the rest of your life and squash any unhappiness that may look your way, but fate has decided that my time is to be short… so here's my list for you. First and foremost, 1. Be Happy…." Dan can't bring himself to read the rest of the letter.

It was a private moment Blair intended for Paul, but that one statement, "1. Be Happy." Strikes a chord with him. He will spend the rest of his life making sure that Blair's list of hopes for Paul is carried out.

That line pushes Dan to start moving on.

He showers, shaves, changes his clothes and heads up to the Upper East Side to go get Paul.

Rufus has all of Paul's belongings packed when Dan shows up. Dan has a cup of tea with Lily. She's so happy to see Dan pulling himself out of that deep abyss he had fallen into. Paul is cautious to see him, It breaks Dan's heart and he brings him home. They both talk about Blair and cry and Paul falls asleep on the couch, pressed up against Dan. It reminds him of Blair. Dan puts him to bed and heads to the bed he shared with Blair.

As he lays down he looks up at the ceiling and whispers, "Blair, I need to start letting you go, it's not healthy for me to hold on to you like this and it's not good for Paul. I know you understand."

That night Dan dreams of Blair Waldorf. He's walking alongside the shore and he believes he's in the Hamptons. Blair is walking beside him. She's wearing a blue sundress and her hair is long and blowing in the wind. She laughs and smiles at him and they continue to walk. When he reaches for her hand she smiles sadly and shakes her head. They continue to walk along the beach and that's his whole dream. No conversation spoken between them, no physical contact, walking side by side, Blair just out of reach, smiling and laughing.

Dan wakes up and sits at his typewriter. He starts to work on "The Girl In The Hallway" again.

Dan eventually finishes his book about Blair. He dedicates it to Eleanor, Cyrus, Harold, Roman, Serena, and especially Paul. It becomes his bestselling novel to date. In fact "The Girl in the Hallway" renews interest in his old novel "Inside" and they have to start printing new editions.

Serena never leaves New York again. Darren moves to New York and he works on movies and flies out for his job.

Serena joins Dan and Paul every time they go to visit Blair's grave. Sometimes Eleanor comes with them. But it's still too hard for her.

Harold and Roman buy a home in New York, to ensure they always have a place to stay whenever they are in town. Pointless really, because they always end up staying at the Brownstone.

Georgina sends Paul a gift every year for his birthday. Sometimes it's a photo of Blair, sometimes is a memory, jotted down on a stationary. Dan makes sure he reads it to Paul whenever it comes in.

And so it goes. Paul spends his life surrounded by the people who love him and love his mother even more. Chuck and Raina never marry; they have a son that they name Cornelius. Dan scoffs at the name, only a grandson of Bartholomew could get away with the name Cornelius. Chuck asks Dan to be Cornelius's godfather.

When Dan asks why, Chuck smirks at him, "I can't think of anyone else I know that has the moral backbone and judgmental attitude to do it."

Dan hugs him and says yes.

Dan can't help but cluck and shake his head as he watches how everyone around Paul gives into his whims. Jenny is awful and Nate and Chuck are always there to make excuses for Paul's bad behavior. Serena always holds Paul in tight embraces and breathes in his hair, as if she's trying to reclaim Blair and breath her in.

Dan can't remember a time when Serena has said no to Paul. She tells Paul that he will one day marry her daughter. Paul scrunches his nose at the toddler whose first words were, "Louboutin" in front of him. 7 years apart! He swears he will never marry a baby. Serena rouses his hair and tells him, "Oh no! You can't get rid of us that easily. You're mom and I have already planned it. Ask your uncle Chuck, it's in her will"

Paul always gets sullen when his mother is mentioned. Blair was Paul's best friend for a long time, his defender, and he was hers.

Paul will always miss his mom and no one will ever replace the hole she leaves in his life. But he will always be happy because he is surrounded by so many people who love him. Dan knows that's the one thing he can be sure of, after all, Blair made sure of it.

The End.

**Yeah I know, shameful how I rushed through it. **

**And I killed Blair Waldorf! *I duck as I dodge the tomatoes* **

**I gave up like the GG writers did. I'm sorry. I really did love all of you that followed this story, but I had to finish this. Let me be clear, from the beginning I always intended for Blair to die. I wanted to write more of them being in love and her being okay. I even wanted a better wedding scene for them, but that would have taken time and possibly drug this out another chapter, and we couldn't have that. I wanted to spend just as equal of time having Dan and Blair in love as I spent of Dan still angry at Dan. But I lost my muse. Most of Blair dying was written long before and I hope it's beautiful, considering how I had written it before I lost my muse. **

**Again my apologies, and I'm sorry to have disrespected you all so. **

**As far as the finale.. Well, I just wish the GG writers respected women, but what can I say… I killed Blair Waldorf, at least she survived their wrath. So Season 6 with this story never happened. Hell the season 5 finale didn't happen. I'm sorry I didn't write Vanessa into this story, I had always intended to, but I never could find a place for her, only in passing. Which is a shame, because I really did love her in the show. I just didn't know how to continue her into the story after Season 4. **

**Thank you all of you that have been following this story and reviewing. You-Define-Beauty, Frenchyy, LovelyCupCake, WordsICan'tSay, BekaRoo, FireDragonHeart, Avery, PiotrMc, FarynQueens, And everyone else I can't put down because I don't want to go through every page of reviews and all the Guests, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for reviewing! You all gave me inspiration to keep writing. I'm so thankful that I could see this to the end. **

**I hope I haven't disappointed you too much with this ending. **

**I can start 2013 free of Gossip Girl! As William Wallace said at the end of Braveheart, "FREEDOM!"**


End file.
